Author Topic: how do i get rid of desperation? (Read 1187 times)

emmane · « **on:** February 28, 2011, 04:14:03 PM »

Hi,
I have a problem that i wish some of you could help me with. My english skills isn't very good, but ill try to explain anyway..

The thing is that i have got feelings for a guy i really should not have feelings for. He is a friend of my big brother, and i have known him since i was a kid. Im 18 right now, he is 20, but ever since i was about 16 i have had like a small crush on him. Many things have happend in those two (almost three) years. He had a girlfriend. They had a really complicated relationship, she was very depressed and last summer she actually decided to take her own life.. (i did not have anything to do with this)

I believe this has made him depressed as well, he drinks a lot and take too much of some pills he got from the doctor. However, he started contacting me, telling me he wanted a girlfriend and asking me out and stuff. I falled for this, and we started seeing each other. But i just feel that i cant take his old girlfriends place, and i feel like he is missing her all the time. Maybe he wanted me to take her place, but now that he tried he understands that iam not good enough to fill her space. This makes me feel so desperate, i really want him to be my boyfriend. I know i have to stop needing and don't feel all this negative feelings, but HOW?? I am desperate to be loved by him, and i feel that i push him further and further away every second.

I started seeing him about 3 weeks ago, and i've been seeing him almost everyday the last week. It all started really good, in the beginning he was talking about how he wanted us to be a couple and stuff like that, but its complicated because my family does not want him to be my boyfriend. However, last night i told him that i was willing to be his girlfriend despite my family's opinions, but then he didn't seem interested at all! I told him i cared about him, like he has told me before, but this time I believe he think i was just being fussy

I need this boy to love me, how do i stop the freaking needing thing?? I feel desperate all the time. Pleease help me. This started so good, and i messed it up with all my thinking....

Ginny · « **Reply #1 on:** February 28, 2011, 05:38:26 PM »

The first step to relieving desperation is to realise that you do NOT need to be loved by this boy. You may WANT it, but you do not need it. It is okay to want things, but once you start believing that you NEED them, you are paving the way for desperation to set in.

This is probably very un-LOA, but I suggest it only to demonstrate to you that you do not need him to love you. Imagine a world where you had never met him - you would still have family and friends to love, you would still have your health (assuming you do), you would still have all the things your currently have and cherish. And you would never know that this boy existed. You would be fine, in short.

Now, wanting is different - it is fine to want. Just don't let the wanting interfere with your overall happiness. When you feel good, good things come to you. If you feel anxious or upset when you think about this boy, try to figure out what is upsetting you, and what would make you feel better about it.

Don't worry that you have pushed him away - you can always get him back, it is never too late. And three weeks is not a long time at all. He has been through some hard times - continue to offer your support and understanding to him, but look after yourself as well. And above all, concentrate on your own happiness. Once you have happiness within yourself, that does not depend on another person, your chances of attracting that person (the one you want, not need) increase dramatically.

Hope that helps a bit.