Author Topic: I am still in love with my ex gf who left me for another guy 6 months back, help (Read 8826 times)

arminhul · « **Reply #15 on:** November 14, 2011, 10:37:57 PM »

Can somebody please clear my doubts?

in the post above this one. Thank you

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #16 on:** November 15, 2011, 02:23:24 AM »

Hi,

I can tell you, you were together for a very long time and have a history and she is not forgetting you. I can also tell you, you are too attached to her and this situation and need to focus more on you and less on her. This is not a reflection on you....her choices are hers alone and her responsibility. How you chose to respond to her choices is your choice, yours and yours alone. You can either get a down and out or you can rise above it and decide to be pro-active and become the person you would want to date yourself. Do you really want to date someone who is desperate and sad and lonely and feeling sorry for themselves? I don't, I want to date a fun, happy person, someone who enjoys life and has their own life.

As far as removing doubt.....no one can do that for you, you have to do that for yourself. We can tell you that IT IS POSSIBLE to attract her back, but it's up to you and in your current state of mind, you are not attracting anything but more doubt. So my advice to you is to put your big boy panties back on and get up and start GETTING HAPPY AGAIN!! Start living your life for YOU!! Don't worry about her, once you let go and start living your life for you and she catches wind of it.....she will come sniffing around again, you just have to BELIEVE!!!

Now go do something fun!!

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #17 on:** November 15, 2011, 02:31:53 AM »

My answers are in the bold. Please don't take it as if I'm being mean to you, but I really want you to be happy again and to also be the MAN not only she wants you to be but the MAN that you want to be for yourself so you can attract not only her, but many other things in life

Quote from: arminhul on November 13, 2011, 02:21:52 AM

I made the mistake of looking at my ex profile. And I feel like idiot again. I feel anger at my ex gf. Anger is something I hadn't felt at her all this while. It is not that she does not love me that makes me mad, it the fact that she dropped me like a used thing and treated me truly horribly.

Looking at an ex's profile is SO tempting, but of course you're only hurting yourself when you do that. Also, when you do that, you're still giving energy and thought that she's the primary focus on your life. What about you? You're mad b/c she doesn't love you, but what if she did love you but wasn't happy with you? That would also make you mad. Change your focus of happiness from her to something you REALLY enjoy doing. As hard as it may sound, it's the stepping stone to getting in the right direction.

She didn't just leave me, she told reasons which completely destroyed me and my confidence, made me a wreck, I went from cool fun guy to super loser extremely fast. She told me among many things one reason for leaving - "if I can find better guys why should I stay with you".

You need to be that cool, fun guy again. She gave you reasons - which could very well be excuses. Don't even for a second put anymore thought into those "reasons". Regain yourself, tell yourself she LOVES you b/c you are BETTER than any guy in the world and THAT'S why she should stay with you, besides also being happier with you.

To be plain she was very bitchy. I can't believe I am using this word for her. I think what pisses me most is that she did not even respond to my birthday wish. And she broke up with me near my birthday 6 months back. I was crying on my birthday all day. I did not even eat on my birthday. Most terrible birthday of my life.

Trust me, I've attracted my ex numerous times and I called him an a$$hole, cruel, etc. for hurting me. He even hurt me my past birthday back in July. He stated he'd see me and never did. There was another girl that he made time for, but I never got that time. I'm telling you this b/c I know EXACTLY how hurt you are. You are SPECIAL as hell, even if I don't know you personally. She will regret it and trust me, add it in to the things she's gonna make up to you, even though you can't get that specific date back, you will feel like a King when she earns your trust again, and she will!

Right now I am feeling like calling her and telling her off. Someone wish I don't do that.

How can one person go from being so nice to so horrible? I was never never bad with her? Is just falling out of love justification for treating your ex horribly? I have tried to believe that goodness remains inside my ex but why does she behave so horribly with me? She is nice with others. What did I do wrong? In the 3.5 years we were together I was never bad with her. Never. I was always honest, hid nothing from her, my weakness my most embarassing secrets. She also told me hers. Her family troubles, everything.

Stop blaming yourself, b/c it's nothing you did. I swear this is like the reverse-role of what happened to me, except you two dated much longer than we did. Anyways, it's what I call the GIGS syndrome (Grass Is Greener). She thinks she can find better but trust me, that guy she think is actually better, is actually worse for her. This is a lesson that she needs to learn to appreciate what she already had. She's being selfish, but I PROMISE you she'll come back saying sorry, etc. Us girls ALWAYS tend to have a tendency to have nostalgia & go back to the past...and she'll be one of them coming back to you .

What did I do to attract all this from her in my life? I was working and enjoying my life. I was in love. Though the place I worked in, I was the only guy and rest were all beautiful females. I used to worry at times what if I turn out to be a jerk and just leave my gf(ex) because I fall in love or just plain do something stupid in office? Did this attract my ex leaving me?

I wouldn't say that was the main thing that attracted her to leave you, but what if she thought that you were gonna leave her for some beautiful girl at your office? You see how both of those thoughts would mesh and come to a total disaster. At the same time, you shouldn't have even had those thoughts, especially when you're in love. Take this as a lesson and make sure that WHEN you get her back to NEVER think like that again! It's really negative unless you really do like one of those girls at your workplace!

I never even dreamed she would do this to me. She used to be a bit insecure when she was hear of a few of my close childhood female friends and few stunners in our college. But I always told her that she was the one for me and come what may I would never betray her. But I never asked her for any affirmation of whether she would leave me or not. I trusted her so much.

What did I think wrong to attract this? I really need to know. Was it my slight fear of doing what my ex gf did that maybe caused it?

What you did wrong was think negative. Simple as that. You need to right now stop thinking negative, get yourself together, even do a little makeover if you want to. You need to feel HOTT, SEXY, GORGEOUS. You want her to want, need, and miss you at the same time. Read up on some Confucius quotes and Buddha quotes if you have to. I promise she'll come back to you, but you have to put yourself as NUMBER ONE.

arminhul · « **Reply #18 on:** November 15, 2011, 06:25:08 PM »

Mariposa, CityGirlLuv, Lidija thanks a million to all of you

I will do exactly as you say. Just one more question.

My ex and me were together for 3.5 years. The last year was long distance and then the break up happened. She met her present bf guy in her city. Now both she and the guy are in different cities, theirs is also long distance. They do communicate obviously. And my communication with my ex is well non existant. Now this seems to me a tougher situation. As she knows nothing about me, what I am doing now, how will changes happen? Will she begin to miss me eventually. She has cried to be twice on the phone after breaking up and then when I tried to talk more she went cold. I am hoping and am pretty sure she will need me again. Like for her whole life.

I should be completely giving in to the universe? My situation seems to me unique and more impossible than I have heard at least. If I take a leap of faith it will work?

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #19 on:** November 15, 2011, 10:58:29 PM »

Quote from: arminhul on November 15, 2011, 06:25:08 PM

Mariposa, CityGirlLuv, Lidija thanks a million to all of you

I will do exactly as you say. Just one more question.

My ex and me were together for 3.5 years. The last year was long distance and then the break up happened. She met her present bf guy in her city. Now both she and the guy are in different cities, theirs is also long distance. They do communicate obviously. And my communication with my ex is well non existant. Now this seems to me a tougher situation. As she knows nothing about me, what I am doing now, how will changes happen? Will she begin to miss me eventually. She has cried to be twice on the phone after breaking up and then when I tried to talk more she went cold. I am hoping and am pretty sure she will need me again. Like for her whole life.

I should be completely giving in to the universe? My situation seems to me unique and more impossible than I have heard at least. If I take a leap of faith it will work?

Don't worry about how, when, or what changes will happen. That's the thing you must learn about the universal laws. Yes there's law of attraction, but you need to use the law of DETACHMENT right now. In other words, let go! Stop worrying about the future and if it seems impossible - with her. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

My dear, I'm giving you links to different yet FREE things online that can help you detach (it helped me tremendously!!!):

http://www.lawofattraction123.com/law-of-detachment.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyvyzYOWLmI

http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2418/what-does-detachment-truly-mean-in-law-of-attraction
http://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ix=ieb&ie=UTF-8&ion=1&nord=1#q=law+of+attraction+law+of+detachment&hl=en&nord=1&site=webhp&prmd=imvns&ei=JZ_CTpi3C4WHtwezu_EP&start=10&sa=N&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=72d2f4c2b73b7f76&ion=1&biw=1366&bih=667 <---- that's the Google Search I used.

Also if you get a chance, watch Under The Tuscan Sun. It is one of my FAVORITE movies and it deals with LOA in a great way with that woman going from a struggle to regaining happiness. I'm not going to tell you the plot, but I absolutely LOVE that movie! Makes me feel happy every time I watch it and gives me hope

.

Also look into making a creation box. 2012 is right around the corner and this would be the PERFECT time to do one (if you're not into making vision boards like me). It's not that I don't believe in vision boards, I just found that a box helps in letting go faster than the board. Please keep in mind to NOT do these things for her, but to do them for YOURSELF. You need to let the desperation, the worry, the fear, etc. GO! I'm not Christian (more of an agnostic) but you know the saying "Let go and Let God" well for me it's "Let Go and Let It Flow".

Another story I'll let you know, I liked a guy for FIVE YEARS. We never dated, but I had the hugest crush on him. He treated me like crap for most of the time and I kept getting hurt and hurt b/c I wanted him to like me no matter what. Well I stopped crushing on him and that's when my ex (before he became my ex) came into the picture. Well recently the five-year crush had apologized, treated me like a princess, and even liked ME more than I liked him. I loved it, but at the same time we both weren't ready for a relationship due to the fact that I was still not over my ex and he had just gotten over a breakup, plus school, plus he recently moved to a different state. Although it took me years to get what I had wanted previously, as soon as I got it, it truly helped to know that I was over it and him. I look back and just laugh and call it a life lesson b/c we're not compatible and what he likes I hate and vice versa, but we're uber good friends! I'm not saying that your ex is never gonna come back, b/c hey you create your future.

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #20 on:** November 16, 2011, 01:21:29 AM »

Wow! Citygirl......I remember telling a friend about Under the Tuscan Sun and how much LOA was represented in it. And that "let go and let God".......That was mentioned to me just last night. It's like this post is a sign for me! Thank you!!

arminhul · « **Reply #21 on:** November 16, 2011, 01:28:28 AM »

THANK YOU

Just now I was reading through the links you had given and guess what happened. My ex pinged me on chat. I took some time to answer finished what i was reading. Short chat, she asked how I was and hows work, I said good. Then she tells me about herself, first time she tells about herself on her own in a very long time. She said she did something which she had stopped doing which I had told her she should do because she likes to do, other than just her studies. She said she I tried following what you said.

I had been visualising talking to her for sometime, it was not a call but still I got a chat and a very positive one at that. I BELIVE hahaha. Law of attraction did something.

And you were right she has not forgotten me, trying to do something which I had told her to do and she was very irritated when I had told her that sometime back. That is so very positive.

But what makes me even more happy is that I was not desperate in this conversation. I made no mention of why she did not respond on her birthday. I think I did the right thing.

You guys are awesome. I feel good. Taking my mind off her and on the guitar, I guess I was detached for sometime so it worked. What say?

Again all of you, THANK YOU

JOY TO YOU ALL

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #22 on:** November 16, 2011, 04:29:28 AM »

Quote from: Mariposa, (KnJ) on November 16, 2011, 01:21:29 AM

Wow! Citygirl......I remember telling a friend about Under the Tuscan Sun and how much LOA was represented in it. And that "let go and let God".......That was mentioned to me just last night. It's like this post is a sign for me! Thank you!!

You're welcome dear

Signs are so beautiful aren't they?

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #23 on:** November 16, 2011, 04:30:19 AM »

Quote from: arminhul on November 16, 2011, 01:28:28 AM

THANK YOU

Just now I was reading through the links you had given and guess what happened. My ex pinged me on chat. I took some time to answer finished what i was reading. Short chat, she asked how I was and hows work, I said good. Then she tells me about herself, first time she tells about herself on her own in a very long time. She said she did something which she had stopped doing which I had told her she should do because she likes to do, other than just her studies. She said she I tried following what you said.

I had been visualising talking to her for sometime, it was not a call but still I got a chat and a very positive one at that. I BELIVE hahaha. Law of attraction did something.

And you were right she has not forgotten me, trying to do something which I had told her to do and she was very irritated when I had told her that sometime back. That is so very positive.

But what makes me even more happy is that I was not desperate in this conversation. I made no mention of why she did not respond on her birthday. I think I did the right thing.

You guys are awesome. I feel good. Taking my mind off her and on the guitar, I guess I was detached for sometime so it worked. What say?

Again all of you, THANK YOU

JOY TO YOU ALL

You're welcome dear. You don't know how happy I am for that to happen for you. Please still consider that creation box though...it'll help you for what you want now, in the past, and even in the long-term future

samanvay · « **Reply #24 on:** November 16, 2011, 10:40:42 PM »

Quote from: CityGirlLuv on November 15, 2011, 10:58:29 PM

Quote from: arminhul on November 15, 2011, 06:25:08 PM
My dear, I'm giving you links to different yet FREE things online that can help you detach (it helped me tremendously!!!):

http://www.lawofattraction123.com/law-of-detachment.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyvyzYOWLmI
http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2418/what-does-detachment-truly-mean-in-law-of-attraction
http://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ix=ieb&ie=UTF-8&ion=1&nord=1#q=law+of+attraction+law+of+detachment&hl=en&nord=1&site=webhp&prmd=imvns&ei=JZ_CTpi3C4WHtwezu_EP&start=10&sa=N&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=72d2f4c2b73b7f76&ion=1&biw=1366&bih=667 <---- that's the Google Search I used.

Citygirl - Thank you so much for this! How do you use visualization and detachment together? If I visualize that I am with her, it is difficult to detach myself of the outcome. If I attempt to detach, I am unable to visualize her and have to make it general. It seems odd to what my intension is. Any advice on this?

Lika · « **Reply #25 on:** November 17, 2011, 01:43:23 AM »

Wow!

Such a great movie. Thank you City Girl

Really inspiring!

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #26 on:** November 17, 2011, 09:11:34 AM »

Quote from: samanvay on November 16, 2011, 10:40:42 PM

Quote from: CityGirlLuv on November 15, 2011, 10:58:29 PM
Quote from: arminhul on November 15, 2011, 06:25:08 PM
My dear, I'm giving you links to different yet FREE things online that can help you detach (it helped me tremendously!!!):

http://www.lawofattraction123.com/law-of-detachment.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyvyzYOWLmI
http://www.inwardquest.com/questions/2418/what-does-detachment-truly-mean-in-law-of-attraction
http://www.google.com/webhp?sourceid=chrome-instant&ix=ieb&ie=UTF-8&ion=1&nord=1#q=law+of+attraction+law+of+detachment&hl=en&nord=1&site=webhp&prmd=imvns&ei=JZ_CTpi3C4WHtwezu_EP&start=10&sa=N&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.,cf.osb&fp=72d2f4c2b73b7f76&ion=1&biw=1366&bih=667 <---- that's the Google Search I used.

Citygirl - Thank you so much for this! How do you use visualization and detachment together? If I visualize that I am with her, it is difficult to detach myself of the outcome. If I attempt to detach, I am unable to visualize her and have to make it general. It seems odd to what my intension is. Any advice on this?

It's easier than we think believe it or not (although I know what you mean). This is honestly why I use a creation box. For instance, when you send a letter through the mail, you drop it down in the dropbox and basically forget about it until you receive notification of it being received from the post office, email, the buyer, etc. I treat it the same way. I use to be the type to think and think and think and have hope and keep thinking until it drove me crazy about things I wanted. It would LITERALLY drive me crazy and of course I didn't get them. Without having them, I'd be PISSED off to the max, basically so angry.

Now I just write what I want, drop it down in my box and forget about it. Now remember the post office usually gives you a time limit on things. For instance usually it's 3-5 business days or 7-10 business days depending upon what the package is, location, etc. For a creation box, you have different time limits. It could be instant, it could be years, etc. The main thing is to LET GO. Once you've put that letter in the dropbox at the post office, you let go with the feeling that you've done your part. Then the workers take it from there. Now, the same thing applies with the box, as soon as you drop your wishes in there, you LET GO with the feeling that you've already done your part...now the Universe has to do it's part.

So to answer your question, let's say for instance I want a new FHI Flat Iron (which I really do). How do I visualize it? Well of course by seeing it and thinking "OMG, this is the PERFECT flat iron for my hair!". Now how do I let go? I make a wish to the Universe about it and drop it in my box and let it take care of the rest.

Now this can come in many ways: I can receive it for Christmas, I may have to save up and buy it myself but at a cheaper price, maybe I'll even win one in a giveaway on someone's blog, etc. There are endless ways I can receive that flat iron, but I'm not worried on how, when, etc.

We're all so attached on the outcome and the who, what, where, when, how on things...which is sooooooo much compared to how easy we have it. All you have to do is visualize and let go. The Universe just has a bigger task than we do, so let it get to work! Besides, it's always nice to be lazy and not have to do things, knowing we'll get it

samanvay · « **Reply #27 on:** November 17, 2011, 11:31:29 PM »

Thank you CityGirl!

I understand what you mean here. Very practical tool. I will create this for sure. When you visualise a person and togetherness, wouldn't you be doing it almost daily (and again and again in the day!) ? This is a classic example of attachment I believe as for objects, we can visualise once, put in the creation box and forget. But for someone like our soulmate, isn't it difficult to visualise just once and put in the creation box? May be I should visualise different scenarios of togetherness and happiness and let go each of them?
Somehow, visualising her just once and forgetting is not going down well for me

CityGirlLuv · « **Reply #28 on:** November 18, 2011, 01:22:49 AM »

Quote from: samanvay on November 17, 2011, 11:31:29 PM

Thank you CityGirl!
I understand what you mean here. Very practical tool. I will create this for sure. When you visualise a person and togetherness, wouldn't you be doing it almost daily (and again and again in the day!) ? This is a classic example of attachment I believe as for objects, we can visualise once, put in the creation box and forget. But for someone like our soulmate, isn't it difficult to visualise just once and put in the creation box? May be I should visualise different scenarios of togetherness and happiness and let go each of them?
Somehow, visualising her just once and forgetting is not going down well for me

You can visualize all you want but the purpose of this is to detach from the outcome that could block you from ever receiving what is in store for you. Technically, I believe in the saying "if it's meant to be then it'll happen, reregardless." So all in all, you need to do something that you're comfortable with that will allow you to visualize and perhaps even attach without smoldering the outcome with negative thoughts.

arminhul · « **Reply #29 on:** November 18, 2011, 01:52:52 AM »

I read up about remote seduction. A bit controversial when I read it but then I have been fantasizing about my girl since before we were together. I guess everybody does it. Seducing it not quite the intent then but it is almost the same thing. I want to feel close to my love and any and feel good about it and anything, fantasizing is a great way to feel close.

There has been no more contact from my love since the chat we had. I am not completely detached yet, but am more detached than before. I also got wendi's mp3 on sending love. Will listen and use it everyday.

I want to know if we can influence a person to want to talk to us, like call us on the phone, chat? I am sure it can be done, but how to do it?