Any man willing to marry a believing woman?

[loveofabundance]

Seriously, I'm down to my last straw.  Both my mother and father abused me terribly.  I stayed strong because I am so happy and positive.  I am American but I am extremely traditional.  I rejected the promiscuous ways of my parents right from the start.  This was extremely hard for me because my parents were the town tramps.

When i was two years old, my father made me stroke his penis while my mother stood in the doorway watching.

Although, i was two years old, i was well aware that my parents were in the wrong.

I'm not a tramp and was never considered a tramp but no one wanted to get near my parents, thus i  was left alone.  All the other town parents loved me, but couldn't let thier kids get too close because of my parents.

Seriously, even in my fextended amily, I am the object of pity because of the abuse and neglect that my parents inflicted upon me because of their extremely loose sexual values.

I have never been loose sexually.  i have always been virtuous.  yet, the sexual abuse that i tolerated as a toddler, due to loving my parents, has made it very difficult for me to have a normal sex life.  i am at my wit's end.  i am a sweet, caring, well... do i really need to explain my nature to the people on this forum?  You know me.  I am a good woman.  All i want is to marry a good man and have very blessed and loved children with that man.  Any man who wonders whether or not I'm pretty, just ask magdog, he's seen my pictures.  I'm beautiful.  no joke.

Right now, i'm living with my mom.  When i was two years old my father made me caress his penis while my mom stood in the doorway and watched.   I know I wrote that earlier in the post, but I want everyone to know how deeply that can effect even the most positive, cute, sweet, sunny, little girl!

She came into my room a little while ago to suggest that I am not as good as her new famly and that her spiritual beliefs are valid, while mine are not. 

Seriously, because i was a prominent member of my community, even as a little girl, my mom has no idea that the whole town knew about the abuse.

I just want to get on with my life.  I have friends.  I am truly a beautiful woman.  magdog, give a shiout out! 

I am a beautiful, vibrant, woman who is living in limbo.  I am always popular and productive in any community i am involved with. 

I am a very good woman.  It is easy to see this based on my posts.  Even Up, who has so many issues, knows full well, and I'm sure will be willing to give a shout out to me, that I am in no way a promiscuous woman.  The only inappropriate occurences were with my father, and I FOUGHT HIM TOOTH AND NAIL THE WHOLE TIME UNTIL HE BACKED DOWN AND LEFT ME FOREVER!

Please, I am very strong.  It takes hella-balls to admit that I wa sexually abused at two years old.  I don't want to wait around for a good man.  If  you feel me, please communicate with me.  I need a strong man by my side!

[kitten]

loveofabundance i admire your courage! and want you to know although many people wont admit it but many have been sexually abused as kids, it takes alot of courage to speak out. what your dad did was very wrong but it wasnt your fault and you shouldnt be held accountable for it. what i sensed from reading your post is that you are trying to justify yourself, to tell everyone that it wasnt your fault and that you are a good woman and you deserve a good man despite what happened to you. what i want to tell you is stop this right now! i was abused as a child and i perfectly understand you. my sister was too but we reacted differently, she always talks about it and go on and on about it but i never really did that, i from early on decided that it wont affect my life, i wont let it. it was a very difficult decision for me to make but had to either do that or live the rest of my life with the anger and negativity inside me. i have only been with one man in my life and that is because of my values but nontheless i am a sexual woman and i refused to allow the abuse to stop me enjoying that part of my life! why should my sex life suffer when the person who abused me is probably somewhere living their lives and enjoying themselves. I believe that we have the power to influence our lives, i am still learning but i deeply believe in that. This might sound harsh but at times it is what needed, the one thing that shouted at me from your post is Desperation!!! and let me tell you, you are beautiful, you try your best to help others and i can tell you have a gentle soul and for this you deserve not only a good man but a great man. you are better than this! and you should have more self-belief and self-love for yourself. whatever happened to you in your childhood is past, i know it was very traumatic i have been through it and took some of its negativity with me to my marriage and i believe contributed to my marriage failing as i felt that all men are sex hungry and cant be trusted. but now i understand that i have to change that view. we dont own our past but we own our future and it is your decision whether you want to live in the past or live in the present. leave it to the universe, the people who molested you will get that negativity back in some form but free yourself from it today! it seems you spent many years trapped there, it is time to let go! JUST LET IT GO and live the life you deserve. be happy

[LeyLine]

Dee, i think that the only reason you are not married right now is only because you want it TOO much. You didnt have a nice childhood...so now you feel like the universe owes you a good husband and kids to make up for the past. I believe that the universe owes you that too, simply because you deserve it...but it will not be until you are detached from the outcome that the universe will provide. This post of yours is full of frustration, anger, complain.I understand your need to vent, i just hope that this post is only you venting, and doesnt describe the way you feel every day. I havent seen pics of you, but i do believe that you are very beautiful..so why do u need confirmation from magdog, and any magdog?? Why does magdog have to confirm what it is already a fact? I think that when a person needs another person to confirm something, this is done simply because the person is not absolutely certain about that something...so he/she needs to see him/herself through someone elses eyes. You do possess beauty and kindness..you dont need anyone to say that to you, like you dont need anyone to say that the sun is bright....its an undeniable fact

Thats what i had to say, i hope my post didnt make u sad

peace

[angel_star]

i have always been virtuous. i am a sweet, caring, well... do i really need to explain my nature to the people on this forum?  You know me.  I am a good woman.  All i want is to marry a good man and have very blessed and loved children with that man.I'm beautiful.

I just want to get on with my life.  I have friends.  I am truly a beautiful woman. I am a beautiful, vibrant, woman. I am always popular and productive in any community i am involved with. 

I am a very good woman.  It is easy to see this based on my posts.  Even Up, who has so many issues, knows full well, and I'm sure will be willing to give a shout out to me, that I am in no way a promiscuous woman.  Please, I am very strong. 

Dear Love, These are the only points from your post that you need to focus on! You know you are good, virtuous, beautiful, popular, productive, vibrant and morally right. The other members on the forum also know it. Cash in on these qualities. Leave your past behind and I am sure a very beautiful and bright future is awaiting you. Just let the light in.

I totally understand the trauma you have faced because one of my friends had also undergone the same. I have studied Psychology as a Major subject for two years and let me assure you, you are not alone in being abused as a child. I have studied that Unfortunately, many children face this everyday! But past is past. As a toddler, you did not know how to fight back. But now, you are capable of designing your life in your way. Go for it. You have no part in the mistake your father did. Its his problem, not yours.

Go grab all the joy Love! Achieve all that you can dream of. You will definitel find the love you need. You are arole model for all those who has gone through such trauma. Be an inspiration. I know you are one

[angel_star]

By the way, have you read or watched The Secret, Love? In the book, there is a section titled 'You Are Not Your Past'. There, Jack Canfield says 'My parents were alcoholics. My dad abused me....that's almost everybody's story in some form or not. The real question is, what are you going to do now?....Because you can either keep focusing on that, or you can focus on what you want...'

[Magdog, MD, Mr. Best Luck]

Love,


You are beautiful inside and out. This I know or we would have not become friends.


With Love,


MD, Mr. Best Luck, humbly and gratefully

[Detached&Allowing]

I knew there was something going on after reading your responses to other posts.  While I cannot directly relate, my cousin was sexually and physically abused by her father.  The ONLY thing that helped her was therapy. She is 38 has three kids and a good husband.  Have you been in therapy love?  Have you used EFT to work through all the negative feelings?  Just b/c you WANT something doesn't mean you are READY for it.  That is a principle of LOA.  I know you know all there is to know about LOA and have read most books and reviewed videos,  However, how are you on practicing the principles that are near and dear to your heart?  Jobs are one thing, you have no hang ups.  However, relationships are definitely another.

[Magdog, MD, Mr. Best Luck]

By the way, have you read or watched The Secret, Love? In the book, there is a section titled 'You Are Not Your Past'. There, Jack Canfield says 'My parents were alcoholics. My dad abused me....that's almost everybody's story in some form or not. The real question is, what are you going to do now?....Because you can either keep focusing on that, or you can focus on what you want...'

We need to focus on healing, affirm for healing Love, watch the Quantum K, and Hoponnopono may be useful, if not Sedona.  Focus on yourself healing and love, and know that we are all here for you. Cyber HUg.

Peter, Mr. Best Luck, humbly and gratefully

[Vicki Christina]

Dear Love,  I feel for you and the past experiences you have had surface in your life.   Of course they have affected your relationships.   Many people have had the abuse you had and let it haunt them for a long time.  Some people seem to be able to integrate it into their life eventually so they go on to better things for focus.  Some sooner than others.  Perhaps going home to live with your mother is your chance to focus on healing so you can get on with life.  Our relationship discussions and your new living arrangement seem to have brought this into focus for you.  There will always be opportunities for marriage and relationships.   Please start a plan to face this pain so you can let it go.  I know it will not be a onetime letting go - most likely.  We love you!
 

[Detached&Allowing]

I just watched the video Letting Go.  I think it will help you Love.  www.lettinggo.tv  It's only $4.95 to watch it online one time. 

[HelpingitHappen]

Love,

I still have my hat in the ring for you, and until I meet my one, I always will.
I want to tell you something that concerns me about your post here.

It is a truth that I believe, that you are beautiful, virtuous, healthy, intelligent, caring and not a promiscuous person, and I'm sure many other wonderful things that I have not mentioned here.
It is because I have seen this kind of activity (abusive) in many of my friend's families as I was growing up, that I understand what you went through as a child. I won't tell you that I know what its like to be you now though.
Myself, I have never experienced an abusive touch or action from anyone in my life.
While I thank God for this fortune in my life. Because I have seen it so many times in many of the families of the friends I grew up with, (I have seen many severe physical beatings of my friends at the hand of their parents, and have only heard of any sexual abuse that may have occurred)
I have come to abhor abusive activity of any kind against women and children, so much that I would not have a problem putting a bullet in someone who I catch committing such evil.
I give to many charities that help the abused women and children and support my local chapter of the Biker Club; BACCA. (Bikers Against Child Abuse) Although I am not a joiner, I do support them financially and offer to help on their fund raising rallies if i can.
It is something that delves deep into my being when I hear, read, or am told about it.
At first, I get angry, then I let the anger go and then realize that the abusive actions are originating from a person who is not well, not well at all.
I do so very much hate the action, but feel love for the person committing the atrocities. I know that something inside them is crying out for help, and help is exactly what they so desperately need.
I wish that those who feel they need this type of help, or commit abuse upon others, could recognize that in themselves and seek the help they need. Unfortunately, most do not seek help and the only help offered them
is forced upon them by the court systems.
Because of this, the help they receive is minimal, and of a much lessor quality than what could be obtained privately.
The damage done to the victims of such abuse can be an overwhelming factor that must be overcome, and is very difficult to come to terms with.
Much of what I have already said here is common knowledge to most people.
That being said, what concerns me, about you and your plea for a husband, is; I am afraid for you.
I am afraid that this want you have is coming from the pain you carry inside you, and you may attract someone who may be disposed to commit these acts unto you again.
I understand that you want a good man to spend your life with and to have children with, to enjoy the joys of life with.
Those are all wonderful things to want and to achieve for yourself.
My fear for you, is that you will not allow yourself to feel the deepest feelings for the one you meet, and you will trick yourself into believing that he (whoever) is the "one".
Your post was one of fear, yet strength. Doubt, yet self assuredness. Want, nay; yearning, for someone to save you from the portion of your life that has haunted you for so many years.
I must say though, that as I read your posts, and as I feel I get to know you better through each word you write.
I feel that you have actually come along way for your better, since you were that scared abused child.
I feel you have dealt with the anger, and confusion over it quite well.
But, your post here says to me, that you have more healing to do as well.
I won't sit here and pretend to know how to accomplish that healing, or give you advice on how to do just that.
I won't advise you to see a professional, nor will I give advice I am not qualified to give.
However, I will say this to you, as a friend; Please go about attracting that man into your life carefully, don't allow into your life that which you have escaped from thus far.
Attract the man of your dreams by means of pure love and not fear, or loneliness.
Attract the right man using your wonderful and God given talents and belief systems.

I am a man, and yes, I am I very, very, sexual man. I am not a promiscuous man though, as in I don't engage in sexual activity just for the sake of sex.
If I am with a woman, I am feeling her, wanting to know her.
I am making love to a woman because of a mutual bond that we, together, have created.   
I do so out of love for the person I am with.
She may not be with the one I will spend my life with, but I do experience a love for her before I can go there.
I am friends, right now, with every lover I have ever experienced in my life. 
So... I know you are this kind of person as well, in that regard.
Believe me, we are rarer than you might think.

The man you want to attract though, must know these things about you and your history of being abused.
He must be aware of things that are, and could be a trigger for you in regards to memories you undoubtedly have.
This man you attract as a mate, should understand this and want only to help you with his understanding and love.
He should also not be afraid of the past you suffered, instead, he should embrace it, support you and welcome you unto him at all times, with open arms.
I am not saying let this information out within the first date, or even within the first year if that is your choosing.
It is up to you and your ability to judge whether or not a potential mate can handle this information about you, or even when or if, he should be made aware of it.
The post you wrote here, leads me to fear that you will attract someone who will not allow you to be yourself totally, and will try to control you by using your weaknesses.
Please, I beg of you, promise me and all of us here who love you, that you will not attract through neediness, or desperation. That you will not allow anyone into your head and heart until you are absolutely sure that he can handle all that you are, and all that you bring. Please promise us!
That is all I ask of you.
Thank you for reading, I feel you are important to me, and I only want the best for you.

Love Always,
BlondeWop

[Ginny]

Your background has some parallels with mine. You will be fine - better than fine, great. It's hard to go through at the time (and after), but it does give you a different perspective, and I think develops empathy and compassion - which you have always shown in huge amounts. Don't despair, you know it gets better.

[Magdog, MD, Mr. Best Luck]

I want to say this, Sedona, EFT, and all the rest is facing it and letting it go. LOVE, do not carry it with you into a new relationship, or with you. See yourself as healed. If you carry the past with you, it becomes the present. Therefore, do not let anyone know about it, let it go, it is the past, done, you are not that person, you are who you want to be. We all have our ghosts, and let them go. Manifest a great, happy you. 


Mr. Best Luck, MD, gratefully and humbly

[loveofabundance]

Hello Everyone!  I'm back.  Thank you so much for your kind responses!  I appreciate them very much!  Yes, everyone, I've done every type of healing therapy out there since i was a toddler and even the most spiritual and professional of counselors come to the same conclusion - I'm a happy, well-adjusted person and I cope with amazing resilience. 
 
Ersie hit the nail right on the head that I was simply throwing a tantrum and I need to man up and get over myself!  God love you Ersie!  You're the best friend I've never met!    
 
The hardest part of my childhood was not the abuse.  I was aware as a child that I chose that life in order to be more understanding of the pain of others.  What made life so challenging was how all of the adults in my life, other than my parents, were always trying to put me in a leadership position for the other children.  More has always been expected of me than the other children.  I was always the representative for my class when camera crews and the like came out.  I won every award and even participated in a government sponsored study on gifted children.  I was put on a pedestal to be the best, the brightest, the prettiest, the most sensitive, the sweetest, the wisest, the strongest, the healthiest, the funniest, the everything-est. 
 
I've rarely ever made a mistake in my life.  it's as if I'm charmed.  I've spent the majority of my life being as close to perfect as one human could possibly be.  This is through no fault of my own.  This is just how I've been perceived.  it is such, that, when I made a mistake as a child, I was lectured about my responsibility to everyone else in the world.  I'm not kidding.  The pressure put on my shoulders has been tremendous. 
 
I personally, adore imperfection.  My grandmother, whom I treasure, likes to tell a story of when I spilled milk while she was busy.  I was two.  A lot happened when I was two because that was when I started reading the Bible.  Anyway, my gram was mad and said, 'Oh, <insert real name here>!"  And i said, "But Grandma, nobody's perfect."  And she laughed and laughed because it's true.  She has continued to praise me for this moment my entire life and it gives me such comfort because she understands me.  our goal as humans is to embrace our imperfection!
 
i don't excel because i have something to prove, nor am a leader, nor wish to change the world, nor am trying, nor care to excel.  i happen to excel because most things come easily to me and I understand universal energy and how to use it.  That's all.  I remember my past lives.  i've used remote viewing, influence, prayer, etc. because i came into this life with awareness. 
 
Ersie is so correct in seeing that I'm complaining because i feel OWED something.  She's so right.  my entire life, i've been told that i was given so many gifts and that I OWE for receiving them.  Seriously, i have grown up seeing people being accepted for all of their faults and flaws and when i was reprimanded for having a flaw, i would point out the flaws of others and was told that I was more talented and therefore i couldn't be forgiven in the same way as another who was simply perceived to be less talented. 
 
My friends are among the most beautiful, talented people in the world.  They rock hardcore!  They love me and do praise me on my strengths.  What i appreciate is that they are well aware of my weaknesses and love me all the more for it.  I do have wonderful, beautiful, amazing friends!  They tease me and tell me to get over myself all the time.  Yet, unlike others, they still want me around regardless of my flaws.
 
I have yet to meet a man (of dating nature, not a friend) who continues to love me once he realizes that I don't belong on a pedestal.
 
This is my issue.  This is the obtacle that i must overcome. 
 
All that said, I appreciate being able to communicate freely on this forum.  you are all amazing!
 
And Ersie, you are such a good friend to call me out in the way that you did.  From the start, 'cause you've been on this forum longer than I, you've never hesitated to give me a good, swift kick in the bum when I've needed one!  Thank you for keeping it real!

[inara]

Good girl, Dee. It will get better and stop being so hard on yourself.
Nothing that happened in the past was your fault. Some people succeed in spite of their circumstances. You are one of them.