I am trying to maintain NC, but is the Universe derailing my plans?

[beautifuldreamer]

Since I have consciously decided to go NC I have been feeling soooooo much better. Its been roughly a week since my decision but it has not been going according to plan. I started to see his name everywhere which usually happens every time I choose to stay away, but I am used to that so no biggie. He then started messaging me random questions around day3 and asked how I was doing. He even commented on two things I posted, something he never does.

I was speaking to one of his friend's ex gfs (she never speaks to me) and she mentioned how she wished she and her ex could be like me and the guy. I asked her what she meant, and she went on to say what good friends we are and such. So I made it clear to her that we barely speak and when we do it's awkward. She then went on to say that she just assumed because every time my name came up he's always excited and once she mentioned my name and he was across the room and he came all the way over to hear what they were saying about me. I chuckled and said ok.

I saw him at a party this weekend too. I saw some people I know and I went over to say hello and greeted everyone. He was in the group with his gf, but out of my way so I didn't make a special effort to say hello to him. I was mid-conversation and he poked me and waved so I said hi and went back to my conversation, then left.

It just seems this week more than ever he's trying to be SEEN by me. My question is, I want to remain NC but I don't want to announce it to him or be rude when he asks me questions. How do I go about it?

[Mr Brightside]

NC for me is more about you not initiating contact, rather than the other person. So in your case i think things are flowing nicely and you don't need to alter anything. If he contacts you, you can ignore him or just have a brief chat, but aside from that do what makes you happy. 

[Love is here]

This guy still has deep feelings for you. I know thats not the question you asked but everytime I read what you post about him its so obvious. Your the only story I read on here about ex's where I think its obvious he still wants you. I dont know his deal, or why he cant admit to it, maybe has alot of pride but he definitely does.

[beautifuldreamer]

Thanks for the input....I really just want a happy simple life with someone who genuinely cares about me.

[jtut21]

Remember the entire purpose of NC is to generate interest in your ex to begin chasing you instead of the other way around. Based upon all of the excellent examples you have provided the efforts you have made in NC have been effective. That is exactly why he has been trying to get your attention and spark some conversation in so many ways. Continue to take the action that you have been taking because of its effectiveness but do not appear indifferent about the breakup and your relationship to your ex. When he begins to try and have conversations with you the last thing you want to do is appear desperate and become overly anxious that he is talking to you. The way that you have handled the examples seems to be the correct way to maintain NC but not come across as indifferent. However, I would recommend that you are careful in how you portray the way you feel and act about the relationship changes. You want it to appear as though the breakup is not affecting you in a terrible way but also not to distance yourself so much that he feels that you don't care about the relationship any longer.

All the best,

Josh
Get Your Ex Back www.romance-beacon.com

[lise]

I don't think the purpose of nc is to generate interest in you with the ex. The purpose is to improve things for you, and to work on you. People find it difficult to maintain contact when emotions are involved or if they've indulged in behaviour where they've been contacting their ex and being told it was unwelcome or where they've been pushing for a reconciliation. The original poster was maintaining nc because she believed it was the best option for her in moving forward, which I think is the best reason for doing it. As a consequence of working on yourself and being out of the picture an ex it seems will often then re establish contact but I dont think this should be a reason for implementing it in the first place.

[beautifuldreamer]

I don't think the purpose of nc is to generate interest in you with the ex. The purpose is to improve things for you, and to work on you. People find it difficult to maintain contact when emotions are involved or if they've indulged in behaviour where they've been contacting their ex and being told it was unwelcome or where they've been pushing for a reconciliation. The original poster was maintaining nc because she believed it was the best option for her in moving forward, which I think is the best reason for doing it. As a consequence of working on yourself and being out of the picture an ex it seems will often then re establish contact but I dont think this should be a reason for implementing it in the first place.

Yes Lise, my intention to go NC was to help myself to move forward. My ex has a girlfriend, I am much better than going after a man who is taken. My gut tells me he still has feelings for me, his actions tell me so much. But one day I realized that whatever he is feeling, doesn't matter because we are not together and he did not choose me and I have to respect that. I finally realized that I want someone who chooses me, without a shadow of a doubt and right now he is not that guy.

I am not sure why it seems every time I fall away, its the more I see of him. But LOA is about doing what feels good and right now being away from all the mixed signals FEEL AMAZING.