Ugh, had a shitty evening last night. About a week ago I sent a text to my guy (don't call him ex) while he was on hols. I have been feeling really good all week, working on LOA, working on myself and detaching, thought I was getting there, well I was not!!!
Last night I got a short text saying he had not had his phone on him and he was back having cut his holiday short. Nothing more. Well this made me feel physically sick as a friend once told me of a guy she knew who cut his holiday short because he missed his gf so much (he has a new girl). Well I swear this was all I could think of. Any rational reasons for him cutting hols short (he went with a buddy) were gone and I created a total monster in my head that he had come back early to be with this girl. I finally managed to sleep but had horrible nightmare of them together and I feel wretched this morning. I really thought I was starting to detach but obviously not. The knot in my stomach is back.
One thing it has taught me though is that I am totally not ready for contact and if getting his text make me misinterpret them (exactly the same when I got a text last week, I made up in my mind that he was trying to get in touch to tell me him and his gf were moving in or something) then I am not ready for contact and I need to work on myself a lot more!
Anyway, how can you go from feeling so great to so shitty and this is me getting text messages from him (albeit short and unpersonal). Back to beginnings!
Just had to offload
