I am free!

[beautifuldreamer]

LOA brought me something better than my ex...it brought me to realization that I needed to face the reality that I want better for myself. Many of us say it's our fault for the break-up, but I don't think in a relationship that one person is ever to be blamed for it's demise (unless the other person was a perfect being). After I decided to go NC about two-weeks ago I have had more clarity and I feel more happy to make that choice. I have been reading articles on relationships and something really stood out to me, "if someone doesn't treat you with care, love and respect while you are in a relationship. They don't deserve your friendship." People can't just be allowed to walk in and out of our lives as they please. I know many here are trying to attract their exes and maybe that is the right thing for you, but I am realizing it is not for me.

They say the universe gives you lessons over and over again until you learn them. My last relationship was identical to this. He broke up with me for vague reasons, I then found out he actually left me for someone else, but I wanted to be "nice" and "prove" I was worthy by being the best friend I could be. He strung me along for a whole year while with someone else, and pretends he is not doing so, then one late night one year and four days later he confesses his love for me. I was so happy, it was what I always wanted he was my prize, the relationship that we had after that was terrible. He was still the confused person he always was, not telling the whole truth etc, and finally I ended it, wishing I had let the other woman keep him.

I am now faced with the same situation, but the difference is now, I refuse to stick around to be the good "friend" until he realizes what he lost. If we do get back together, how will our story go when our children ask, what kind of role model will I be for my daughters? If we remain friends and I do move on to someone else, how can I really respect myself or expect my partner to respect me when I am hanging on to someone who mistreated me, caused me pain, never apologized and I call this person a friend.

I haven't told my ex that I want to resume NC, because we haven't spoken, so when he approaches me I will let him know. For me, the past sometimes needs to stay in the past. Our break-up taught me so many lessons, so I'm taking those lessons and leaving him behind.

[Love is here]

They say the universe gives you lessons over and over again until you learn them

This is so true.

It was also very interesting when you wrote about him being your prize. That reminds me of my ex who I was off and on with for years. It stopped even being about my genuine love for him and how good I thought we would be together and more about winning back my prize or winning back his love cause somewhere in me I felt unworthy. I had to question a few times do I even still really love this man in that way or have I just become obsessed with getting him to love me back?

[Tulip]

I am so proud of you! We are in the same boat now, only I was with my ex for 4 years and we've been separated now for a year- took me 9 months to realize I deserve better.

I had him on a pedestal all these years and allowed him to manipulate me into thinking it was all my fault. When he cheated and I went through his phone he bullied me into guilt for looking at his phone and I began to beg him for forgiveness! Dumps me once during my mum being diagnosed with a tumor! I still begged for him back! And then a year later with wishy washy excuses and nothing set in stone. Overall he didnt want or need a relationship this year or next while he studies his LPC. I did NC with intentions of getting him back and after 3 months we were back in touch texting day in day out for 2 months but he would always put off meeting me. It got so fustrating- to a point where I forced him to meet me.

When he did, this was in feb this year, 1. he still thinks its all my fault we broke up and that his only mistake and regret in our relationship was that 'he didnt walk away sooner' what a joke. 2. he told me about his new gf. yep. shes 3 years younger, there due to be married in a few years and he was texting away with her while I was just sitting there. He then cried and told me not a days gone by he hasnt thought about me, that hes kept all our things and that he still loves me but thats it now.

I went home and thanked the Universe for that meeting. I stopped everything in terms of LOA i was doing to win him back. I dont want him anymore. Although I must admit, I do want him to come back fighting for me just so I can tell him NO! Lol

[love.producer]

eightieschick

I think i have become obsessed.
I take your comment as something my guidance wants me to know.
Maybe I should just focus on myself for a while

[beautifuldreamer]

eightieschick

I think i have become obsessed.
I take your comment as something my guidance wants me to know.
Maybe I should just focus on myself for a while

Sometimes we get so caught up in winning them back we forget how terrible it was with them in the first place. It's not them we want, we want them to take back the rejection they dished out by realizing how awesome we are. But guess what we don't need them to see our value, I will use this analogy that I read in an article.

"Asking a guy who treats you less than you deserve or cannot appreciate you, to see your value, is like asking a person on the street who knows nothing about land valuation to put a price on it."

Many people here are stuck on being the exception to the rule, and expect men and women who generally treat everyone badly to treat them differently. Maybe it's not YOU maybe it really just is THEM. Another analogy I'd use is putting your purse in front of a kleptomaniac and being surprised when they swipe something from it. Just like stealing is in the kleptomaniacs nature, some people's nature is to treat people poorly. Yes we can argue that they do have a good side or they weren't always like this. But we can also argue that people pretend to get what they want or maybe they are BOTH the person in the beginning and the crappy person at the end.

As for me, I'll let my ex stay with his younger gf, who he tells people he has no problem dropping if he has to. She can have him. I'm dreaming of my new handsome love, and being ready for when he comes into my life.

[jtut21]

beautiful dreamer I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! It is evident that you have certainly gained great clarity through the time you have spent apart from your ex lover. Often a person continues to attract similar circumstances because they try to change the circumstance (relationship) instead of the dominant vibration they have about relationships. When an individual has a dominant vibration that "all the good men are taken" they will continue to find that in their reality regardless of their attempts at changing the outside world. In your case it seems evident that you are in the beginning stages of changing the old vibration that you had and as you continue to find clarity and give focus and attention upon what you want within a short time the person of your dreams that is a best friend but also a committed and devoted lover will soon be your reality. Once this occurs you must continue to give attention and focus upon what is working and what you want to avoid moving back into your old vibration. Congratulations to you again and all the best!

Josh
Get Your Ex Back www.romance-beacon.com

[Kas]

Our break-up taught me so many lessons, so I'm taking those lessons and leaving him behind.

I love the above line!

[Love4only1]

Maybe it's the latest full moon, but I couldnt be prouder of reading these posts.  I thought it was just me!  I am sitting here tonight, contemplating deleting him from FB.  It's the only real contact I have with him anymore.  I find that when his news feed pops up, and I see he is having a fine time and not thinking about me or the things he told me at all, well, it makes me sad.
I dont want to be sad anymore.
But as my hand quivers above the 'unfriend' button, I keep reminding myself that once I press it, there is no going back.  He probably wouldnt even notice that I did it...but my stalking days would officially be over.  Am I ready for that?  I'm not sure, but all of your posts above are giving me a little bit of strength! 

[JustForToday]

yeahhhhhhhhhhhh------ this is the best thread today!!!!!!

I AM IN 

i too cut my ties from someone who was just mistreating me!! and the first time i could really see that was when i started to love myself!!!

LOVE THIS ONE:

"Asking a guy who treats you less than you deserve or cannot appreciate you, to see your value, is like asking a person on the street who knows nothing about land valuation to put a price on it."



i am proud of you too and all who took the other way, we deserve soooo much better.
in germany we say

DONT THROW PEARLS TO THE PIGS    

i will never, ever do this again!!

thanks for starting this beautifuldreamer and all who posted here

eightieschick

I think i have become obsessed.
I take your comment as something my guidance wants me to know.
Maybe I should just focus on myself for a while

i am happy for you, i have just read your post and i am so glad to read this now!!!!!

[Free bird]

Great going beautifuldreamer................and u seriously deserve a lot better than that

[57angel]

Wow, Beautifuldreamer! I am so very proud and so happy for you! I can see myself in you more than a year ago, how liberating it is to realize what we deserve - that we deserve only the best! Now that you love yourself more, you know well what is best for you, and what is not I am indeed so excited for you just as I am excited for myself that someone we both deserve are on their way All the best

[Sneha]

Kudos to our spirit! I am so happy for myself and everybody here .keep up this thinking

[beautifuldreamer]

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. My biggest question now is if I should go NC without telling him and just block him off FB and if he asks about it, I will inform him orrrrrrrrrrr if I should let him know.

[Love is here]

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. My biggest question now is if I should go NC without telling him and just block him off FB and if he asks about it, I will inform him orrrrrrrrrrr if I should let him know.

I wouldnt bother telling him a least thats my two cents. It ends up way more dramatic than it has to be when you inform him of nc especially since your not in a relationship with him so you dont have to inform him of anything. I know when people have called me just to tell me they arent talking to me anymore, it makes me think they are just wanting to see my reaction to what they have to say and really do not want to end contact.

[beautifuldreamer]

Thanks eightieschick! That's what I decided to do, I followed my gut and I was a little nervous because I always try to be the good guy, but last time I informed him I was going through with NC he treated me badly and blocked me to get back at me, so hey he can't blame me.