Author Topic: Feeling bad all over again, I am sick of this feeling (Read 1198 times)

arminhul · « **on:** February 22, 2012, 11:06:33 PM »

So I log into facebook, I see a status update by her, and first comment is by that guy. About something and I dont know about what and he obviously knows. I feel like commenting what is this thing? But I am hesitant. What if it is seen as pathetic by her and by others.

I mean why do I even feel so. I feel like I have a right to know what is going on in her life. But she will not tell me. I am sick of feeling so. I want shut up and not do anything stupid now, like messaging her, or calling her or commenting or liking her posts. Because I know it is pathetic. I want to get my pride back. I have set myself a target to top an exam and I am determined to get the highest in it. I want to get in the best college. I want to show to her and myself that I dont need her.

But the fucking feeling just does not leave me. I am so sick of feeling like this. I keep finding myself thinking about that guy and how he came and destroyed my happy life. Destroyed my relationship and even I lost my best friend because of that. I know I cant blame him. She left. She is the one. But right now I feel so negative.

I goddamn love her so much. But it like I don't even exist for her anymore. I am a stranger. I can nowadays understand how love could turn hatred. I don't want to hate. I don't want to think vengeful thoughts. I just want peace.

Do I comment on her status. I really want to, but agian I am scared what if she does not even respond. That guy will be laughing whereever he is. I am sick of all these feelings.

How much longer. I know I have to keep the faith but I don't know I feel so negative for the last few days.

Her mom's birthday was a few days back and I had called her mom to wish her. It had been to good a chance not to call. Her mom was so very nice to me. She told me she knows I love her daughter. She thinks her daughter is lucky to have someone like me. She told me to keep the faith, concentrate on my career and leave the rest to destiny. She told me she understands me, her brother also understands me and because she knows me so well, she likes me. It felt very nice to talk to her mom.

But thing is I definitely dont have the daughter now. God I dont know. I keep wishing she would call me sometime. I know I am not ready for her. I am not emotionally prepared to lose her. I yearn for her and I think as long as I yearn for her I wont have her.

What to do. I just want peace. I want to be free of such feelings. Of missing her, anger, hurt, vengeful feelings. But it is so goddamn hard.

marioska · « **Reply #1 on:** February 23, 2012, 01:27:31 AM »

I felt something similar with my guy, and you know what? Results began to show when I decided I can carry on with my life, I can be happy without him, I love him but I don't need him. I did the RS thing too, but just when I felt I could do it, not forcing anything. I understand your feelings right now, but I know too that you deserve a life full of happiness, so right now, focus on yourself, focus on knowing yourself better, do things, just don't think about her until you feel good with yourself. Lots of love, and I hope this helps ^^

irishgirl69 · « **Reply #2 on:** February 23, 2012, 01:52:44 AM »

Why do you feel like you have a right to know what's going on in her life? That really stuck out to me as strange. You're broken up and she's with someone else. You no longer have a right to anything that she doesn't want to share with you. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

You keep making her the center of your focus and regardless of whether or not you attract her back into your life, you need to change that. For your happiness. Get into college for you, not because you want to show her anything. Even if you were in a relationship with her, it's simply not healthy to make someone else the center of your world.

I would suggest unfriending her on Facebook, or unsubscribing at the very least. If seeing what she is up to and seeing her current boyfriend commenting on things can send you into such despair, then it's not healthy for you to have access to her profile.

DannyDank · « **Reply #3 on:** February 23, 2012, 02:02:12 AM »

A lot of your problems seem to stem from your whole disposition to the situation. You believe you don't exist to her, that you are a stranger, that you're not good enough, that you're not ready. You tell yourself that this situation is impossible. You say your life is destroyed. You are consciously and subconsciously giving in to despair, and that is exactly why you're feeling the way you are right now.

Something I noticed in your post is you said you "wish" she would call. Wishing implies a doubt, and even more detrimental to manifestation it implies something in the future. If you keep wishing for things in the future, that is where they will stay; the future.

What you need is a complete attitude overhaul on the entire situation. You do exist to her. You're not a stranger. You are good enough. You are ready. The situation is not in the least bit impossible. Your life is good. Give your love to the world and it will surely make a generous return. Have doubtless faith in yourself that you can make something happen, and sure enough you will.

JustForToday · « **Reply #4 on:** February 23, 2012, 04:04:35 AM »

let her go--- completely. get detached- its your life and your happiness, dont let it pull you down. as irishgirl said already, you do not have any reason to care about what she is doing or not and the more you chase her, the more she will get distant to you.
stop being needy and depending on her, that could be the key.
its time for you now!!!!! IT IS YOUR LIFE

all the best for you

MikeG · « **Reply #5 on:** February 23, 2012, 04:16:57 AM »

Focus on the good things of your life. That's the best tip you can be given in such a situation. You don't need to stop feeling anything for her, just stop the bad feelings through your interests. Do you play an instrument? Go practice that song you always wished you could play. Do you like movies? Invite your friends over and throw a movie-marathon. Like cooking? Set up your own small business or just a small party with friends.

And also, DO NOT THINK ABOUT PROVING YOURSELF TO HER! You have nothing to prove to her, you're a wonderful person and she's the one missing out. Stop the negative thoughts and feelings and you'll see how she's the one who is lucky to have you!

kjkitt · « **Reply #6 on:** February 23, 2012, 04:34:17 AM »

You are correcting your attitude! Have positive feelings, remembering good times. I liked the suggestion about not going out to facebook. The fact that she has not unfriend you is a positive, but the comments are too painful. Spying is negative and not detaching.

I am sorry you are in such pain. Come to the forum on an ongoing basis and you WILL get the positive vibes back.

Blessings to you!

FindDivineTogether · « **Reply #7 on:** February 23, 2012, 08:53:34 AM »

I feel bad for you reading this

These boards are so positive though, and the people here are amazing, loving, souls and will comfort and support you.

Detachment i feel is what you need right now..let the negative feelings go, let her go, let the situation go completely. I know it will be difficult but you will need to do that first to move forward with your life.

Please keep the Faith.

Let Go and Let GOD!

hellokiki · « **Reply #8 on:** February 23, 2012, 09:33:39 AM »

I think you need detachment too. Stop looking at her facebook and if you can't control yourself, delete her from your facebook. It's very normal to have up and down feelings. I think everyone here has been through / going through that. I find that sometimes it's not only how your feel towards your relationship but also everything else in your life. I have been feeling negative recently because I am very stressed with work, and that had an effect on my relationship too (my friends talking negatively about my man). So it's very important to feel GOOD all the time. Let go and allow your wish to come!!

arminhul · « **Reply #9 on:** February 24, 2012, 12:31:40 AM »

Irony is what all of your have said here I already know. I know what I have to do. But from time to time I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Keep going back and forth.

Yes I do feel like I am just another stranger. I don't like it. I don't like being sidelined. When I say I have a right I mean I deserve to be the one next to her. I earned my place, I was loyal, am, I was there through everything. What the hell happened. That is when I begin to get angry and vengeful. I dont want to hate that guy but images of getting revenge play in my head. I want to delete him and her from my head.

Life is kind of good now. But I increasingly find myself feeling that I have to do something big. I have to ace that exam. Its like I will feel inadequate if I dont ace the exam. I have to get into the best college. I want that fat salary after college. Cause I have started thinking money and status decides friendships and relationships nowadays. I am trying to hold on to my idealistic and romantic ideals, honour and nobility and stuff but hell life is telling me something else.

Please tell me real feelings have place. Money and status are all stupid things. True love actually does exist. That is what I am trying to keep a faith in, that will bring her to me.

I feel like I want to give her a doubt. I want her to wonder our future and regret leaving me. I want her to know what it feels like to be in my position. Its like this feelings is pushing me to excel. I dont want this feeling to be the reason to go forward.

It is in a way good, that it is giving me fire to start with. But it is a negative emotion and that is bad.

I have some serious issues I know. I am being honest. I don't really have anyone now I can talk such stuff with. No one who I feel has enough sense to explain things to me. And I dont want to hear, grow up, let go. I want Hope. Encouragement.

Anyway I will be going on a safari with my office collegues soon so that is something exciting coming up. I hope I get to camp in the jungle. I want to go skydiving too, trouble is finding people willing to jump, where to go in my country and of course I am short on money now. I want to so something crazy, adventurous.

I hope my boss gives me the job, I am an intern right now. Maybe some animal will attack him and I will save him. Haha. He is a really nice guy. Cool boss.

Thanks guys. It always feel good to know I am not alone in my situation. Makes me feel stronger, more positive. Now that I have ranted a bit I feel good.

def · « **Reply #10 on:** February 24, 2012, 04:13:03 AM »

Quote from: arminhul on February 24, 2012, 12:31:40 AM

I increasingly find myself feeling that I have to do something big.

This could be your intuition telling you that you have to do something the thing is. This is not the time. When your head and heart are in a better place, you will know what that is. We can be impatient and want to act now but what does that achieve. Little steps, deal with you and yourself. The feelings that you are dealings and the rest just tends to unfold.

True love does exist!!!! I have felt it. I gave it up, for time for myself. It will return. This is my time for other things and to be more prepared.

lovemeback · « **Reply #11 on:** February 27, 2012, 06:57:46 PM »

buddy i know exactly how are you feeling. My gf left me on valentine's day for a friend. not so good friend. but my best friend is his friend. so i lost him also. now i have nothing. only me and my thoughts. i'm fighting with my self. dont even know what to do. we can just wait and try to be positive that everything will work out fine. i want justice as same as you. i will get it. but when i get it , it will not be so important because after some time, you let go. i hope i will and i hope u will too. best of luck and take care.