Author Topic: He's The One I Want (Read 1265 times)

Pretty_Smile · « **on:** January 30, 2012, 08:58:57 PM »

So I met this great guy a couple of months ago and we hit it off right away, we talked on the phone and texted all time,hung out a lot, it was pretty sweet

He met my mom and little sister so I considered that to be a pretty big step relationship-wise. Everything was cool, we talked all the time but slowly but surely I was making him my main priority, if I was talking on the phone to a relative or a best friend and his number popped up I would get off the phone with them just to talk to him, didn't matter if the conversation was important or not. At the time he worked at night and wouldn't get off until six in the morning and I would be so desperate to talk to him that I would stay up all night just to get his calls, knowing that I had to go to class the next morning and would end up exhausted and tired that I couldn't focus on my assignments but on the other hand it got to the point where I had to (or felt like I had to) beg him to text me or call and that didn't feel good at all. This is the second time he's broken up with me. The first time he was going through some things and out of frustration he ended it, I didn't beg him to come back or try to change his mind at all, I just said "Ok, have a nice life" he replied saying "You too !" and that was it. I was heartbroken and I allowed myself to cry in the moments where I felt like I needed to and I would get it out of my system. And two days later he texted me saying he was sorry and would I give him another chance, I did. But my insecure and jealous ways set back in and he broke up with me again like three or four weeks ago, I gave myself time to cry again and got it out of my system, I don't bother him or beg him to do anything and if we do talk he initiates it first. I even talked to a few guys during this time period, nothing serious, just being flirty but I gave them a fair chance and I don't want any of them, I want my ex. Even though he didn't treat me right in the ending of our relationship, I do take responsibility for that because I expected him to make me happy and to make me feel complete, not realizing that that was my job the whole time. Also he moved to another state ( he recently moved to Florida, I'm in Georgia ) soooo .... What should I do ? Thanks !!!!

schenderson22 · « **Reply #1 on:** January 31, 2012, 09:52:43 AM »

As you already know it was the energy you were giving off that lead him to leave. The good news is that you CAN change it.

First and foremost, forgive yourself to putting off that energy. Second, forgive him for his not so great behavior. Don't tell him you forgive him. Forgive him in your heart.

You may also want to consider listening to the following before bed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7dEkWvqrlA&list=FLnBDT1ODm-LCip0Iym6RogQ&index=9&feature=plpp_video

Remember "like" attracts "like". Therefore "desperation" causes more to be desperate about. Make sense? So love yourself and be grateful for all the good around you. Make sense?

MeowMix · « **Reply #2 on:** January 31, 2012, 09:58:38 AM »

Hi Pretty_Smile!!

Ok so I have been in your shoes. I fell in love with this guy and everything was perfect! We would talk all the time regardless of what I was doing, I would drop anything just to talk to him and please him. He broke up with me -_- I was soo heart broken and I couldn't understand why? So I cried and what not but then a month after we got back together again. The relationship was awful. Whenever he did something wrong, he would manipulate the situation to make it seem like I was in the wrong. It wasn't a healthy relationship. He moved to Hawaii and I stayed in California however, it still didn't work out. I don't think I "manifested" the horrible things in the relationship, but there was an energy imbalance. I focused on him too much rather than myself and I based my happiness on whatever happened with him. In the end, I decided it would be better if we parted ways. Soon after I met the boy of my dreams! <3 Don't blame yourself too much on what happened with your ex. After all it takes two to tango! My advice would be to find your center again. View yourself as the most important thing and then question if you really want this relationship with this guy. Or if you want something better! Hope I helped

P.S Trust me the Universe can give you so much better

just have faith

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #3 on:** January 31, 2012, 10:58:06 AM »

Thanks you guys !!!!!! Well, I made the conscious decision that he is the one I wanna be with ( hence the title of the post lol ) Not because I feel like can't have a successful relationship with another guy, I know it can be mine if I choose it but I want to be with this guy in particular because of the chemistry we have, the good times we shared and I'm sure that we're gonna have even better times in the future. I feel like the breakups happened because I relied on him to make me happy,put a smile on my face,etc and as a result I put a lot of pressure on him which I know now is wrong. There was a time period where I didn't talk to him at all so I could figure out whether I wanted him in my life or not, I went out and had fun, I shopped,traveled, bowled, ate great food, watched funny movies all day,etc. and just filled myself up with love, happiness and joy and my conclusion was that I know I can live without him, I don't need him for anything BUT I want him in my life. I put my desire out there that I want him back, gave ( and still giving ) myself love, backed away from him, what other things do I need to do ? I appreciate this so much !

MeowMix · « **Reply #4 on:** January 31, 2012, 12:44:38 PM »

Well that is awesome!!!!!

I think affirmations work great. Visualization is pretty powerful too. I usually visualize when I wake up and when I go to sleep. It gives the object of your desire positive energy. Keep us posted with your progress!

57angel · « **Reply #5 on:** January 31, 2012, 01:06:56 PM »

When my last relationship ended, it was the time that I hit the bottom part on my relationship! I realized that I giving the responsibility to my man to make me happy ended up of heartaches. We should love ourselves first, before anyone can truly love and accept for who we are

The men in our lives are just the icing in our cakes, we are the cakes - that even without the icing, we are still cakes, very delicious cakes! Pretty Smile, you are in the right path to getting him back! Continue loving yourself, keep that positive vibrations up as you also learn your lessons in relationships

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #6 on:** January 31, 2012, 08:52:39 PM »

I can't lie, I feel really anxious today. Last night I asked him does he miss at all and he said that he does and asked where did that question come from because it was so random and I said that it just popped into my head (which was a lie because I had been wondering about it for a while) later on texted me goodnight, I didn't reply back until earlier today, I said good morning and he didn't reply back yet. Yeah, he's more than like at work right now but I don't know, it kinda feels like this a cat and mouse game and I just wanna know if I'm on his mind,just like he's on mine (Lord, I sound like thirteen year old with her first crush,ugh ! LOL !) Hope you beautiful people are having a great day !!!!!

tereza · « **Reply #7 on:** January 31, 2012, 10:23:27 PM »

He's talking to you regularly and you two are having good conversations with each other...so YES he's thinking of you.

Also, I can totally relate to that anxious need for reassurance, it's kind of frustrating. But I think once you're able to turn the focus off of him and back onto you it makes it a lot easier to deal with. Plus it avoids a lot of problems.

Anyway, this little post sort of reminded me of your situation:

Quote

The problem with reassurance

The taxi's waiting, it's honking its horn, time to go to the airport.

Yes, the passport is in my pocket. I checked five minutes ago.

Of course, the cost of checking again, just one more time, is tiny. Hardly worth discussing with myself. And compared to the cost of being wrong, of missing the flight... go ahead, check again.

And like giving in to a toddler every time he whines for ice cream, this is the problem.

The lizard brain seeks constant reassurance. It will wheedle and argue and debate with the rest of your head, pushing for one tiny bit of evidence, some sort of proof that everything will be okay.

Don't do it.

When you indulge the lizard, it gains power. It doesn't walk away ashamed, humiliated at its anxiety. Instead, it merely sidesteps and looks for the next thing to worry about, because, ready for this? It's nice to be reassured.

Developing the reassurance habit is easy to do and hard to kick. The problem is this: there are some ventures where no reassurance is possible. There is important work for you to do where no proof is available.

If you've trained the lizard brain that reassurance is forthcoming, it will scream even louder when those projects that don't come with proof are at hand.
http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2012/01/the-problem-with-reassurance.html

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #8 on:** February 01, 2012, 05:46:42 AM »

Hey you guys, I'm feeling a little down. I want him to say the sweet things he used to say, like calling me baby,beautiful,etc. We would text throughout the day and I miss it a lot. I wanna drop a few tears or two but I'm looking after my sister and I don't want her to see me upset, I'm missing him like hell

yeah, we send a couple of texts back and forth most days but I want him to call me and say he misses me and that he wants us to be together again, I want him to dote on me like he used too, sorry for all the negativity you guys, today is just kind of a low day for me.

tereza · « **Reply #9 on:** February 05, 2012, 07:04:34 AM »

Quote from: Pretty_Smile on February 01, 2012, 05:46:42 AM

Hey you guys, I'm feeling a little down. I want him to say the sweet things he used to say, like calling me baby,beautiful,etc. We would text throughout the day and I miss it a lot. I wanna drop a few tears or two but I'm looking after my sister and I don't want her to see me upset, I'm missing him like hell yeah, we send a couple of texts back and forth most days but I want him to call me and say he misses me and that he wants us to be together again, I want him to dote on me like he used too, sorry for all the negativity you guys, today is just kind of a low day for me.

It's been a few days, so I hope that you're feeling better than you were when you posted this.

I have a question for you, do you want the same old flawed relationship with him or do you want a new and better relationship with him? As hard as this seems, you've got to move on from longing for the past (which will only attract more longing) and put your focus on what you do want. If I were you, I'd start by focusing on you and making yourself happy. I think that neglecting yourself may be what's causing you to feel anxious when he isn't giving you the reassurance when you want it. I know for me, when I get lazy and start relying on others to make me feel good, I turn into a cranky needy hot mess that repels people. So I really recommend trying to put the focus back on you.

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #10 on:** February 05, 2012, 07:39:56 AM »

Thanks,Tereza ! Well, I am feeling better for the most part but a couple of days ago we kinda bumped heads and he hasn't contacted me since which is ok because I've focused on me and things that make me happy. I've let myself be sad when I felt I needed it but when it passes, I'm all good. The funny thing about this is for about a week I've been seeing cars that look exactly like his or the its the same model and just a different color and it makes me smirk a little and I've also seen or heard his nickname (T-Rex) a couple of times but I don't read too much into it, I see it, acknowledge it and let it go but overall I'm pretty good

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #11 on:** February 15, 2012, 07:48:58 AM »

So after not talking for almost two weeks, he texted me yesterday morning, I was happy but I didn't just hop up and reply to it and I waited until later that evening to do it. He said its about time and I said I guess, that was the whole convo. Today, with it being Valentine's Day I'm a little sad and I didn't get any message from him today referring to what today was but I sent him one saying Happy V-Day. Should I just be happy that after two weeks he even decided to contact me at all ?

crazysoul · « **Reply #12 on:** February 15, 2012, 11:33:13 AM »

of course you should

dont concentrate on what you didnt get, but what you got- and this is his text after 2 weeks.
dont try to rush things..... keep detached.
let him come and concentrate on your own happiness, dont fall into this place where you get sad cause he didnt send you a message on valentines.

you have to be happy, no matter what--- dont forget
things are coming easily to you- just think about that and calm yourself.

lise · « **Reply #13 on:** February 15, 2012, 03:26:41 PM »

Why did you wait all day to reply to him? So it wouldn't look like you're jumping the minute he texted? I think there's a difference between interrupting an important call to a relative, being late for an important appointment because you're replying to him and deliberately waiting all day to reply. Even though you waited, it was only to make him wait and not because you were genuinely busy. It's kind of like trying to manipulate the situation to get what you want. I've done it myself and and I think it's unlikely to work because YOU know the real reason for doing it.

It can be difficult at times but I try to think what do I really want? How am I feeling? What should I or can I do? ( which is sometimes doing nothing until you know whatnyou should do as opposed to doing nothing to create a particular impression)

You know you can do it , you've done it before . It's easy when you make some progress to get "greedy" for more and quickly. But remember why you're doing stuff , it's for you and not him or at least it should be.

Pretty_Smile · « **Reply #14 on:** February 16, 2012, 12:15:46 AM »

Wow,you read me like a book. I did wait all day to text him because I didn't want it to seem like I was jumping to answer his message and I realize that it does seem manipulative and that's not what I want. I want this thing to be as pure as possible. When I got the message I was happy and surprised but I like I said I didn't want it to seem like I was jumping to answer it. But as far as soing nothing, explain that part to me please,lise. Thanks !