Author Topic: i've been cheated by my first love (Read 1068 times)

demonicz1991 · « **on:** March 21, 2012, 10:38:48 PM »

Hello to all,

I just wanted to express my feelings and hope to seek some advice on what is best in my present situation.

Me and my gf just broke up just two weeks ago. The reason was that she likes someone else. We were already more than 3 years and I was her 1st love and same goes with me. We were kinda immature on our 1st months but as time goes by, we matured and our love was getting more deeper. We had our ups and downs but we always make sure that we will still be together.

For the 1st year, we were always together because we were classmates. During our 2nd and 3rd year we were not classmates anymore but we were seeing each other at least 3-4 times a week. But in our 3rd year, we only see each other once or twice a week because we're busy in our school work. We had our arguements and sometimes last for a week without talking or texting but in the end we still love each other.

The problem that I'm facing right now is that she was cheating on me. We had an informal break-up last 2 weeks ago. She told me that "even though we are not together now, but i want you to be with me until the end". I did not react on what she said because i was still angry at her. She does not appreciate me that much in everything i do to her recently. After 2 days, she texted me that since we were officially broke up ( but i did not actually say that we had oficially broke up), she said that she likes someone else. I was furious adn never replied after a few hours. then I asked her who it was and she did not want to say it. So i was asking many questions until i knew who it was and it was her classmate who she hates before because he left our other friend before when they were already in love with each other. I was totally unexpected that she fell in love with the guy who I also knew as a friend. A day after I begged to her to give me one more chance to prove myself to be a better bf but she said no and she is already decided to go with the other guy.

I kept thinking how did they came close or fell in love each other for a short time. I checked my gf's fb and she already changed her password. I made a new account and waited until she accepted it. Then I saw her posts, it was mostly in february and didn't know about it, and realized that she had blocked me before we broke up. She was already cheating on me. Until now I feel so mad that I want to take revenge.

This is only part of my story. It will be very long if i typed in the full story ;p

I need advice on what to do. Will i take revenge? leave them alone?
pls. i need help because i always feel depressed since we broke up. I had still loved her but knowing she cheated on me, it was gone just an instant..

Hoping for your help guys and thank you!!!

MikeG · « **Reply #1 on:** March 22, 2012, 12:18:21 AM »

First of all, you should never consider revenge. You'll only be hurting her and what do you gain from that? A temporary pleasure that's going to be followed by waves and waves of guilt? No thanks.

From what I understood, you want her back, but you're too depressed and enraged, because of what she did to you. In my opinion the first thing ou should do is focus on yourself for a bit and ignore her and try to forgive her for what she did to you. Try to find the best in your life before thinking about her. Finding good things in your life is really easy. The computer you have to post here in these forums or the food you eat are pretty good examples of things you can be grateful for. To boost your happiness and mood list 20 things that you're grateful for and then see how that feels.

After focusing more on yourself and in your interests and not thinking about your current situation, you'll be able to understand the situation better, because you won't be blindsighted by rage and then you can really decide what you want to do. Get her back or leave the new couple at peace. It's important you are positive beforehand, because the depression you currently have, WILL affect your judgement.

If you really love her and want to get her back, then I would suggest using the LoA to get her back through the use of various techniques like visualization, scripting, etc... You'll find all the information you need in old posts and if not just make a new one or ask here.

Remember the most important thing in life is to be happy. You don't have know about the law of attraction to know that. Heck, even if you don't believe in the law of attraction, you know that feeling happy is good. And we all want to feel good right? Be happy and welcome to the forums!

I Love Rainbows · « **Reply #2 on:** March 22, 2012, 05:13:55 AM »

I disagree with Mike. Revenge is a very good option, if you are in depression and finding it hard to lift yourself into anger. There's an emotional spectrum see, and you have to climb up it. Where are you now?

There's a really good Abraham interview on revenge, which I can't find just now. I'll post it later if I find it.

I suggest you go on youtube and look up some of the stuff on anger by abraham hicks. And if you're angry, well then someone being all like 'hey! fairy dust and waffles and sunshine!!' is probably just gonna piss you off. If you're angry, then BE ANGRY for a while. Yeah. Better than falling down into depression. What that girl did to you just sucked; cheating is a class A BITCH thing to do.

Yeah, I'm not saying STAY in anger. But I've been there, I know how much cheating hurts. Use that anger to get your power back. When you've done that, then take the advice of the guy above (Mike). He's got good advice, I just feel you might not be 'there' yet.

Use your anger, get back in touch with your personal power. When someone cheats on us it's cause deep down we don't hold ourself with the value and love that we should. So that anger is yourself saying NO! FUCK THIS SHIT, I DESERVE BETTER!

Damn right you do. And you can have it, too. Just climb up that emotional scale.

HUGS. And I'm sorry for your situation. Remember, you can climb out of it xx

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #3 on:** March 22, 2012, 05:49:05 AM »

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG ILOVERAINBOWS!! Revenge is NEVER a good option, remember the energy you put out there is going to be the energy you get back. I have a very hard time believing that Abraham condoles revenge in any circumstance.

Mike.....you are on point here and very good advice.

Another point that needs to be made, people do not cheat on you because of you, they cheat because of themselves....it's their choice, their free will, their character. Now maybe there were issues and this other guy looked better for a minute but that doesn't make you any worse or better....it just is what it is and it is reflective on her, not you.

I am not saying that you aren't to blame for some of the problems in your relationship or the end of it, obviously it takes two people to make or break any relationship and you did play a roll in the demise of this particular relationship but only 50%. I advise you to do as Mike suggested and after some time take a step away and look at this from the outside in and try to figure out where and how this fell apart and what your part was in that and then focus on changing that.......work on becoming again the person she originally fell in love with.

Forgive her, and yourself and whatever you do don't hate on the other guy......it will get you no where fast and make them stronger together.

Completely ignore the advice of Iloverainbows, sorry but it's just way off the mark and it will just make things much worse for you and her.

Good luck, not that you need it. This is new (the breakup) if you handle yourself with dignity and respect and be kind (not a doormat, just not mean) and give her forgiveness and space......I bet it will turn around before you know it. Just stay positive.

demonicz1991 · « **Reply #4 on:** March 22, 2012, 08:56:38 AM »

Thank you guys for the advices. I will try to become a better person and move on.

Here are some additional details to my story:

The guy who my gf likes is kinda "chickboy" some say he had flirted with other girls before but never really ended to be his gf. He had one gf before for only 1 year. Then there was a time that he tried to court my gf's friend but did not last long because he has no patience to wait for her. We knew each other but we were really not that close.

My gf is very possessive. She would get mad at me if she sees me talk to other girls even it is my classmate. There is also a time that she got jealous with her friend because we were classmates and my gf is in the other class. She always said to me that she was afraid that i may fall inlove with one of my classmates. I always said that she does not need to worry and she can trust me i promise.

But in the end, everything she said to me, i never broke our promise. She was the who fell in love with her classmate. Sad thing is that we almost had the same friends and no one said anything about this to me. I really would not be angry if they were together after a few months we broke up. but for only 2DAYS they were together already.

It is our graduation next week and i do not really feel the joy being a graduate because of what happened. I saw them everday during our practice and 2 days ago i was sitting with my classmates near the park and my gf and the guy suddenly sat behind me because their friends are there. They were staying their for a long time not thinking that i was there and hurt. I do not know if there playing with my feelings or not. I was just plain, i did not show any emotions that i was affected even until now.

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #5 on:** March 22, 2012, 09:18:46 AM »

Dude, don't lose any sleep over this. And try not to be hurt, I know its hard but just try not to take it personally. This will run it's course and be short lived and she will be knocking on your door before you know it if you play it cool. Just know that!

truelove · « **Reply #6 on:** March 22, 2012, 02:18:38 PM »

On the Abraham Hick Emotional Scale issue.. They don't advocate taking revenge they recognise that revenge is on the emotional scale.. once you are in revenge you need to find your way to the better feeling emotion.

The Emotional Guidance Scale

1.   Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love
2.   Passion
3.   Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4.   Positive Expectation/Belief
5.   Optimism
6.   Hopefulness
7.   Contentment
8.   Boredom
9.   Pessimism
10.   Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11.   Overwhelment
12.   Disappointment
13.   Doubt
14.   Worry
15.   Blame
16.   Discouragement
17.   Anger
18.   Revenge
19.   Hatred/Rage
20.   Jealousy
21.   Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22.   Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

First make your way to anger, then you may find yourself discouraged with is good, because it is better than anger.. you go through the steps until you find yourself at somewhere around hope and then things will start feeling better..

Never at any stage should you act out on other people with these emotions, you just recognise them and pass through them. Your goal is to feel better.

arminhul · « **Reply #7 on:** March 22, 2012, 03:05:40 PM »

Demonicz1991

Revenge will not bring you peace my friend. What you actually want is freedom from that heavy feeling in your chest, revenge wont make that go away. I know it is very hard. I am in the exact same place as you. First love, 3.5 years and then she leaves in the blink of an eye and is rude to me all the time.

I also feel like wanting revenge. I want to beat the other guy to death at times. Ruin his life, destroy his entire family. But I am not the villian here. I am a good person. I actually care for people. You seek revenge it will just give one more excuse to her to say she was right in leaving you.

Never do a thing which will ever give her a chance to say this. You loved her and love might seem very hard now when you spend your day in misery but take it from me love is the only way out. I have had 10 months of this. And I can tell from hellish experience that only when I think and do stuff out of love that I feel better. Alternative is not to think of her at all, keep your busy. You will be able to do it is some time.

Be the better person, and have some faith that the 3 years you spent will have left its indelible mark. I understand you pain bro, I was also feeling vengeful a just 2 days back. But it is not the right way.

It is hard but swallow it. This experience will make a man of you. Never show anger, keep cool. And many guys and girls go through this same shit, so you are not alone. They survive, you will too.

arminhul · « **Reply #8 on:** March 22, 2012, 03:16:42 PM »

Truelove thanks for the scale.

I just realised I am at number 3 most of the time.

truelove · « **Reply #9 on:** March 22, 2012, 03:37:24 PM »

You're welcome Arminhul, and that is awesome!!!

chrissy8907 · « **Reply #10 on:** March 22, 2012, 09:25:08 PM »

I understand where you are coming from but now nothing matters but you! You have to remember what you deserve! My boyfriend hurt me very much and I became so bitter it was horrible I recieved nothing but bad energy when that's what I gave out. When I decided it was too exhausting I sent him love I went to bed and told myself he made his own choices he has to live with and I hope he happy! After that things just became better when I truly let go when I asked myself I wonder what he's doing now and remember it's not my life. Improve yourself focus on what makes you happy what you enjoy not her!! I know it's hard I know your hurting but I promise when you send out positive it's all you get back:)

I Love Rainbows · « **Reply #11 on:** March 23, 2012, 08:31:13 AM »

Nrrrg, growl, OK small issue but Mariposa I'm a bit annoyed that I'm hearing you don't believe that Abraham liked that this lady took revenge.

It was an Abraham Hicks video which I can't find at the moment, but it does exist and I saw it about three months ago. A lady was in dispair and the only way she could get out was to act in revenge. Because she was SO in dispair that just lifting herself mentally to that vibration wasn't enough for her. Abraham said 'we are so please that you found the sweet relief of revenge'.

Revenge isn't bad in and of itself. There is no 'bad', there's just higher and lower on the emotional scale. And revenge is higher up than depression. If you are really, really in depression, acting on revenge may be your only way out - you may not be equipped, at that low level, to FEEL your way out. Only the person doing the action would know what is needed to bring them into a higher vibration.

Now, I'm not saying 'revenge is great' or 'when someone is mean to you, get them back'. I was making the point that, depending on where you are emotionally, revenge may be beneficial to you. Most of us here probably aren't in that low low low space very often because we've learned to lift our emotional set point up past revenge, so even when we drop down, we dont go that low. But there is nothing bad about revenge, if it lifts you to a higher place then that's a good thing. And then as you lift your vibration higher and higher the consequences will get better and better for you.

Mariposa, (KnJ) · « **Reply #12 on:** March 23, 2012, 10:19:32 AM »

I understand where you are coming from and what you are trying to say but I still don't agree. And as someone who has suffered from depression and in the past been so low that I have considered suicide (which I thought I of all people would NEVER do) I never considered revenge! It's just so pointless and ineffective. It serves no useful purpose whatsoever in my opinion. You may disagree which is fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I just think revenge is pointless and a waste of time and energy.

Revenge is a reflective act and it will be hard to live down behaving on that act and carrying it out.

I Love Rainbows · « **Reply #13 on:** March 23, 2012, 10:29:29 AM »

Thanks for being cool and not flaring up with the disagreement Mariposa...HUGS

You make a really good point, revenge sucks. I've been really low before and that was the only feeling of slightly more empowerment I could reach for, and boy did it make me feel better. But I'm cool with agreeing to disagree

We should get back on topic, I feel I've hijacked this thread enough...maybe another thread to discuss climbing out of the super low low low vibrational frequencies would be good?

Anyway, our original poster said he feels ANGRY. So I'd advise him to reach for frustration and hope. And maybe distance himself from the situation. And find support, because being cheated on is very painful and it helps to have supportive, loving friends around you. Being supported and love is a good feeling place

demonicz1991 · « **Reply #14 on:** March 23, 2012, 09:25:26 PM »

I very much appreciate all your support and advices. Thank you all!!!

Everyday I feel less anger right now. I realized that many of us had experienced this hellish feeling but never gave up to become better. I hope that I will become better and continue what I want to do and it is to pass the board exam, find a job and become successful in life. I don't know when my true love will come but I know she is there.

I've been very emotional these past days but now I feel a lot better. I should stop being so mellow dramatic and go on with my life.

Thank you to all of you guys and God Bless!!!