Author Topic: I have hope to getting my guy back! (Read 14913 times)

angel_star · « **Reply #60 on:** December 21, 2011, 12:21:57 AM »

Yeah that's the spirit! Go for it my dear. God bless

yolo7 · « **Reply #61 on:** December 22, 2011, 12:40:01 AM »

so sad news.. we didn't get a chance to talk last night. he got home from work very late and was too tired. He said we could talk tonight but only over the phone

but he made it clear that anything I have to say won't change his mind. He said his mind is still made up. I'm honestly in tears right now because I just don't understand why he can't let this all go.. He said that me pushing this isn't going to make him change his mind any quicker.. I feel like I'm such a stranger to him.

Sneha · « **Reply #62 on:** December 22, 2011, 01:09:16 AM »

Hey , just relax! u actually dont have to say anything to him to change the things.You have to do this through thoughts.

Relax ,do EFT to bring out all negative factors gripping ur mind.Forgive him, forgive urself truly.Just let go and let God.Catch with life's gooodness and do things u enjoy...(dont think abt him for now).

When u r in a relaxed state, later , send him love filled thoughts.You will see changes :)Hold urself up girl !Love urself.

Blore · « **Reply #63 on:** December 22, 2011, 01:10:23 AM »

I think you should think less about why he can't let it go, and more about how he WILL let it go. Don't worry about the fact that he said he won't change his mind, that doesn't mean anything.

yolo7 · « **Reply #64 on:** December 22, 2011, 02:33:42 AM »

so we were just texting and he said that he just can't forgive me

Sneha, I know at this point I can't really say much to change his mind because it's pretty obvious that isn't working. I've tried sending positive and loving thoughts to him but I feel like it's not affecting him in any way.. He said we'll still talk tonight but at this point I don't even know what I could say.. I feel like if I bring up the situation it's just going to push him away or upset him more.. I'm trying to be more relaxed

Blore, How do I think about how he'll let it go when I feel like he won't..

I feel like Ive given so much time (2 months) for him to get over this but i feel there's no real progress. He keeps reminding me that his mind his made up..

Blore · « **Reply #65 on:** December 22, 2011, 03:51:56 AM »

I think the problem here, is you keep waiting for him to get over it and forgive you. Have you thought of maybe going from the approach of helping him get to the point where he can forgive you?

He can forgive you, he's just scared. You're both full of "What if"s and it's feeding off each other.

The fact that he's still around, and he's telling you that he can't forgive you means he doesn't want to give up either. I've been insecure, and i've done the same thing. I'm so scared to let go of it, but I want to be with the other person so bad. A lot of the time I wanted the reassurance that they wouldn't give up on me.

yolo7 · « **Reply #66 on:** December 22, 2011, 05:36:31 AM »

Quote from: Blore on December 22, 2011, 03:51:56 AM

I think the problem here, is you keep waiting for him to get over it and forgive you. Have you thought of maybe going from the approach of helping him get to the point where he can forgive you?

He can forgive you, he's just scared. You're both full of "What if"s and it's feeding off each other.

The fact that he's still around, and he's telling you that he can't forgive you means he doesn't want to give up either. I've been insecure, and i've done the same thing. I'm so scared to let go of it, but I want to be with the other person so bad. A lot of the time I wanted the reassurance that they wouldn't give up on me.

How do I get to the approach of helping him get over it and forgiving me? it doesn't seem like he's absorbing anything I'm saying. And what do you mean the fact that he's still around and saying that he can't forgive me means he doesn't want to give up either? We're not really in contact with each other too much

And i know how you feel. I just reassurance that he won't give up on me too.. with the holidays coming up it isn't making it any easier. I always thought the holidays was the time for forgiveness but I guess that doesn't work with my situation.

tereza · « **Reply #67 on:** December 22, 2011, 07:35:16 AM »

Yolo, do you keep asking him if he's forgiven you...or does he just keep bringing up the forgiveness thing on his own?

yolo7 · « **Reply #68 on:** December 22, 2011, 07:52:50 AM »

Quote from: tereza on December 22, 2011, 07:35:16 AM

Yolo, do you keep asking him if he's forgiven you...or does he just keep bringing up the forgiveness thing on his own?

I don't ask him if he has forgiving me. I ask him if he can let it go and he just reminds me that he feels that he can't forgive me for what I did. And the thing is he acts as if he has never lied to me, which he has a couple of times but he says that what I lied about was different.. to me and lie is a lie. He just makes it seem like it's okay for him to do it and it's not okay for me.. and the times that he's lied I forgiving him for it because to me it's not big enough to break up with him and I can look at the situation differently than him. what hurts the most is He said he wants to be with me but he just can't forgive me for it therefore that's what stops him from being with me.

Blore · « **Reply #69 on:** December 22, 2011, 08:11:17 AM »

Mariposa reccomended in one of my threads to read through success stories to get my mood up, maybe you should try it?

Have you thought of stopping contact with him? It sounds like that's just making things worse for you, hearing how he's made up his mind and all.

tereza · « **Reply #70 on:** December 22, 2011, 08:20:35 AM »

Quote from: yolo7 on December 22, 2011, 07:52:50 AM

I ask him if he can let it go and he just reminds me that he feels that he can't forgive me for what I did.

Did you also ask him if he'd want to try couples counseling or if he was willing to give you a chance to work things out, like what iloverainbows had written?

If so, then I think it's time to just drop the subject for good and never bring it up unless he brings it up. If he's not open to words, then you'll need to show through your actions that you care about him and respect his feelings (which means respecting his decision to be upset and giving him the time to process his feelings). Right now he needs time to forgive you without any pressure or rush. If he calls you or asks to meet up, then just relax, have fun with him and don't worry about the relationship.

Also, I think it would be a good idea to start focusing on yourself and maybe try using the LoA on other things. When you can see that it works on small things, it'll get easier to believe that it can work on big things.

yolo7 · « **Reply #71 on:** December 22, 2011, 09:22:52 AM »

Quote from: Blore on December 22, 2011, 08:11:17 AM

Mariposa reccomended in one of my threads to read through success stories to get my mood up, maybe you should try it?

Have you thought of stopping contact with him? It sounds like that's just making things worse for you, hearing how he's made up his mind and all.

One of my friends actually suggested that too but it's hard not to.. even though we have very little contact. I feel like if I don't hold to the little contact I have with him then I don't have anything then else, ya know? And I'm going to read the success stories section, thanks for the suggestion

.

Quote from: tereza on December 22, 2011, 08:20:35 AM

Did you also ask him if he'd want to try couples counseling or if he was willing to give you a chance to work things out, like what iloverainbows had written?

If so, then I think it's time to just drop the subject for good and never bring it up unless he brings it up. If he's not open to words, then you'll need to show through your actions that you care about him and respect his feelings (which means respecting his decision to be upset and giving him the time to process his feelings). Right now he needs time to forgive you without any pressure or rush. If he calls you or asks to meet up, then just relax, have fun with him and don't worry about the relationship.

Also, I think it would be a good idea to start focusing on yourself and maybe try using the LoA on other things. When you can see that it works on small things, it'll get easier to believe that it can work on big things.

I don't think he'll be open to couples counseling .. he doesn't seem to like getting other people involved in our problems even if it's professional, which kind of bothers me because he doesn't open up about his feelings to any of his friends.. i don't know if it's a guy thing but sometimes I wish he did. But I like what iloverainbow wrote about I could say to him..

But you're right tezera, I should just drop the whole topic and show him through my actions that I respect his decision. I think time is the only way that can heal him at the moment. As much as it sucks, esp during the holidays, it's the respect I have to give to him and as well to myself. If he calls and wants to meet up at anytime in the future like you said, i will do that and not bother him with the situation and where we stand. I'm not going to give up on us tho but take the time away to focus on myself and my life. I will focus my thoughts on other things and use LoA on smaller things and will then move on to bigger ones, thank you!

We are still going to talk tonight but this time I'm not expecting anything out of it then just a conversation between two people.

I would like to thank everyone who's been here for me through this whole entire process. It's not easy but I am very grateful that I have stumble upon this forum and meet everyone here. You guys have become apart of my life in the most amazing way!

Much Love! xx

irishgirl69 · « **Reply #72 on:** December 22, 2011, 11:08:55 AM »

Yolo, one of the things that has always stuck with me was when I read Katie's success story. She said it was when she stopped trying to attract Patrick back in the physical sense and focused on attracting him back in the spiritual sense is when she saw the shift.

I agree with the others - I know it's scary to back off and not contact him, etc., but it's only hurting you to keep hearing him say the same thing over and over again. I think that if you back off, focus on yourself and the relationship that you want with him, he will feel that energy and respond to it.

angel_star · « **Reply #73 on:** December 22, 2011, 12:12:31 PM »

Yolo, you really have to take your focus off this 'he won't let go' and you should focus on 'there are still many chances'. Did you make the list as I suggested? It really helps to shift your focus at this point...

yolo7 · « **Reply #74 on:** December 22, 2011, 12:37:43 PM »

so I finally talk to him tonight. He pretty much explained to me the same thing I haven't heard him say before.. how he feels like he can't forget what I did, forgive me for what I did or look pass it and how right now he's not going to change his mind. He brought up the fact this was the second time I did this and all this negative stuff. I finally got to say my peace and asked if he could not focus so much on the bad stuff when he's trying to let it go and focus more on the good.. like our happy memories. I told him I know that it's going to be hard not to completely focus your thoughts on what I did but I asked him to really try. I said so much that I don't really remember much at this point lol but I know my points were good and that he should know I won't give up on him because I'm not going to just give up on something I really believe in.. and he felt bad and told me that he doesn't want me to keep fighting for him because he doesn't want to me to wait around for something that might not happen.

He mentioned that we fought a lot in the relationship and finally admitted that half of the fights were silly ..and he mentioned my insecurities and how he felt like he had to always try to completely gain my trust ( my last 2 boyfriends before him both cheated on me) and had to prove himself to me.. which I understand it must of been frustrating. and he said that I never trusted his words because he would tell me he wouldn't be doing something and I kept asking over and over if he was doing it.. i was even doing that a bit in our conversation

I asked if he was seeing anyone or moving on and he said to me in a very annoyed voice that he's not planning to date or look to move on .. i know I shouldn't have asked but it was the fear inside of me.

But I just kept talking on and on about our loving relationship and that I know we can rebuild our relationship (tho he interrupted and said that he doesn't think we can right now) I kept emphasizing on the good and he kept bringing up the negative..(the situation) at the end of the conversation even tho we had some tiny bad moments in the convo, he said he took everything in and really listened to what I had to say. He promised that He's going to take it all in and try to not focus on the bad stuff and focus on the good. I asked him to not to give up on trying to let this go.. and he said never.. he said he's going to keep trying everyday.

I notice that he focus so much on the negative aspects of our relationship..

So that's my conversation with him summed up the best I can.