Does LOA work differently in relationships than elsewhere?

[Ginny]

I'm wondering if the input of the other person's beliefs has an impact here, that affects how things manifest on a personal level?

Just read DannyDank's post about women hitting him up once he has lost interest in them, but ignoring him when he is really keen and positive.

Now, chances are, if you were really keen and positive about... I don't know, making a dress. And you put a lot of energy and care into it, and felt great about the dress, then chances are you'd make a lovely dress. But with relationships it seems much moe hit an miss - some people react positively to attention, others like you to hang back a bit...

It reminds me of, the other day, I was looking after a friend's 4 year old son. He wanted to watch television but a) his parents don't really approve of a lot of television, so I don't like to let him watch unless they are there and can confirm that they are okay with it and b) his dad was coming to pick him up in about 10 minutes, so I didn't want him to kick up a fuss and throw a tantrum when it came time to leave (which is what always happens if he's watching TV and his parents want to take him home). So I said, "No, but we can read this wonderful book about dinosaurs together!". Normally he loves dinosaurs, but on this occasion, he had his heart set on TV. And he was absolutely convinced that the more he whined and screamed, that eventually I would relent and give in. His belief was 100% - so you would think that by LOA his wish should have been granted and I would turn the TV on (yeah, I know, he was investing negative energy by having a tantrum - but still, his belief was total, that if he whined, I would eventually say yes). Of course, my reaction was the opposite. I said, "If you keep this up, you won't be able to watch TV next time you come over either". Which made him scream and cry all the louder. Eventually I got him interested in some very big dinosaurs and he reluctantly left his sniffles behind but...

My point was - there are two or more wills at force when it comes to relationships. Maybe other things require other people's input too, but usually not to the same extent. So I'm wondering how much that alters the nature of things and the approach you have to take? I think focussing on an outcome that is mutually beneficial and makes both parties happy often has the best outcome, and maybe that is because you are subconsciously getting their will on board as well, so that you are working together rather than possibly at loggerheads?

[Vicki Christina]

Hello, Ginny!  You have a thoughtful discussion here about the forces of energy and interaction between two people.  The analogy of relationships with children compared to romance relationships does seem to hold up too.   When we want children to like us and give us attention they often react by pulling away as do romance relationships in many situations.   It may be the energy of need and desire is often negative, and of course it is often reacted to in such a manner.   In both situations it seems we should lean back and emit love energy for attraction.

[irishgirl69]

Interesting topic.  In the scenario with the child, if you think about it, his wish will be manifested eventually as I'm sure at some point in his life he will watch tv again.  So, it's one of those cases of the outcome he wanted happening but not how he wanted it to.  I think that is what most often happens with relationships.  If I know that I want a relationship with someone specific, I put my intention out there and let it go and as long as I believe, it will happen.  Perhaps it won't happen until we are 90 and in a nursing home or perhaps the relationship won't be as rosy as I think it will be, but it will happen. 

What I think happens most of the time is people get tired of waiting for that specific person and give up on them and their intention.  That's not to say it's always a bad thing.

It's interesting when I think about life events prior to my knowing about LOA.  I had two serious relationships when I was younger.  Both times, the guy broke up with me and I was heartbroken.  In the first, I definitely wanted him back and tried everything to get him back.  When I gave up my efforts and moved on, he came back.  In the second, even though I was heartbroken when we broke up, I knew it was for the best and that we weren't right for each other in the long run.  He never came back as a boyfriend.  So while I didn't know about LOA then and certainly didn't make my intention and visualize and use all of the tools that I am now aware of, I did unconsciously do all of this.  I wish to God the first guy hadn't come back as it was a very damaging relationship emotionally, but the Universe listened to me and brought him back to me.

I think sometimes it would be easier if I wasn't aware of LOA as much as I am now.  That's why I really like the whole process of not really doing anything specific to manifest something - just state your intention and then go with the flow.  If you feel like visualizing, then visualize.  If you feel like sending loving thoughts, send them.  If you feel like making a vision board, do it.  The only thing I make sure I do every day is express gratitude for everything that has happened and that will happen.  And in terms of my intention to be with my guy, I now have the attitude of him or someone better and it feels right to me.

[Ginny]

Actually - there's a good point - he didn't let go!

It's unfortunate because... His parents are very indulgent, and he seems to have learned that for the most part he can get his way if he throws a tantrum. He's a cute little boy, but getting a bit... (can I say tiresome without sounding like an evil stepmother?)

There's a thing too - his approach works with some people (his parents) but not all people (not me or my husband for example). So, it's not totally straightforward - it's not just what you put in to something emotionally it seems, the makeup of the other person matters as well.

[tereza]

There's a thing too - his approach works with some people (his parents) but not all people (not me or my husband for example). So, it's not totally straightforward - it's not just what you put in to something emotionally it seems, the makeup of the other person matters as well.

I think that's really interesting to consider. Like I wonder if this is because the two people are not in alignment? Kind of like that whole tuning fork thing… if you're striking an A note, it's going to vibrate A's in all octaves, but it's not going to affect any E notes. 

I mean, had the child been polite and sweet about the whole thing and asked earlier rather than later, perhaps you may have been more likely to let him watch tv. But his tantrum had the opposite effect. The screaming was like the wrong tuning fork for the situation.

For me, I had a couple of interesting situations where I just didn't seem to connect with people and I think it's because we were responsive to different things, different frequencies I guess.  Like in one situation I got into a disagreement with someone, where they then tried to use NLP on me in order to gain sympathy. The funny thing is, while I stood by my decision, I originally felt some sympathy towards the other person, but when they tried to manipulate me, it made me less willing to work with them. If the person had come from a position of honesty and transparency, I think they could've gotten a better response from me.

Then in another situation, where I needed help from someone who was not a very nice person, I made an effort to be nice and go above and beyond in all my interactions with that person. They in return procrastinated and lied to me about why they were unable to help me. It wasn't until I got upset and called them out on their lies, that they became helpful. Which is unpleasant and kind of sad, since it seems that this person is only responsive to people who are also not very nice.

[Ginny]

That's a great observation - I think you may be right.

I have some relationships that seem to be extremely sensitive to my beliefs / thought patterns (whatever I think about will happen) and some which do not seem to be sensitive at all. I wonder if the relationships which are most sensitive to your thinking are the ones where you are vibrating on a closer frequency. But then, it would seem to follow that you would be influenced by their thoughts as well, so it would be reciprocal - how would you look out for that, and avoid getting pulled into a negative vibe?