LOA

[lise]

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[lise]

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[Sweet Spirit]

Hi Lise.

Yours is a very complicated situation and that may be why no one has responded until now. (Besides the fact that you expected a reply in only 3 1/2 hours.)

So what does your judgement tell you?
I guess you should ask yourself first if you would be happy being his mistress. Like it or not, that is what you would be if this man does not ever intend to get a divorce from his wife.  I understand that his children come first (as they should,) but does he honestly believe that he should ask you to be in a situation like that? That is so unfair to you! Does he not realize that he could lose his kids if his wife found out about his relationship with you? How do you feel knowing that he is with his wife when he is not with you? Like you said, you are getting the leftover crumbs.

I really can't advise you on this situation but this is what I would do if it were me: I would let go, love myself, and not have any contact until he tells you he is happily divorced. Hopefully using the Laws of Attraction will result in him getting a divorce, with partial custody of his children, and you two can live happily ever after.

I know you feel he is your soul mate but is he really worth it? I mean people get divorced everyday and still have a relationship with their kids.  I think this guy is really selfish and I would run as far away as I can! Something I live by: Never make someone a priority in your life if you are only an option in theirs.

Good luck dear.

[Vicki Christina]

Lise,   If you are wondering how to use the LOA here and have it be win/win for everyone, then I would start some affirmations about everyone involved in the triangle finding a soul mate to live with.  Then you would open up possibilities for many scenarios.   You might meet a new person and/or the wife might meet a new person.  In the mean time I would not contact him and let him see if he can work out his marriage problems.    It is not fair to the family to be in contact with him if he is trying to work out problems at home. 

[57angel]

Hello Lise, I read your post this morning before going to work, but because I was in a hurry, I decided to write this post instead on my break time here at work. Most of us here in this forum really respond to posts, maybe just looking for time and also thinking what to write here regarding what you had shared to all of us. I can understand how it is to feel when stuck in that situation. Try to keep affirming on yourself how wonderful you are, that you deserve the love and respect, and that he is not an exception. You are not his option, and definitely not a spare one in case it wont work with his wife. You are a wonderful person Lise, you deserve someone who is worthy to have you. Someone who puts you as his number one choice. Unless he can settle everything and with a divorce paper in his hand to show to you, he can not put you as his number one choice, his only choice. Try to read the posts of those who are here, who have been there and are happier now, you will learn many from them as I also do. Keep your posts coming here and everyone is so happy to listen and give some inspiring insights as I am also helped here. Take care, life is wonderful, love yourself first and foremost.   

[Sweet Spirit]

Lise,
Angel is right. You are too wonderful to be in a situation like that. Sorry if I sounded harsh earlier, but I truly don't want you to get hurt! There are so many unmarried men out there that are worthy of your love, and you can attract them with LOA. Do the LOA, and maybe in the meantime your soul mate will get a divorce. Tell him you don't want to stand in the way of him being able to save his marriage, and if he still feels like he wants to be with you, he will get a divorce. I know that's hard to let him go since you love him but think of what kind of life you would have as his woman on the side. You are way too good for that! Besides that, you may be riddled with guilt, and that's a negative emotion you definitely don't need in order for LOA to make a beautiful relationship.

Anyway, think about it carefully before you decide.

We are all here to help you. We all know and feel your pain!

-Melanie

[lise]

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[57angel]

Indeed, letting go is the hardest part, completely no contact at the minimum of three months, that was what I read in the post here, just cant remember who posted it. I can understand how it feels when you are used to getting text messages, receiving long emails, frequently talking about anything under the sun but this has to be done or else LOA will not work best for you.

I would like to congratulate you for sending that email to him and for letting him know that you can't continue with that arrangement with him. That is one great way of showing love and respect for yourself Lise. Remember, if you will not love and respect yourself first and foremost, who else will? If you are meant for each other, then everything will fall into place. You are a very wonderful person Lise to be treated just like that, and the Universe/God will not allow it either than somebody will love and respect you less than what you deserve. Focus on your attention of making yourself truly happy by first, let him go completely. Do things that you love, do your gratitude list and affirmations, do the EFT and am sure you can move on. Remember that big leaps start from the small steps and you have started it already. Good luck, keep us posted. Best of LOA to you

[Ginny]

You know... I am not completely convinced by the no-contact rule. I think in many cases it is essential, but I'm not convinced it's the right way in every case.

It's like that parable of the sailor who gets stranded at sea, and a ship comes to rescue him, and he says, "No, I don't need your help, I have faith that God will rescue me". So the ship goes away. Then a helicopter comes, and the sailor says the same thing, "Go away, I have faith that God will rescue me." Then a second helicopter comes. The sailor is woozy and on the brink of death, but still he swears that God will save him, so the second helicopter goes away. And then he dies. Up in heaven, he asks God, "Why didn't you save me? I had complete faith in you". And God says, "What are you talking about, I sent you a ship and two helicopters!"

I think no-contact is essential when you can't let go, or when the time isn't right for the person you are trying to attract, which is probably the case for 95% of the people posting on this forum. But I also think, if you ARE able to let go, to be able to make contact and not worry about the outcome - and if you can do it from a feeling of love and compassion - then I think under those circumstances it can be okay. The main danger is that you might convince yourself that that is the case, when in fact you are still a bit desperate and haven't let go at all.

From my own experience, things do come to me once I let go. They also come when I haven't, but are less likely (and often don't come out exactly as I wanted). I've also ruined a number of good situations by clinging on too tightly.

I think probably the advice from the Hicks' is appropriate here: Nothing you want is upstream. If you can make contact or respond to contact before the three months and it feels good and easy, it is probably okay. IMO of course.

[Vicki Christina]

Ginny,  I do believe that the Hicks comment you posted is the best way to assess the situation and decide about contact or any other decision!  Thanks for sharing and bringing it to my attention again!  VC

I think probably the advice from the Hicks' is appropriate here: Nothing you want is upstream. If you can make contact or respond to contact before the three months and it feels good and easy, it is probably okay. [/i]

[lise]

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[Sweet Spirit]

hey Lise.

Something tells me your logical side is the one you should be listening to. Your intuition may be telling you things that you want to hear because you are still hanging on. You really need to take a break from having contact with him because everytime you do, it steers you back into hanging on. You need time to truly think about the pros and cons of this relationship, and as long as you keep talking to him the harder its going to be to make a wise decision. You also need to put yourself first. This man sounds like he is happy the way things are and what you tolerate is never going to change. If he loves you enough, he needs to take an ultimatum of getting that divorce, or losing you. You know deep down in your heart that you want someone who will commit to you and be there for you when you need him.

All I advise is: Think about yourself. You really don't want to be hurt, and the longer you go on like this the more painful its going to be later. Better to deal with the pain right now, let it go, and see what happens with his marriage.

We are all here to help you through whatever you decide.

Take care Sweetie and God bless ya!

-melanie

[felkin9]

Hi. I registered just so I could reply to you...even though it's over 120 days. Maybe you or someone else will get this message.

The point of LOA is not for me to do something and get others on my side of the fence through promotion, suggestion, cohercing or force. Nothing anyone can say can get you to attract "correctly". That's the beauty of this...we attract what we attract through our own thoughts and desires. So anyone trying to suggestion anything other than setting up your points of attraction is not coming fron a place of true clarity. LOA does not judge. LOA does not discern. It only matches. People take LOA so personally. It is just the great matcher of the Universe. There is no "logical" in LOA. It is all emotion. You emit emotion and you are matched. We use our brain too much. Trust feeling instead. How do you FEEL? Confused? You'll get muddled response. Clear? Things will be clear. How do you get there? You look for the tiniest bit of happiness you can find. Even if it's your bed you are sleeping in. You just go from there.

I have been in your shoes. I have been in a lot of shoes.
The things I suggest are:

- Make sure you are a match to your desires. It's hard to look at things deep down. I find when I attract someone that is not 100 percent available, I am not 100 percent available. See how that works? (Now maybe you want to be unavailable...to avoid pain, no relationship confidence, too busy, not sure about the person, etc. And really? It's all ok. You are where you are.)
- Heed the advice of the person above that suggested everyone in this triangle find their best suited match.
- Take care of yourself. When you tend to yourself the Universe tends to you.

I wish you so much love and comfort. There are no easy situations in this world. We are here to learn. People love to judge and say "You shouldn't do this" or "I would never _____" but you just don't know until you are THERE. None of our lessons are easy. You are on a road (LOA) of consciousness few even choose to acknowldege. You will get to where you need to be...LOA always sorts it out.

Blessings!