desperation and letting go

[seabear]

Hi!
Here is some reference to my situation:
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/i-don%27t-know-what-to-think-anymore/msg7464/#msg7464

I'm having a hard time about this desperation vs. desire thing. I want to feel desire for the guy I was seeing, but all I feel is desperation. And it is also so hard to make affirmations and then let go. I know it is possible, I was able to do this few months ago. But now, it just feels so hard...It is also difficult to deside wether to do affirmations about a spesific person or a soulmate in general.

I've been consentrating on myself being happy and feeling good last couple of days, and it is starting to work. 

Have a wonderful weekend all of you! 

[Vicki Christina]

We all have days with set backs.   Tomorrow you may get up and have a new peace of mind.   Find something fun to go out to do and get you mind off of this desperation.   Then start with the affirmations again tomorrow.  We all have down periods when working toward goals using LOA and when we are not using LOA! 
Work to get back to your Power of Now!

[seabear]

Thank you for the support Vicki Christina!

I had an awesome weekend and I was able to get rid of this desperation a bit. I went to see my friends in another town and we had a great time together, so I had the chance to get my mind on other things and it was exactly what I needed. I'm grateful for my friends and I am so grateful that I found this forum too because it has been really helpful to read other peoples stories and their progress etc.

I still get down time to time, and I realize that It's going to take a while to get rid of it completely. I started to do EFT and find it helpful in times when I feel myself distressed. I was thinking that I'm going to start with doing affirmations about feeling myself good and happy, before I start attracting my soulmate. I just have to focus on all the good and positive things in my life now and work on letting go of my ex.

[Era]

Hi! what you vibrate in alignment with, you attract, and, your emotions are a guide as to how you’re vibrating, if you feel low and demotivated, stop for a moment, take time to rest. I believe that its hard to stay positive all the time, sometimes, we get tired and a little demotivated specially when we feel and see that things are not going our way. But it does not mean that its the end of the world, relax and have some little fun.  EFT helps
In my personal experience it’s helped me tremendously with everything from a fear of heights to removing the thoughts and beliefs that block abundance.

http://attractingabundancehq.com/emotional-freedom-technique/

[57angel]

You are right Era, there are times really that we experience setbacks. What is important we acknowledge that these are only setbacks and that we will not let that to put us down. We have experienced already how it is to be happy and how good things happened to us when we are happy, and that I am sure this will motivate us again. I am really grateful for being here, I myself has experienced a few setbacks when everything around me reminds me of my ex, but I now choose not to be affected...We can do it, we can with LOA

[Sweet Spirit]

To everyone here:

I have finally let go!!!
I had a hard time letting go, but shortly after I had that feeling, I read something interesting about letting go. Here it is:

"There is a seeming contradiction between having a desire and letting go of that desire. This means that your desire should not be needy, nor should it keep you from appreciating the things that you already have. But remember that there has to be a delicate balance of act and of focus without finding yourself too much wanting or being stuck."   
http://www.psitek.net/pages/PsiTek-ensure-your-dream-life-with-the-law-of-attraction-2.html

It is possible to let go and still attract that in which you let go. Think of yourself as a magnet. I think of myself now as attracting only good things now that I am being positive. I appreciate the good times I had with my boyfriend and what he gave me, but I realize I do not need him to make me happy. I look at his furniture all over my house and I say, "thank you."

Now that I have let go, I can (without sadness and desperation) visualize him being happy, positive, loving and caring, because that is what I will attract. If he can't be those things I don't want to attract him because I deserve nothing less. To him, our relationship was not worthy of compromise. I had to settle for someone who treated me badly in order to hang onto him. I thought he was the only man who would accept me and that I could get no one else, but I was wrong! I now see our breakup as a blessing because of the rut and misery I was stuck in. I look back now and ask myself, "was all the pain in our relationship worth the few good times we shared?" The answer? "NO"

There were times during my desperation, hurt and anger when I hoped he would find someone who would  hurt him like he hurt me, so he would appreciate how good I was to him, but I quickly pushed that thought away  because thinking like that will attract more negative things in my life. Instead, I hope the best for him because I will always love and care about him and I don't want him to be hurt.

I know and believe with all my heart that either he will become those things I am visualizing or I will attract someone who is. There is no hurry however because I am not lonely and I am not ready for a relationship. I have a lot of work to do on myself and God/the universe will know when the time is right.

The joys of letting go! Now I can go on with my life and not be concerned if I ever see him again. It does not matter any more! I can not wait to see what happens next!

I am so grateful to all of my friends on this forum for the insight and inspiration. If not for you all, I would still be depressed with no hope for the future.

Thank you. I love you all!!!!

[Jerome Faraday]

Dear Sweet Spirit,
   Thanks for sharing your story. I think you bring up a very important point of law of attraction and that's detachment. It's been a major struggle for me since it's somewhat contradictory. On one hand we need to visualize and focus on our affirmations, but in another way we have to let go. I'm reminded of the countless stories of 'infertile' couples who adopt and have a biological child soon after. In some way, a failure to detach hinders the pursuit of what we truly want. I guess someone who has what he/she wants and is truly grateful for it can easily let go of all worries and enjoy life. Since we are called to truly feel the joy of attainment before we manifest our affirmations, then we have to be able to let go too and enjoy life. A failure to do that, I think, symbolizes a lack of true belief in the outcome, even if we can't admit it.

Thanks again for your post. It's very encouraging.

JF

[Sweet Spirit]

Thank you JF.

I have what I need to make me happy!

I want more and I am going to have that too, now that I have let go!

It is so much easier to be positive when one lets go. I no longer dwell on the need for my boyfriend to make me happy. We were in a 16 month long relationship. I still feel that he was my soul mate and whenever he called or I saw him I was so ecstatic! However when he rejected me or withdrew, I was miserable. He did not want to be under any pressure to make me happy, and I was only an option in his life whereas he was a priority in mine. He will one day realize when he sees how well I am doing that he lost a good thing.He would not allow me to make him happy, and I tried so hard!! I know in my heart that we will have contact again one day but unless he allows the good side of himself take over, he has no chance of ever receiving the blessings that are in store.

I will continue to send positive and loving vibes his way, but if he is still negative and not open to receiving them, I will not attract him back. And that is okay for me, because I have peace knowing I did what I could and I will be happy no matter what!

[57angel]

Hello Sweet Spirit, thank you so very much for sharing this to us, it really inspires me. It is indeed so fulfilling to know that you are in control of your happiness. Though am having few setbacks now, am also working on to get back on track.Realizing that you are so very much worthy of love and respect is indeed an achievement for you, we are all happy for you. We will all look forward to your future posts here Best of LOA!

[Sweet Spirit]

Thank you so much Angel Grace.

To everyone:

I am much happier these past few days! Letting go of the desperation of needing my boyfriend has enabled me to become more positive about my future.

There is one thing I am facing now.
There is man who has been pursuing me for 4 years now. We met online and I never met him face to face. We only recently started talking on the phone, and when I was first having trouble with my boyfriend he did not respect the fact that I was still in a relationship and he repeatedly asked me out. Since my breakup, he has been calling me several times a day and even though I told him that I still had feelings for my boyfriend, and I did not want or was not ready for another relationship, he said he understood but a few days later was asking me to go on a three day trip to Florida with him! I mean come on! Shouldn't our first meeting be over coffee or something? He assured me that he expected nothing more than friendship but that trip suggestion tells me otherwise. I rarely answer my phone when I see him calling and I am getting turned off by him saying "love you babe'" on voice mails and text messages. I enjoy the conversations we do have over the phone but I am not attracted to this man at all. He is coming on too strong and moving too fast and that is pushing me away!

My point is this:
When my boy friend was out of town working, I would not hear from him for several days. When he did call or instant message me, I would get so excited! And this was a year into our relationship. ! I had that warm and fuzzy feeling on the inside with the goosebumps on the outside. When this other guy calls or text messages me, I get turned off and wish it wasn't him calling me, because I see the need and desperation for him to want a relationship that I don't desire.

Anyway, I am content right now without a relationship ever since I let go of the desperation of needing my boyfriend.  Even though I try to avoid visualizing us being happy together and loving each other again,  I strongly feel that he will be back one day when we have gotten rid of the baggage that was stressing our relationship. I know it sounds as though I am wavering and may be still holding on, but I am POSITIVE that he is the one who I am meant to be with. I just can't feel myself being with anyone else. This is the strongest attraction I have ever felt for anyone in my life and the feeling gets stronger every day!

Should I suppress my feelings, or allow them to attract him back when the time is right?
 

[bravelioness]

@sweet Spirit-It is good to hear that you're making good progress.As for me,I'm not passing by Andrew's place anymore & checking my YM & FB.But the feeling that took place right now is fear.I feel as if I'm being haunted by a ghost or something.It's good that you learned how to do it in just a short while.Waah!I think I'm such a failure.It's good that I have friends who continue to support & comfort me no matter what.

I missed you all!

[Sweet Spirit]

Brave Lioness,
Who or what is that ghost that is haunting you and why are you afraid of that ghost?
My mother always tells me, "Speak what you want to happen." If you say you are a failure then you want to and are going to be a failure.
Do you want to be a failure? Instead say, "I am a great person, I love myself,  and I am a success!" Then you will be what you speak.

The fact that you haven't gone by Andrew's place or checked his FB or YM is success not failure! You should be very proud of that accomplishment!!

It was not easy for me to let go.I still love him. I still miss him. I still want him. But I knew that I needed to let go because it was keeping me stuck in a pit of depression. I hated that pit!! I believe I can still love, miss and want him, and still let go. I know I have let go because I no longer worry if I will ever see him again. I have started focusing on myself and making myself attractive to other people. I am changing into a strong, confident and independent woman. I am changing into the things that my boyfriend tried to change me into. I am grateful to him for coming into my life and leaving because I would have never taken the initiative to discover my true self and what I am capable of, if he had not come and gone. I feel like that was one of the purposes he was created for, and that may be the only time he will be a part of my life. Maybe me changing into that new woman will attract him back. If not, it will attract someone like the new me!! I was in that pit before I met my boyfriend. I went from living with my husband to living with my parents. I did not try to change my circumstances. I was stuck in a rut. What you tolerate and become comfortable with, will never change! Seven months after meeting my boyfriend I moved back into my house but I was still depending on him to fix my life. It was a shock to my existence when he disappeared, but what I realized was that I was depending on him to make me happy. When he could not make me happy, I was miserable and hurt. It was unfair of me to expect that of him and it was unfair of me to be mad at him when he couldn't live up to my expectations. He did not hurt me on purpose. One day, I will write him a letter and apologize asking for forgiveness, but I won't ask him to come back or be my friend. He can do that only if he chooses to.

You see, God allowed me to go through that difficult time so I would be stronger. I would still be stuck depending on other people for my happiness. I count it a blessing. God led me to this forum just as he led you here. Now you need to use this experience and be grateful for it.

You have to be strong and confident in order to be a magnet. A magnet needs to have enough force and energy to pull things in. Your magnet needs to be positive so it attracts positive people and positive outcomes. Being a magnet that tries to force people into being with you to make you happy is a negative magnet. Good and positive things and people will repel that kind of magnet, so be a strong and positive magnet, then you will see how good and positive people and things will be drawn to your happiness. Think about it. Are you drawn to happy people or negative people? Chances are, when you are negative you are drawn to negative people and things. When you are positive you are drawn to positive people and things! That is the same way the laws of attraction work!

Ask yourself, "Do I want to be negative and unhappy attracting such, or do I want to be happy and positive?" You know what you have to do, now DO IT!!!

I found this web page very enlightening and I think it may help you too. It is one I saved because the message was so powerful.

http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?286264-Ex-Back-Through-The-Laws-of-Attraction-%28DNS-Original-Post%29

God bless you dear!

[bravelioness]

@Sweet Spirit-It just seems that some ghost is haunting me as I am used in feeling Andrew's presence.Now he's gone,I'm feeling scared and the like.I really divert myself into other things.Instead of going to Andrew's place,I go to my cousin's house.Whenever I'm out,I forget my problems.I wish to chill in my cousin's house always but I know she'll eventually get a job soon and so will I so that cannot always be possible.Tonight,my cousin will be attending the fiesta in our barangay and I'll go with her and we'll have a bonding session again on Friday.It really does make me feel better.If I can just be with her and my other cousins forever and chill and have fun,I'll do it (in fairness,I forget all my problems including Andrew).

You know what.I admire you for managing to let go in a couple of weeks and things are now things are getting better for you.I've been in this situation for months.Well,I have to practice believing that Andrew and I will be in better terms soon.

I'm thankful for all the support you guys have given me.I love you all!

[Sweet Spirit]

We love you too Brave Lioness!

While it is good that you can spend time with your family and friends to take your mind off Andrew, you won't always have them around so you need to find things to do by yourself that will take your focus off Andrew. I think that letting go will help with that. My son got a message from my boyfriend yesterday (No, he still hasn't contacted me personally yet,) but that was a sign that he still thinks about us and has not cut us out of his thoughts completely. I believe that since I let go, things may start to happen. I am not in a hurry because I think we need to be separated for a while. Letting go was not easy for me, but I knew I had to do it in order to get the ball rolling on my affirmations.

The last time I had a breakup, it took me 4 months to get over him. I didn't know about LOA back then but I thought for a while I would see him again. When I learned he was getting married to someone else, I had just started dating again and when I was into a relationship with my current boyfriend, lo and behold, the first boyfriend called me out of the blue when his marriage ended! We finally met again 6 months after he first called me (also 2 years after we broke up,) and I discovered that the feelings I had for him were no longer there. I felt foolish because I spent 4 months crying and obsessing over him for no reason at all! I thought that without him I couldn't be happy. It was when I let go,that  I started living my life again. Funny I didn't learn that I don't need anyone to make me happy until joining this forum. If I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of grief. That's why I am not desperate for any kind of relationship right now. You need to let go for yourself Brave Lioness. You will not see any results until you do. let that fact alone motivate you to let go!

By now, you should be used to not having him in your life. You will be surprised at how great you will feel once you take that step. Focusing on Andrew all the time is getting you more depressed and making you have negative emotions. The LOA won't work as long as you are feeling bad vibes. It may be a good idea to stop visualizing you and Andrew together. Instead visualize yourself with someone who you have yet to meet. feel happy over that person not Andrew. Then you can let go of the outcome with Andrew and let the universe do its thing in your life. You can't control what may happen; all you can do is allow it to happen. the universe knows what you want, now just detach yourself from the outcome (let go) and live your life gratefully and  positively. Good things will start to happen then.Don't think "okay if I let go, Andrew will contact me." That will only give you a setback if he doesn't call. he may not contact you and that's a fact you have to deal with. But would you rather spend the rest of your life crying and obsessing over him while missing out on the great things the universe has to offer?

You have been doing very well not to contact him or follow him, so I think you are close to taking the next step.

Good luck and let us know when you need advice or encouragement. You are a lovely strong and loving woman; now tell yourself that several times a day!