Author Topic: I have hope to getting my guy back! (Read 15023 times)

yolo7 · « **Reply #45 on:** December 19, 2011, 08:04:35 AM »

Thank you angel_star, I do understand what you're saying. It makes sense. I'm worrying and getting frustrated with the whole process of the whole situation. It really hard to see from an outside perspective of the whole thing when I get caught up with the negative aspect and just missing him is hard on me too.. but I'm going to try to apply what you said and treat the situation differently.. so I really am grateful for you taking the time to reply and being patient with me

angel_star · « **Reply #46 on:** December 19, 2011, 01:40:14 PM »

Hey Yolo! Its really ok to feel sad, miss him and get frustrated. But the problem comes only when you let these negative feelings to completely take over you. Alright you felt bad, cried or worried...now release it. Try doing this: Tell yourself that for the next thirty minutes you are going to feel as happy as you can. You are going to think only good thoughts (that are strictly not related to him), you are going to do only what you love, you are going to daydream...whatever makes you happy. Do this for thirty minutes and notice how great the feeling was. Once you successfully finish thirty minutes, extend the time to next sixty minutes and continue feeling good, then extend again...and so on. It may not be possible to stay happy throughout the day in the beginning, so its ok if you feel sad in between. But try to get over it and shift your thoughts. Split the day into small segments and decide to be happy in each segment no matter what. By doing so, in a day you would have spent maximum time feeling happy which will outweigh the minimum time that you feel sad. Slowly you'll be able to feel happy more and more often and things will start to change

yolo7 · « **Reply #47 on:** December 19, 2011, 11:06:12 PM »

Quote from: angel_star on December 19, 2011, 01:40:14 PM

Hey Yolo! Its really ok to feel sad, miss him and get frustrated. But the problem comes only when you let these negative feelings to completely take over you. Alright you felt bad, cried or worried...now release it. Try doing this: Tell yourself that for the next thirty minutes you are going to feel as happy as you can. You are going to think only good thoughts (that are strictly not related to him), you are going to do only what you love, you are going to daydream...whatever makes you happy. Do this for thirty minutes and notice how great the feeling was. Once you successfully finish thirty minutes, extend the time to next sixty minutes and continue feeling good, then extend again...and so on. It may not be possible to stay happy throughout the day in the beginning, so its ok if you feel sad in between. But try to get over it and shift your thoughts. Split the day into small segments and decide to be happy in each segment no matter what. By doing so, in a day you would have spent maximum time feeling happy which will outweigh the minimum time that you feel sad. Slowly you'll be able to feel happy more and more often and things will start to change

Okay, I'll try this

thank you!

yolo7 · « **Reply #48 on:** December 20, 2011, 12:21:27 AM »

I tried out what you said angel_star and I just can't seem to stop worrying > I keep thinking what is he doing, what is he thinking, is he happy without me.. i'm just so frustrated and worried that I feel like texting him to come pick up his stuff because I have no idea why he keeps delaying it. I don't know if it's because the holidays are approaching soon that I feel all these emotions but I can't seem to let go of the fact he threw away a six year relationship over something like this.
I'm sorry, i feel like i'm just at lost..so confused with my thoughts.

angel_star · « **Reply #49 on:** December 20, 2011, 12:27:17 AM »

That's alright relax now. Why do you think he is not coming and picking his stuff up? Is he in contact with you now?

yolo7 · « **Reply #50 on:** December 20, 2011, 12:33:42 AM »

we're not really in any contact except he said we can text each other on holidays to wish each happy whatever the holiday is but nothing else. When I last saw him (from my updated post which happened a week ago) he said that he'll let me know when he'll pick his stuff but it's been almost 2 months since we broke up and I don't understand why he hasn't. It's not like it's small stuff.. it's pretty valuable stuff including his passport. I mean when we saw each other he said he promise he'll try to let go of the situation but I don't get why can't he just let go of it completely.. I didn't do anything horrible but it makes it seem like I cheated or did something so awful that it's unforgivable.

angel_star · « **Reply #51 on:** December 20, 2011, 01:04:05 AM »

Yolo, if he is not taking back his important stuff from your place, it shows that he still wants to have a connection with you and does not want to end everything once and for all. I guess its something you should be happy about, that he's in no hurry to pack everything and leave you forever. Even now I feel its a major fight, but not a break up totally. He said he'll try to let go of the situation right, so give him more time. Can you make a list of all the things which make you feel that this relationship still has chances? Like He said he'll let go of the situation, he has still not taken all his stuff so he has not left me completely, this has happened before and we resolved it, so we'll resolve it now too...etc. Can you try and make such a list? Try it out and let me know...

tereza · « **Reply #52 on:** December 20, 2011, 01:11:50 AM »

Yolo, you've been told many times by your friends and the people on this forum that you didn't do anything horrible. You got explanations for his behavior, you've got proof that there is hope and even the fact that he hasn't collected his stuff is still proof that there's still hope. No one thinks he's lost interest except for you.

So the problem is no longer about what you did or that he can't let go. The problem is that you can't let go. It's like you're waiting for him to forgive you in order to be happy again. Stop doing that. The more you wait, the more waiting you're going to attract.

Also, what are you doing with your free time? Are you spending it doing things you enjoy? Are you spending time with friends and family? I mean now is a great time to go out and spread some joy to others or if you don't want to do that, it's a great time to figure out what you want out of life. I mean, you have hopes and dreams right? You have goals and things you want or want to accomplish don't you? Why not spend time on that, instead of dwelling on this? Immerse yourself into something else!

yolo7 · « **Reply #53 on:** December 20, 2011, 03:29:21 AM »

I just had such a break down.. today isn't my day and everything seem to spiral downwards.. I cried tears of stress because the day didn't turn out the way I wanted it to start and usually when I'm stress I contact my guy to cheer me up but the fact that I couldn't even made me more upset.

Angel_star, I'm going to make the list that you suggested and I'll PM you on how it turns out. He's told me the times that I have got lucky to see him during the break up that he still was in love with me and will always be in love with me but he feels that he can't ever let it go because every time he thinks of the situation, it thinks that if he didn't catch me in my lie then i would of kept it from him till this very day and that's what upsets him the most.. I can see it in his face when I bring it up he hates talking about it. I tried explaining myself over and over but that part of the conversation seems tuned out to him.. it's like no matter what i say he's convinced that he'll never get over it but I know I should be happy that he promised to try to let go of the situation but it's the trying part that scares me because trying can be either go bad or good .. I know you see this as a huge fight rather than a break up which I'm trying to look at the way more but it's so hard. I even saw on his phone that he completely deleted me off his contact list ..

Tereza it's so hard to let go of the problem.. every time I think about the situation, I think to myself.. why is this happening to me? Why does he hold such a grudge over something like this? I try to figure out the way he thinks but it frustrates me .. I go out with my friends and even then sometimes I get stuck with the thought of him because everything reminds me of him .. the holidays and my birthday upcoming too isn't making things any easier. I keep thinking about the plans we made before the break up and it kills me inside knowing those things aren't happening anymore..

I Love Rainbows · « **Reply #54 on:** December 20, 2011, 04:05:30 AM »

Hi Yolo7,

I've only skim read some of your story and fully read other parts, so I hope what I say here is still relevant and helps. As someone who used to have major issues with trust myself, when someone broke my trust, I needed to see that they really really got what it meant to me that they did that. How it undermined my safety. I really needed to hear and see that they got what a big deal it was. Trust is fundamental in relationships, more so to some people than others.

I feel that inviting him to express himself to you about this and then reflecting back so he knows he's been heard could really help clear the air. Also, you may want to consider couples' counselling. A good counseller can really help a couple hear and understand each other on these fundamental issues.

I'm certainly not going to condemn you here, and you, as a couple can move past this. But I feel this would require you understanding what this meant to him, and how vital being able to trust you at your word is. It also requires him to be willing to give you a second chance, once he sees you've gotten that.

You could put it to him like this:

'I made a stupid mistake. I am so sorry that I violated your trust. However I feel we've got something really good here, if we could use this opportunity to grow stronger and closer together and for me to understand how important trust is to you, so that I don't ever violate your trust again. I love you and I would like to understand this wound I have caused so that, if you are willing, I can begin to help you heal and show my love for you more. Would you give us the opportunity to do this?'

Then book yourselves in for couples' counselling, pronto (if he agrees).

Do not talk about 'him getting over it'...yet anyway. That will just sound to him like you want him to shut up already. Once he sees that you really, really get it, he will begin to move past it.

I say this from the vantage point of someone who used to have serious trust issues in the past, and I know what it is like to need to be able to trust my partner at their word 100%, not 99.99%. I hope this advice helps. Yes you can move past it and heal, but you need to be willing to hear him and put some work in.

I hope this post helps and that he is in a place where you can put these kinds of suggestions to him. Keep letting us know how it's going.

yolo7 · « **Reply #55 on:** December 20, 2011, 11:22:13 PM »

Hi everyone,
I didn't want to make another thread for this but my guy is giving me the opportunity to talk to him tonight. So if everyone can pray for me and help me give me the strength to get through to him, I would really appreciate it, thank you everyone!

I am so grateful for everyone who has helped me through this

I'll let everyone know how it goes.

Much Love! xx

irishgirl69 · « **Reply #56 on:** December 20, 2011, 11:33:21 PM »

That's wonderful! Try to go with the flow and not have any expectations of the conversation. Do affirmations between now and then for a wonderful conversation, etc. Get yourself in a great mindset.

Sneha · « **Reply #57 on:** December 20, 2011, 11:36:49 PM »

Our positive vibes are with you Yolo.Dont have any expectations and just talk coolly...

.Love coming ur way.

angel_star · « **Reply #58 on:** December 21, 2011, 12:06:12 AM »

Way to go Yolo! Be immensely grateful for the opportunity. Don't worry about saying/doing the right things. Just be yourself. Be calm and confident. Remember you are not going there to convince him or plead with him. You are going there to enjoy your time with him. Let the Universe handle the solution, you just go there with a happy and forgiving heart. Everything will turn out really well. Don't worry about 'what if this talk doesn't guarantee me that he'll come back' instead prepare for 'what if he totally understands, and accepts me like before and we have the best relationship ever'

In the book The Power Rhonda Byrne mentions that if something has not yet happened then any outcome is possible, so we can attract any outcome that we want. So the outcome of this talk is in your control. Choose the outcome you want, focus on it with faith and love, and that's the outcome you'll manifest

All the best. Love you

yolo7 · « **Reply #59 on:** December 21, 2011, 12:18:48 AM »

thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart!! Means the world to me for your love and support! I will go with the flow and not think too much of it

Going to have faith, trust and love in the universe like you said Angel_star! Love you all!!