Author Topic: I beleive it is time for me to give up on my relationship once and for all (Read 2124 times)

Sweet Spirit · « **on:** November 20, 2010, 10:47:21 PM »

Hello all my friends. Its been a while since I have been on here. I haven't really been thinking too positive here lately, but I know that LOA worked to bring my BF back after he said we would never communicate with each other again.

I have seen him 2 times since the break up. The last time was 2 weeks ago. I was having trouble with a leaky hot water heater and even though I told him not to worry about it, he came down and fixed it and took care of fixing some other things in my house as well. I had to pay his gas of 40 dollars to make the trip as well as 50 dollars for his car insurance and another 20 for a part he needed for his car. so his trip here cost me over a hundred dollars.

He still does not have a job, and can't communicate with me any way but messenger on yahoo. I really don't know if I should just give up on this relationship or not. I have been patient about his not having a job and him not being able to treat this like a real relationship.I mean we can't see each other except when he comes down here to fix things, then I have to pay for everything because he still doesn't have a damn job; we cant talk on the phone,because he doesn't have one and I feel like I am wasting my life waiting because it is obvious to me that I will never have a real relationship with this man. He says he has been trying to find a job but he is being very selective when he really cant afford to be that way. I've known him since April of 2009 and he has only worked 5 months the whole time. I have loved him and tried to accept the circumstances but how much longer should I accept things the way they are?

The woman friend he is staying with now, asked him if he was going to run off and help me every time I was in a crisis. His response was that I was his "friend" and I needed his help. I did not ask him to come down and fix my problem. As a matter of fact, I had been offered help by my brothers but my BF insisted that he come to my rescue. Perhaps so I could pay his car insurance?

He is of course spending Thanksgiving with his other friend (she needs help frying her turkey,) and I suggested he come here to spend Christmas but did not get a definite answer. Anyway, it appears I am just a friend for his convenience and even though he said he loved me, I don't believe it is in any way the same way I love him.

He has an idea that he wants to spend 7 months walking the Appalachian trail and I told him that he may as well forget looking for a job right now only to quit in 4 months to pursue his other interest. I was willing to wait for him while he goes on his 7 month journey with no contact, but I am wondering if I am being stupid in waiting for someone who will never be able to give me the type relationship I deserve and want. Should I take that chance or not?

Sometimes I wish we had never had contact again after our breakup because now I have to start all over again letting go. I am seriously thinking I need to let this man go forever because my heart can not break anymore than it has already. I know LOA works and I feel like I should just stop all contact with him again and ask the universe to put us both in positions to where we can have that real relationship.

What do you guys think? Should I give up on our relationship for good, or ask that it be the best one ever?

Sitfab · « **Reply #1 on:** November 20, 2010, 11:00:50 PM »

Dear, you are a winner. And winners keep their positive faith intact. Wish for it to be the best ever thing that happened to you. You've made it so far. Why giving up? That's just nonsense. KEEP THE FAITH.

lise · « **Reply #2 on:** November 21, 2010, 02:56:20 AM »

Only you know the the answer to that - because other people's advice can't assess your feelings.

What I do when I'm not sure what I'm really feeling because I've analysed things to death and that's to write it down and answer my questions quickly without thinking - in the style of conversations with god book.

so - should I give up on xxx? why? is there any hope? etc

It maybe that you are right to give up completely - and you'll meet someone better suited for you.

It maybe that you are right to give up completely and that he'll return to you in a way you'd prefer.

It might just be a low day and doubts are creeping in for you.

The fact you think he is capapble of offering to fix things for you but using it as an excuse to get his car insured etc - indicates to me you think you're wasting your time BUT on a bad day I know how easy it to look for the bad reading of everything.

Magdog, MD, Mr. Best Luck · « **Reply #3 on:** November 21, 2010, 03:15:11 AM »

If bills you paid for him come out to less than repairs would have cost then it is sincere. If he need the car to get there to do the work then his requests are sincere. Hang in there, send him love, it will stop him from taking advantage if he is.

Vicki Christina · « **Reply #4 on:** November 21, 2010, 03:44:04 AM »

Dear Sweet Spirit, I have missed seeing you here. I am glad that you are well but sad that you are in a quandary. It sounds like it may be time to put out the general soul mate request to the universe. Perhaps he will be the one and perhaps someone new is waiting to come into your life. You know that will involve writing exactly what you want in your relationship and then put it out there. I do recall that you told us in the past that you worked LOA to reconnect with him, but you did not include that there were new positive changes to occur for the benefit of the relationship. Therefore, you got pretty much the same from him. Maybe that is what you need to concentrate on - the new improved relationship.

I know it is frustrating as I am in a confused state too over my last big phase of contact with my Honey. My feelings are not quite steady enough yet to decide on a committed plan, but that is for another thread one day soon. Big Hug!

CortneyHouser · « **Reply #5 on:** November 21, 2010, 05:32:47 AM »

usually I would give up on something on purpose, just because I know something better will happen. By "giving up" I mean to give up on trying to make it happen so fast. Giving up can sometime make you feel better, thereby making you worry less. When you give up on trying so hard to make things right, you will see that you will relieve stress. You will stop worrying because you are no longer straining the fact that you want him now.

Kinda like saying to yourself, "oh well, I may not never get him/her back, it is what it is...I may not never get him, but it's not so bad, maybe this what's best for me."

Thinking like this will make magical things happen. Just live your life, work on things that make you feel good like painting, listening to good music, dancing or walking in the park. Live your life mean being happy and doing the things you love. your ex or something better will come when it's the best time. Too early can make things worst than ever. Timing is everything.

Marianna9351 · « **Reply #6 on:** November 22, 2010, 03:39:51 AM »

I am a big believer in doing general soul mate searches. If the universe feels this man is the one, or someone better, then either way you win.

Iron Ur · « **Reply #7 on:** November 22, 2010, 04:38:39 AM »

Only you can give yourself the real answer

57angel · « **Reply #8 on:** November 22, 2010, 10:11:06 AM »

Sweet Spirit, oh am so happy to hear from you again here in the forum. We really miss you here and the inspirations that you spread here. I do hope that you will keep coming back here again and be with us as you inspire us and we inspire you as well. Oh, I really understand how you feel now. They are right, it is only you and only alone who can answer if it is time to let go or to still keep him. You are an amazing woman Melanie, who deserves all the best in love and the happiness in the world, try to go stay as positive as you have been and continue doing things that you love and stay happy from your heart as you affirm for a relationship that will bring you so much happiness, that make you safe and secured, that nurtures and fulfills you, that is so very loving

Whether it is him or not, one thing is for sure, you deserve to be loved

loveofabundance · « **Reply #9 on:** November 23, 2010, 05:35:49 AM »

He's being a butthead right now. This doesn't mean he always will be but he is right now,so pull back. why is he living with this other woman? he needs to make up his mind. He can still maintain his residence with you and go off to hike in the Appalachians. She can fry her own darn turkey herself! Let him go for now. He knows your worth. Stay strong and take the time to figure out what you want.

Skye Frank · « **Reply #10 on:** November 23, 2010, 06:46:26 AM »

Sweet,

What I would do is detach. One of the exercises I discuss in Tap Into Love is once you have turned your desire over to the Universe you must detach from it. The Law of Detachment says that in order to acquire anything in the physical universe, you have to relinquish your attachment to it. This doesn’t mean you give up the intention to create your desire. You don’t give up the intention, and you don’t give up the desire, you give up your attachment to the result. The moment you relinquish your attachment to the result, combining one-pointed intention with detachment at the same time, you will have that which you desire. Your job now is to maintain your vibration and let it come to you.

Sweet Spirit · « **Reply #11 on:** November 24, 2010, 07:29:51 AM »

I want to thank everyone so much for all of your responses and advice.

Courtney: you are right. I need to take things slower. I need to stop making myself so available because I think he has taken me for granted like he can do anything he wants even if it hurts me because I will always love him unconditionally. He is starting to push me farther away.

And yes I will take the advice to send out to the universe what exactly it is that I want in a relationship. My problem has been that I have trouble letting go of this man. I did let go when we were not having any contact right after the break up and it was after that we started speaking again.

Its funny how the day before he showed up this last time, we had not had contact for a few days. I started affirmations and had this good, positive and peaceful feeling. Later that evening he messaged me and we chatted for a while. He told me about his Appalachian trail plans and of course I was dismayed because I knew he would not be in contact for at least 6 months. But anyway, toward the end of our conversation, he completely caught me off guard when he said, "Hey. Do you know that I love you?" At first I read it as ,"How do you know I love you" and I replied, "I know you love me because I feel it." Then he said "I do love you." Then I started to cry. (Most every time he has told me he loves me is in response to me telling him first.)

Anyway, the next day was when he was concerned when I told him I got an electrical shock from the hot water heater and he left right away to come and fix it. Right now I am feeling lonely because he's not around to share the holidays with me and I can sense that the woman he is staying with may be trying to sabotage our relationship.She is very jealous of me because he has an intimate relationship with me. It bothers me that he didn't have the balls to defend me and tell her that it was he who insisted he come to my rescue, not me. I think he is afraid to stand up to her because he knows that may end their friendship and he needs her because she is the only friend that he has. I don't think he would care if mine and his friendship ended because I can be replaced. He sensed my sadness right before he left this last time and he told me he loved me then too. That was two weeks ago.

Well last night he was rude and short with me on messenger because he was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but I want to know why the hell he was on messenger if he was trying to go to sleep. I messaged him and he seemed irritated. That's why I do not like initiating contact on there. it should not be this way between us after almost 2 years and especially since we lived with each other part of that time! I should be able to feel confident that it is ok to say hello to my boyfriend and not be rejected. I am sick and tired of his mood swings. I have never been rude to him like that!

Anyway, a little while ago he messaged me and I almost ignored it, but instead I told him that he was a rude asshole last night and that just because he is tired and cranky, that it was no reason to be ugly to me. He then said something about not being able to get a job, and I said if he tried being nicer to those who have been good to him then maybe he could start having good karma.

Folks, at this point I don't care if what I say may piss him off anymore. If he wants a bitch, he'll be getting one and if that drives him away, then its all for the good. I am tired of being nice and if he is going to bite off the hand who is feeding him, that hand will no longer be there to help because he bit it off. It's time for me to start showing some tough love here. And if he doesn't like it, he can go someplace else, and I will attract someone who is worthy because I am worthy. I won't be a deliberate bitch of course, but I wont be nice and warm either.

I love this man but I will no longer let him control my emotions (Ha! How many times have you all heard me say that?) I may even start acting indifferent and soon just fade away. He has to fight for me if he wants me. I quit smoking 11 days ago and I have been working out too, so hopefully he will get the hint that I am ready to start attracting someone else for a real relationship.

Anyway. I'll keep all of you posted and thanks so much for all of your help. I love all of you!

MinDiddy · « **Reply #12 on:** November 24, 2010, 07:58:46 AM »

I totally get it Sweet Spirit! I am starting to feel like you as well! I guess its been some time and instead of me being sad and emotional now I'm starting to get angry and irritated. I am tired of games, tired of being so nice .. tired of being ignored and tired of living on his terms.

I guess it's time to live life for us .. you know that is what LOA is about ... live in joy and if being a bitch gets you to feel better about yourself then so be it! You're right he should want to fight for you .. you are WORTH it! I feel the same way about my situation.. I'm getting really tired of standing on the sidelines ... your post really hit home with me today!

I have been contemplating asking or not asking if mine wants to stop in for Thanksgiving and I'm feeling like just offering it and being bitchy at the same time.. sounds funny but I guess I'm just at that point. I love him with all my heart and all my soul but I'm tired of his Bull Sh*t!

=) Stay strong Sweet! I'm here for you!

Vicki Christina · « **Reply #13 on:** November 24, 2010, 08:15:44 AM »

Sweet Spirit, I wrote a long post a while ago, but when I hit post the connection dropped...gone! However, It sounds to me - you found your voice! Wonderful! Holding in bad feelings is not good in manifesting or health! Keep us posted. perhaps this is part of real detachment.

loveofabundance · « **Reply #14 on:** November 24, 2010, 08:20:19 AM »

@VC, that just happened to me too!

Anyway, Sweet Spirit, I'm so proud of you for quitting smoking! That is wonderful news!!! Stay strong and stick to your guns! ken would be a fool to let you go!