I need help with No Contact

[beautifuldreamer]

I have decided that since I am not completely detached that I need to go back to complete no contact. I have tried everything and I can't seem to make it stick. I deleted his number but I know it out of my head. I have not been able to make it more than four weeks without at least sending him one text message. I want to aim to go no contact until my birthday which is three months away.

Anyone else have any ideas on how they remained no contact? Just to be clear, I would talk to him if he messages me but otherwise I need to train myself not to be so impulsive. I thought I was ready to be in friendly contact with him, but the flirting threw me off. I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to be the "other woman".

[crazysoul]

I have decided that since I am not completely detached that I need to go back to complete no contact. I have tried everything and I can't seem to make it stick. I deleted his number but I know it out of my head. I have not been able to make it more than four weeks without at least sending him one text message. I want to aim to go no contact until my birthday which is three months away.

Anyone else have any ideas on how they remained no contact? Just to be clear, I would talk to him if he messages me but otherwise I need to train myself not to be so impulsive. I thought I was ready to be in friendly contact with him, but the flirting threw me off. I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to be the "other woman".

I really think that you should make a break-up for now.....
try as hard as you can to get the outcome and him out of your mind. be happy no matter what.
believe that all is manifesting, no matter which thought or..

do you know this one:
its called slacker manifesting and i loved that:

DO NOTHING
IGNORE IT
LISTEN TO IDEAS
TAKE ACTION ON YOUR IDEAS

did you try the magical dream box?

[beautifuldreamer]

The signs are becoming more frequent as well. I have cleaned my computer several times of pictures and reminders of him and just today alone I happened upon more pictures and a file i created for him. I also saw his last name twice and his first name once. It is so hard to forget him.

I have not heard of the magical dream box what is that?

[yolo7]

magical dream box, correct me if I'm wrong is a box filled with pictures and stuff of things you want to manifest/desire. Just like a vision board but you cut the pictures etc of things you want and put in a box and believe that it will manifest.. hope that helps 

As for what crazysoul said, I agree with her. I think you need to take yourself away from the outcome and your guy and just focus completely on yourself. Really detach and just live your life but you have to be okay with whatever outcome it maybe.. with or without him. Once you can do that then everything will fall into place. As for the no contact rule.. It can either work in your favour or not.. It's really a hit or miss with it.

I believe NC is good when your actually trying move forward with your own life without any attachment to the person and just doing you.. healing yourself for you.. NC can work or it can backfire in the case of wanting your ex back so this is a bit tricky.. 
And Just distract yourself.. If he texts you, don't reply back right away.. TRY to do things differently than your use to doing when he contacts you but overall live your life for you.. 

[beautifuldreamer]

Thanks Yolo,

I think a part of the reason why I want to go No Contact for a little while is because I started to get anxiety when it came to him. I enjoyed texting him and I felt great. Then one night out with the girlfriends we started talking about the break-up. I started sharing some of the hurtful things that happened. Then I somehow felt guilty for sharing them, like somehow he heard and was now upset with me (silly I know). I immediately felt low.

I also, don't want to be the only one contacting him. I want him to come to me. I know I want him back, and I know he has a girlfriend. Wouldn't it be bad karma to text him knowing this? especially since he has now started to flirt. He said he wasn't but it sure felt like it.

As for the magical box. If I wanted to manifest a loving relationship with him what would I put in the box? Here are my ideas so far

A love letter to him
A letter from him to me (that I wrote)
A picture of him (but I have none of us together)
Our success story

My biggest hinderance now is letting go completely and not worrying  about the outcome.

[iloverainbows]

Hi Need2Heal.

It is much easier to think about something, than to not think about something.

So instead of focusing on not thinking about him, focus on thinking about other things. Anything that feels passionate and good. Maybe plan a big holiday, or change careers, or spend time with friends (talking about HAPPY things!).

I agree that it's best you don't contact him. Once you get into the right vibration, he'll contact you (if you even still want him back then!). You won't need to make anything happen.

I don't know if this helps - but when I first broke up with my ex there were some moments where I just really wanted to contact him and beg him to take me back. There was a morning I woke up at 5am and wanted to go over to his house and get into bed with him and just ask him to hold me. So I know how it feels. It's good to have a few angry memories of him to think of at these times - thoughts of him being unkind, that make you feel enraged, and 'how dare he treat me like shit?!'. It's easier to move from feeling powerless (the 'I need him' feeling that means you want to text him) to ANGER - than to love.

So anger is a good one to reach for when you feel powerless and needy, and it's a good way out of the neediness too. I had help with that because my ex was a total prat so I have lots of angry memories to draw on Hopefully, you do too!!

[iloverainbows]

Another thought: I found doing a BIG clear out helped too - it put me in the mindset of getting rid of all the crappy ex energy and starting afresh. NEW START! That doesn't mean you clear him out of your life, but it is clearing THE PAST, which makes way for a new future. It's a good thing to do because the past energies need to be cleared before you can get together anyway, otherwise you'd just break up again for the same reasons.

For me, I actually moved house because we lived together. In the move I threw out pretty much everything he ever gave me, letters, cards, a poem he wrote, presents he gave me. I deleted every thing off my computer that had any relation to him, all documents, photos, etc. Another way to do that is just back up everything you want to keep then totally reformat your computer. Then I took a two month break from facebook. When I got back I was considering making a new account but decided instead to clear mine out. I deleted any photos of him or any events we'd been to together from my profile, and untagged myself from any photos other people had of him and I together and removed them from my profile too. I blocked him off facebook and deleted all of our mutual friends - except for my good friends, whom I messaged and told them I didn't want to have any contact with them, so if they didn't want to unfriend him then fine, I would unfriend them. Pretty much all of them have messaged me back and said they're unfriending him. I've also emptied my email of any messages I sent him or that he sent me. Deleted, gone! And the delete folder emptied. I even went to my bank and changed my secret date that I need to login to my netbanking - because it was the date he and I got engaged, but I changed it to a date that is special to me and my new life. I've also told all of my friends that I don't want to know what he's doing, at all, unless it's something super important like if he dies.

It's a great thing to do, to clear out all the past old nonsense. And it makes way for the present to happen.

It's good to clear out space, too. Like having all the doors and windows in your house open for the air to flow through, then light insence and sage smudge sticks and swoosh them through the house. Do the same for yourself, clear your aura with sage. You could then get some clear quartz, cleanse it and set it up through the house. And get rid of anything that has energy of you as a couple, like if there were certain special sheets you slept in or made love in together, give em to charity, you don't need those reminders.

I hope this suggestion helps you; doing this really helped me. And it puts you in the power-seat too, you are the one making the decisions, not him

Good Luck.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Iloverainbows,

I am taking it by your actions that you DO NOT want to get back together with your previous boyfriend? 

Is that right?

[iloverainbows]

Iloverainbows,

I am taking it by your actions that you DO NOT want to get back together with your previous boyfriend? 

Is that right?

No that's not correct, we will be back together. I even know where we get married

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Ok,

Good!  But I caution others to completely remove all presents and remnants of their loved one from their life.  That method is a bit extreme if you ask me and I certainly would feel terrible if my honey and I reunite and I had to explain why I threw out and got rid of EVERYTHING they gave me.  Just saying, glad it worked for you and if that is the case terrific but I certainly and wouldn't even consider going that extreme. 

[yolo7]

Need2heal,

For the magical creation box the ideas you have are great!  Do that and truly believe that everything will manifest! but remember.. be detached! You have to really let go and believe in the universal, faith and god that everything you want will happen. But by doing so you must let go and live your life for yourself  I think you're on the right track with the no contact . Take it one day at a time and I know you will get through this..  Do whatever that brings pure happiness in your life.

As for you talking to you gfs about the hurtful things that happened in the relationship.. it's okay to talk your feelings out .. it's natural but don't feel guilty about it.. your human, you can't help but sometimes need to vent everything out that's been bothering you ( not good to bottle things inside) If you don't want to talk about the hurtful things then try talk about the happy and great  memories you guys had . By focusing on the negative then you'll get more negative and of course your friends will feed off of it too..

But overall, you really need to let go.. it's something everyone will tell you and it's true. It's not easy but when the time is right for you, you will. let go at the pace your ready for.. remember.. this is about you not about him right now. Once your there.. trust me, everything will fall into place. 

we're all here to help you through this 

[beautifuldreamer]

Thank you Yolo,

Hmmmm could I do a magica desktop folder? I like the box idea but I was just curious.

I am up in spirits again. Thank you all for you help. I just started doing more things and exercising and I feel back to my happy and bubbly self, and confident that my love will find his way back to me. Later on the evening I will start creating my box/folder. I also thought it would be good to out reminders on my laptop to keep me on track.

[tereza]

But I caution others to completely remove all presents and remnants of their loved one from their life.  That method is a bit extreme if you ask me and I certainly would feel terrible if my honey and I reunite and I had to explain why I threw out and got rid of EVERYTHING they gave me.  Just saying, glad it worked for you and if that is the case terrific but I certainly and wouldn't even consider going that extreme. 

You know, when I first read what Rainbows did after the breakup, I was thinking along the same lines...huh? Doesn't she want him back?  But then I realized that I had pretty much done the same thing in my situation too. I was pissed off at my guy and I was sick and tired of the on and off cycle we had created. Deleting him and getting rid of everything that I had of him, was the best way for me to change things because it was the only thing I hadn't tried before. Plus, I was pretty mad at him and just frustrated with the situation. I wanted something better and holding onto the old, wasn't going to get me that.

Would I recommend it to everyone? Probably not. Each situation is different, but I think there are certain situations where it's a strong catalyst for change.  Also, it's really not that hard to explain to someone that you haven't talked to in a long time why their stuff is gone or why you deleted their phone number. Being dumped sort of covers that. 

Anyone else have any ideas on how they remained no contact? Just to be clear, I would talk to him if he messages me but otherwise I need to train myself not to be so impulsive. I thought I was ready to be in friendly contact with him, but the flirting threw me off. I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to be the "other woman".

How about not focusing so much on no contact?  Like how about focusing on filling your life up with things that make you happy instead of focusing on no contact? I mean, why exactly are you doing the no contact thing? I know for me, when I went all out and cut him out of my life, it was because I desperately wanted to improve my life. It wasn't because I wanted him to come back (though that was a tiny little thought in the back of my mind), I was doing it because I was sick of being so miserable. I spent that time working on improving my life and not on finding reasons to contact him or counting how long it's been since we last talked.

Also in your situation, I kind of get the feeling that you're all over the place and unsure of what you want exactly. Also there's a lot of micro-managing going on.  Like you want him, but then you want him only as a friend, but yet you start flirting with him and then when he doesn't make a move to be more than a friend, you get upset. Perhaps that's what's been causing some conflict?

So far, you've gotten exactly what you wanted. He's friends with you, he's been flirting with you and you manifested seeing him...things are moving pretty quickly.   Maybe just getting clear and certain that you want him back, will help?

[beautifuldreamer]

But I caution others to completely remove all presents and remnants of their loved one from their life.  That method is a bit extreme if you ask me and I certainly would feel terrible if my honey and I reunite and I had to explain why I threw out and got rid of EVERYTHING they gave me.  Just saying, glad it worked for you and if that is the case terrific but I certainly and wouldn't even consider going that extreme. 

You know, when I first read what Rainbows did after the breakup, I was thinking along the same lines...huh? Doesn't she want him back?  But then I realized that I had pretty much done the same thing in my situation too. I was pissed off at my guy and I was sick and tired of the on and off cycle we had created. Deleting him and getting rid of everything that I had of him, was the best way for me to change things because it was the only thing I hadn't tried before. Plus, I was pretty mad at him and just frustrated with the situation. I wanted something better and holding onto the old, wasn't going to get me that.

Would I recommend it to everyone? Probably not. Each situation is different, but I think there are certain situations where it's a strong catalyst for change.  Also, it's really not that hard to explain to someone that you haven't talked to in a long time why their stuff is gone or why you deleted their phone number. Being dumped sort of covers that. 

Anyone else have any ideas on how they remained no contact? Just to be clear, I would talk to him if he messages me but otherwise I need to train myself not to be so impulsive. I thought I was ready to be in friendly contact with him, but the flirting threw me off. I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to be the "other woman".

How about not focusing so much on no contact?  Like how about focusing on filling your life up with things that make you happy instead of focusing on no contact? I mean, why exactly are you doing the no contact thing? I know for me, when I went all out and cut him out of my life, it was because I desperately wanted to improve my life. It wasn't because I wanted him to come back (though that was a tiny little thought in the back of my mind), I was doing it because I was sick of being so miserable. I spent that time working on improving my life and not on finding reasons to contact him or counting how long it's been since we last talked.

Also in your situation, I kind of get the feeling that you're all over the place and unsure of what you want exactly. Also there's a lot of micro-managing going on.  Like you want him, but then you want him only as a friend, but yet you start flirting with him and then when he doesn't make a move to be more than a friend, you get upset. Perhaps that's what's been causing some conflict?

So far, you've gotten exactly what you wanted. He's friends with you, he's been flirting with you and you manifested seeing him...things are moving pretty quickly.   Maybe just getting clear and certain that you want him back, will help?

I totally agree with you with the all over the place feeling. I won't even lie, I think I have posted here before that I don't exactly how I want him in my life and I think part of that is that I have been down this road with another guy before him and its happening exactly the same way, which is probably bringing up bad memories. My mother and friends are always constantly telling me that I don't deserve how he treated me. So I question myself many times why I want him back as well. I wanted to approach it from a friend angle to see if I'd warm to the idea of getting back together. But I realized it was easier to make whatever needs to happen, happen in its own time. I asked the universe to provide what was best for me, and that's when he started being really nice, I started seeing his name everywhere and running into him more often.

Another thing with the flirting, it didn't upset me that he said he was just being nice, because I know him and I know he was flirting. My upset was two fold. I was upset from before, because I had said I wanted to be friends with him and there it was happening, and I was talking to my girlfriends about how bad he treated me. I don't know how to explain it but I started to feel guilty that i was talking about him to my friends. Not that I was tearing him down or anything I was sharing my experience.  On the other hand, I was upset with myself for even digging so deep into whether or not he was flirting and then actually messaging him asking about it. I did not start flirting with him, he started flirting with me and i didn't flirt back.

You are right, I have manifested everything I asked for. I enjoyed just talking to him as a friend and I even enjoyed a little flirting. But the fact that he is flirting with me while he's with someone else, doesn't feel like a victory. Because I may not know this girl, but she has feelings too and would not want to be the person on the side worming her way into their relationship. And that is what this feels like and I don't like it.

As for the no contact, the primary reason is that I sense that I am all over the place. And being in contact with him is making me more anxious and less aligned with I want at the moment because I have started to analyze this flirting situation too much. I think it's best as many say to take time away to completely detach so I am not so anxious and in general feel better about myself.  Also, I think it would be good for me. I said I was going to allow the universe to provide what was best for me, and if it's him then he'll contact me.