Author Topic: Here I am (Read 727 times)

beautifuldreamer · « **on:** May 19, 2012, 05:41:43 AM »

I am still NC with my ex. He messaged me a week ago asking if I had blocked him. I didn't reply until just now, until now it just did not feel right. I kept my reply simple and just said yes I did. He replied saying he understood so he wouldn't ask why and that I should just call him when I need him and do what I need to do.

I guess I'm surprised he wasn't angry or asking why. I still know that NC is the best for me, I have gotten so much more done when it comes to my goals. I have also, been able to reduce the amount of time that I spend thinking about him and I have generally been feeling better.

I kinda feel bad for blocking him though even though I know it was the best thing for me. I still have feelings for him and he has new girlfriend. I always feel like he's sending me mixed signals, and he treats me better now than when we were together, which confuses me. He shares with me the things that aren't working in their relationship and even hints at it not being serious. A mutual friend shared with me that he is always excited to hear from me etc. It all just makes it difficult to be around him.

I know LOA is about doing what feels good. But what about something that feels both bad and good? Maybe I secretly hoped that he'd get angry and not want to talk to me. But man he just got so understanding all of a sudden. :/

Mr Brightside · « **Reply #1 on:** May 19, 2012, 08:15:06 AM »

At the end of the day you have to worry about you. Its hard to get there, and im still working on that after all these months.

love.producer · « **Reply #2 on:** May 19, 2012, 09:27:39 PM »

Beautiful dreamer. Its so easy for me to see other peoples situation and know exactly whats going on.
and when it comes to yourself youre helpless all alone in the sea

haha!

To me it seems you are doing good with the letting go part, taking back the power, not putting him on the pedestal, feeling good, loving yourself.
as a result you begin to see his changes.
You withdrew your energi and maybe hes starting to miss it.

Maybe you're asking yourself what should I do?
the answer is quite simple

keep doing what you do, be happy, You are moving in the right direction, either to get someone new or making him totally in to you. ( he has begun to show small signs, you're noway there yet but you're on your way ).

Don't be so confused, don't over think this,

love yourself because you are magnificent

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #3 on:** May 20, 2012, 01:31:44 AM »

Quote from: Stefzilla on May 19, 2012, 08:15:06 AM

At the end of the day you have to worry about you. Its hard to get there, and im still working on that after all these months.

Thanks Stef, that's why I went NC because I'm a straight forward kinda girl and I like it when people are upfront with their feelings and not wishy washy with their signals. He's the kind of guy who will keep things to himself and not say how he feels unless you ask a direct question. I don't think he realized I'm going NC since he said I should call him when I need him. I think he just thinks I blocked him, but at the same time he said he understood the reason, and I'm not sure what reason he came up with and I wasn't in the mood to clarify my reasons behind it. In any case, I find it so difficult to be around him, it's like his presence drains my energy and I don't feel like I'm myself.

Should I just outright set the record straight that I no longer want any kind of contact from him?

Quote from: love.producer on May 19, 2012, 09:27:39 PM

Don't be so confused, don't over think this, love yourself because you are magnificent

I wish I wasn't so confused and I wish going NC was easier and more to the point. I also, wish I didn't have feelings for him and that I didn't have to see him with someone else. One step at a time.

Mr Brightside · « **Reply #4 on:** May 20, 2012, 02:12:11 AM »

I think you are doing the right thing here. Maybe that will give him a kick in the ass and a wake up call that you are actually leaving. Not going to be someone who sticks around while he has another woman , and jump at every opportunity to stroke his ego.

He left, his choice. Hes with someone else, his choice. You being happy and bettering yourself as a person, is yours.

beautifulmesss12sc · « **Reply #5 on:** May 20, 2012, 03:00:12 AM »

I totally can relate with you beautifuldreamer... my guy gives mixed signals too .. i saw him last weekend ... he initiated it it ,,, then after 8 months ...(although we have had some contact) he questions me abt being with other guys!!!! it is confusing cuz if he wanted me hed do something about it .. why does it bother him tht i may be with someone else .. makes me wanna smack him sometimes... and thing is he made up the whole story he told me his friend told him i went home with him... i asked his friend last night6 if he told him that he said no he did not .. what was that all about??? it like he wants me to wait til hes ready .. but this is getting too long and drawn out .. and why knwing that i am in love with him .. does he do this .. if he wanted nothing to do with me seems like hed make it clear and certainly not want to give me any hope ...i just want normal ... to find some peace with all this .. and in alot of ways i have .. but i still want him ... but men are showing me attention and im kinda liking it .. so ya snooze ... ya loose ... and with your guy ... saying if u need me ? i wonder if his new girl wld like knowing that he tells you that ?

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #6 on:** May 20, 2012, 03:44:03 AM »

Quote from: beautifulmesss12sc on May 20, 2012, 03:00:12 AM

and with your guy ... saying if u need me ? i wonder if his new girl wld like knowing that he tells you that ?

Well we have a working arrangement where he volunteered to help me with a project I'm working on, which is what I think he meant by that. Even him volunteering to help me in the first place is something that I'm unsure why he's doing. Should I let him know I am doing NC? We have a contract that doesn't end until July.

beautifulmesss12sc · « **Reply #7 on:** May 20, 2012, 06:48:18 AM »

well you know your guy better than anyone ... i personally dont think its necessary to tell him ... i have told mine not to contact me b4 .. but he does anyway if he wants to .. so i guess thats really up to the individual .. if it henders you .. and stops progress for you ... so like i said its really up to you ... BUT if u r trying to attract him back i dont know that i would i think NC can work for some ppl but as long as you arent contacting him .. letting him do the contacting i wldnt worry abt it too much again jst my opinion ..

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #8 on:** May 20, 2012, 07:26:56 AM »

I am not trying to attract him back. I want to get over him so, I can attract my soulmate.

Dr Scully · « **Reply #9 on:** May 21, 2012, 03:25:08 AM »

If you want him to help with the project, then only talk to him concerning that. Otherwise don't contact him. You don't need to give him an explanation/tell him you're doing NC. What's the point? Are you just trying to get a reaction out of him? Are you hoping he'll get angry and say "no, please talk to me?". You said in your first post he already asked you about blocking him, and he said "he understood". So why tell him you're doing NC then if he already understands that's what you're doing? Sounds like an ego thing to me.

Get his help with the project (if that's what you want). Otherwise just do NC and move on if that's what is helping you. Some people can do NC and other stay friends. Gotta do whatever works for you. Don't worry about what he thinks of it.

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #10 on:** May 21, 2012, 06:27:00 AM »

Quote from: Dr Scully on May 21, 2012, 03:25:08 AM

You don't need to give him an explanation/tell him you're doing NC. What's the point? Are you just trying to get a reaction out of him?

I've been NC for a month now, and I really had no intentions of telling him, unless he asked. The only reason I asked if I should make it clear is because he asked about me blocking him, but he doesn't think its an NC thing he just thinks I've blocked him, for whatever reason he came up with. If he knew I was going full on no contact, I doubt he'd tell me to call him when I need him. And the fact that we have been working together on the project as well, made me wonder if I should just make it clear, since I will have to replace his position. It is a little bit more complicated than wanting to announce it for announcing it sake. We have a contract that doesn't end until July, up until I decided to distance myself we were working closely together and had many tentative engagements and meetings coming up. And me going NC, leaves that all in the air.

With all that said. I made my choice to stick to NC. And since he didn't ask why and assumed he understands, I'll just go along with that and figure it out along the way.

Dr Scully · « **Reply #11 on:** May 21, 2012, 07:15:06 AM »

You could just tell him you need some space, and are willing to work on the project together, but otherwise can't talk to him since you have to deal with your feelings in the way that's best for you. Personally I wouldn't totally burn down the bridge by saying "I want no contact with you at all ever again". I think the best way is just to tell him you need some time to yourself.

beautifuldreamer · « **Reply #12 on:** May 23, 2012, 01:06:20 AM »

I have decided to finish out the two months left in the contract and only contact him regards to the project. Once the two months are done, go back to NC.