Can't stop the desperation help!

[sunshinee]

I am sorry that I'm so weak..don't know what's wrong with me?How do you manage to stay strong and happy?How to get rid of those negative emotions,they are killing me,the whole day I can't stop crying about my ex,I feel the absence all over me The fact that he has no interest in me NOW blocks everything.uuuh I hate those thoughts.For 4-5 days I feel just fine,filled up with hope,and then there's a day like today..how u cope with those days?
I just felt the need to talko to somebody

[Inge]

Hi sunshinee,

first of all, you are NOT weak!! Do not say this to yourself... we are all having your emotions from time to time. To tell you the truth, I felt the same today... I am attracting my BF back during 5-6 weeks now. I felt strong, and happy! And since yesterday, all of a sudden... BOOM. Despare, fears, etc.. all the negative feelings starting to show up. I do not know why. To give you a little support: I try not to focus on those thoughts, replace them immediately by good ones. I try to distract myself by going out, today I went to large centre where they sell beautiful flowers and plants. Just to go out of my house and stay as positive as I can! And do not judge yourself, we all have our days where things do not seem to work out the way we want. I have a suggestion for you. I don't know how you long you are separated, but I think maybe you should try all the feelings of lack, and sadness, and whatever feelings of loss you have, release them by applying EFT. Find some posts here from Andrew Wilkie. I do it myself also, as a matter of fact ten minutes ago I did it trying to get rid of fear I will never get back my BF. It is really helpful to ease your mind and thoughts. Give it a try sunshinee! And please, do not panic, try to relax. First work on yourself, and in the meantime stay focussed on your end-goal. You WILL succeed, have faith!!
I hope this helps!

[sunshinee]

Thank You for your post,Inge
I feel much better now,yesterday I tried EFT for the first time,for now I am not very good at it but I'll become better:) My biggest fear is that my ex will forget about me,about my existence because he was the one to lose interest in the relationship and disappeared

[Inge]

My pleasure, sunshinee!

Just keep practising EFT, do it every day if you can! You can also tap on this feeling that your bf will forget about you!
And .... my BF also said that he did not love me anymore... out of the blue. So I know the feeling! But just keep going, my BF initiated limited contact again...so don't lose hope!  And stay focussed on your end-goal!

[pachacuti]

@sunshinee, you are not alone.  My wife also told me she did not love me and never would. This she told me on our first wedding anniversary soon after finding out she was pregnant with my child. Like you, I manage to keep myself upbeat and then the most mundane thing could bring me down.  For example, yesterday I saw a friend of mine with his little daughter and I was struck with the most powerful sense of envy that then sucked all my despair at the loss of my wife in to me.  It helped to be able to say "Whoa! Buddy. Envy is most assuredly negative. Therefore it is a limitation."  I proceeded to non-judgmentally question myself why I should be feeling envy of all feelings and what fears or beliefs did it uncover in me.  After about 5 to 10 minutes of doing this and considering it without beating myself up, I was able to let it go, while having learned a little bit more about myself and my beliefs in the process. So, maybe give it a try. When you feel negative emotion, especially strong negative emotion. Ask yourself why you are feeling that. What belief do you have that causes you to feel that. How can you change that belief so you believe something else. Think about your fear of you BF forgetting you. What belief causes you to have this fear? Where did this belief start? What other things can you believe.  When you get right down to it, it is highly unlikely that your BF will EVER forget about you.  How many people have you forgotten about that made a significant impact on your life. So maybe your belief is "I am not important enough to remember." This is just a belief. It is certainly not true as we are all important enough to remember. So where did your belief start. I think if you can tap into those roots it might help you to get to a stronger place.  Trust me, you will still get the pangs of loss and despair, but you get more able to look at them and think about them.  Then you can get yourself back on a positive track. Like knowing he will never forget you might let you at least never deal with that irrational thought again.

I hope that helps a bit.

[sunshinee]

mlybrand,thank you a lot! Wow, you gave me something to think about for sure.May be the fear comes from my lack of self-confidence,which holds me back.It's just hard to make yourself believe in something that you don't believe,this process will take time and efford but if everyone can do it,why can't I as well? I really hope you will work things out with your wife,well I am sure you will because you are on the right track