Author Topic: I feel so hopeless.... After all I've done.. (Read 917 times)

kirua0212 · « **on:** April 24, 2012, 10:24:47 AM »

I broke up with my gf of 2 years... its been 4months now, but the part is that... When we first broke up I was okay, she wanted to be friends, and i said okay.. then I coax her to come back with me so she decided to not be my friend...then I started terror texting, terror calling, smothering her with i love you, come back, yes, i plead, beg, cried, and i went to her workplace, then i slit my arm infront of her.... we are 18 btws, we just finished high school and work part time. Then i started calling her house phone and stuff... Then she got scared and asked her parents to call my parents to stop me calling her. So i did. Then i no contact with her then after 4 days i called her, begging and pleading and crying... she tod me that im a psycho, and i need help, freak, and im crazy, and she said im the worst thing that have happened to her and she said how did she even be together with a psycho like me in the first place. she text me one day saying she forgive me and i should find another girl and be grateful and stuff. I called her up saying that shes done nothing wrong and im the one guilty. just until there. then i never contacted her since. Theres 1 time that i had a terrible fight with my mom. I texted her saying I fought with my mom, and i trust only her about these things. she replied, but i did not reply... until now...

I feel so guilty and sinful, i regret all the things ive done to her, and Ive learned my lesson, I want to be back together bu after all ive done it feels so bleak and hopeless... I never shared my problems to anyone ever since and just keep it to myself. not even my parents... should i give up? am i wasting my time? i want her back in my life, but reflecting all ive done... i just feel like dying whenever i think pf it... i feel like i dont want to love anymore, cos i feel like she took away.. i always dream of her... in my drams, we are happy... is this a sign? oor is it just my subconscious toying with my feelings?

I want to stay postive, im grateful for all the things i have... please, anyone... should i give up? and just succumb to whatever that is happening? i feel so hopeless...

Ginny · « **Reply #1 on:** April 24, 2012, 02:47:06 PM »

No, you have not damaged things irreparably - the fact that she's reached out to you shows that she's forgiven you. So you need to forgive yourself as well, and stop dwelling on what you've done. It's in the past, forgive yourself, move on, and know that you will not do anything like that to another person again.

Now you need to concentrate on yourself and your own happiness. Do not concentrate on this girl for the time being, concentrate on your, your own happiness, and finding alignment with your true self.

This forum is a good place to start - there are a lot of knowledgeable people here who can give you a lot of good advice!

beautifulmesss12sc · « **Reply #2 on:** April 24, 2012, 11:52:47 PM »

Kirua.. its very hard sometimes especially in the beginning .. me and my guy have been broke up over 6 months .. sometimes i feel that hopelessness.. but everyday that passes i feel more hopeful and more like myself.. its hard to believe it will get better.(and i still have my bad days). you have to work on you ... take care of yourself .. be grateful for what you have with her .. (even if it has not happened yet) dont bother her call or text until you know u can deal with her response .. wether it is negative or positive.. forgive YOURSELF for what you did .. first and foremost forgive yourself.. we all make mistakes and wish we cld take them back but we cant .. i feel for you i did things i wish i hadnt as well .. i think you have to let her go .. that is her wish ..

Not saying there cant be a reunion for the 2 of you .. but jst step back .. breatheeeeeeeeee, get back to your old self .. she will see or feel it .. and she will be back

star24 · « **Reply #3 on:** April 25, 2012, 09:20:38 AM »

Kirua I know how you feel, it is so hard in the beginning and then you still get bad hours, days weeks, but it does get easier.

I did some pretty embarrassing, desperate, desperate things too, but despite all that, my ex and I broke up 3 years ago and for the last three years I've been attracting him back and then losing him again in this huge cycle because I haven't dealt with myself...in fact I just lost him again last week so i know how you feel. But it does work! I have attracted him back many many times. My advice would be to actually take the time to heal, forgive be grateful and really concentrate on you, because that's the only way when you get her back, it'll be a new, better relationship which is everything you dream of.... now if i could just follow my own advice

All the best, i feel your pain, but you can do this, or rather we can do this, keep us updated how you go!

kirua0212 · « **Reply #4 on:** April 25, 2012, 08:09:56 PM »

Thank you guys (or girls?) for your helpful and positive response... I've been very happy and been concentrating on myself, really myself... I reconnect with my friends, and, I've been very happy! But if I feel bad about myself, I will think of her, because she always make me feel better... Am i pushing her away by doing this? But now im trying my best to not even think of her... I do things that make me happy... Tell me, gab, what did you do to attract him? I mean, did you do visualization or vision board and stuff? Or you just ask and then not think of it? Cause I'm scared, she had not been contacting me, so I don't know if I manage to attract her or not, nonetheless, i still think positively and beleive blindly and deep in my heart that we will be back together... Can anyone clarify this for me? Thank you..

Best of luck to you all too! I believe we can go through this!

beautifulmesss12sc · « **Reply #5 on:** April 26, 2012, 12:04:03 AM »

DO NOT think of her when u r feeling bad it will send bad feelings and thoughts only think of her when u can send loving thoughts .. i realize trust me i have been there .. one day u r mad one day sad .. ur emotions seem to spiral out of control... its hard to learn but ONLY think good thoughts ... feel her... visualize ....make believe she is in your arms and how happy you feel ... close your eyes and pretend when u r feeling down do it for as long as you need to i promise u it helps ... sometimes i have this huge smile on my face and other times i am overwhelmed with emotion ... picture her sayng i love you i have always loved you ...
and SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.. be happy happiness will bring you all your desires ..

JustForToday · « **Reply #6 on:** April 26, 2012, 12:19:45 AM »

ONE IMPORTANT THING KIRUA:

heal yourself with hopo ono:

i am sorry- please forgive me- i love you and i thank you

that helped me soo much to heal myself from unwanted thoughts and feelings of the past, where i did mistakes as well and still regret them. its a matter to heal yourself.
forgive yourself and take this above as asn affirmation. repeat it as often as you can, in mind or outloud. you will feel free after some time. believe me.

beside that i send you power and love

kirua0212 · « **Reply #7 on:** April 26, 2012, 04:41:00 PM »

Hi... First of all, thanks for replying! I really appreciate it! I really need help in this one, I mean, okay... I've learned that there are 3 steps in manifesting... Ask, Allow, and Receive... How do I do all those 3? And, added info... I tested out the 7day manifestation thing... I asked for
1.Someone to buy me burger
2.Someone to buy me coke (coca cola, not the drugs!

)
3"her" to initiate contact with me...

The first 2 things actually manifested, 2 persons bought me burger and coke, but the last one did not manifest at all...
Am I doing things wrongly?

1.I wrote down those 3
2.I visualise eating burger, drinking coke, and her talking to me
3.Be grateful for the burger, coke, and contact
4.I let go and not think of it

I received the first 2, but not the last one.

Tell me, am I doing it wrong? Or is it a sign that she hates me and dont want to be with me?
Im staying positive all the time and try to rid of the negativity by affirming
"______ loves me, what do I have to worry?"

Should I keep up or change things? I'm not giving up on her! NEVER EVER EVER!

57angel · « **Reply #8 on:** April 27, 2012, 08:55:25 AM »

Kirua0212, you received the 2 that easy for you don't have resistance from within, whether it will come true or not, you can still smile. You didn't get the 3rd wish for maybe there are still fears and doubts from within you that need to be deleted. Try as much as you can to "let go" all of those negative thoughts and put yourself in your pedestal, by saying this, I mean that you are already happy, with or without her in your life. The key here is patience, maybe there are still things in yourself that need healing. Work in that first, the Universe will always deliver what is best for you

kirua0212 · « **Reply #9 on:** April 27, 2012, 09:08:27 AM »

Thanks 57angel... I appreciate it... I may have some fears... Any suggestions on how to overcome them? But I think I'm in the state where I dont care if she'll be back or not... And just letting it go to the universe....

Hmmm... Just wondering here...

kirua0212 · « **Reply #10 on:** April 29, 2012, 09:45:35 AM »

Hmm... Been a while... Some funny thing happened this couple days.. My friend, who always go on midnight movies with me acted strange. She is more quiet around me than usual, and she likes to playfully push me. In the car, going home, My other friend drove the car with his gf. Me and my "weird" friend sat on the back. She then yawned and slept on my lap.

I was stunned as I never been in this situation. I froze like a rock

but i think she is just being playful...

Another one is my friend (this one is diff from the first one) confessed to me that she loves me, more than a friend, but I brushed it off by changing to another topic...

Should I give the girl on the second story a chance? Is this the result of me trying to get back to my ex? are these signs or just... i dont know...

Suggestions? Pretty lost here...

Detached&Allowing · « **Reply #11 on:** April 29, 2012, 10:15:14 AM »

I believe it actually goes as follows:

I Love You
Please forgive me
I am sorry
Thank you

http://www.idreamcatcher.com/hooponopono/

Quote from: crazysoul on April 26, 2012, 12:19:45 AM

ONE IMPORTANT THING KIRUA:

heal yourself with hopo ono:

i am sorry- please forgive me- i love you and i thank you

that helped me soo much to heal myself from unwanted thoughts and feelings of the past, where i did mistakes as well and still regret them. its a matter to heal yourself.
forgive yourself and take this above as asn affirmation. repeat it as often as you can, in mind or outloud. you will feel free after some time. believe me.

beside that i send you power and love

Ginny · « **Reply #12 on:** April 29, 2012, 03:53:01 PM »

Do you think the order matters that much? Surely it's the feeling behind it that matters, rather than the actual words. I actually say it in a slightly different order to either you or crazysoul (albeit slightly closer to crazysoul's), but it seems to work for me

I think (at least from my experience) it's about accepting responsibility for your own role in your current situation, and forgiving yourself. I find it's a very useful mantra, regardless of the order - helps me to feel very peaceful and stop that obsessing ruminating and self-blame