Day to day LOA advice wanted

[lise]

Hi
I won't bother to recap my entire story but I guess most regulars know it. I'm currently in no contact with the person I want to attract permanently which is difficult as it's not really what I want or what he wants but I feel it's the only way a good outcome will be achieved for me in the long term.

It's difficult because I know if I contact him - he will reply and I could easily be back where I was which isn't what I want.

I am finding it increasingly difficult to not contact him rather than easier as I miss him but I don't want to do it out of desperation  or fear he'll forget me if I don't.

What I'm looking for is advice on a day to day basis of using the LOA proactively.

At the moment - I write a gratitude diary - pretty much most days and I put the things I am grateful for and slip in some I want to be grateful for in the present tense.

I say an affirmation (in my head) when it occurs to me throughout the day.

I do visualise (at night mostly) but weirdly - I seem to slip into visualising not a big romantic scene but smaller domestic type things where we're just chatting about nothing major!

Apart from that I'm trying to stop myself from doing things like look at his fb pic and check my e-mail a 100 times a day to see if I've got a message. I think I need to check to see if I have one but I'm not doing brilliant at not being obsessive.

I am obviously - with Xmas and family etc busy so I'm trying not to obsess about him but I wondered if anyone had any advice as to what things I could on a day to day basis.

I can't seem to let go and detach - so until that happens - I was wondering about what I can do that is more positive?

[schenderson22]

I think my piece of advice to you is to read review the post by Purebliss.  I have found when we continue to focus on what we want the Universe only hears "the want" aspect of it and continues to give us more "want".  It's time to let go, have blind faith and know he will make the appropriate decision and come back to you or the Universe will bring to you your "perfect" match.

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/he-came-back-but-i-let-him-go/msg13118/#msg13118

[lise]

Thanks - for the link. I agree the letting go is the key - but I also find it the hardest thing to do deliberately. I let go of things and they manifest but that letting go just happens - I have no real emotional attachment to it and so it happens. I find when I really want something - I'm unable to let go. I'm trying - keeping busy, focussing on me, seeing friends and family - WORK etc but even when doing these things - somewhere in the back of mind I'm thinking of him and so I'm not letting go. It's a self fullfilling cycle and soooooooo annoying especially as usually if something ends - I'm not the type to dwell on it for long - learn from it and move on - occasionally I'll think of someone etc after it's ended but not like this.

guesss got to keep on trying and eventually it will fall into place.

[schenderson22]

I agree the letting go is the key - but I also find it the hardest thing to do deliberately.

I TOTALLY agree.  It is really hard when it comes to the matter of the heart.  Usually when I am having difficulty, I just remind myself that EVERYTHING happens for a reason and trust that it is bringing me where I desire to go.   

Hang in there.

[Sweet Spirit]

Lise,
I know how hard it is to let go. You know my story as well. The first time Ken broke up with me I cried everyday for 5 weeks. I let go, and attracted him back, but he was still the same person who continuously hurt me and kept me in a dead end relationship. I love him still but this last week since he broke up with me again I am not depressed like I was before. I thought this Christmas was going to be another sad holiday because he said he was not coming back. But you know what? I am actually happier now than I was when we were in the relationship. When we were together it was heaven, but when apart, he just seemed distant and indifferent. We were only limited to chat and that could have a lot to do with it. You know when I attracted him back I did not put conditions on the relationship and that is why nothing changed.

You know Lise, I was settling for this abnormal relationship because I loved him so much. I wanted him under any condition! but because he could not give me the kind of relationship that I wanted, I was miserable! That seems to be your case too.  Lise, we both deserve so much better! Its not like we are asking for the moon, just respect and consideration. If they can't give us that, they are selfish in my opinion.

I think why letting go this time is easier for me, is because he said this was a temporary separation until I could prove that my daughter could stay gone, but you know what? I am not even going to let him know when she goes. He did not have faith that my daughter would leave and stay gone. My daughter wants to leave and if he thinks I am only getting her to leave so that he will come back then I just won't even let him know she is gone. He messaged me a few nights ago and said my computer could not be fixed. He told me he would bring it when he comes. I said there is no need for you to bring me a dead computer. Just keep it for parts. He said he was still planning on coming and I said there was no need. I mean why do I want to see him? I do not want to be back in the same dead end relationship as I was before. I still love him and unless he changes his attitude about us, he can stay gone forever!

I put my heart and soul into this relationship! I gave and gave and gave. I loved unconditionally.I accepted him at his lowest point in life. I allowed him to hurt me, I forgave him and took him back EVERY time. That is true love. What did I get in return? I got thrown away like yesterdays garbage! All because I would not throw my daughter and her two babies out to teach her a lesson. My family will always me love me but he will leave me every time the going gets tough. I know Ken did this to protect me from having to raise the two grand  babies, but the more I think about it the more I believe he should have at least gave me the emotional support I needed in this tough time, like I did for him.

Anyway, I have let go again and I can not believe how liberating this is. I have no doubt that he will want contact with me again. I believe now that I have truly let go, good things are going to happen. Either I will attract a new and improved Ken, (I won't take him any other way,) or I will attract a man who is worthy and accepting of my love.

My heartfelt suggestion to you is to think about all the conditions of your relationship with him right now. If you think you can be happy living like that, then stay put and keep holding on. My guess is that you are like I was. You love him so much that you don't want to take the chance of him saying, "okay. If this is how you want things, I will say goodbye forever." I was afraid that saying to Ken that we were through would mean he would accept it and let me go. That's why I would not do it. Instead, he did me the favor of breaking things off. Now I am forced to let go and move on. I don't want to see him because I know I will melt right back into his arms and prolong the agony. I no longer get upset that he does not treat me like we are in a relationship because we are no longer in one. I don't expect anything now so I am not disappointed anymore! The sooner you let go, the sooner you can be out of your misery.

Now that I have let go, I am going to focus on loving myself, taking care and loving my children, parents and grandchildren, and I am still going to love Ken from a distance. Like I said, I will attract a better Ken or a better man altogether. That is what I want, and that is what I am going to get!

Good luck and God bless you!

[HelpingitHappen]

This is my answer to a message I received from a member here on this forum. This answer asks many questions, it also gives options, and quite possibly hope if you look for it. This answer may sound, at first, negative, but the positiveness is there if you look for it.
Sweet Spirit, I know of what you speak, and your reply above inspired me to tell you what I am thinking now, and have been thinking for several days. Please give me your feedback as you see it.
Thank you.
BW


Dear __________
 
Maybe you should do like I am thinking of doing. I am thinking of letting her go completely. Yes giving up on what I know is the best thing that has ever happened to our lives.
I am seriously considering just saying, "the hell with it" and moving on.
I have been thinking about this for a few days now, but after 8 months, and no indications, no talks, no discussions, no contact whatsoever, maybe its time I just lived my life, get comfortable with me again and maybe I will meet someone who I can get serious with again someday.
You know, just maybe, after that is done, she will return to see how I am and that may start it all up again. I don't know, I do know that I cannot live like this anymore.
My faith is strong, My love is strong, but at some point I have to sit back and let the Universe do what it does best.
I just want to be happy again, I don't need anyone to be that. When I am, someone will come along, it may be her, it may not be.
Maybe its time we both just started to let the Universe do what it does.
It is my belief that if you were to do this, then he would circle back around to you. I think that it will happen that way for me also.
If it doesn't happen that way, then at least we will be happy again, either way, and it won't matter to us about them.
I know from my own experience that LOA works. I know that all the I have let go of, came to me in time.
I have been trying to let go by force I guess, and have found that this may not be possible.
I know that when you and I let go, we will be rewarded one way or another.
I know that may not be what you want to hear, I certainly know its not what I want to hear, but for the sake of our sanity, it may well be the only way there is.
If we are to be rewarded with the return of the ones we love,  then we are just holding the Universe back from delivering. Making it that much longer before we have our desires.
This is because we are not letting go and we are still filled with need and desperation for the ones we love.
We have to rid ourselves of that need and desperation before ANYTHING good can happen. This is why I am thinking the way I do now.
I hope that you can see the logic in what I say here. I don't know how to let go completely and not let the love slip away too, I am not sure anyone does.
Maybe I will write a note to myself, dated sometime next year, saying:
"OK, If you have let go of her and no longer care whether she is with you or not, then now is the time to attract her back, if thats what you truly want."
Please forgive me, I have been going through hell, trying to let go, and it is causing me to feel very low.
I am positive that she will one day return, as I am positive that one day your's will too, but I want to still want her when she does. If I don't, then all this may be for nothing.

Peace and Love
BW

[loveofabundance]

@SweetSpirit, Ken also has to realise that no daughter will ever be out of her mother's life.  I'm glad that you are remaining strong!

[LeyLine]

I believe that there are two main reasons that make letting go so hard.. First one is our egos and the rejection syndrome. Especially for women, we must keep in mind that its unnatural for a female to be left...that doesnt happen anywhere in the nature. Females choose their mates, and then they leave them when they are done with them, it never happens the other way round. So when a woman is left by her mate, that rises a great insitictive fear inside of her (im no scientist, but i have thought about it and i think im right). And we have our egos, that cannot accept rejection. When someone leaves us, we start to doubt our self worth, we are violently threw off the pedestal we ALL set ourselves. We keep remembering what we did for them and we want our reward...and we want the other party to come back so that we can prove to ourselves and to them how much we are worth and how terribly wrong the other party was for leaving us. Indeed, if you love someone, and you have no ego, then you have no reason to want that person to be solely with you, you have no reason to want exclusivity, you have no reason to want their praise or their eternal dedication to you. Its our ego that wants the ex back, not the love (which is not bad because all desires come from ego, and if you have no ego, you have no desires and if you have no desires you reach enlightment)

Second reason that we dont let go easily is that we all have the deep knowledge that they will come back...when we wont want them anymore. And no one wants that!! We want them to come back while we are still in love with them, so that we can enjoy our relationship all over again...the other alternative is too scary..we dont wanna think that when they will actually come back we will look at them and think *why the hell i spent so much time wanting YOU back?* So we cling on them to prevent that...and we dont manifest...its a vicious circle. I believe that as long as you feel the need to do ANYTHING concerning the other party..theres no letting go. Sending love, affirmations etc, are great to manifest some small things concerning our desire and to make us feel better and more powerful, but as long as we use them - well, we havent let go..and we dont do it for the general good, but to manifest our desire.

And there also other things that prevent the letting go part...fear of the unknown (the shit we know is better than the shit we dont know*...fear of starting over again *we dont know how the new lover will turn out* etc. My point is that we dont let go, because we need the attachment. Its true that u cant force letting go, because it serves something

I have been on the verge of letting go for so long, and i realised that the only thing that was preventing was my own ego. For all the above reasons, and much more, i didnt want to let go!! But finally the time was ripe...and it happened! I let go of the need tp prove something!! I let go of the need to always being right! I let go of my fears! I embraced the unknown and i found it much more to my liking..and i was free. You see, i didnt let go of my ex..i let go of my self!

Ever since i told to my guy that i want no contact anymore, not unless i have EXACTLY what i want...things have changed for the best. best thing is that i didnt ask for no contact as a strategic movement to gain something..i asked for it, because it makes me feel good. I know that one day ill receive a message/email/letter for him asking me back. What i dont know is hiow i will be at that time...if i still like him, maybe ill give it a a go...if i dont , then i wont. best thing is that the possibility of not being available for him, doesnt scare me anymore! Theres a whole world out there ppl, full of infinite posibilities, the one more exciting than the other..and i can assure you, our exes are not the center of that world:D

PEACE

[lise]

Thanks for the replies.
@ SweetSpirit - yes for a long time what I had was better than nothing. Friends used to ask - why do you like him when you're getting very little from it and it was because something was better than nothing and what I did have made me happy. However over time either I grew to like him more or I realised how much I did like him and the limitiations started to make me increasingly unhappy. Now, although I miss him, I know I can't go back to that although it would be easy to do but I know after the initial happiness of being back in touch the same things would bother me again and so it has to progress one way or another.

For some on here there are things about the person they want to change - for me it's his circumstances rather than him himself. I love him as a person exactly as he is. He's also never wanted me to change anything about myself. I've never been one to settle for less than what I want in person just to avoid being alone or be prepared to change myself to suit someone. It just seems harsh that when I finally find someone who ticks all the boxes - there are things I can do nothing about.

I do love him and do want him to be happy and if that's not with me then so be it. I think if I knew it would never be for definite - it would maybe be easier than having this feeling that things could one day work out but not knowing for sure.

@Helpingithappen - hats off to you for not going mad after 8 months. I've only been not in contact for 12 days and am climbing the walls. I do think it's best to let the universe do it's work but it's knowing how to best achieve this? Doing something or doing nothing.

@Leyline - I think you're right about the the affirmations etc for small things and for the big things shows you haven't let go. I agree. Even discussing things on here I feel is indicating that I've not let go. I feel affirmations in the main don't work for me because it feels fake and so I have no faith in their happening. I do like to write things down as part of gratitude and because I just write them and then don't re read them - I've found they seem to happen easier.

At the end of the day - I'm grateful to have met him. I don't regret despite some tears shed a single second of the time with him nor would I change any of it. We haven't fallen out. I love him and I know he loves me . I do believe we would be great together - but no matter what it's not as if it ended terribly or anything.  I've alsways been able to be myself with him. There's nothing I wish I hadn't said or had said so it's not as if I think oh if I'd said or done that this might have happened. He knows exaclty how I feel about him and what I want.

[HelpingitHappen]

Lise2010,

I think that doing something means that you are asking, being grateful in advance, letting go, thus allowing.
Inspired action is not what I took it to be at first, and I am now in the thought that inspired action will come to you once you have let go.
I thought I was taking inspired action in some of what I have done, but it seemed only to help push her away farther.

I am not just lying around waiting for the yearning to leave. I am taking actions that serve me, and to make me a better person, for myself and all I encounter.
I still want her, but I want to be at the place in me that I don't anymore.
I thought I could want her, love her, let go of her and allow her to return.
I have now learned that I can't let go of her, without letting go of the deep love I feel for her also.
That deep love, I think, translates to the Universe as a need, and as long as you feel need, thats what will come to you, more need.
I have thought many unusual things since my break up, things that would break the average man I think.
I have run the gambit, from selling everything I own, getting on my Harley and just leaving forever, to, becoming a complete hermit and disowning everything and everyone. Suicide was a short thought for me also. (very short thought) But, I love my life, I have so much to be thankful for. My son, and my friends, my own ability to do whatever I want. I am a talented and loving person. Whatever I touched seems to turn to gold. (I wish this was the case with my ex.) This all made suicide a definite no go for me.
The feelings I have for my love overpowered everything and thats why my thinking was so screwed up
I have had many positive thoughts and many negative thoughts. For awhile there, I did think I was losing my sanity.
Then a day or two ago it dawned on me. It was the same thing I have been telling myself and others here for months.
Let go, although I said it, and I tried it. I didn't really know what letting go meant. I thought I could keep the love for her and let go the need for her at the same time.
I think now that the two go hand in hand.
I welcome anyone's thoughts if they could point the way to letting go while keeping the love.
I think that because of my past experiences, that letting go, means relieving yourself of the love that hurts, and then only when you are able, think of them with a love that does not hurt.
Thats when they come around to be your friend, or to say hello, or even to see if you are single still.
I myself have never called or attempted to find a lost love in that way. They were always the ones to come and seek me out.
I now proclaim that this will be the way I attract the love of my life back to me some day. I am leaving myself completely open to love in the form of another. I have so much love to give, and I have learned so much from this past experience, that I feel the next love I experience will be for the rest of my life.
If anyone has any ideas, or suggestions to the counter of this, I would be thrilled to hear them and take them under advisement.
I am but a student here, I am a babe in the woods and don't proclaim to know anymore than anyone here. I am open to learning, I am willing to teach others what I know and what I learn as I learn it.
I only want peace in my heart. I want that peace for everyone else also.
Thats my thinking now, anyone care to help me out in a differ?
Peace and Love,
BW

[lise]

I'm not sure I agree that letting go -(at least for me) means letting go of the love - in fact the opposite.  I am happy that I love him - it's a positive thing and I'm happy he loves me. What I'd like is for that to translate into being together. However, even if that never happens - I'm glad I still love him - I don't actually have any intention of letting that go. For me - I'm trying to let go of the desperation - the urge to contact him - ect because it's him that needs to take action for things to change. I feel I've done all I can - and said all I can. I need to move forward one way or another. I hope in the future that will involve him - if it doesn't then I will still love him.

[HelpingitHappen]

Lise2010,

I will agree that you and I both, still will love them, but as time goes on, and as feelings and situations change, the love we feel now, will not be the same as the love we shall feel for them at a future date.
I am glad I love mine also, thankful she loves me in her way, and it is a positive thing.
I too would love for our love for each other to translate into being together.
It sounds as though you, like me, are opening up to the endless possibilities the Universe has in store for us.
We are letting go of the desperation of an intense deep love we have now.
If the Universe brings us another, then personally I would not put my future partner through pain because of the deep seated love I have for an ex.
I think that is counter-productive to one's own happiness and the happiness of your would-be partner.
I also think that by hanging on to a deep seated love, it does our exes an injustice as well.
When you find that you have moved forward if needed, you will find that you will always have, A love for him, but it won't be the same love you feel now.
It is up to us to uphold the feelings of love in a respectful way to our exes long after they have left our lives.
Without them, many experiences wouldn't have come into fruition, many things would not have been learned. I would not trade my time with my ex for the world. I am a better man because of her, and I am thankful for that.
However, it is my belief, through my experiences, that you cannot let go of a loved one completely without letting go of that intense love that creates the want and desire for them.
If you were to meet another and fall in love, then you should experience this one as it is the love of your life.
If you don't, the relationship will not work out, because you would be allowing him through your thoughts and emotions to feel second best.
I won't do that to anyone. I don't think you would either.
The love you have for this ex, will be totally different than the love you feel for your current love.
Does that make any sense?
I think the key here is to let go completely, but don't allow yourself to carry any baggage from the previous relationship into a new one.
If you will allow the amount of time you need to feel free to love another completely and wholly of yourself, without the ghost of relationship's past, then I think that is the time that our exes will likely come around to see how we are getting on.
The intention they have at that point is their own and I wouldn't be able to presume what that intention is.
When that time arrives, and I assure you, it will, the choices (power) is now in your hands, and you will do with them as you see fit.
If in fact we never see them again in our lifetime, thats ok also, because we have the happiness that we are so fond of anyway.
I think that we are saying the same things, it just that the word "love" is really given in different contexts as to how we are expressing ourselves.
It sounds like you and I are in pretty much the same place regarding our exes.
It also sounds like maybe I am a little rough on the words "letting go".
Maybe thats because I am a man, and you are a woman and we express our thoughts a bit differently. I don't know, but you sound like an educated, well adjusted, "together" woman, and if he does not take action for you soon, then he will have missed a wonderful opportunity at love.
Maybe you agree?
Peace and Love,
BW

[Ginny]

I am finding it increasingly difficult to not contact him rather than easier as I miss him but I don't want to do it out of desperation  or fear he'll forget me if I don't.

Could you maintain contact as a close friend? I know this could potentially be tougher than no contact at all, but it might lead to the transition you are hoping to achieve later.

[lise]

Could you maintain contact as a close friend? I know this could potentially be tougher than no contact at all, but it might lead to the transition you are hoping to achieve later.
[/quote]

To be honest Ginny - I don't think I can. I know he would like that and has suggested it in the past and more recently said he'd rather have something than nothing at all. If I wasn't so in love with him - maybe I could. Part of me wants to so we don't lose touch all together but I think I'd struggle with it. I want more. I'd always be hoping he was going to say things have changed and then if they didn't I'd be upset. I can't make chit chat about day to day stuff when all the time I was wanting more - it's not being honest with myself or him.

I know what you mean about maybe it would make the transition to what I want easier and that is a concern that maybe by withdrawing - I'm preventing that but I feel I've gone along that route for long enough. For a long time I was happy enough with that - or happier than no contact at all but it's got more difficult as time as gone on.

I think I've done all I can. He knows where I am if things change and how to contact me in various ways. I also told him don't be scared to take a risk and assume it's too late - you'll never know if you don't ask.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not.

[lise]

@Helpingithappen

Again I agree in parts - holding on does no good - but I don't think loving your ex does them an injustice.

I'm not sure about the whole universe thing - it's a bit of a cop out in some ways. Either the loa works and we can attract anything and anyone or the universe brings us something suitable . If the universe is going to bring us something suitable why bother trying to attract - why not just give it all over to the universe?

I think the whole thing is more complex than the secret book implies but one part that I do agree with is wondering about the how is counter productive and for me leads to negativity. I also think the idea of time not being important isn't necessarily true - time might be nothing to the universe but as members of society and working etc we are to a certain extent governed by rules of time and assuming something will happen instantly leads to negativity too. Whereas thinking ok - the universe is going to bring something to me but it may take some time cos as humans we need to move through time then we can ease of the when when when will it happen.