Close Friends and Exs

[Andrew Wilkie]

Sneha,

This is really a take on your question here. I thought it best to start another post.

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/complete-beginner/msg2762/#msg2762

Relationships finish for a very good reason and always a positive one. You will certainly not know it at the time, think it and certainly not feel it.  Yet you will pull through. How many people do you know are still with their first boyfriend or girlfriend.

You only want your ex back because when they are not there with you, you hurt. You have a void within you and around you.You're angry. You'll be feeling a whole heap of emotions that you don't like and you want to get rid of them as quickly as possible and the only way you think you can stop the feelings is by getting your ex back.

You are coming from a position of lack, desperation and neediness.  What are you putting out to the universe?

Oh but, there is only one person for me, I'm special. In a world with a population of over 6808300000 people you are telling me their is only one person who 'does it for you'? Talk about limiting your options!

Exs and specific close people and friends give you feelings. You're never experienced them before so you think they are the only person who can give you those feelings.

It is those feelings you are always after, not the specific person.

By using the LOA you aren't using somebody's free will against them, if they are coming to you, you are both arranging yourselves to be at the same vibrational level as each other. When you match, then 'you'll match'.

Deep down, if you are really honest with yourself, you'll know already at your current position if you can or believe you can get that specific person who you work with or are friends with.

If you want to really limit your options and do all you can do to attract the specific person you know. Take out of the equation that it is them. What would you do any way to attract your ideal partner? It just so happens that by naming that one person, you're adding another level of detail.

I'd still suggest what is it that they give you on a feeling level. Take all of that, just don't include their face. Leave that up to the universe to find another person.

They must also be wanting a relationship too and be available to have one. If that person doesn't have any feelings for you how do you know? If you know they don't why waste your time and energy on them? You are repelling each other. Clear up your own stuff then see what happens.

One thing that does make another person think, is if you actually leave their environment. Why ? You have created a void in their universe.  If they contact you great, if they don't you're out and about meeting many other people who can give you those feelings that you want and are also available for a relationship.

[TeletubbieJellyPie]

I beg to differ on the idea that we always only try to fill the void instead of wanting the specific person.

It is true that the breakup event does cause such emotions, but that doesn't remove the fact that we can truly recognize the value of one person over all other 6,8 billion Value creation - and destruction - are very subjective things.

In my country there is a famous fairy tale about a fox trying to reach an apple that is on a branch too high for him to reach. He tries and tries to reach it, but ultimately realizes he can't and settles for the lower apples around him.
He says:"That apple must be rotten anyway."

Truth is he cannot jump high enough yet or doesn't know the exact way to climb there.

I have heard thousands of similar arguments such as "If she doesn't like you she isn't worth it."
I think that occasionally they are true, but in reality they are just an excuse to ignore some of our inabilities.

When I say "inability" I don't mean flaws or defects - I simply mean inability to reach something specific that we want.

Very often, the reasons for a break up are because one of the partners stopped caring for herself or the other partner, took the partner for granted, or did some things that disappointed the partner.
Very often, the partner won't even tell the true reason for breaking up fearing embrarrasment.

If one's ultimate goal is to foster a relationship and keep it growing, then one should attend to the needs of the partner instead of letting such disappointments occur.

If instead one's goal is to enjoy life by having "a relationship", hopping from one to another at the slightest sign of dissatisfaction, then of course it's another story. I think that also wanting a genering "a relationship" is nothing but a feeling - a wonderful feeling, of course, but nothing more the natural cycle of appearing and disappearing attractions - any random person who falls in love with us can give it to us

I think it all depends on the different goals we have, but I disagree that wanting ONE SPECIFIC PERSON is ONLY a sign of dependency and neediness.

I know this because I am aware of my options, I know the grass could be greener, yet I want to make it flourish where I already am

I may talk a lot and do little, but if others have done so (there are MANY couples who are together since decades, and MANY couples who were each others' first love) we should be able as well

Anyways, these are value differences and I think each person should be proud of what she/he wants regardless of how society reacts.

Example of what I mean:
A girl says she loves me. I reject her. Next day she has some other boyfriend. Was that love?
I don't think so... Will I trust her if she tells me again that she loves me? Probably not...
Actually, I will despise her should she ever claim that she loves me.
True love, in my book, is when someone does everything for me no matter how I treat them.
Often, parents and children show true love to each other, but todays society is creating changes even in this aspect.

I repeat: I am talking about LOVE, not about attraction.

Another idea I would like to add: I think that the very fact that people focus on the existence of "plenty of fish" is one of the REASONS why there are break ups... not necessarily the other way round.

[TeletubbieJellyPie]

After sleeping, I saw another inconsistency in what you say here. Sorry

Isn't trying to attract an ex-partner by making them feel a void, by making them feel that they miss you, like playing along the same rules that are against the notion of abundance?

Wouldn't that be almost like trying to make them feel how you felt when they broke up with you (in case you felt empty, needy, etc.)?

What if they are also using LOA and feel abundance?

[Andrew Wilkie]

Tele,

Good point. It would be there void and not yours. It's not done to hurt them. Many people here seem obsessed with exs and close friends. To me that is very lack orientated. I've been their too! Trust me.

If you are not in their life, their vibration changes. If they don't like how it feels, they 'hopefully' realize that you are the cause of the missing vibration. By having you back in their life, there vibration changes to how it was, a feeling that they much prefer.

If you're going on the lines of LOA and abundance, you wouldn't be worrying about your ex.

[mkitten]

Hi,
I was reading a lot of posts here, and added some of mine earlier. (yeah, I joined the group too bc of my ex and to learn more about the LoA.)

I was wondering, if you really read it carefully? Or is it just me, thinking this is paradox?

"Exs and specific close people and friends give you feelings. You're never experienced them before so you think they are the only person who can give you those feelings.
It is those feelings you are always after, not the specific person. "

You are telling here that we love someone not because of who they are, but because we enjoy the feeling of love itself? So technically speaking we would feel it with almost anyone around, if we choose to feel so (if they are not special at all)?
What is love anyway? I mean this special kind of love what makes someone wait for a specific person years... Or why is it that some people even in their marriages are still longing for their exes? When they have families and happy lives? What is this bond which can reunite couples even after decades of being separated and having a completely different life? Why all the biggest love stories have break-up parts?

Would love to hear your opinion
Kitten

[mkitten]

Hmm... still waiting for the replies guys

[Andrew Wilkie]

Been busy doing the work step of LOA.  Post about it on Mon or Tues. Waiting on another party to give me the green light.

I know what I wrote about feelings.

Your feelings will always win out.  It seems a paradox normally because it is the first time you've heard it. It seems totally illogical to most people. Yes, you like them too, yet it is your feelings that top it. When you break up with somebody. What do you experience - feelings for much the majority. You might remember something they said, or something you saw, but 99.9% is feeling.

When do you fall in love with somebody? Not when they are with you, but when they are not. When you're alone or doing something else, they pop into your head. You start playing scenarios in your mind that generate more and more feelings. You don't even know the person, yet within hours you can be "infatuated" or in love with the other person.

Yes, if you choose to, you could be in love with every person, but you will not.

People long for there exs because they still have unresolved feelings. Once you resolve your feelings concerning old relationships. You don't still long for that person.

The bond, between couples is exactly that, it is an emotional, feeling bond. You don't have a visual bond, you don't have a hearing bond.

I wouldn't necessarily agree all the big love stories have break-ups. That's more the movies, why, it pulls at the emotional heart strings.

[mkitten]

Hi,
Thanks for your reply. However, I think there should be something "more"... I mean there should be something more what will evoke those  special feelings in you. Maybe a vibrational harmony with the person or something?  There must be a reason why those feelings will pop up only with a specific guy/girl, and not with anyone you have spent good time with or who were kind and special to you. However I agree with you that we ourselves can evoke those feelings like when we fall in love with someone who was just a friend before. But I think usually these are not so strong feelings comparing to those what happen naturally within, without even noticing it.

Hehe. No, I didn't mean the books or movies. I meant stories what I heard. Even in my close environment. Like my parents. They were each-others first love, and it is a 45 yrs old love story. Still there was a 2 yrs long break up between them. But I could tell hundreds of those.

Anyways, your point is very interesting, I will certainly think about it...

Kitten

[goosedown]

My friend keeps coming back to me but he just does not love me.
It's so contradictory to my intuition. 

Tele,

Good point. It would be there void and not yours. It's not done to hurt them. Many people here seem obsessed with exs and close friends. To me that is very lack orientated. I've been their too! Trust me.

If you are not in their life, their vibration changes. If they don't like how it feels, they 'hopefully' realize that you are the cause of the missing vibration. By having you back in their life, there vibration changes to how it was, a feeling that they much prefer.

If you're going on the lines of LOA and abundance, you wouldn't be worrying about your ex.

[AAA]

Teletubbie,
I completely agree wid you on the point that loving one person and aiming for one person doesnt mean that we have limited our options. I mean I cant see myself luving anyone else than the person who I am in love wid, I mean I am in LOVE....its a deep feeling, i cant just see sm1 else tomorrow and start luving him, this would mean tht I actually didn't luv him truly which is why it was so easy for me to move on so fast.
I have recently posted my story here too , asking for suggesstions on LOA.... n obviously am reading other's posts to get sm tips on the application of LOA... ur suggestions wud help too. Infact everyone's suggetions wud help.tc

[kh]

If your ex has a new girlfriend but you know deep down that there is still a connection to you - does it really mean that you cant use LOA to attract them back. He came before when I asked for someone like him - even down to the eye colour and I understand why we broke up.  Since then I have spent almost a year finding myself, cleaning up my act and I really like the person I am now and I know he would like me too - if he just trusted me to try again.  I have been trying to use LOA for a few months now and I am desperate for it to work but am cautious not to have desperation in my visualisation.  I just need to believe - can anyone give me hope?  He taught me so much at the time but I wasnt ready to listen - I am so different now - I just want him to give me a chance.  I am new to this forum and so excited to find it - so please help me!!!
Kate

[Andrew Wilkie]

Kate,

The potential is there to get your ex back. BUT.

Don't set yourself a time frame for a result.  How important is it to you?  If you knew it was going to work, you wouldn't worry.

if he just trusted me to try again

- You have to trust yourself.  He and you are vibrating at a very different level right now.  What is your end result?  Him trusting you is his, not your result. How would you know he trusts you?

I know he would like me too

  How do you know that, that's a mind read.

I am desperate for it to work

  More work to be done by you.

You ex has a new girlfriend right now. - He's not available right now. Again time frame.  If you concentrate on your end result. You'll change as a person. If he sees you around, he'll notice and potentially begin changing his vibration and availability.

If he has trust issues, he'll have a whole lot of cleaning up to do himself.

[kh]

Thank you so much for your reply and such helpful advice.  Yes time - I dont want to be with anyone else so I am using this time to clear up my vibration - and happy to wait - but not using the feeling of waiting in my vibration (well trying not to!!!)  The reason I know he would like me as I ended up doing lots of things that he tried to get me to do when I was not ready to - but when I had my time, I slowly worked out who I was, and it ended up being someone he had tried to make me to be.  Yes timing sucks - yes he has some work to do but I dont think he knows about LOA.  He wont see me around as we live 250 miles away - shame!!!  Re trust - he would have to spend time with me to know that - so I am part the way there - I will keep believing, trusting and being a wonderful person - and keep reading these blogs - which help tremendously!  Thank you so much for caring to reply.
Many many thanks  Kate

[Galia]

Andrew,

why you say not to set a time frame for a result?

If you ask something from the Universe, dont you need to be clear on your deadline? Otherwise we set goals but we leave the Universe a life time to accomplish?

 

[dhruv]

Thanks galina ,

I also read posts by Andrew  mentioned Avoiding setting Deadlines which is little opposite from the techniques i learned till date on this forum from other moderators and members.

If we dont set deadlines , up to how long we should wait or it may take years that universe grant our wish, Isnt it?

Sunidhi