Is attracting a specific person bad?

[Detached&Allowing]

Thanks Sean!

I feel like there are two different situations that need to be addressed here.  One is the attraction of someone you don't know and the other is the attraction of an ex or "ensuing partner" as the term has been coined in our community.   

Since many members join this forum b/c of a break up, let me ask you this Sean..What if the person can see how they attracted a "break-up" with a specific person?  They now want that specific person back.  Since they can recognize how they attracted the break-up, what are your thoughts on attracting that specific person back?

[vpsean]

Thanks Sean!

I feel like there are two different situations that need to be addressed here.  One is the attraction of someone you don't know and the other is the attraction of an ex or "ensuing partner" as the term has been coined in our community.   

Since many members join this forum b/c of a break up, let me ask you this Sean..What if the person can see how they attracted a "break-up" with a specific person?  They now want that specific person back.  Since they can recognize how they attracted the break-up, what are your thoughts on attracting that specific person back?

Hey Sheri,

Oh my it's a tough topic isn't it? 

The fine line that I find a real issue in this is drawing irrefutable conclusions that just because one person got an ex back, anyone else can. I mean, it's great inspiration - and inspiration is always great ... but we want to be very careful with drawing a conclusion of 'just because they did, I can to' - not to thwart our efforts by any means ... but to look at it more objectively ... look at the entire scenario, the entire situation - see how the situations might be similar, and see how they might be different - after all, a relationship has SO many variables, and it's not simply black and white. My relationship with Sarah might have many similar qualities that others have here with their partner, as well as many that are different ... so to give advice to their situation based on my own relationship could never fully be accurate because they're different. 

That is my caveat before responding to the specific questions ...

"What if the person can see how they attracted a "break-up" with a specific person?  They now want that specific person back.  Since they can recognize how they attracted the break-up, what are your thoughts on attracting that specific person back?"

I think the thing to do first and foremost is to do the best one can to step outside of the situation and there own emotional charges of wanting the person back ... and look at the situation from an outsiders stand point. If someone is asking about getting their ex back, and that ex views them as obsessive, compulsive, stalker like, and strange, then ... the advice is going to be completely different than one whom broke up, still in love, but for different reasons. 

What it comes down to is if one is to get their ex back, it has to be a vibrational match...

...There has to be a sense of desire within the ex to be back together ...

... or, the person who wants their ex back would have to change themselves within to be a vibrational match.

Again it comes down to the specifics of the relationship ...

If the person attracted the break up because they punched their ex in the face ... well, then, it might be a tough call to get them back. But at the same time, that's only looking at the one person's energy in this situation ... do I know what the ex is like? Not at all so the advice is somewhat shotty ... maybe the ex that got punched in the face is attracted to abusive people ...

Does that make sense? 

For me I'm cautious of giving specific advice on 'how to get the ex back' to anyone without knowing very indepth details. For the most part, I feel advice specific to getting the ex back on a forum is going to be inherently flawed because we're only looking at one piece to the puzzle ...

The REAL issue I see in all these scenarios is not the ex - it's in the individuals inner peace and happiness.  Often times I see the discussions of getting the ex back come from a place of desperation, obsession, anxiousness, sadness, possessiveness, etc. (and for those that doesn't apply to, feel free to take yourself out of that generalization) -- which is why I bring it back to, 'align yourself with joy first ... align yourself with happiness first ... align yourself with presence first ... align yourself with self-love first ...'

Also from what I've seen - the majority of people who DO get their ex's back or get into a relationship that begins on that foundation of neediness rather than a balanced and presence self-love foundation - I usually see those relationships not work out for the best ... and the 'issues' that were once dealt individually, transform to a new issue within the relationship ... and thus the true happiness isn't found. 

Does this apply to 'everyone'? No. Would I bet it applies to most? Yes. Do the readers here have to believe that? Absolutely not :-)

One last thing I want to point out to everyone - post hoc ergo propter hoc - it's a logical fallacy that states: "because B followed A (A --> B), A was the cause." - This is an entirely different topic and deep discussion in itself ... but if you start paying attention to what you're told, what you're sold, what is suggested to you, you'll start to see this is a common case in which you're presented, 'this happened after A, so A must be the cause." -- People here in this forum might take advice such as, "I meditated and then got my ex back," and conclude, "oh! Okay! That's the missing piece to the puzzle. I just need to meditate to get my ex back," <-- That's overly simplified but I think it gets across the point. Getting your ex back isn't necessarily one variable you need to change ...

And at the same time in my own recommendations -- just because some people have gotten their ex back because they got to a sincere place of self-love, doesn't guarantee it as fact that it is a universal truth ... however, I would recommend developing a sense of inner peace as the first step to achieving anything one wants. 

But hey, that's just me. 

Hope that helps Sheri. I went off in several different directions, but hopefully I still got your answer in there ;-)

With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
www.AlskaPublishing.com   

[Royal_Paul]

A short & sweet reinforcement of this is that when I experienced a relationship breakdown I too was coming from a place of desperation, obsession, anxiousness, sadness, possessiveness, this pushed her further apart, now I am learning to 'align myself with joy; happiness; presence and self-love first' my ensuing partner and I are gradually assembling a happy relationship together again.

[vpsean]

A short & sweet reinforcement of this is that when I experienced a relationship breakdown I too was coming from a place of desperation, obsession, anxiousness, sadness, possessiveness, this pushed her further apart, now I am learning to 'align myself with joy; happiness; presence and self-love first' my ensuing partner and I are gradually assembling a happy relationship together again.

That's great Paul!

With Love & Gratitude,
--Sean Patrick Simpson
www.AdventuresInManifesting.org
www.AlskaPublishing.com

[Priestess]

Vibration has to match for both people for attraction of a specific person to work.

Good topic... I agree with pretty much everything that's been written so far. It all makes sense, just like the quote above. However, my personal experience doesn't make that much sense and doesn't seem to follow these rules/ this logic, so I wonder if anyone can find an explanation for it...
It was when my love decided to pursue a real, committed, official relationship with me... At that time, I was brought down by another breakup, being caught in hate, anger and revenge games with that ex bf. Imagine my vibration.... Instead, my beloved was very much in love with me, daydreaming, raising his vibration etc. Especially looking back at our conversations, we couldn't have been a vibrational match! Then how in the world did it happen... The bliss that followed with so much ease... I can only see how he attracted me without difficulty. I responded to his love, despite the low level I was at. It seems that he drew me towards him, by his vibration. He offered love and I followed. Perhaps love, being the highest of all, is simply the most powerful attractor and succeeds in breaking the rules? This makes me think if the vibrational match is truly essential in manifesting a relationship, though I do find the logic in this theory. It's weird how some things happen....

[tereza]

Priestess, from what I remember of your story...you both were lonely and recovering from broken relationships, hence you were on the same vibration. You can still attract things even when you're in a bad mood. The problem with being in a bad mood/negative though, is that if you attract something positive in your life, the negativity will eventually destroy it.

[Priestess]

Yes Tereza, it's right, what you say here.
To a certain point he also had low vibrations due to his broken relationship. But my situation was worse: while he let go and decided to make himself happy, to detach from any failure, I was getting deeper into my hatred... he tried to enlighten me and show me the things I was doing wrong, but I was too closed and lost to see the light. That's when the vibrations were really drifted apart. And still, he got what he wanted - Me.
And yes, though we eventually managed to build something so positive, the underlying negatives brought it down...

[Sweet Spirit]

Tereza, RP and Sean make some very good points.

In my experience when I met my BF, he needed me and I needed him. Need is a negative reason to be in a relationship. Eventually this caused problems. We loved each other but our vibrations were both negative. He got to the point where he did not want my happiness to depend on him because he was constantly feeling pressure from me. It was like I wanted him to be something he wasn't (more affectionate and settled down for example,) and I would get negative and hurt when he could not be what would make me happy. So he left. He had always said that I needed to be independent of other people for my happiness and once I found it within myself to be happy, he came back.

Our relationship is much different now. He is happy from within himself and I am happy from within myself. When two people are a vibrational match from both being happy independent of each other, they can attract each other out of want and desire (which is positive,) and not need (which is negative.) They both bring their own happiness into the relationship which makes the relationship much stronger. And BTW, my BF is much more affectionate and more settled down since we got back together. He attracted a job this time around, and he is very content going to work everyday and coming home to me every night, which is something I always wanted too.

So Priestess, Now that your BF is happy within himself, you must find happiness within yourself apart from him, then you can be a vibrational match and attract each other again; but this time the match will be a more positive and stronger one, just like mine and Ken's.

To anyone who wants to attract an ex back: Why would you want to attract the same relationship that obviously had problems and unhappiness? (hence the reason for the breakup.) The key here is that you want the person back in a better and more happy relationship right? And that only comes if both people are on a the same POSITIVE vibrational wavelength. If one is happy and the other isn't (apart from each other), it won't work. If both are unhappy within themselves and only happy when together, they will be a match but it will be a negatively charged one based on need, and eventually there will be problems and an impending break up.  If they are both happy within themselves (apart from each other,) it will most definitely work! And when I say "apart from each other", I mean their happiness does not depend on what the other person does or says and they love each other without conditions.

As for attracting a specific person, I have never tried to do that since I only discovered LOA during the time I was in my relationship with Ken, and it was after our break up last summer that I found this forum and the advice I needed on how to attract him back into what is now a more satisfying relationship. I learned to be happy apart from him, I learned to let go of the desperation and need for him to be the source of my happiness, and I learned how to apply LOA in other areas of my life. The point I am making is that I know my BF, I know his preferences and lifestyle, I know him on a deeper and more intimate  level, I know what he is like on the inside, and I know what a perfect match we really are.

So if you are trying to attract someone specific who you have never been in a relationship with and you have not discovered what they are like on a more intimate and deeper level, perhaps it would be good to try and attract a way to get to know them better? That way you can find out if there is more to them that you desire in a mate (not just whatever attracts you to them on the surface.) I can't tell you how many times I have been drawn to someone and after knowing them on a deeper level, decided that they were not really a match for me (and that was without knowing the laws of attraction.

[Detached&Allowing]

Sean,

You present some very good points and I agree whole heartedly.  In many cases, when coaching folks I have found it takes time to get to the root cause of this initial break up.  Some people, I feel can absolutely attract their "ensuing partner", while others experienced an event that was necessary to help them grow.  Inevitably, they were attracted to our community, which can only be a good thing, right?   

Thank you!!

[Priestess]

SweetSpirit, your messages are always such revelations to me and confidence boosters! The first paragraph struck me, as each word seemed to belong to me!

Needing someone and starting a relationship from that feeling is a recipe for failure, I see now... though it feels so true and romantic in the beginning, before knowing the secret. My bf was very much aware of that and was preaching to me about how lovers should be complete by themselves first and that he reached such state. At the same time, however, he was telling me "I need you so much", "I can't live without you here", "I can't make it without you". He got me even more hooked on him but of course he failed to teach LOA to me... One has to practice what they preach, especially when it's for people who are close to them! the power of example can be amazingly constructive or, on the contrary, destructive.

Wow... your breakup story is incredibly similar to mine... except for the comeback. I suppose you weren't completely isolated? I read your story somewhere here, but I don't remember the details, I'm sorry. It's such a challenge to one's way of thinking when there is isolation, total rejection and lack of communication... If the Universe would manifest something positive, it would have to come from his side - an enlightenment, a switch. I only have the subconscious means to reach him. He can't see me smiling and enjoying my life, he can't find out about it... I don't know if his friends are keeping an eye on me on Facebook. anyhow, FB is usually just a surface thing, it doesn't tell much about one's true life. We're all gorgeous, happy and successful there.

Moreover, there's this tricky thought: what if he is truly happy by himself and won't need me in his life at all?.... I do want him to be happy, but here's the thing: he IS very happy with me (when he doesn't get paranoid), I know him and understand him very well, and I simply don't believe there's any person in this world to be a better match for him. I know he hasn't found himself yet, seeing so many contradictions in his words and deeds, he's lying to himself and doesn't see the forest because of the trees... And I would gladly be by his side to assist him in the quests and trials, because I am able to give him the emotional and spiritual support that he needs. There is no other person in his life to give him that, I know his family and friends. Probably he simply doesn't know what to do with it when he gets it... Anyway, I'm babbling so much about him already.

I am so glad that now, when you and your boyfriend are happy and independent, he gives you what you need  That's just wonderful! Good point about not focusing on the old relationship. I want only qualities now and we both need to achieve such. What a relationship it would be.... He already proved (in the good times) to have the qualities I desire, otherwise I wouldn't fool myself with an illusion that he's the one I'm looking for. For some reason he buried them somewhere and chose to be something else. It's his freedom... but I like what I saw in him in those times and I trust that once the qualities were there, they're there for good.

Much love!!