Don't know where to go from here

[ellebelle]

Me and my ex are doing great. He mentions our future together an awful lately. He's stated that he wants us to live together, get married and have children and the one thing that really got my heart pounding? He said that he loved me. In fact, he said it 3 times last night, to my face, not over text or anything. I told him that I wanted to go travelling next year and this upset him and he kept going on about how he really doesn't want to lose me. We're not offcially together yet and for some reason, I don't want to be.. Although everything is perfect when we're together, it still feels like something is missing when we're apart. He can let me down a lot, and I've recentely had a bit of a blow when he told me that he slept with a girl whilst we split up. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm ever so grateful that he is back, but something is bugging me and I don't know what it is. Today, I've been in tears for absolutely no rational reason. We've had a lot of snow in England recentely and even that triggered my emotions. I first fell in love with him around the time when we once had a lot of snow and just seeing happy couples taking walks in it just makes me so sad. I just want to text or call him and say, "can we take a walk in this snow?" but I just feel that he would make an excuse up. Part of me just wants to take our relationship that one step further and actually officially get together, but I don't know how.

What's wrong with me? Am I just having a blues day? I've been feeling really good lately and wham! I wake up today and I feel crappy! I'm terrified of having negative thoughts that will just end up taking over me.

[crazysoul]

ellebelle-

of course you can just have a blues..... its normal and the weather takes part to it as well.
but did i understand you right, that youre not sure anymore if you love him?
and did you attract him back with loa? and how long have you been seperated?

sorry for questions

[ellebelle]

I do love him an awful lot, I guess I just feel like I'm supressing it all the time because we're not officially together. It's really tiring, because I don't want to push him away.

And yes I did. We were apart for about six months.

[crazysoul]

but you said, he would like to live together with you and stuff?
and you dont want to be officially with him.... i guess i didnt get it right, sorry

[ellebelle]

I'm just confused. He tells me all these wonderful things and includes me in his future plans and it makes me so happy, but I guess I'm still living with this fear of losing him again. Something just feels missing and I don't know what it is. 

[crazysoul]

I'm just confused. He tells me all these wonderful things and includes me in his future plans and it makes me so happy, but I guess I'm still living with this fear of losing him again. Something just feels missing and I don't know what it is. 

ahhh, now i got you
you dont have to set yourself under pressure...... and maybe its just the weather or the snow, or just a blue week.... just relax.... do not overthing too much. is he pressuring you?
if, then you could say- i need some time--- i love you but i still need some time.
he will wait of course, cause he loves you.

i know this feeling of being scared to lose someone very well...... try to forgive him and try to forgive yourself as well.
for affirmations you can say to yourself, it helps me alot- its for healing yourself---

i am sorry, please forgive me, i love you and i thank you

your fear should be released after doing that.

and maybe pstec, if you dont know it already.
you can search for it in this forum... pstec.... its free and amazing!!!
to get rid of fears, old beliefs, etc....

 ;)sending you healing thoughts

[crazysoul]

just came to my mind- affirmation

i am trust
i am health

and you can ask the universe for a clear feeling on what you should do/feel etc