Losing the believe and focus and stupid things are happening...what to do?

[Chantal]

Hello people,

It has been a long time ago that I have been on this forum. I did not had internet for a little while and there after I was very busy. I was chatting with a woman I met on the internet. She was really there for me, but at this moment I have to attract money and I find that difficult. There is a "Global Information Network" I am an affiliate member now, if I want to be a level one member I have to pay money every month, but I have just enough money to live.

Also, I have the feeling I am loosing grip on my believes. I felt so awesome and great. Even if there were dissapointments, I could put myself over it and go on. Now I only feel tired.

I have a grumpy boss (but a job! Hooray!) I miss my friends in the Netherlands, but I am grateful for the roommates I am living with now.

To the relationship part: My ex broke up with me almost a year ago. We emigrated from the Netherlands to Belgium. In June it was over and I moved back to the Netherlands, to the place I am from. When it was December I got myself "together" again, I was meditating and living the LOA GOOD! It was an awesome time. I moved back to Belgium, the same place we emigrated to, to do an evening school and got a very cool place I live now -very cheap!- for temporary renting. (One week after I did a "schoolday" I got an email if I wanted to live there...it was GREAT!)

Since I live here, very very slowly I got contact with my ex. At first I was like: Allright, I did not came back here for you, but for me and my future (I really tought about it and tought I could handle it that he lived here also.

So, to make a long story short. We are on good foot with each other now. We see each other very very often. And yes, stupid, but we got intimate. The one moment he says stuff like: "It is annoying there is something between us still", the other moment I am "a very good friend" and that's it.

He just went away, because I said: "It is not possible to sleep here if we are just good friends", all of the sudden he acted with very big distance and leaved immediately. I did not wanted to make a drama, but kicked him out of the window instead of picking up my keys so he could get his car who is standing at the back of my house. I felt dissapointed, confused and sort of small "dumped again". Actually, it is not friendly, but I am proud of myself I stood up for myself for the very first time. All the time I was like: "If I act just cool and go with the flow, it will be allright", but I have to set my limits at one point. I KNOW I am not "just a friend", if someone chills out with me a lot. And wants to sleep with me. But I have to set my barriers for selfrespect. I said I wanted to talk soon, he said: "Just leave me out", I did not answered and opened the window.

Questions I do have are:
- How do I refocus on the LOA again? Does anyone recognize the feeling LOA "fades" and things are going "wrong" again?
- How do I rebelieve?
- I realized after he went away, I cannot help it, I still care. But he acted with distance, so I did that too. I hope he will call me tomorrow and we will talk about it, but I think this situation has to do with something I created on my own. My own doubts and stuff. But does anyone knows, why the fuck is it like everything is going so well and if I very careful try to touch "it", I get distance?

Thanks a lot for reading!! I think it is better for me to keep more active on this forum and the LOA, perhaps it will help if I interact with people who also do believe in the LOA but do not want to earn money or something like that

[Chantal]

Edit: After I re-read this. I think a very powerful thing is to stay grateful. I was grateful, but I have the feeling I am loosing that. So yeah, another question: Just "fake" the gratefulness? I do not feel it as intencely as I did

[lashark]

I have a gratitude journal and I write in it throughout the day. Been doing it for the past 4 days and it has been so amazing. I highly recommend it.

[irishgirl69]

I echo the gratitude journal and also recommend reviewing it periodically.  I would also suggest doing small manifestations and keeping track of them.  Things like hearing specific songs, seeing specific cars, etc.  These things can really help me keep the faith when I'm not seeing any real proof that the big manifestations are coming.

[Chantal]

heya, thanks a lot for your replies. I already have a grattitude book. there was a moment i wrote in it every day. perhaps it would help indeed to do that again, instead of twice a week. perhaps i will feel it more intensely then. and thanks so much for the manifest-small-things-tip, it is true indeed. i already experienced it.

since when are you using the law of attraction to create and manifest (to the both of you) and where there moments you were doubtful and if so, what did you guys do?

[Thumbelina :)]

Hey,
Firstly, you're loosing control because you are trying to control. Why do u want to control such a beautiful free life? The feeling of gratitude comes from within you! Look at yourself in the mirror, you are quite a beautiful girl - trust me, there are thousand out there dying to be you! (There, i gave u an instant reason to be grateful)
Secondly, Belgium! Omg! i love that place, and you are getting to stay there, (isn't there another reason to be really grateful)
I think, you are a bit confused right now, and all of it is coming because you are trying to gain control over your life. Rather, right now note down top 10 things that makes you really happy! And, DO THEM! No more thinking, just take a pen and paper write it, and do it
There you go, another 10 reasons to be grateful maybe!
By the time the day ends, you will be filled with gratitude,
Start with a beautiful smile, sweety
And, let your thoughts flow. Just enjoy them xxx

[Chantal]

Heya! Thanks for the advice! I will do that now! Just made a list and already made a nice breakfast included with an egg from the chicken in my garden. Here I go...a that is an awesome plan. Thanks again!