Don't know what to make of this! (update)

[tereza]

So I was hanging out with him tonight, I went over to play music,  but we only played music for about an hour and I was there for 8- we spent the rest of the time talking!

7 hours of talking?!?! Woooo. 

I've had a think about this Lise and I realised that I often think about how if he tells me he wants to be with me, he will say that he has struggled but can't fight it anymore.
I don't deliberately think this, it's just that due to the circumstances around us I think he is struggling against it, but he keeps turning up like he just can't help it.. I guess that is it. Thanks Lise
So I guess that's why the text message had the affect ime the way it did. I was literally saying "Oh my god, this is it!" AMkes me laugh now!

Is this a Mr. Darcy sort of fantasy? 
"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

 

[truelove]

HAAAAHAHAHA!!! YES! Maybe it is... I mean who wouldn't?? 

I have watch P&P so many times I have lost count  :
I can't tell you hom much I love Mr Darcy!!!!

I know!! It got pretty deep too. Talking about the Universe and how it all works and our fears and goals and dreams.. well i was talking goals and dreams, he was talking fears.. 

At one point he said, have you watched the secret? He said someone had lent it to him, but there was no movie on the disk, so I talked to him in great detail about how I believe it all works.. Very interesting conversation!! 

[truelove]

definitely flirting with that reply to you

Haha! That's what I thought! It was very cute

[truelove]

So I posted this somewhere else but I thought it would make sense to post it here too..

I wanted to relay something that just happened. Last night after reading a post, by Maverick, here in this forum I made a concentrated effort to feel love in my heart for several minutes. I wasn't thinking of anyone just the feeling of love. It was really strong actually and made me laugh out loud.
Anyway, today I walked my dog and everything looked so beautiful and I felt again the feeling of love take over my body, I didn't do it deliberately this time but I felt so euphoric, and nearly cried- so I thought calm down girl!! haha.

Anyway when I got home my guy called me- just for no reason, just to say hi... he told me couldn't sleep at all the night before, he didn't know why.. made me wonder what he was thinking about that keeped him up all night. This is the second time he has called me after a night where he was unable to sleep hmmmm... reminds me again of this-

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.'' @ Tereza- you have put this in my head now!  haha!

Anyway we are catching up on Thursday.  We'll see how it goes!! 

So that's kinda nice huh?
 

[def]

Awww Tracey you are on fire . I've learnt so much from your posts lately.
It is so awesome that you are having these experiences. I have felt the experience of having so much love you want to cry, its amazing. Well love the update.

[Mr Brightside]

She is on fire, now she needs to spread the magic around to the rest of us instead of hogging it all 

[hellokiki]

She is on fire, now she needs to spread the magic around to the rest of us instead of hogging it all 

Yes, Stefzilla~ Tracey you need to wave your magic wand to the rest of us here

[truelove]

haha! Sorry for hogging all the magic, I'm very happy to share   

[57angel]

Oh wow Truelove, your progress really made my smile reach from ear to ear hahahaha! I am so happy for you

[AS & I ARE HAPPY MARRIAGE NOW :)]

He said 'I told you I was going to my family thing.... don't you memorize my shedual Tracey?'

Your boy is spoilt Tracey... LOL!!!  Pretend to not remember his schedule to confuse him sometimes...

Have the most MAGICAL time on Thursday... Enjoy the time TOGETHER without setting any expectations on how it will go... Focus on an ecstatic happy feeling that you will feel Thursday night when you go to sleep... 

Feeling is the Prayer!!!

LOVE & GOD BLESS,
NS

[truelove]

He said 'I told you I was going to my family thing.... don't you memorize my shedual Tracey?'

Your boy is spoilt Tracey... LOL!!!  Pretend to not remember his schedule to confuse him sometimes...

Have the most MAGICAL time on Thursday... Enjoy the time TOGETHER without setting any expectations on how it will go... Focus on an ecstatic happy feeling that you will feel Thursday night when you go to sleep... 

Feeling is the Prayer!!!

LOVE & GOD BLESS,
NS

Haha! He deserves to be spoilt! BUt I will take your advice  A and I ARE True LOVE.

I will focus on that feeling thank you! 

[truelove]

OH MY GOD! Now I am the one who is dying!! I need to find my balance.

So I just got home from his house after last night's visit. It is 11am. It was a beautiful and torturous night and I don't know whether the signs are telling me to persevere or give it up. 

I'm going to give details so, sorry for my self indulgence in advance...

So when I got there at 9pm he was freshly showered and shaven and smelling lovely, which is a first. I mean not that he usually smells bad, but you know, usually he is in whatever he has been getting around in all day.. As you'd expect.

But sitting in a chair looking kind of stressed. Any way we talked a lot and I asked him why he was having trouble sleeping and he said he was worrying too much when I asked him about what he just paused and said, "Lots of things". So I let it go and we talked and talked some more. (I had taken my copy of the secret and and Abraham-Hicks dvd for him to watch because he had talked about LoA when I last saw him).
We finally made some music but only for about an hour . By then it was like 1AM.
We do our recording in his bedroom on the computer and he closed the music program and suddenly put a movie on and said have you seen this? I said no.. He climbed on the bed beside me and we started watching a movie. I got cold after a while so I got under the covers and he did to.. A few minutes later he said I think I'm going to drift off soon, so I said, ok I'll head off then. And he replied, you can crash here if you like...

My mind was going little crazy and I was thinking.. Oh my god, I think this is the moment!!

SO I stayed and we ... SLEPT!!! Well, he slept, I think, but I've never known anyone to lay so still or be so quite when they sleep. We spent most of the night with our faces about 15cm apart because he only has one pillow (lol) Our bodies touching but nobody DOING ANYTHING.. On one hand it was wonderful, lying there , feeling him there and he still smelt so good. But it was killing me... Meanwhile I'm lying there saying switch-words in my head, trying to feel love in my heart, trying to appreciate the moment, trying to release anxiety... I was a mess basically... but damn it, it shouldn't be that hard!!

By about 10am, he was still 'asleep' he had his back to me and I thought oh stuff it!! And I lent in close and put my arm round him tight and hugged him to me. I could feel his heart beat faster and his breathing changed.. But he did not move!! After a few minutes I felt him shift his weight, and I thought it was a signal to let him go so I did...  I moved away but waited for about 15 minutes to wait and see if he would reciprocate, but he just continued to lie there.

I quietly got my things, gave him a kiss on the cheek, he kissed the air at me and said see ya later. And I left.

SO now here I am. A little lost...

What does this all mean? I can't think straight to know wether I need to let the whole thing go, or if it's all happening. I just can't tell. HELP!

[tereza]

I love your updates…they're always so exciting. This one sounded like some serious progress.

And yeah, I think you need to let the whole thing go, but I mean that in a loa detachment sort of way. It's definitely all coming together, so I wouldn't give up on him. But I think both of you are being pushed to move outside of your comfort zones and well…take some risks.

This is kind of weird, but for some reason the butterfly story Mariposa had posted awhile back, came to mind. Maybe this situation is like that cocoon, forcing both of you to open up? I don't know. I think either you need to have the talk with him or you just need to relax and let him gather up the courage to pursue you at his own pace. He seems to know what he's doing, but for whatever reason he's a bit chicken. Maybe he's overanalyzing things and thinking you're not interested despite the positive signs? Perhaps he was freaking out about morning breath? Maybe he's one of those people who make plans and fall apart if they have to deviate from those plans? Maybe he seems like he's got his act together and he's super confident, but really he's just as scared as you are?  You've spent plenty of the time with the guy, what does your gut tell you about him?

[AS & I ARE HAPPY MARRIAGE NOW :)]

Tracey...

Hmm I don't know what to make of it either... I will tell you my thoughts... I may be wrong

I think this is one good guy... He obviously knows you have feelings for him yet he didn't just have fun with you... He could have!!!

I was smiling while reading as it seemed soooo comfy and romantic like a movie... lol 

Maybe he is taking it really slow because he respects you and wants to be sure of his feelings...

What's wrong in just enjoying the moment dear... Why does anything has to happen??? Are you in a hurry??? It seems you are trying too hard to make things happen... How long has it been since you guys met??

You know you are lucky that you have this guy in the same city with you... He is single and enjoys your company... You two share the same passion... And you have all the knowledge of LOA to use...  TRUST THE UNIVERSE!!!

Don't apologize to him for anything... Let him contact you... He is now sure of your feeling I guess 

LOVE & GOD Bless,
NS

[truelove]

I love your updates…they're always so exciting. This one sounded like some serious progress.

And yeah, I think you need to let the whole thing go, but I mean that in a loa detachment sort of way. It's definitely all coming together, so I wouldn't give up on him. But I think both of you are being pushed to move outside of your comfort zones and well…take some risks.

This is kind of weird, but for some reason the butterfly story Mariposa had posted awhile back, came to mind. Maybe this situation is like that cocoon, forcing both of you to open up? I don't know. I think either you need to have the talk with him or you just need to relax and let him gather up the courage to pursue you at his own pace. He seems to know what he's doing, but for whatever reason he's a bit chicken. Maybe he's overanalysing things and thinking you're not interested despite the positive signs? Perhaps he was freaking out about morning breath? Maybe he's one of those people who make plans and fall apart if they have to deviate from those plans? Maybe he seems like he's got his act together and he's super confident, but really he's just as scared as you are?  You've spent plenty of the time with the guy, what does your gut tell you about him?

Thanks for your response Tereza, helps me see the lighter side to it a lot better too. It does make for a good story. 

I am definitely being pushed outside my comfort zone!! I always wait for a sign that they are interested before I allow myself to be vulnerable. But I think I need to get over my fears of rejection and know that things will be okay no matter what. I've had some time to think and I realise now that this was a BIG step for us and I am grateful for it. He told me himself he is a big worrier. But I also know he's got absolutely no plans, he doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life, and I don't think he was really looking for a relationship of any kind when I showed up on the scene.
My gut tells me he likes me, but he is scared, I think he is trying to figure out if this is what he wants and he's too good a person to play with my feelings so he's just taking things very slow, at a rate that he is comfortable with. He's not a super confident guy, he is not very run of the mill, he is introverted really until you get to know him. Hmm, definitely, I will give it up.. In the LoA sense of the word.

Tracey...

Hmm I don't know what to make of it either... I will tell you my thoughts... I may be wrong

I think this is one good guy... He obviously knows you have feelings for him yet he didn't just have fun with you... He could have!!!

I was smiling while reading as it seemed soooo comfy and romantic like a movie... lol 

Maybe he is taking it really slow because he respects you and wants to be sure of his feelings...

What's wrong in just enjoying the moment dear... Why does anything has to happen??? Are you in a hurry??? It seems you are trying too hard to make things happen... How long has it been since you guys met??

You know you are lucky that you have this guy in the same city with you... He is single and enjoys your company... You two share the same passion... And you have all the knowledge of LOA to use...  TRUST THE UNIVERSE!!!

Don't apologize to him for anything... Let him contact you... He is now sure of your feeling I guess 

LOVE & GOD Bless,
NS

He is definitely a good guy, that is for sure. He is a gem!
It was like there was two parts of me, one was enjoying the moment and the other was worried about what was supposed to happen next. I need to turn off the worrying part.

We met in November of last year, so it has not been very long. And I guess there is no hurry, it's just the impulses to reach for him are so strong and I am resisting them.

No, I won't be apologising for anything. If fact we will probably put it in the same basket as the memories of the night we met and never speak of it again... knowing us.

I know he will contact me eventually. I am going to let it go now.

Trust, trust, trust!! 

Thanks guys!! xxx