I just want my husband home.

[saturnlily]

In mid-may my husband of 4 1/2 years moved 8 hours away. At the time he lied to me and said it was only temporary, said we would be working on our relationship while he was gone. Once he was gone we tried to work on things, but I was not in the state of mind where I was able. I was hurting, sad, feeling abandoned and deceived. Finally, in early June, he told me he didn't love me the same anymore.

It was like a knife in the chest. I couldn't breathe, couldn't eat, I could hardly work. During this time I did visit this forum, and began sending him loving thoughts. I started working on myself emotionally, started seeing a therapist and really trying to get myself together. I know during the end of the relationship I wasn't a very good person to be around, and I had a lot of issues that needed to be worked through.

About a little more than 2 weeks ago we got in contact about bills after he blocked me from Facebook. We hadn't discussed how things were going to work out and we needed to, as I cannot afford this home on my own. We came to an agreement about the bills and we chatted about things going on in our life. I was happy and chipper and we laughed and had a good time, he told me that I seemed different. I told him I felt different.

During this time I also found out that he had been sending hundreds of messages to a girl, an "old friend." He claimed at the time nothing was going on and they weren't together, but now I just have a feeling that they are. He has never had any feelings towards her, I really feel she is just making him feel good about himself. She's filling needs that I didn't fill during the end of our relationship. I do not believe that it is a forever type of thing, he's just subconsciously using her. I only view her as a threat in the sense that she has him now.

Last week we had 2 really good text conversations, just about random stuff, and 1 really good phone conversation. He initiated 1 text conversation about me sending him his resume, and the phone conversation about one of the bills. Each time, after the conversation about what he intended to call about finished, the conversation continued where we talked about things that were going on in our lives and told stories and we laughed and I felt really good at the end. The same thing happened with the 1 text conversation I initiated.

Friday was when we had the phone conversation. He called on his lunch break at work, and could have gotten off the phone right after we talked about the bill, but he stayed on the line until he HAD to go back. I tried to text him the next day, and he still hasn't responded. Part of me thinks that he got scared because he was starting to 2nd guess leaving, another part of me fears that his relationship with her is progressing and he's cutting me off. I'm trying not to think about the fear, I don't want to "create" what I fear.

So many things are running through my mind right now. We have plans to see each other in August so that I can bring him some of the things that he has left at our home. I'm just... I'm scared that things aren't going to work out. This man is the love of my life, and I want to be with him so so bad. I know he believes that I am the emotional wreck of a person that I was when our relationship ended. I know he believes that I am the angry, bitter, controlling, nagging person that I was that caused him to leave. But that is NOT me. I know that now. After working through my issues, I see where those feelings came from and I know that I will NEVER be that person again. I want him to see that.

The way we met was so chance, that it was nothing short of fate that brought us together. I truly believe that we are meant to be together. I believe that this split was because I needed to change, and this was the only way I was ever going to be able to do it. I know we can start over and have a beautiful, loving, amazing relationship together. The connection is already there.

Help, please.

[beautifulmesss12sc]

 Saturnlily .. you just have to believe it .. and feel it , keep sending him love, take care of yourself and be the woman he fell in love with and it will draw him back to you .. if u believe it will happen it will ,,, never loose your faith, be grateful for the time you do get to talk to him ... be grateful for all things .. the ones you have and even the ones you dont have yet.. think happy thoughts , think of the good things about him and not the bad , meditate when u get anxious over whats happening or not happening, dont think of this other woman , she has nothing to do with you and him

[saturnlily]

Thank you so so much for your kind words and thoughts. I love this man, and truly believe he is my soul mate.

This is going to sound like such a dumb question, but how do you meditate? I've never done it before.

[I Love Rainbows]

Dear Saturnlily,

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I've been wondering whether to reply to this thread or not, because I usually only reply to threads on here which ask about such big 'life' issues (such as your marriage) if I get a strong intuition or push from the universe that what I have to say will be helpful and of most benefit to you. I listened, and in this case my intuition was telling me I certainly should reply to you. I hope what I have to say is helpful.

1. Mediation is a way of quieting the 'chatter' of the mind. It takes some practice but when you learn to meditate, you will be more relaxed, happy and healthy and be able to choose your emotions more, rather than just reacting to outside influences. When you are able to choose your emotions, you are in the place to conciously create your life. I did a websearch on 'what is meditation' to help you out, and these links looked quite good:

http://www.meditationsociety.com/what.html
http://www.project-meditation.org/what_is_meditation.html

One of them has a free meditation course. I recommend you have a look at that as well as googling, for yourself, 'how do I meditate?'. The basic premise of meditation is to sit, quietly and breathe deeply. Some forms of meditation have you focus only on your breath - others have you repeat a mantra or visualise something. When your attention wanders, you gently bring it back. This is the basic premise.

Mediation is *not* a quick-fix for the problems with your marriage. It *will* help you, and in turn has the potential to help you with your marriage and using LOA more conciously.

2. I'm hearing that your husband has not been completely honest with you about what has been going on - moving out and then becoming close to another girl so quickly. This is where my intuition literally SCREAMED at me to talk with you. It is very possible he has been having an affair before he moved out - why do I say this? Because the way he's acting is following the typical 'cheater's script'. What I would like you to do is have a look at this forum:http://talkaboutmarriage.com/

Sign up, create an account and go to the 'coping with infidelity' section. That forum was an absolutely invaluable goldmind of support and information there for me when my fiance started chearting on me. What I found was that when something seems 'fishy', it is usually only the tip of the iceberg you are seeing. I do NOT say this to freak you out. I say this because if you want to save your marriage, you NEED the support and advice of people who have 'been there, done that'. At the moment your husband is probably caught up in new relationship energy with this new girl - which is like a surge of chemicals and hormones to the brain - and is NOT thinking straight. Please, please do NOT take what has happened 'too lightly'. Again, I don't say this to scare you - but to make you alert and aware.

I encourage you to post your story in the 'coping with infidelity' section of that forum. You will get the advice of people who know how to cope with partners leaving the marriage - in stories so very similar to yours - they will give you a plan to follow as well as advice on how to get support of family and friends who are supportive of your marriage and who will not support his bad behaviour. Please at least post and see what they have to say. In terms of LOA - this support and having 'a plan' will get you OUT of the feeling place of frustration and dispair and INTO a much stronger feeling place of HOPE.

3. Have the two of you considered or tried marriage counselling? It's on the horizon for you, if he will agree to it. In the meantime, I suggest researching good couples counsellers - *don't* talk to him about it *until* you have posted on that forum. You will need a good couples therapist to help you work on communication and expectations in the marriage so this DOESN'T happen again.

4. Have you / are you seeking help and emotional support for *yourself*? You have said you are aware you have contributed to some of the problems in the marriage. It is GREAT that you see and admit this. For your marriage to work, you will need to work on those things. You also need processes and practices to get you through this time now. Rely on the support of your friends and family who help you feel really GOOD - NOT ones who bring you down further. Cut those people out of your life, you DON'T need them! Also please seek counselling for yourself to help you work through your insecurities and fears which brought this on. Now is the time to work on YOU. On here, I find there is a LOT of  positive material for manifesting - but much of it assumes you're already in a very good feeling place. When you are in a lower place and have deeper things to work on, professional help can be invaluable. If you have ingrained thought and behaviour patterns that helped contribute to the downfall of your marriage, those aren't going to be changed by making a vision board and making a few affirmations - though those things can HELP supplement and support more professional help.

5. Please read ALL the stickied threads in the relationship section of this forum. Within some of them - especially the one by IronUr - there are some great resources in terms of external weblinks. If any of them sing out to you, please have a read.

6. If /when the time feels right - perhaps once you've *done* all of the above - I highly recommend purchasing and reading 'Radical Forgiveness' by Colin Tipping.

Thank you for reading and good luck. Please let us know how you go.
Love, iloverainbows xxx

[saturnlily]

Thank you so much for your reply, iloverainbows.

I honestly do not believe that my husband was unfaithful before he left. I trust my intuition, and when I bring the thought up to myself all I feel is peace inside. There is no anxiety, no worry, no wonder. He has a history of making bad decisions in the spur of the moment because he sees no other way out. He's never been good at analyzing a situation and the possible outcomes before making a decision. He had to run, because he knew if he didn't then I would convince him to stay.

I will check out the infidelity portion of that website because I do feel there are a lot of similarities. Particularly the abandonment and the lying. I think the information I can find there will be valuable in helping me to cope with the thought of him and her, as well as dealing with moving on from the hurt to reconcile.

His sister is friends with this girl. I'm sure that's how they started talking. The girl asked for his number from his sister, and they started talking and it snowballed from there. She lives about 4 or so hours from him.

I do, however, believe they were talking after he left, but before he decided that he wanted to end it for good. I thinks he gave him the strength to do that. I think she told him that we would never work out. She has always, always, always wanted him. I know right now she will do anything she can to get him.

And that's the thing, he's ALWAYS turned her down before. He is vulnerable right now, and she is a distraction. She distracts him from the pain of losing his wife. He used to call me his angel, his everything. He told me I saved him when he was in Afghanistan. We have such a strong connection, down to our souls, that I don't even feel threatened by this girl. I don't feel like he truly has feelings for her, she's playing the game to "get" him, and he needs a distraction from me.

I know with time she will, again, show her true colors. I see it as more of a rebound.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason.

He needed to leave so that I could break down. Like a phoenix (which, coincidentally, is the only tattoo that I have), I, and our relationship, had to burst into flames and be completely destroyed before it could rise up again to something new and beautiful. If there is a reason for this woman to be in his life, it was to help pull him away from me. Without her to distract him from the pain, he would have never been able to stay away. I would have never began to get help. We would have never been able to create the new and beautiful relationship that is in our future.

Before he left he said that he would go to marriage counseling with me. Now, we are hardly even speaking. He has completely shut the door on any reconciliation. When I have talked to him, the conversations have been light and fun. I'm trying to show him what he's missing. The amazing love and woman that he left behind. I know his heart loves me, but I need his head to fall in love with me again. When it does, I know he will commit to marriage counseling.

I am actually seeing a therapist right now. He is a marriage counselor, and an individual counselor. He completely supports my will to save my marriage. I have a lot of issues with control, guilt, perfectionism, and self esteem that I projected onto my husband that made him feel inadequate. It made him feel like he was never good enough. It made him unable to open up to me. Because he wasn't able to open up to me, he shoved all of his feelings down. He didn't trust me to be the supporting, loving, caring woman that I am. I turned into someone that I am not.

Together, my therapist and I, are working on finding ways for me to control my anxiety from within me, without feeling the need to control everything around me. I feel so much better already knowing what is wrong and that I am trying to fix it. I value my therapy very much. His insight has been invaluable and when my husband and I are back together, I would like for us to continue to see my therapist as a couple.

I will read the stickies on this forum. I have browsed through a few of them, my problem has been with trying to define "letting go." I do want to let go of the anger and the hurt. I do not want to let go of my hope for reconciliation. I do not want to play an inactive role in what I want for my life. Maybe I am misinterpreting, but I don't want to just sit by idly and wait. I want to do what I can to make my marriage come together again.

Thank you again for all your input and suggestions. I really appreciate everything you've had to say and I will take your suggestions to heart.

[irishgirl69]

saturnlily, I think you are handling this all so well - just had to say that.  I love that you are embracing this as an opportunity to identify and rectify where you impacted the relationship in a bad way.  I love that you are trusting your intuition and handling your husband's relationship with this other woman in such a mature way.  BTW, I am highly intuitive and I feel that your impression of their relationship is on track.  If yur actions were making him feel unworthy, it's natural that he turns to a woman that is stroking his ego and making him feel wanted.  But it won't last.

You've been given excellent advice.  As for meditation, I've struggled with that as well as I have a difficult time turning my brain off.  What I will say is not to force it.  There are some good binaural videos on youtube as well as apps for smartphones that can really help.  Don't try to force anything - if you start noticing your mind wander, simply acknowledge that and come back to the present and just try and relax.  I certainly haven't mastered it, but I've gotten better.

Letting go - that phrase can be so misleading.  It's not letting go of your desire, it's letting go of doubts, anixety and any thoughts that your desire will not manifest.  It's living in the present, perfectly happy and content, all the while knowing in your soul that your desire will manifest in the perfect timing and process.  What that may mean, however, is not necessarily doing anything actively to try to attract your husband back to you.  There are many different methods of working on your relationship from a spiritual level which can be quite effective in repairing and healing a broken relationship.  Take a look around the forum and you will see them mentioned and explained.  My advice is to only pay attention to those techniques that resonate with you - don't feel like you have to do all of them.  You will be guided to what you need when you need it.

Best of luck to you - I think you are in the right frame of mind and will see miracles happen.

[saturnlily]

I send him a text, and I swear I didn't mean to. I was typing what I was going to send him tomorrow, and my finger just hit send. I don't know if the universe was telling me that i needed to send it or what, but I did.

I sent him, "I need your help with something."

He said, "What's up. I'm on lunch if ya wanna call"

So I called him. I asked him for help on something to do with my truck.

Then we talked a little bit about work, and he told me he wanted to move about 2 hours North to find a better job.

And then I asked if I could talk to him about something. I told him about all that I've been learning about myself in therapy. I asked for his input on it, and he said that I seemed to have it right on. I told him it seems like so much longer since we've split, because I've grown so much.

He told me that he learned a lot about himself in our relationship. He said that it's made him a better person. He said we can still be close and be friends, just without the physical intimacy obviously.

I told him that I wanted to forget all of the bad and negative shit from the past and just start building a new friendship together.

I missed his voice so much. I missed how comforting it is. That's him. That's my husband. That's my soul mate.

And he just wants to be friends and it hurts so bad.

I want more. I want to be his lover, his wife, his angel again.

I know the only way we can do that is with time. Is to make him fall in love with me again.

I'm so scared I won't be able to do it. I'm scared it's hopeless

I cried the whole time we were talking about the past. I told them they were happy tears because of how happy I am with myself. I lied. They were because I miss him so much. Because I wanted to hear him tell me he loved me. Because I wanted him to say he wanted to come home.

[saturnlily]

I guess I just need to focus on building a friendship with him again.

Be myself, show him how amazing I am, and let the universe take care of the rest.

I love him so much.

[saturnlily]

Here are my two posts about the signs I think I've been getting lately.

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship-6/i-think-i-got-a-sign!/

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/how-to-use-law-of-attraction-12/following-the-signs-signals/msg62778/#msg62778

I feel kind of down, now. After I got that amazing sign about the kiss, I found out that my vacation where I was supposed to see him was pushed back by 5 days.

I just have to believe that everything happens for a reason.

I'm going to see him. We're going to have an amazing time. I'm going to flirt and show him what he's missing. He's going to be insanely attracted to me. He's going to start to realize that he is still in love with me. We're going to plan for me to come and see him a few weeks later and spend a weekend with him so I can see and spend time with him and his family.

Is it inappropriate for me to be using this as a quasi journal?

[saturnlily]

After my therapy appointment on Wednesday I decided to text him and ask him to call me. He called right away and we talked for an hour and 15 minutes.

We laughed, joked around, reminisced, talked about how things were going in our lives.

He told me that if I was staying where I was originally supposed to while camping, he might not be able to afford the drive out there. I told him that the date got pushed back a bit, but we would be staying somewhere else for a little while first.

Well, turns out that somewhere else is only about 20 miles from him!!

I brought up us getting a bite to eat or something before he heads back and he said definitely, and that we could get pizza or something.

I can feel our connection so strongly when we talk. I tried RS last night for the first time and it made me cry, because I miss him so much. His touch, his love. I could feel it and I didn't want it to end.

His birthday is tomorrow and he said he has to work. I'm going to try giving him a call and if he doesn't answer I'll just leave a voicemail telling him happy birthday. I think hearing my voice is so much more powerful than a text.

I want us back together so, so bad.

[irishgirl69]

These are all really great developments.  I will just caution you, though, not to get caught up in this energy building and try to push things along as a result.  This is a very common error that people make, myself included.  From your last sentence, I can feel the sense of urgency you feel about this, which is totally understandable.  But you need to find a way to relax and enjoy this time and process and just let things happen naturally.  If you go into every conversation, meeting, etc., with him with this feeling of urgency and desperation, he will feel that energy and it's not a good energy.  It's smothering.  Instead if you can feel excited and grateful, that is such positive energy and he will feel it and respond in kind.

[saturnlily]

That is one of my biggest problems.

I do want things to move along quicker. I want him back in my arms NOW, lol!

But I am trying to take it slow. The biggest thing that I'm trying to do is not expect anything from him and not put any fences on our friendship to make it seem more like a relationship, which would then cause him to pull away.

When we talk it is really friendly and happy and I can tell he really enjoys the conversation.  He ISN'T pulling away from me right now, and I need to remember that that in itself is progress. He can't fall in love with me again if he's closed off from me emotionally, and right now he seems open and receptive to my friendship.

I've never been a patient person. Talking with my therapist has given me a lot of insight into the relationship, what ended it, and what it's going to take for us to make things work again.

I know that relationships are founded on friendships. I know that he was once so, completely, fully, in love with me that it can be easy for him to fall in love again.

I just get so scared that he has closed the door completely on us ever being in a relationship again that it makes me sick to think about. But then I remember that things change, people change, he could have the door completely closed but that doesn't mean I can't open it again. ESPECIALLY with time, love, and patience.

[irishgirl69]

Good, I'm glad you recognize the progress that has already been made and are grateful.  Something to consider - you might want to focus on sending him love and healing energy just for him - not in relation to your marriage.  He is clearly going through something that caused him to walk away from you and as the woman who loves him completely, I think sending him some loving and healing energy could work wonders.  Once he has begun to heal (which he probably already has if he's open to a friendship with you), then you can focus on the relationship.  I know you want him back now, everyone here wants their desire now.  But the universe knows when the perfect timing is, and you shouldn't rush it. 

[saturnlily]

He has a lot of hurt from being in the service and things he had to do while deployed. I think sending him love and healing energy for him is a really good idea. His heart needs to heal from that pain.

[irishgirl69]

A good friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend and was feeling really down.  It was for the best - she wasn't in love with him and was just putting off the inevitable - but she felt bad for hurting him, etc.  She lives in a different state so I wanted to send her some focused healing energy.  I decided to use an energy circle, and I really feel like it worked.  I personally don't use switchwords, which this site is mainly about.  I put an affirmation and just some positive phrases inside the circle.  I also put things I didn't want in her experience - pain, tears, sadness - outside of the circle.  I also played around a bit with the colors.  Take a look at this site - it might be a nice option for you to send some healing energy to him.

http://blueiris.org/community/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=70&Itemid=103