He says he doesn't love me anymore

[Katie]

I mean, how can I concentrate on ME, when the future without him means misery ??

[Ginny]

You can use LOA to improve all areas of your life, including having the means so that you will not be financially dependent on him.


You say you are living in France. France generally has excellent social care, from my experience. Can you not apply to government agencies to see what support is available, as a step towards becoming self-sufficient?

[Katie]

Yes, France has excellent social care, but in my case, I am disabled, and will have to survive on 500 US dollars a month, if he persists on wanting to end our relationship, and the average rent here is about 700 US dollars for a single room apartment

[Ginny]

But that doesn't make sense. I'd always heard that the French system was much more generous than the British system, and in the UK your rent would be paid and you'd have living expenses paid on top of that.

No matter - you can start visualising an independent future. Lots of people with disabilities manage to live independently; if your is so severe that you cannot, then there must be better aid available.

Start visualising the things you would like to do. Don't focus on your limitations, just imagine yourself doing what you love, while generating a income that allows you to live as you would like. It works, give it a go.

[Katie]

Yes France has a generous system, but not in all cases.

I try to feel happy, hopeful, and eagerness, then all the negativity of my situation overwhelms me, and  I feel like I'm in a dark place, with no means of getting out, because he doesn't love me anymore

[tereza]

Does he say this to you every day without any prompting from you? Because that seems random and unkind. If it were me, I'd get kind of pissed off about this. I mean, who the heck is he? I'm sure he has flaws of his own that you don't rub in his face constantly.

A message that I've been noticing a lot lately on this forum and outside in my life, is that we need to put ourselves on a pedestal. Take that guy down from it, cause he doesn't belong there. Remind yourself why you're awesome and why he's lucky to be with you.

[Katie]

He says this whenever I try to get close, whenever I try to understand how he feels about our relationship, because he spends no time with me. When he comes home from work he goes straight to the computer and I am all alone. It like living with a room mate or something.  I don't know if there is another woman in his life ; he says no, but is it true ?

Any "intimate contact" is always prompted by me...otherwise he never touches me.

Oh yes, he has flaws....flaws that I overlook..but I love him so, and that's how I am, I am caring, thoughtful, and loving, and I so want him to be the man I fell in love with and who loved me dearly. I feel like I've ruined everything, even though I do believe that what happened in December (being on strong psychiatric medication that was not good for me) wasn't entirely my fault, because I wasn't myself at all.

When I ask him why he refuses to forgive what happened in December, and he says he just can't, I feel like a criminal, like if I murdered someone. I carry tremendous guilt, I feel like I've dug my own grave, and he gives me no hope of forgiveness, of cleaning the slate and starting off again on an enhanced relationship.  I was highly medicated, and we had arguments that he just "cannot forgive nor forget" As soon as I stopped taking that medication, I was  back to my normal self : I'm a very calm, sweet person. Why can't he see me as I really am, and not stay stucked on what went on last December ?

I visualize him coming up to me and saying : let's give our couple another go... but he is so negative, he says he doesn't love me, has no feelings for me except pity,  :'(because I'm in very bad health, with very little personal income, that the visualization ends up in anxiety and feeling powerless and feeling like taking my life

Please forgive me for expressing such negative feelings, but I'm in a black hole, I'm in quicksand, and there seems to be no way out

[tereza]

Don't apologize for your feelings. Everyone has experienced a time when they were less than positive. Sometimes you've got to go with it for a little bit, till you're ready to move on to a feeling that feels better (even if the next best feeling is anger). Sometimes, you can just jump to a happier feeling immediately. 

He says this whenever I try to get close, whenever I try to understand how he feels about our relationship, because he spends no time with me. When he comes home from work he goes straight to the computer and I am all alone. It like living with a room mate or something.  I don't know if there is another woman in his life ; he says no, but is it true ?

Couple of thoughts about this paragraph...

First, you mention that you're all alone. Is that really the case? If so, something that will help you immensely is creating new friends to spend time with. If not, you should get in touch with those friends and spend time with them.  Fill up that loneliness with other people or even new hobbies or interests. Do things that will make you feel happy, like you did before you met him.

Second, stop trying to get close to him.  Right now he's trying to create space from you and when you keep reaching out to him, it's like you're saying...your wants aren't as important as mine!  Your wants are important, but he's not responsible for your happiness, you are. It's the same for him, you're not responsible for his happiness, he is. He's still hurt by the things that happened and he needs some time to heal from it on his own.  He'll come to you and share when he realizes that you'll be happy regardless of him. When it comes to the law of attraction you don't have to worry about how to make that happen.

Also, remember he was with you for 5 years. That's a long time! Clearly you're a desirable person because you've held his attraction for so long. Some people can't even keep a relationship for more than a month!  You've got staying power. 

So remind yourself of all the things that make you such a great catch.  Write a list of all the reasons why you think you're awesome. Spend time with people who make you feel awesome, forget him for awhile and focus on yourself.

[lise]

Hi Odessa

I feel for you when you're feeling so down and I know it can seem an impossible mountain to climb to get where you want to be but it's not impossible. I think one thing that can be difficult is being told to be positive / think positive when everything seems so utterley crap. Have a look at the Hicks videos on you tube - in particular the ones that say about reaching for the best possible feeling available right now. By that instead of thinking - everything is marvellous and saying affirmations that feel inaccurate and false - reach for the best possible feeling that is true and take that a step at a time - day by day until the bigger things start to feel more believable.

Also much of what you have said is based on perspective and fear - understandbly but as you know your feelings and emotions feed themselves and fan the flames of what is there - so anxiety and fear is feeding itself.

Think about the things you have to be currently grateful - this is what I mean about perspective. There are many people on this forum who have been apart from the person they want to be with for a long time. There are others who have attracted back exes who have said they would never be with them again. You live with the person you love - ok - it's not as you want it to be right now - but you're still together - you're in a good position to turn things around - if you reach for the best feeling available right now.

Also - instead of fearing what might happen re living conditions and finances - be grateful for what you do have - and mean it. I used to mentally run through the things I was grateful for - anyway one day - it snowed - the pipes froze - the washing machine wouldn't work. It lasted a few days and I was reliant on friends and washing by hand. I can tell you I genuinely was grateful when the weather changed and the washer started working again. So genuinely be grateful for the home you have now and appreciate it - without the fear.

I don't think you can detach from him - why would you want to? It's about detaching from making him responsible for everything that happens to you. You need to focus on you and what you want for you. You can send him lovong thoughts - without detaching from him.

Re the whole thing with his kids. I strongly feel you need to forgive yourself for what happens - regardless of what he says or does. It happened - whatever the reasons - you didn't kill anyone and you need to forgive you. If you might think it would help - try writing him a letter of apology - not excuses - just an apology for upsetting him or his kids - you don't need to send it - then try to let it go. It's one thing in your life - it's not you - it doesn't define you - if you are sorry for it that's all you can be - don't be so hard on yourself.

I would also start small in trying to nurture yourself - a relaxing bath - making an effort with clothes - hair - etc. I'm not saying you're not - I have found when I have felt down it's easy to grunge around the house feeding my unhappiness but making an effort even when you don't want to can make you feel a little bit better and you're looking at baby steps building to strides.

There will be loads of people on here to give support / advice / help or just listen and many who have felt how you do right now and got through it better and stronger and created far reaching success for themselves and so will you. It will get easier and better for you.

[Katie]

Thanks you so much for your support

Tereza, you say I should stop trying to get close to him. If I do stop that, the little intimacy that we have (very little, ne never touches me anymore, I have to literally seduce him to have sex with me, by looking my best and wearing sexy clothes, and even with that it is very difficult, and he has this look on his face that shows that he is reluctant and that the whole thing is really an ordeal, not pleasure) will completely disappear. That's why I'm wondering if there's not another woman in his life. It's so humiliating to feel undesired and unwanted and to do this big seduction thing, with little or no results, because often he says, I don't want to make love to you

Lise, I try and try again, but I cannot find good feeling thoughts, even the slightest. I try to feel grateful for still having "a roof over my head and food on the table" but that's about it. I feel only great stress and anxiety, I wake up in the morning and when the reality of my situation hits me, I start shaking. I am a nervous wreck, I try to feel good in any possible way, and then I get so overwhelmed, and I stay that way all day long, until he comes home, and he ignores me, and on and on it goes in this spiral of anxiety


I do take good care of my physical appearance, I have lost alot of weight, I dress as best as I can, and when he comes home I'm always looking good, but he pays no attention to me, and he spents hours on the internet

Last week he told me he wants out of our relationship, and I started pleading (I know that's counter productive) I told him that he can't end our relationship without giving ourselves another chance, because I am the one who has done all the efforts to savage our relationship, he has done nothing. He said, but when love is gone, you cannot force yourself to try...Then he agreed to give me a few more days of reflexion, to "think about it" but I'm sure he said that to keep me from taking my life, just to calm me down

About what happened in December, he said I insulted his kids, but to make things perfectly clear, his children weren't there, whatever I said was addressed to him directly, not to his kids (and they are adults) I think I hurt his ego so much, that he refuses to forgive me and has created this wall  between us to not let me approach him or his heart in any possible way

What upsets me is that regardless of everything I've read, and continue to read, like the Secret and Abraham Hicks, nothing penetrates my soul anymore, it feels like it has become a stone. This morning all your replies did help me, and tonight I'm down again, I feel so low, and I feel bad about writing such terrible things when so many people here are so happy and feeling good, it makes me feel guilty

[Vicki Christina]

Please keep reading the messages from the wonderful forum members.  We have all gone through dark times and have helped pull one another out of our depression.   Some of us are just done writing our stories and working on getting out and about and finding things to make us feel better.  Contact with friends and new people is sometimes the best thing to do when life is bleak.   I have been to France quite a bit and people are often walking, gardening, having a coffee or wine on the streets.   Go out and find something to do and come home with a smile.  If you do that for a while eventually you will feel the smile.   Then he will wonder about your new attitude and often that will draw them closer again.   You may be the one who has to feel a better attitude in this situation before he feels the connection again.   Perhaps there is a small job you can do somewhere for a little income to help your attitude along.  Staying home most of the time may need to change before you can start feeling the shift.  The change of surroundings may alter circumstances for the positive.
Big Hug!   VC

[57angel]

Big hugs from all of us Odessa, I can understand how is it to feel this way. Like VC had said, we all came from the dark times but we chose and commit to ourselves to love ourselves more and more, that we will make ourselves happier. Odessa, I think that your man also has some issues from his past experiences that turned his heart into stone (your story reminded me of my ex lol) that also met your negative beliefs in your relationship, and all of those then ended up making you more and more miserable these days. Fight back - fight back by making yourself a happier and better you! It is your gift to yourself! Forgive yourself, forgive him for all the things that he has done to your life. As a start up, I told myself these statement for almost a hundred times on the very first week knowing about LOA "I completely, profoundly, deeply forgive, accept, respect and love myself". Tell that to yourself whenever you feel bad, do that as many times as you can. Life is so amazing and so wonderful Odessa, choose and commit now to do that something big for yourself - loving yourself!

[Katie]

I will try, with all my will power, to be a happier person...it's so difficult because I feel so lost, and that the connection with him has little chances of being re-established. Trying to reach for good feelings seems impossible in my present frame of mind. I h ave nightmares, I dream he is with another woman, and I wake up feeling totally panicked. Please help me 

[Katie]

Hello everybody

I've spent the past couple of days reaching for good feeling thoughts and I have felt some relief.


But.... this morning, my man told me : there is only 1 % chance of the two of us staying together. He wants out at 99 %

Should I continue to visualize ? Should I continue my efforts in attracting him back ? Is it worth it at such low odds ? But I do believe the Universe can do miracles, even though the situation seems hopeless. I'm torn between utter devastation and continuing on trying to attract him back.

What do you think ??

[Vicki Christina]

Odessa, Learning to feel better thoughts will improve your entire life.  So by working to find the next best thought, what do you have to loose?   Right now in his mind it is 99% over.   Will finding a better way to feel make the odds go down?  I think not.   Can it improve the odds. Yes.  Can it improve your life no matter what you are doing next week, next month, or next year???   Positively.   Now when I am in a bleak time, reading some of the classic LOA books picks me up.   It means I am learning a new tool to help my vibration.