Attracting a beautiful stranger :)

[islandgirl]

Hi everyone,
Im a longtime lurker in this forum, and I really enjoy logging in here to read your stories, and appreciate the way you help each other. I'm not new to LOA, but I feel I can't contribute much myself.

I see that most of you are discussing ways to attract back an ex, but this is not why I'm here. I wish my ex's may live happily forever without me:) But I do have a love problem that I hope you can shed some light on.

First a little background info on myself. I'm female, 49 yo, sweet(they say) attractive, healthy and happy. The last 10-12 years I have been living alone, without a man, without romance and with no sex. It is my own choice. Before that I came out of some devastating relationships that nearly ruined my life, I was heartbroken and my self-esteem was below zero and I hated myself. I decided to stay alone for as long as it took to heal myself, build myself up from emotional dysfunction and restart my life. I have grown up children, friends and family, I have a dog and two cats, a garden, I have hobbies that I love, work, and I'm never bored. So the years have passed, and I can only say I've been happier than ever. There was not often a feeling that I missed out on anything, although both friends and my children keeps urging me to Go Out And Meet A MAN, For Christ Sake!! I don't hate men, I love to work with them, I have male friends and family and I like to go out and have fun with them. And I have admirers that try to get my attention once in a while, but no love and romance, oh, the dread. I think the pain and the sorrow from way back then got stuck to my bones, and I fear getting too involved and intimate. I'm hiding my heart away and try not to open up too much, I know it's not good…..

So to my little miserable love story.

Spring came, -and with it, -a man. I swear I fell so hard I think they might have heard it in the next town. He came only to stay for around 6 months on an assignment, and once in a while I have to have contact with him, either in person or over the phone. He is tall, highly educated, kind, nice, gorgeous and very sexy! But sure enough, -turns out he's around 10 years younger than me. That backed me off a little, but he smiled at me a lot and looked as if he was pleased with what he saw, so I thought what the heck!  Talk about falling head over heels, - I felt sparkly, shiny and bubbly like a 16 yo, happy, pretty and bouncy (and horny!), -what a crazy summer it has been, I never felt so good! So much for my pledge to celibacy, I would have thrown it out the window without batting an eyelash had he given me the chance! Slowly I tried to connect, very carefully, and very much aware that I was a newbie at this flirting-thing, and I tried to work up the courage to ask him out for coffee, -as soon as I managed to stop trembling around him LOL We never really got to chat much, other than business, when he suddenly changed his attitude towards me.

He became distant, he avoided me like I was contagious it seemed, made little eye-contact and he stopped smiling. I promise I did everything to not make him uncomfortable, I never stalked him, said anything mean, or stared….but I grew unhappy and withdrew as I felt he suddenly couldn't stand me. He became totally unavailable! I believe that up until then there was a pretty strong connection, something going on between us, but I think he sniffed me out, became aware that I had these feelings for him, and that can be repelling, I've heard, even if I tried to disguise how I felt. Then I learned that he had a girlfriend in his hometown, and what a girlfriend! I saw photos of her, 30 yo, looks like a model (cindy crawford comes to mind, minus the mole on her cheek) She looks as if she could be the next miss universe, and I'm only the local, and aging, miss congeniality… She's 20 years younger than me, and I'm not kidding myself into believing, or even hoping, that he would prefer me.

So the downslide began, and I've been working on myself to avoid thinking of him, even meeting him, I want him out of my head and heart and my life as soon as possible. He's leaving in august, and I hope to never see him again. I feel hurt and rejected by his attitude, but also relieved, -the madness is hopefully over. He has never said a mean word to me, so it would only be unfair to blame him for anything. It's all in my own head, - maybe there was never a sliver of interest from his side. It's confusing, but I still daydream, it's like some nasty resistant virus is occupying my brain and refuses to let go. And letting go is what I want! I'm not here to try and attract him, or raise my hope to meet him again, I just want this longing, and hurt and feverish feeling to go away! I want my life back! The euphoria and wildness I felt in spring and early summer has turned inside-out….

I have read a lot of LOA, I've seen the secret several times, I listen to audio-books almost every day (Mike Dooley, he makes me laugh), I apply for new jobs, I try to make jewelry again, I connect with friends and family. I am loved and appreciated from all around me, and I feel very grateful for it.

But why do I get such an emotional roller-coaster thrown into my lap for the first time in over 12 years, is it the universe waking me up from my comfortable slumber and telling me it's time…for something?? Right now it feels like the universe is having a laugh at my expense….

I'm so sorry this became such a long story, it's just glued to my brain and I needed to get it out! I hope at least a few of you have read it through and can share some thoughts with me. I need some input on what was going on, and how do I turn this into a positive thing for myself without falling into resentment, loneliness and feelings of rejection? I want to love someone again, but not a man that makes me feel so old and over the hill (which I am not!:)

Blessings, and lots of luck in love and life from me:)

[tereza]

I like what you said about the universe trying to tell you that it's time for something.
But I think it's really just you trying to tell yourself that you're wanting something in your life. It seems that you attracted this guy because you wanted to feel those emotions of love again, but at the same time you weren't quite ready for a relationship. Hence him being taken and only in town for a short amount of time.

Anyway, it's a great thing that happened because you know you can attract another guy in your life and now that you're certain that you want a relationship, your on your way to attracting the right guy for you.

[Vicki Christina]

I think all of us can relate - young and old - to the wake up call of feeling excitement for another person who comes into our life.     I have been in situations where someone really makes me feel romatically alive and it can be unexpected.   It is good as it reminds us that we can still feel.   Perhaps your friend likes to flirt a bit, then realized you were getting eager in a way that was not his intent.   I have known many men who are just natural at the art of flirting.    Who knows why he did the connect thing with you, but he realized it was time to back off.  It is a lesson.  He will be gone soon and next time this happens it may be something you can take home with you!  :-)

[Sweet Spirit]

Don't despair Island girl! You were only doing what is natural for us middle aged women when a much younger seemingly perfect guy smiles at  or shows interest in us. He will be gone soon and you will have your life back. 

I agree with Tereza. I think you are starting to recognize that you want a relationship with the right guy. I do think however that after all these years, you may be ready to start reconsidering having a man in your life. I can honestly say that 18 months after I ended my marriage (of 23 years) at the age of 45, I was ready for a passionate, hot relationship with a good looking, intelligent and well to do man. My first relationship was just that. And it was bliss! It was EVERYTHING my marriage wasn't. He wasn't a younger guy, but he was successful, and quite good looking! I don't remember but a few times when my marriage had any passion and we had not had sex for the last 4 years of our marriage. After that first post marriage relationship, I dated a string of guys who played games and led me on. I was hurt so many freakin' times and quite honestly I thought my current BF was just like the rest, but we have been together over two years now. He's not well to do, but he is only 3 years younger, he is  extremely intelligent, he loves me for my quirky goofy self, and the chemistry is explosive!

Also, you are NOT old and over the hill!! I'm almost 51 and I never felt sexier! Younger men like older women because we are not about drama,we are in our sexual prime, we are more mature, and we can be sexy at the same time. So embrace it and enjoy the attention. Here's a few tips:  Don't fall in love with the first guy who shows interest, play hard to get until you know their true intentions, and BY ALL MEANS, don't let this setback effect how you feel about men! Yeah some men (especially younger ones) play games, but there are a lot of men out there that want a true and meaningful relationship. I agree with VC, this first "encounter" was something you can take a lesson from, and be grateful that it "woke you up" while you can still enjoy the romance!

Savor this time in your life and GO FOR it!!!!

[islandgirl]

Thank you all for quick replies, I really appreciate it. 

Yes, it has happened to me before, of course I remember the feeling. I seem to keep falling for the wrong guys, this is not the first time in my life, even if you might be optimistic on my behalf:) This time it was free falling for too long before I realized how crazy it was   I thought I would be so lucky as to never experience love and lust like that again and there I was, going nuts over the wrong man again.  I suppose what I'm most afraid of is getting obsessed with him, I have a tendency in that direction and it has caused me much pain in the past.

But still, in a way I should be glad I got to feel this again, it was certainly refreshing and it shook my world, even if it was only a short while. Hey I have been laughing and grinning all spring and summer, almost had to slap myself to get serious, except around him, where I have tiptoed lately like an angstridden mouse, afraid to offend him with my presence...I have lost lots of weight (best diet in the world) I had to buy new clothes, I even spent loads of money on hair and makeup....about time, as my daughters say So it's good for something, yes!

I'll keep you updated, when I have attracted only good feelings and my previous calmness is back and this man is only a memory to laugh at. I'm sorry, I am quite down and I tend to get sarcastic when I feel that way. I try to see the GOOD in this, but it doesn't feel good yet. I wish to let go, but I can't wrap my head and heart around the letting go-thing. Yes I want love and a relationship with a man, but will I forever attract only the wrong guy, again and again, like before? So afraid of this....*sigh* ...but I promise I won't give up now that I'm finally out of my safe cocoon, I guess I will have to do some visualizing or smth:)

About the age-difference, that never bothered me much, I've had several affairs with younger men, and the best sex I ever had was with a 12 year younger guy, but he wanted marriage and kids, and I was newly divorced and already had 3 kids, so I had to let him go...but we're still friends.

[Sweet Spirit]

Yes I want love and a relationship with a man, but will I forever attract only the wrong guy, again and again, like before?

Take a look at your above statement Island girl. Only if you believe you will forever attract the wrong guy, you will. Change that thinking to, "One day I will attract the RIGHT guy." It may take a little while to come back down to earth with this latest smitten encounter, but you will bounce back in no time. Don't look at every seemingly perfect suitor as "Maybe he's the one." Just be patient and  enjoy dating without falling in love for now. You'll know when he's the right one for you to fall in love with.

The power is all yours with LOA! Please keep us posted.

Love and blessings to you!

[peter_93]

Island Girl, love your story.
So many people talk about attracting ex-back, but I preferred have been thinking to hear story of people whom move on to attract new relationship. So I got your story today, LOA is working... ha ha

With respect, what happened to you could be what you subconsciously asking unawarely.
LOA is working whether you want it or not, and whether you know it or not.

When people heartbroken..they will
Fear of new bad love as well as want a new good love

Which faith is stronger, you get that result.
If fear is stronger, you attract disappointing experience
If fear of rejection, you get rejection
If you believe in new good love, you attract new good love.

What the guy reacted right now is the reflection of your subconscious image in you!
And with this same person, can be different in the next time you met, you can choose to do that by develop your attitude or perception, try visualization will do.

With respect again, many heartbroken people has turn back for love and focus on personal activity like hard work, sport, vacation and outing, but I tell you the secret, these activity people do is to consciously STOP thinking about love but in subconscious level they are real hunger for love. You cannot hide from your infinite intelligence of the universe and result that sunk will be manifested one day, like what you have experience now.

Isn't it painful to live whole life putting wall against love because of one bad experience. Many people around the world does that and I tell you is so unnecessary limiting yourself.

I had ten of bad and love and rejection before I found one good love. But the one good is worth waiting for.

Be open for it and your will receive it.

 

[islandgirl]

I haven't seen the man of my dreams in a few weeks and I really thought he had left earlier than expected. I have been a lot more relaxed lately, and have enjoyed myself. But yesterday he showed up again….drove past me as I was leaving my car to go to work. He stared and turned and stared again, I could tell from the corner of my eye. I didn't greet him, just walked away with my back turned against him, pretending I didn't see him. Still I got such a mad heartbeat, I was even happy! I feel silly telling you this, but I sent him some loving vibes, or a ball of energy like I learned in remote seduction. Later in the evening I had to go to the store, which is a few kilometers from where I work, I decided to actually try and manifest him going to the store also. I felt very relaxed and let it go, shrugged it off sort of, saying to myself, -if it happens it happens, if not, it's ok. So there I was at the store, talking to the people I met, shared a few jokes, while in the back of my head I expected him to show up any minute. I didn't hang around for long, just shopped and bought an ice-cream, walked out of the store and sat down on a small grassy hill outside together with a woman I met, to chat and enjoy a beautiful sunny evening.

And so, a few minutes later, there he came driving and parked next to my car. Not really surprised, but at the same time I could hardly believe it happening, had I really manifested him coming? I nearly choked on that ice-cream when he nodded in my direction, then left for the store. I guess I should have manifested a smile and a conversation as well...When he came back out he stopped by his car, turned around and looked at me, and I just smiled a little and kept talking with the woman (playing cool with a beginning heart-failure) I got a feeling he would have come over for a chat if she hadn't been there, but he drove away, giving the car a little spin as he raced off. I tried not to turn and look after him….I have to admit I don't give much away in terms of looking interested, I get too nervous.

But can you believe how a hope for love can be so hard to kill?

Then later last evening I saw photos all over facebook of him and his beautiful girlfriend on holiday together…..so in love…..argh, it made me so jealous, and how I hate that feeling. And boy did I come down from my cloud of happy thoughts in an instant. I have tried to shrug it off, but it makes me a little sad anyway. I can't help but compare myself to her, she's so darned perfect-looking, and even if I'm attractive enough and have guys, both younger and older, chatting me up and flirting with me (today a 90 yo client asked me out LOL), - it feels so unfair somehow. I can't compete with her, and I absolutely refuse to.

To tell you the truth, somewhere inside me I KNOW he thinks of me, I just know it, don't ask me why, as I never really talked to the guy. It's like I have felt him, in a physical way, so close and warm…almost like he was there. It has surprised me a couple of times, like someone grabbed hold of me and I wasn't prepared. Is it possible to pick up on feelings he might have for HER? Oh god, my mind is going paranoid again…. Like I said before he avoids me, but there's something in those long-distance looks he shoots at me….like he's afraid of me or something. Hard to explain. Am I stupid to believe that attraction like this cannot be a one way street? Like I said, there are guys who likes me, but I'm not very interested in them, and I think they like me because I'm nice to them and make them laugh, and they're lonely and want company, not because they're in love with me. I would feel the difference, I think.

Peter, and all of you who have replied to kindly and shared your thoughts, I appreciate it so much. I feel like I've come to the heaven for broken hearts, where we can mend:)

I need to explain a little on my longtime absence from love and relationships, maybe. I never intended it to last for so long, seriously, but all the heartbreak in earlier years made me think I at least needed a break from it all. For the first time I felt at peace, and at ease with myself, accepting myself, enjoying myself, and even loving myself. Something deep inside me have always thought I was unlovable, since childhood possibly.  The things that made me decide to go cold turkey on men completely:  My ex husband moved in with my sister after we divorced, it didn't break my heart but I felt so humiliated and betrayed by both of them. They also took my children away from me for four long years, that really broke my heart, and I really had to fight to get them back. One boyfriend was engaged without me knowing it until a month before the wedding, another one dated a colleague and good friend behind my back, and the list goes on.…There was always another girl, a better one, and I felt so unloved and worthless…time after time. I think I was on a really, really bad frequency for many years, only expecting one personal disaster after another.

Then years ago I discovered Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, then Mike Dooley, the secret etc and slowly I have realized how I actually attracted all those horrible years when I so often wanted to die, and I have worked on myself intensively. It wasn't just relationships but also finance, I felt worthless in many ways. I don't hold grudges anymore, I even have a decent relationship with my ex and my sister now, and I feel I have come a long way since then. I really thought I was ready for meeting someone, and I was so happy to be in love in the spring, and held my hopes high, but obviously something inside still thinks it's impossible to be loved. So how do I mend this in ways I haven't already tried?

[islandgirl]

Yes, that was in july last year and here we are and it's almost may:) Almost a year actually. Gosh time swooshes by so fast! And what a year it has been. I also must apologize that I always write such long posts.....sorry.

I'm reviving this thread, I hope you forgive me for that, but I thought I would tell how things developed up until this point. I have been reading your posts regularly and I know how it feels to have someone tattooed on your brain, obsessing over that person day and night, when not a minute go by without you having an internal dialogue, sweet daydreams, horrible daydreams LOL, longing, despair etc When you feel so intensely that you belong with this person. In my case it was a man that I only had random encounters with through work but it became overwhelmingly intense, and I felt like an idiot to feel this way about him since it was so obvious, to me at least, that the love was not reciprocated.

It is serious business to learn to let go, and it is the only way to save yourself, have a good life, and care for your emotional well-being. I struggled for so long to forget this man, with little success for a long time. Life became very empty when he left, leaving a void, but I recovered from that after a while. I used LOA to attract good things into my life again, listened for hours to Abraham Hicks, made a visionboard, wrote in my journal, worked, travelled and hung out with the people I love. I even began online dating! I think maybe I focused too much on feeling good all the time, and yet I could never really let go of this guy, he was a constant daydream, never leaving me completely. Very strong industrial glue comes to mind….

But all in all, life was good, and I was excited because after a while my life started to seriously change. It had to change because my work situation, my living conditions, my health, my relationships was about to change, but I refused to give in to pessimism. Some changes I chose myself, and some things were forced upon me. But after all, change can be good, and I welcomed it. The first thing I did was quit smoking! Very proud of myself about that Then, in january, out of the blue, I woke up one morning feeling like I was run over by a truck, it was that violent. I couldn't stop crying, and it went on for days and weeks. After a while of this I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and I stayed at home, stared at the walls, went to therapy once a week, and walked with the dog whenever I managed to get out of the chair. God I walked for miles and miles along the shores in all kinds of weather… Sleepless, suicidal, tearful and feeling utterly useless, I was sure it was the end of everything. Life lost it's meaning, and LOA felt totally pointless, -I couldn't have mustered up a positive thought or feeling if you had threatened me with a gun.

I don't have to go into more detail about this, it was awful and I hope you never have an experience like that…. but I think my endless crying released a lot of tension about many issues in my life, also around my feelings about this man I was so attracted to last summer. I don't think it's wise to tuck away bad feelings all the time, but feel them, look at them, acknowledge them, give them air and free space for awhile before you let go of them. 

The sun came back (I'm far north) days grew longer and brighter, and easter came, and I eventually felt better, also because of all the help and loving care I got from family and friends and colleagues. I'm so grateful for the people in my life! And strangely enough also grateful for this depression, it gave me time to weed out people and things in my life that was no good for me.

A few days before easter I sat down on Facebook feeling a little feisty, chatted with friends, and then I looked up his profile. We're not friends there, but I quickly sent him a message, just saying "hi, how are you, -you are still in my inappropriate thoughts ". Christ,....where that came from LOL. I really had absolutely no intention to ever contact him again ever EVER, I felt like I was pulled to write and use those words by invisible forces….I felt pathetic when I realized I had hit the send-button, but I shrugged it off thinking he would never reply anyway. But lo an behold, the next morning I had a message in my inbox full of smileys and a willingness to strike up a conversation. So I learned that he had broken up with his gf, moved out and was about to move away from her town, and further down south. He wanted to know how on earth we could "learn to know each other better", and I said I would be happy to meet him for a cup of coffee somewhere, as he was about to spend easter close to my town. Then nervewrecking silence for days. Then a reply came where he said it would be exciting to meet me again but he needed to show some respect as he was in the middle of the breakup. He was in no condition to have anything other than a "platonic and innocent relationship" with anyone yet, but wanted to know if I was interested in staying in touch as he had thoughts he wanted to share with me.  He used those words, -I had only expressed a desire to get to know him better. What to reply?? of course, I said, I was in the middle of "stuff" myself, which is very true, and had no problems with that.

And this is more than two weeks ago, and still not a word from him. I swear I will never understand men….so now I'm doing my "let go and detach" routine again   Even if I never hear from him again, if I blew it somehow, -my intentions were the best and my love for him is so great, and I will carry it with me, but it's not going to ruin my days here on earth. And I will not turn him into a "piece of work", -because if it takes all my effort and energy to stay in touch and eventually be with him, then I will rather let go of him completely, although in my mind and heart he will probably linger for a long time.

So there you are, -my lovestory so far Not much to brag about, but can I ask for some opinions on this? I also learned from someone very random that he has a stutter, which I never noticed when talking to him on the phone, could this be one reason he avoided me last summer, and got cold feet now, first expressing a wish to get to know me during his vacation, and then withdrawing?

[islandgirl]

I'm guessing that my post is too long and maybe not relevant for people to answer, it's ok, -feels good to unload some thoughts here anyway. I keep my desire alive and visualize only good stuff between the two of us, my mystery man and I, and it feels like heaven So one day, either he'll take further notice of me and initiate more contact, or someone better will wander into my life when the time is right.

I just want to tell about two books I'm reading right now about love and relationships, and it's based upon LOA principles. The author of the first one is Kathryn Alice, and the name of the book is: "Love will find you. 9 magnets to bring you and your soulmate together." I ordered it from amazon.com, and it's a book I feel very good about. It has simple exercises to do, write and think about, and is a very uplifting, easy and accesible read, for men and women alike. One of the chapters in it was pretty heartbreaking, about decluttering your heart and releasing old loves, it was a pain to get through and released a lot of tears. Almost didn't get past that, and I might have to go through it a few more times. But oh it felt necessary!

The second book I just barely started to read, I have just flipped through it, "Calling in the one" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. Also a law of attraction-based book. It seems very promising, and also requires some exercises.

Hope you give them a try!

[57angel]

Islandgirl, I just had the chance to read your journey, very inspiring for me After those experiences, you then emerge as someone stronger and better as a person. There are really forward and backward steps, what is important, we just didn't let ourselves to go backward steps all the time I am so sure that one of these days, when you get back to those experiences, lots of smiles will just show up Keep working inwards, maybe there are still wounds that need to be healed, fears and doubts that need to be worked on brought by your past experiences. One thing I am so sure of, you are in right path of making a better, happier you

[islandgirl]

Thank you, 57angel You're a wise girl! Yes, the most important thing in life is to be happy, and love yourself, -after my depression it's such a relief to come out in the sun again:) It was a harsh teacher. And letting go is delicious, such bliss, to think of him without the pain and feeling of rejection and unworthiness. I think I spent my entire life feeling sad and worthless in love, and this last year was a real awakening for me! AND I found the tools to work through it,- here with you, with Abraham, and with so many other wonderful teachers! I love the internet!! )