Hi...
I'm new here , but I know LOA about 2 years and I always tried to used it for the best , for myself and to the others around me.
I'm not an easy person , I have a lot of problems and I have been in psychotherapy some months, because of my low self esteem and my tendencies to depression . I always try to be positive and inspire others to be positive and to fight for their happiness. I've working for be more positive and happy and I really improved. In the last month , I started to felling weak and depressed again , I'm an art student so I use my emotions and my deeply thoughts and feelings , but now I'm felling empty and scared , because I have to go deeply to be a better artist to use my truth , and I really don't know how deep can I go without really hurting me . I have many friends and they are good friends , they are always around me to help , and they really like me . I'm very grateful for my friends , for my family , for my professional area and to be able to study what I always dreamed. But unfortunately I have a enormous tendency to be apathetic , to feel like I'm dead and life don't feel real for me , its like a film or a book and I feel so empty and I cant really live my life , I feel my life running and I'm going older and don't live like I should , don't live the present. I always try to be alert to the signs of the universe , and lately Im felling that I should love someone because that person loves me and I should wait. I love him for almost 5 years now , He knows , we never dated , but we were always close from each other and he always said that he really loves me , but he cant support the idea of losing me , so we should only be friends. Many situations prove me the reverse , Im the only one who understand him , and he knows and he says to me that he always will love me and that will never change. Then we had a big fight and we didn't talk about half a year , then we return to talk and everything was the same , I was in love with him and he said the was in love with me. He went to another country , for two years now , I still waited for him , and now he is dating for almost a year with a boy he meet , he said to me that he is very happy now , but he keeps talking with me and he cares about me and he admits that his boyfriend don't know him like I do , and they are not compatible like us , and that he can brake out with him , but he loves me and that will never change. I put in my head so many years ago that this should end , for me to able to be happy and find someone that I can make happy and make me happy too. But lately , every day I found videos , musics ( even in the streets in bars , and I'm not talking about commercial music) photos , expressions in other people faces , things that friends says , even quotes in the internet. Three people read me the tarot , and two read my hands and they don't know my past and they all said the same, that I should fight for my love because I already know the man of my life and I cant lose hope , because we should be together. I know that all of this sounds a little teenager and almost childish or coward , but I don't understand... Should I listening to the universe and wait and fight for this guy? A Man that I'm trying to forget almost for 5 years , the only person who makes me feel alive , that can brake my apathetic status , and for an unknown reason I cant stop loving , we start to loving each other so naturally, so purely , but it was always complicated because he has so many problems assuming his feelings, but I always waited for him . Is this paranoia and should I really forget him ? let him go and found another way for my life?. I must found myself , because I needed to be able to the best in my focus , in my art. Sorry to post all of this in here , but you are positive and sensitive persons , that are sensitive to the signs of the universe and able to help me found myself and light to be happy and make others happy... I need inspiration , I need light....
