Can you help ?

[irishgirl69]

I really think you should let him go.  That's not to say you won't come back together at some point, but when one person wants the relationship to be over, the worse thing you can do is keep pushing.  All it's going to do is push that person further away from you.  Let him go, give him the space and just focus on you.  Set the intention that you want to be with this man when the time is perfect for both of you to have a new, amazing relationship.  And then just live your life. 

Read Katie's success story - you can find it in this thread (among others):

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship-6/resources-thread-getting-your-ex-back/

She had one of the most dire situations and she was able to attract her man back to her.  But it was only when she let go of the desperation and need for him that she was able to do that.  I can sense a lot of desperation coming from you on this, and if I can, so can he.  Desperation is never attractive or healthy.  You shouldn't be with this man because you are desperate for it, you should be with him because the relationship is good and healthy.  And right now, it's not.

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

I am about to lay this out for you plain and clear, so listen up! 

The timing is off in this relationship, it's very simple and extremely clear.  It is also clear that he DOES have feelings for you, if he didn't he would have broken it off and blown you off completely and would not even entertain the idea of meeting with you. 

I have been in your shoes and I have dated a man like this and I have attracted him back EVEN AFTER acting like a complete nut job, crazy, stalker and we are today the very best of friends, we are not together (my choice) but if I wanted him I know I could have him. 

The thing I realized (and I am much older than you) is that the first time we were together the timing was just off, I wasn't really in a good place for a serious relationship even though I truly wanted one with him and he was scared to death of getting too serious with me and he was also scared of how much I really liked him.  Those strong feelings for a man are too much, it's better to hold them back some and let them chase you and let them profess their desire to be with you to you and not the other way around.  It's almost too much pressure for them to deal with. 

My advice is to agree to the break up, apologize for not being what he is looking for and then give him space and get on with your own life.  Don't call him, don't chase him, don't show up at his house, don't email him, don't skype him......nothing!  If he isn't reaching out to you then that's it until he decides differently. 

You have a real great chance at turning this around if you can rid yourself of the desperation of having him, if not it doesn't matter because no man wants a desperate woman no matter what. 

You need to back off and become again the fun person you were before you started seeing each other and since you work around each other you can actually have him witness it.  The thing is.....it needs to be real, not fake or for the sake of making him jealous or to get a reaction from him, you need to really get happy with yourself and show how easy and fun your life is without him.........then he will think about what you are up to and about coming back.....then and only then! 

You keep pushing him and you will push him out the door. 

I dated that guy the first time 9 years ago for only a few months like you and after chasing him and acting like a nut job it took me 6 years (it took that long because I acted so badly when we broke up the 1st time) to attract him back to me and we dated again for a year, the second time I wondered what the hell I was thinking and broke up with him.  Here we are 3 years later and he is still in my life, practically on an every day basis.  We adore each other but I just don't feel like he is the right guy for me now.

You can have him, you just need to back off and get yourself back together and let go of the "I want you NOW" mentality! 

Patience grasshopper...........ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT!! 

[meafim]

The way i look at the law of attraction regarding anything that happens in my life is like this. I look at reality as a mirror. What is happening to me on the outside is a reflection of what is happening to me on the inside.

Where within yourself are you running away from yourself? From the law of attraction, remember that like attracts like. So if you are scared of commitment on on level within yourself, you will attract lack of commitment!

This might not be a conscious process, but sometihng you don't even realise your doing deep within yourself. Ask yourself the question, what am i avoiding about myself?

If this is a recurring pattern that is happening in alot of your previous relationships as well, then this is what is happening. Once you work it out, you'll find that your external reality changes.

For an example, i couldn't understand why i was such a responsibile person but no one could trust me. One day it clicked that in fact that it was me who didn't trust myself. Once i had this realisation, EVERYTHING shifted for me in my external reality. I had to learn to trust my unconcious or my deep inner self or the universe. It was the lesson i had to learn. I have been quite amazed at all the conincidences that have occured in the last 8 months since that ah-ha moment.

As for the young man in question, focus on growing yourself instead of putting your energy into forcing something to work. You will just be pushing him further away. Once you start growing, you'll outgrow him and you'll wonder what you ever saw in him. Better still, you'll move onto being attracted to men at that new level and vice versa. Like attracts like remember.

I sympathise with how you are feeling. I have had to break off a relationship with a girl when i went through a bad patch (sounds similar to what is going on with this guy you talk abuot). It's too long a story, but after that turmoil i went through, i put all my energy into growing myself into a better person and when i look back i don't know what i ever saw in her.

Fall in love with yourself. It's the only way to move on and attract a person who will love you back the way you want. (reality is a mirror remember ;-)  )

[JustCallMeMrsJohnson]

I have realized from personal experience that when the Universe and/or God separates you from someone that you need to become aware of something about you, them or both. The best thing you can do is work on yourself and your life and it will all fall into place. HTH!

[meafim]

I have realized from personal experience that when the Universe and/or God separates you from someone that you need to become aware of something about you, them or both. The best thing you can do is work on yourself and your life and it will all fall into place. HTH!

Yeah, that's what i said... nice summary Mrs Johnson 

[Lika]

Thank you all very much!

I decided as mariposa said to agree with the break up and give him all the time in the world. Maybe I was expressing my feelings too much (but I really felt that way, in love and in happiness).

But yes, I will not beg for him to be with me, I will let things happen by themselves.

Strange but I am very happy to meet him (maybe because I haven't seen him few days)

I will accept what ever he says. And keep myself strong!

[Lika]

We met yesterday, but he came with friends, we were not alone, so we did not had much space to talk about. But at the end of the evening I managed to ask him few questions. He repeated again that I need to move on with my life and that he will call me after when he will be "chill out".
I said to him that I can not wait forever, maybe few weeks but that is it. He said that he need a week and than he will tell me what he decides.

Since last Saturday he vanished I went out with some friends for a drink and there was a photographer who took pictures of us and this picture was published on Internet. I was with my girl friend and her boyfriend and another guy a friend of my girfriend's boyfriend.

He mentioned that photo by saying "Go on with your life like you did on the Saturday with those two guys". i wanted to explain that there was nothing going on that night, but I thought it will be only wasting time explaining.

I did not contact him today on skype at all, neither he contact me.

I am trying to stay calm, maybe my hopes are still a live, but I somehow fell that he will not call me after a week at all...



 

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

He's a bit immature but believe it or not that little comment he made spoke volumes.......

Hold your ground and be strong, he obviously has very strong feelings for you and I bet if you just carry on as if he doesn't matter a lick he will come crawling back to you in no time.   

Remember, focus on YOU not on him!  You need to be the BEST you, you can be for yourself and everyone else. 

Smile, be happy and believe it will all work out! 

[Lika]

Today he become friend with one girl and her status is In relationship (on facebook).

I think that he might have a new girlfriend , maybe this girl.

Yesterday he said that he wants to be alone and today he is friend with this "In relationship" girl.

I think he has someone else...

[Mariposa, (KnJ)]

Girlfriend!  Get that thought out of your head! 

He doesn't have a girlfriend. 

Really he doesn't but if he did, it wouldn't matter because he clearly has feelings for you and so SHE DOESN'T EXIST.

But no worries, he doesn't have a girlfriend. 

You might want to consider deactivating your FB account for a little bit, you checking his status is going to drive you batty if you let it.  If you don't know anything, you can't get upset about it and you can remain focusing on yourself and not on him.   

[beautifulmesss12sc]

Listen to Mariposa  Lika .. she is giving great advice .. it takes awhile for it to sink in and i knw u r afraid if u r not persistant he will forget about you .. he wont .. i thought that too .  and my guy has contacted me several times since i really started letting go .... IF you really want this man .. then u need to pay attention to whats being said here!

and who cares what he thinks abt the picture it was his choice to end the relationship ,,, my guy questioned me abt other men as well .. at first it worried me cuz i was afraid hed want nothinhg to do w me after that ... but that was his choice i wldnt want him to think im sitting around waiting on him

[Lika]

yes, I should have listen to Mariposa...

But I did the biggest mistake ever... I went to his home, found him and again make the conversation..this time was very bad.. he said that I have annoyed him for showing up at his home, that now he will think again for another week are we going to be together or not, and most important of all is that he said that he does not love me anymore. That after this (showing up at his door) he said that he has no feelings for me anymore.

That if I find better man during this one week that I should be with that man.. Well I said the same to him, that if he finds better woman than myself that he should be with that woman, but that no one will love him as much as I do.

After saying to me that he does not love me, I just said thank you for your time and apologize for showing up at his door.

I did big mistake..

[Love is here]

Im sorry but im just not getting if he does have another girlfriend why she should act like she doesnt exist. Im not saying he does have someone but if thats a possibility she should be at least aware of everything thats going on. If he was married and with children and wanted him to divorce his wife and be with her should she also act like they dont exist? When I wanted my ex back, I use to act like other women he might be dating doesnt exist as to not make me crazy with worry but not facing that reality didnt do me any good when I ran into him and his pregnant girlfriend (now wife) in public and had to obviously face that reality. Im not trying to be insensitive but how does this man have strong feelings for Lika if he basically keeps telling her to go away? Maybe apart of him likes her but strong feelings? Law of attraction is not gonna get him back if he doesnt want to come back cause he has his own will and maybe is attracting something else himself and if it does it will be all wrong because like attracts like and if you have a strong self esteem and love yourself, you are not gonna even want a man that doesn't really want you. So even if he does come to you, it wont be what you imagined. I think you should let this man be. Law of attraction is alot more fun and alot less frustrating if you use it on yourself and your own life instead of trying to control what someone else will do or make them love you. You can call it something else if you want but thats what it is. Thats the absolute worst advice I keep reading all the time on this forum and why I havent posted as much lately even though I had been everyday cause reading it brings a negative energy. I try to bypass all those posts but lately everytime I log in, they are at the recent posts I missed.

[irishgirl69]

Lika, I'm glad you realize that you made a mistake by confronting him like that.  Now what are you going to do about it?  I hope the answer is you are going to leave it alone, because that really is your only option at this point.  You have pushed and pushed this guy and the only direction he can go is away from you.  If you have any hope of regaining your relationship with him, you need to let him go.  Even if he tells you after a week that he wants to be done (which he most likely will given both of your behavior), then let him go.

eightieschick, a large part of LOA is ignoring your current reality when it is showing you the opposite of what you desire.  That is what Mariposa was referring to when she said if he has another girlfriend, to pretend like she doesn't exist.  I see a lot of the advice that you have given has been very practical and based in reality and while it might be good advice, if you are going to spend time on this forum, I think you're going to be frustrated.  If everyone here just looked at things from a practical, realistic standpoint, then we would all give up on our desires.  LOA is about creating your reality. 

Saying that, I do think that in some cases, the best option is to let go and focus on the bigger picture of what you want in your life without being tied to one single person.  But you can't just say that everyone who is trying to attract a particular person is trying to control them or make them love you.  Maybe that's not what you want to do, but it seems to me you're rejecting some of these theories and techniques without having an open mind.

[lise]

I dint necessarily think ignoring a girl friend is the best way to go. Its being in denial and I think that can be harmful. Focussing on yourself, improving things for you and not giving your attention (neg attention ) to current reality , a similar but slightly different perspective.


However, him adding a girl on fb and that girl being in a relationship is hardly evidence that he's in a relationship with her - is it? I've added several people who are in relationships does that mean I'm in relationship with them?

I don't understand when he's asked you to give him some space that you think turning up at his house was going to have a good outcome? It's disrespectful - it says what I want is more important than what you want. That said - you've annoyed him but if you back off and give him what he asked for and do the work on you, things can and will change.

You didn't accidentally turn up at his house you made a decision and at various times along the way you continued your journey and continued up his path. Do the same thing now, make a decision to work on you and stick with it.