He is looking for closure...I've already reached it

[beautifuldreamer]

This week I stumbled across a blog about being strong and feminine and embracing being a woman. I felt so empowered reading the articles. It affirmed everything I thought all along about being a powerful yet gentle woman. It also speaks about how to approach relationships and men.

As I read along, it hit me "why am I holding on to hope of someone who left me?" Why am I sticking around for his girlfriend to accuse me of being a man thief and put me through further embarrassment by demanding I seek her permission before saying hello to her boyfriend? Surely, a great girl like me can get many wonderful men who are not in relationships and appreciate what I have to offer. I dedicated these past six months to working on myself and that in itself makes me a pretty great person. "So what, if ONE person doesn't want me?" he's just one person and before he came along I thought I was pretty great. He is a wonderful guy and everything but now I feel like, I deserve better than putting so much energy on someone who may or may not still love me. Sure we may end up together, but I'm not psychic. Maybe in the future he'll be my ideal guy, but right now the fact that he is with someone makes him less than ideal for me now, and that's ok.

He told me that he was seeking closure from our relationship, I wasn't even aware it was something he was still battling with. It seemed to me that he just hopped into the next relationship like it was there waiting for him. I used to envy him so much, I thought how great he had it. He found someone 3 weeks after we broke up and they moved in together shortly after. She never left his side. I was alone, crying trying to put my life back together. But slowly the facade started to fade away when he shared how frustrating she was, how she compared herself to me. How even though she was living with him, cooking his meals, and seeing him all the time. I was still a threat by just running into him.


They had it made but he was still seeking closure for our relationship. I started to count my lucky stars because I found my own closure when he told me he saw no point of us meeting to talk after the break-up, so I could get closure. Now he says he regrets not meeting with me. I'm glad he didn't meet with me though, because I now know I am strong enough to move on by myself. Right now I see how being patient with myself and not rushing put me in a better situation than he is right now. It is interesting how the tables have turned and he is now the one who needs closure, he said he understood that I found mine so he doesn't want to re-open old wounds.

I still care for him, but I believe I am going to forget him because you know what, I am more important to me than he is. I want someone who chases me, someone who sees my worth without having to leave and find someone else.

[Tulip]

I felt like I've written that post- your now feeling EXACTLY what I've recently felt. I am no longer chasing him- after 9 long months- he too has a new girlfriend but still has STRONG feelings for me. I broke all ties with him and realized that I deserve better.

I want a man who would move mountains just to get me. I feel so happy for you- I wish everyone could get to this self-love self-acceptance stage because it feels amazing when you finally stop and instead- go after the happiness you deserve!! I was so happy reading your post!!!!!!

[onlyhappiness]

That could be me as well writing your post , and you guys are absolutely correct after 5 years together i got a phone call telling me "it's not going anywhere" and then won't even answer any calls from me. Like i did something wrong! I as well thought i needed closure but you know what , that someone whom i loved and i thought loved me could treat me that way! I think i have all the closure i need!! Good for you guys ( and me!! ) We deserve to be treated better than this!
So Thank you for starting this thread , it is time to let go and move on to the future

[truelove]

Whooo hoooo!! This is excellent beautifuldreamer, Tulip and onlyhappiness!!

I am so happy for you.

I kind of have a little theory of my own, when we have a  break up and we are hurt and not loving ourselves, we feel incomplete and we search for the last time we felt complete and that happens to be with the person who just broke up with us... when we work on ourselves get back to loving ourselves and find our power again we feel whole again.. and that's when we realise we don't really want that person, or more correctly put realise we deserve better treatment than what has been happening, then we truly are ready for love..
If, after working on yourself, getting whole and loving yourself ,your ex comes back well that's just hunky dory, if not it doesn't matter... this is a Universe full of love and like attracts like the more you love yourself the more love that will be drawn to you.

Keep up the good work. xxx

[beautifuldreamer]

  It just dawned on me that if I want to hold myself to the highest esteem, its time I focus on the people who have always been there for me and myself. I want a great romance with a guy who adores me and right now I feel like I am happy but still sort of waiting around for his relationship to end. It has made it so hard for me to focus on anything else. For instance I want to get my career on the ground and make more money so I can go back to school and take part in more hobbies. I also want to re-decorate my bedroom and make it into a nice sanctuary to get away in.

This blog I found speaks so much to what I have been looking for and I think it's the next step to self-growth journey. I feel stronger and more fabulous already.

I must admit though it was an ego boost knowing his gf considers me a threat.

[truelove]

I want to get my career on the ground and make more money so I can go back to school and take part in more hobbies. I also want to re-decorate my bedroom and make it into a nice sanctuary to get away in.

This blog I found speaks so much to what I have been looking for and I think it's the next step to self-growth journey. I feel stronger and more fabulous already.

And now you are in the flow!

[57angel]

Beautifuldreamer, thank you for sharing this here in the forum It is like my head is shaken and my head immediately says, "I will go back in the right track" to keeping myself happier and more positive - more than yesterday

[beautifuldreamer]

We deserve the best!  and that means people who know how awesome we are and wouldn't dare let us go!

[truelove]

...and we attract people who know how awesome we are, when WE know how awesome we are!!! 

[JustForToday]

thank you beautifuldreamer, i just needed that.

time to move on to someone who really has a place in his/her heart for us

[over it]

I always find the best threads for me when I need them. I love this forum! I feel this thread was about me as well, if my ex has found happiness as he has told me, then why is he still trying to contact me. I have my closure. I moving on from a man who doesn't see my worth and who feels that love doesn't get you through everything. I want TRUE love with a true soul mate. I thought that was him. But like everyone else on here, I'm gonna forget him he's not deserving of my thoughts and vibrations. I'm keeping them for myself! To everyone wishing for a soul mate, manifest on!

[Kas]

Fantastic thread!  I agree with you guys.  If he's not willing to put in the same effort as I am, then he is not the guy for me (or at least not right now).  It's better to focus my energy and thoughts on the right person - "the soulmate" instead on this one guy.  Who knows in the future if he comes back, that's awesome, if not, then it's his loss not mine!

I believe all of us who agree with this have reached a state of detachment.  Yes, I fall back sometimes when I miss him but I try my best to change my thoughts so I don't waste too much time/energy on him. 

Thanks for starting this thread and sharing!!

[Mr Brightside]

Closure means , i still have feelings for you but i want to see if im making the right decision and going out with someone else instead. This is especially true if the person who left is looking for it. I can understand if you got dumped and want closure, you want to meet and talk about events and if things can be salvaged or should you move on.

If the other person initiates this i think it screams "i dont know if i made the right decision".  I think not going was the right move in this situation, since he is still talking about it. Now he can deal with this decision on his own, and have something to think about, which in this case sounds like regret.

Just my 2 cents