Christmas..is there still hope?

[bravelioness]

Hi everyone.It's only 26 more days before Christmas.You all know my situation regarding him.For those who don't,let me summarize the story.

Andrew & I met 8 years ago when we were still in high school.We were from different but neighboring schools.We were not that close but considered each other friends.After 3rd year high school,we didn't hear from each other.Last February,we were reunited through facebook then we started dating & became intimate.When he got a job,he changed completely & acted as if I was invisible.I didn't communicate with him for a month then I tried to confront him & ask what's wrong then he said he didn't like my personality,attitude,& behavior.I apologized to him but he ignored.The next day,he deleted me on fb.

During his birthday,I went to his house to give him a gift.he wasn't there so his brother Wilson told me to just leave the gift there but I was scared that he might not accept the gift & just throw it away so I kept the gift.

When he knew that I went to his house,he told me to stop following & contacting him & stay out of his life.I apologized to him & told him that I would change but he said he's not interested anymore & threw me just like that as if we were never friends & we never met.I am trying to keep my hopes up despite my friends,family, & other people telling me to move on,forget about him,& look for other guys that there are many fishes in the ocean which I find really disheartening.

Now,here's the present situation.Andrew & I haven't been in contact for more than 3mos & I stopped walking/jogging to his house & looked for other things to do to make me happy.I'm unsure that he's ok with me now & that we're reconciling now & in better terms with him & his family.And as I've said before in my recent post that he keeps on sticking with other girls especially this Carla girl who happens to have a boyfriend.Then I just knew that he blocked or disabled me to add him as a friend as a pop out window said Do you know this user personally? To prevent misuse of Facebook, this request can't be sent. To learn more, please visit the Help Center. If you believe you're seeing this message in error, you can report the problem.

With the present situation,with him telling me to stay out of his life that he doesn't want & is not interested anymore  & with what other people telling me to move on,forget about him,& look for other guys that there are many fishes in the ocean,do you think there is still hope for my situation that it can be turned around?I'm feeling disheartened.It's almost Christmas.I feel sad. Ilove him so.I want to spend the rest of my life with him. 

[LeyLine]

brave lioness, thats why we shouldnt set time limits..because a deadline is anxiety by default. I think you should let go of the deadline you put, so that you will regain your optimism and power

[Sitfab]

exactly as 31 said. would your reunion be any less happy than if you'd get back together on a different day and/or by chance? Just believe that he will return whenever, wherever. Let the universe do it's job properly. 

[Sneha]

sorry to say but you are clinging on and hence adding negativity to your desire to get him back.Move on in life, there are  better things to do.Things that u luv doing like shopping, writin, viting new places, partying, sleeping and catching up wid friends. stop thinking about him.get a life for urself.
u will see things chnaging.u r setting time lines which means that i should get this by tis time that means that u r thinking that after this set limit is crossed u wont get him which is a negative feeling, it says u arent sure.

trust me , get involve dwith some 1 else u probably will get what u deserve and not only what u need.u deserve the  best.each one of does.

wish ya all teh positivity and happines.when i say happiness i want to see rrejoicing and awesome words from u which will come out when u r immresed in good things and feelings.

[bravelioness]

@31-That's what most people say.I try to convince myself that time is just an illusion.I'm really getting disheartened b/c of the people telling me to move on,forget about him,& look for other guys that there are many fishes in the ocean,the past & the present situation,with Andrew sticking with random girls,him telling me to stay out of his life that he doesn't want & is not interested anymore.I wonder if the situation can be turned around.Nothing seems to be happening.Andrew & I haven't been in contact for more than 3mos & I stopped walking/jogging to his house & looked for other things to do to make me happy.What else should I do.


I'm sorry.I'm not angry.I just feel like crying.But honestly,thank you.You're one of the people who really did help me & who supported me all throughout.

[bravelioness]

trust me , get involve dwith some 1 else u probably will get what u deserve and not only what u need.u deserve the  best.each one of does.

@sneha-Are you telling me to find someone to replace him(a new boyfriend) in other words like what most people in my life are telling me?

[LeyLine]

bravelioness, dating another guy is not a bad thing....it raises your vibration. im dating guys too, and that helps my situation and myself

[lise]

I don't think there's much point dating other people if you're secretly or not secretly wishing they were someone else - it's not fair to anyone. I do think it's good to have male friends - it gives you a male perspective on life - by that I don't mean ask them constantly about your situation.

I know it's incredibly difficult to not become obsessed but try as much as you can to keep your mind and body occupied and that stops the obsession, hleps you get tired and sleep well.

The thing about time - I've read all the stuff about the universe and time meaning nothing and  what sems big to us is noting ect. and I get it, I do but I think sometimes it adds to our dismay when things don't manifest quick smart. I now try to think ok - yeah time is nothing for the universe BUT we're humans and we live in the universe and aren't always so smart and sometimes we need to play ctach up and take notice. So sometimes, ok the universe is doing it's bit but the humans are a bit slower and so it might take a bit of time and that then stops the pressure of will it be today.

I'd try and let go of time scales - as long as it's not a decade from now - does it matter wwn you get what you want as long as you get it? Once you're in that frame of mind - it's easier (for me) to think ok - it's on it's way - I'll visualise each day and give it a nudge but it's on it's way. rather than think - a week on friday or that's it.

[loveofabundance]

@sneha, welcome back.  I've missed you!
 
@brave, let go of Christmas!  It's been causing you undue worry and stress.  Things are going to work out for you if you just let go.

[Mergirl]

B consider rocking your ass with other guys because if it makes you jealous seeing Andrew rocking his with someone, well perhaps he will feel the same to you. If he sees you with someone else having fun without him it may just make him realise what he let go of. Right now you're single and available and not really giving him any reason to see why he should come back to you.  I have read in relationship books by experts that when people get into relationships or become interested in someone, they consciously and unconsciously are attracted to the other person for having something that they want. Sometimes it can be a personality or psychical trait. Sometimes its more tangible like money, career, possessions. Anyway this is why its important to forget about him and concentrate on you. You need to make something of yourself that he didn't see in you or that you had in you when you were together. I think this is an important concept for not only getting an ex back but in dating in general. You need to give the other person a reason to want to be with you and that reason is one of the things that keeps that person with you. A good example is when we girls always look our best when trying to attract a guy and then once we have him we often let go of our prepping and priming and then he lets go of us. Or even when we have good social lives with our friends before we start dating them and then once we are in that relationship we often neglect our previous social life always being available for the guy and then he loses interest because we no longer have that dynamic fun life we had that made you look fun because you were busy. Those are just two examples that I actually remember from one of the serious of books by the guy who wrote, He's Just Not That Into You.

[57angel]

B, as everyone suggest here, dont put time when you ask, that could only lead to more doubts as the time goes near. Let go of the negativity you have, instead focused on doing things that will make you happy. Dont you worry, Christmas will be a joyful one should you choose to be joyous, start from within. I understand that letting go is the hardest part, I am not also that good in that also, but I know that our baby steps will lead us to completely let go and healing. You are amazing and brave, and I know that you will always be. Stay happy and loved

[Sweet Spirit]

While I agree that one should date and have fun, if you are not truly over someone, its not fair to the other person you are dating, especially if they are dating with the intent of possibly being in a relationship with you. When Ken and I broke up last March for a brief time (2 months before he moved in with me,) I dated 2 of my exes in one weekend. I had not given myself time to heal and get over Ken (my dates were within one week of the breakup.) One of my dates was angry with me because I was not ready. I guess I thought that dating so soon would help me get over him. I think its easier when you are the one who decides to end it. The last time we broke up (which was when I joined this forum,) he was the one who did not want to continue the relationship.
Brave Lioness, because I was depressed about possibly facing the holidays without him again this year, I let that control my emotions and this time I think I may have pushed him farther away. Its been a few days since we had contact (I have made myself invisible to him on messenger,) and I need this time to work on myself. I have been invited on a date next weekend with yet another guy I dated before I met Ken but in all honesty I don't think I am ready. This other guy knows however that I can not jump into another relationship and he understands that, so I think it might not be a bad idea to go out with him; but on the other hand, even though Ken told me I should go out with other men, I just can't see myself with anyone but him right now. It looks like I may be facing Christmas without anyone (except my family,) but I can not let that keep me from enjoying the holidays, and I think you should do the same. I'm sure right now Ken thinks of me as this weak and needy woman who needs him to make her happy, and nothing is more unattractive as a woman who is dependent on others for her happiness.

Don't get disappointed if things don't happen before Christmas. Your holding onto him (by not letting go,) is making it more difficult for you to manifest a relationship with Andrew or anyone else for that matter. You are a beautiful woman with so much love to give and I think that you are cheating yourself by limiting your possibilities. I know how hard it is to let go but I also know that letting go is the key to everything. When I let go before, Ken was contacting me within a week. I attracted him back, but things are really no better than before he left, so you may be trying to attract someone who you don't even know anymore because you said yourself he had changed before the breakup.

I am letting go again and this time I am going to make it clear as to what I want in a relationship so that I don't have to be hurt anymore.

Good luck sweetheart. We are all here for you and we love you.

[Ginny]

I know how hard it is to let go but I also know that letting go is the key to everything.

It really really is. Once you let go, everything you want comes to you.

There was a fellow I was absolutely mad about - and the situation sounds like maybe a bit like with you and Andrew (yes, I used to go by his house - this was before the internet, so I couldn't check Facebook or anything, but I'm sure I used to phone up and hang up on him, just to see if he was there) - he said he didn't want to see me and all that. I used to cry and cry, I even thought I would kill myself (ugh). But over a long period of time (years actually), I finally finally got over it.

20 years later, he put an ad out trying to find me, saying I was the only girl he'd ever loved. Okay, it took 20 years - but think about all the negative energy I put into that situation! I wanted him, so I was doing the asking - but by all the fretting and crying and obsessing, I wasn't ALLOWING, so I didn't get what I wanted until much later (alas, now that I no longer want it). We are still friends now though, and still exchange e-mails regularly.

Please try to understand that when people advise you to let go, they really are just trying to help. The above isn't the only time I've let go and then got what I wanted, it's just the most dramatic example. Letting go is critical - it's counterintuitive and very difficult to do, but it's essential.

[Akshita]

Hey... Deadlines only make u anxious. I had set the festival Diwali as my deadline. And honestly, I could not even enjoy the festivities because I was always thinking about how nothing had happened.
Dont set a deadline. Just focus on the end result and the happiness you would feel when you guys reunite! 

[bravelioness]

Hey!Thanks for your replies.I've read the post about attracting a specific person like that girl who believed that she'd marry Prince William someday.But as we know here she didn't.I'm pondering on there must be something missing aside from the unshaken belief.I believe that Andrew is the guy for me that I'll marry him & he is all I ever wanted.I visualize & I find time to do things to make me happy.I spend my day going online to look for a job.I no longer go to his place,peeking at the windows to see if he's there or not & that has been more than a month & we haven't contacted each other for 3months & he probably thinks I'm dead.What else should I do?What else is missing?