Any advice for this case? LOA in a broken LDR....

[Priestess]

Hello,
As I could read so far, there are several stories here about LDRs, which require a little more effort... I'll try to present mine, shortly:

Story: Me and my love met some yrs ago, 'clicked' in a split second (though it happened online!) and kept a close, supportive connection, going through many episodes in each other's lives and thinking that the distance would always hinder us... until we finally had the guts to confess our love. What a bliss since then! We knew we were 'the one' for the other, he was doing the most incredible and romantic things for me, planned to move together and so on. I was a part of his family and friends group too. One day, however, he had a breakdown because of a bad family situation and we started to have arguments since then. Each was solved, usually by him saying "Sorry, you were right indeed" (well, i only cared about reconciliation, not being right for my ego). The relationship still had depth and passion until one day... when he gave it all up. He broke all his promises. Suddenly, he was feeling bad with me, accusing me of countless flaws and things I didn't do... I honestly couldn't reason with him at all, we were talking all the time about very different things! he wouldn't see what was there....

My downfall: I admit I was fearful and doubtful in the past months. After I heard his hurtful words though, I simply reached the bottom. I was miserable and wanted to die, day by day.... I tried to write kindly and stop the criticizing - all was in vain. No contact made it even worse. My last email to him was another downfall - I gave into the pain and anger and kind of told him that he failed in his life... He absolutely hates to hear that.

Nowadays: Somehow I put myself together, because I can't let go of the hope.... I KNOW he can be the greatest person, he proved that so many times in the past. What he is today is his freedom of choice, of course, but I see it as a downfall. Why would he reject all the love, loyalty and patience he had? especially as he used to cherish these the most... I want him to be that person again, but i know I can't use my will on anyone.
So... I visualize, meditate with binaural beats, raise my vibration through love, mind of my work, use affirmations.... I can't let go of the idea that our story isn't over and that we can help each other grow and have the greatest mind experiences! Even this terrible situation.... it got me grateful for what I've learnt!! but... on a certain level I'm sooo not ready to let go :/

Dilemma: My last message was a terrible one. No reply. He must be seeing me again as controlling and demanding. However, he requested some documents from me before. I'm thinking... should I send them to him now, along with a few positive lines? a short apology maybe? I'm afraid that he may keep a bad image of me... and he's got a huge ego... I'm not good with this, as I barely have patience. It's been 2 months of agony and 1-2 weeks of complete avoidance. He said he's really fine with me, no hard feelings... but is he? avoidance is far from friendship.
the truth is... he was preaching me about LOA a lot! I didn't understand it at that time... but now, where's his personal example? I find him to be bitter, resentful, avoidant.
Can I influence him if I raise my vibration enough? Is it better to let go? He became the opposite of what he used to be... Will he 'pick' on my energies if he set his mind on being apart?

[schenderson22]

Welcome to our community Priestess.  Please read the following post.  Once you read it.  Share your thoughts here and I will gladly help you.  This community is full of great people with wonderful success stories.  Lots of love!!   

http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/6/learning-loa-bit-by-bit/?action=post;num_replies=3

[Priestess]

Thank you, thank you! Now that was an uplifting reading for me... Sometimes I do manage to find that mindset... but on certain moments I get entangled into negative "what if"s and get haunted by my man's ego issues... And I see it clearly, he has to heal, I have to heal... we both need separate ways to reach a new level and to be able to get together again. I wish he would feel my love in the meanwhile...
This evening I went to a bar, ready to have a good time with my friends, but I spotted someone whose forehead only (!) reminded me of my love's... I started feeling anxious, i couldn't shake it off until I got home to do some serious EFT. I imagined a situation in which I'd meet him again and be unable to speak the right things and to bring back the spark... I guess I just have to push onto that the positive images, until my subconscious gets a grip on them and starts doing it on its own, little by little.

[tereza]

He must be seeing me again as controlling and demanding.

Actually, that's just your perspective.

I'm thinking... should I send them to him now, along with a few positive lines? a short apology maybe?

Depends, does it feel like the right thing to do or are you doing this because you're hoping for a certain reaction? I think it's good to apologize if you did something wrong or hurt someone, but only if you're being sincere.  I know that sounds weird, but there have been times when I've apologized to someone immediately only because I didn't want them to be mad at me and not because I was sorry...and obviously the apology was not well received.

I'm afraid that he may keep a bad image of me... and he's got a huge ego

Try to focus on his good attributes instead of this. In the book "The Power" they talk about how if you focus on the good things a person does and appreciating them for it, you encourage more of that good behavior. But if you focus on the bad things, you encourage more of that.

I didn't understand it at that time... but now, where's his personal example? I find him to be bitter, resentful, avoidant.
Can I influence him if I raise my vibration enough? Is it better to let go? He became the opposite of what he used to be... Will he 'pick' on my energies if he set his mind on being apart?

Just a thought...you mentioned that you were fearful and doubtful in the past about the relationship, so it's possible that this behavior you're seeing in him now is just a reflection of all those fears and doubts that you had.  Perhaps he didn't change, he just started giving back what you were sending out to him?

[Vicki Christina]

Excellent points, Tereza!!!

[57angel]

Priestess, I do understand how is it to feels being in that situation. You are lucky, when this happens, you already know LOA and knowing that you have the power to design your life is way way way steps ahead of mine when I was in that same situation before You are right, he needs healing as much as you also need healing. Long distance relationship is never an issue when the love is completely given, without any traces of doubts and fears. Everything happens for a reason and is always for your best, take time to be healed, work in you and be the happiest, most lovable woman and stronger person you can be - before you know it, he is on his way back to you. Let go of the negative feelings, do the things that you love. Remember, you can always be, can and do what you want to be

[Priestess]

@Tereza: it's good that you're pointing out to me all that, I see that my observations are not just mere observations... I want to correct this before they turn into unwanted realities.

I want to apologize to him for both reasons, truly. I cannot know what he feels now, and I don't want him to remain with that image of me. Soon after I sent him the bitter email, I realized I betrayed myself and what I believed in... and felt very sorry. I acted based on the anger of that short moment and regretted. Now, if I send him what I want to send, it can either:
1. show him I can always come back to my good side and give what's needed
2. make him think "she's just playing around and trying to pursue me by all means"

I know it looks pretty much centered on me... but since the apology is my truth, I simply don't want him to stay with the previous truth... He must have been hurt, he's so sensible. I had the power in my hands to do something good, but I gave into the anger.

And yes, that's right, he's mostly giving back what I sent to him. However, with his LOA knowledge, he could've easily gotten out of the loop. When I tried to break the cycle, he kept on sending doubts himself. I was acting in a constructive direction, but only got a negative response from him. I knew him to be much stronger, untouched by such, so his reactions messed me up even more.

@57angel:
  When have you started applying LOA? I hope it already brought wonderful change into your life! Yes, you do understand these situations very well... Sure, this breakup happened with the reason that I finally face my persona and cleanse the dirt. This is enough of a reason already. The changes within me - though I still keep some old patterns - are a great sign that I can improve continually, to become that truly loving and lovable person!!

[Believing Love]

Dear Priestess ..

I think what you need to do is just forget about the past and don't do anything at the moment.
I can really see that you're still in despair situation right now, You really want him to come back to him and you make a wish out of desperation. Familiar with the words, When in doubt, do nothing?
I think at this moment it's best for you to start loving your self and do things that will make you happy. And by then you will think more clearly and you can hear what is your gut instinct tells you.

hope im making sense here =)

[57angel]

Priestess, I watched the movie The Secret last May 2010, but started here in the forum last August 2011. Yes, there are lots of wonderful changes that happened in my life, and are noticed not only by my family but everyone around me - and I love the new me and I commit not to let the old me shine again Acknowledging that "old patterns" that you still have is already one big leap towards a truly loving and lovable person you are Enjoy your journey of making the best you, the most positive you in all aspects of your life

[Priestess]

Angel, congrats for those changes! that's your true self Yup, I'm getting there... I want no other way! I want love to prevail in all its meanings, I strongly believe in love, I've always had... but didn't really know how to manifest that, so I let it go the wrong way.

Dear Priestess ..

I think what you need to do is just forget about the past and don't do anything at the moment.
I can really see that you're still in despair situation right now, You really want him to come back to him and you make a wish out of desperation. Familiar with the words, When in doubt, do nothing?

I know what you mean, thanks for posting the advice. Ohh, I've been through that despair so many times... whenever I felt like losing him! Somehow, my despair was sending him messages in his sleep... we were having amazing telepathic moments and he was suddenly coming back to me, lovingly. After the separation, I sure had some awful states of mind... But I never begged or pleaded to take me back. I felt so terribly empty and like life has played an awful prank on me. I guess the worst part is that I'm used to how we used to share EVERYTHING about our lives (him especially, who's very closed towards anybody else) and now we're at zero.
I gave some time to both of us, put myself together and tried to start some casual talking with him. He rejected me even more.
I am very confused.......... about all he said and did.... but I'm aware that my focus has to be on myself. I'm taking him off the pedestal. I'm sending him love though, and picture us in happy times. I'm not hurried with having a full relationship, we're far and we have so much stuff going on in our lives... but I truly want to feel his soul again, to communicate, to have that free flow. It used to be wonderful. Luckily I discovered I can be happy by doing so many other things, but no matter how busy or happy I get, he's there in my horizon. I want to be complete so that I can erase all misunderstandings and bad energies we put out there. I have an enormous appreciation and respect for the love we built, it is truly beyond words and, once I've been there, I cannot but aim for the same delightful level...

[schenderson22]

Dear Priestess ..

I think what you need to do is just forget about the past and don't do anything at the moment.
I can really see that you're still in despair situation right now, You really want him to come back to him and you make a wish out of desperation. Familiar with the words, When in doubt, do nothing

 

This is really good advice.  If I may add to it, don't just forget about the past.  Forgive yourself for your wrong doings and forgive his behavior in  your heart.

I know what you mean, thanks for posting the advice. Ohh, I've been through that despair so many times... whenever I felt like losing him! Somehow, my despair was sending him messages in his sleep... we were having amazing telepathic moments and he was suddenly coming back to me, lovingly. After the separation, I sure had some awful states of mind... But I never begged or pleaded to take me back. I felt so terribly empty and like life has played an awful prank on me. I guess the worst part is that I'm used to how we used to share EVERYTHING about our lives (him especially, who's very closed towards anybody else) and now we're at zero.
I gave some time to both of us, put myself together and tried to start some casual talking with him. He rejected me even more. Forgive yourself and forgive him too.

I am very confused.......... about all he said and did.... but I'm aware that my focus has to be on myself. I'm taking him off the pedestal. This is good.  He shouldn't be on a pedestal anyway.  If you can't put yourself on one, nobody else deserves to be there.

I'm sending him love though, and picture us in happy times. I'm not hurried with having a full relationship, we're far Not necessarily.  and we have so much stuff going on in our lives... but I truly want to feel his soul again, to communicate, to have that free flow. It used to be wonderful. How is your gratitude journal/list coming?  What about your affirmations?

Luckily I discovered I can be happy by doing so many other things, but no matter how busy or happy I get, he's there in my horizon. I want to be complete so that I can erase all misunderstandings and bad energies we put out there. You can't erase them.  You can offer forgiveness to yourself and him. You can design your future the way you want it to be. I have an enormous appreciation and respect for the love we built, it is truly beyond words and, once I've been there, I cannot but aim for the same delightful level...

Lots of love!!

[Priestess]

Schenderson, thank you for your input! lots of love from me too! 

First, to give you the answers...

I practice my affirmations daily, as I wake up and before sleep. I also started using subliminal software, though I'm a little skeptical. I don't have a journal, because the things to be grateful for are well alive in my mind, I can easily recall lots of them. Maybe it would be useful to keep one, however... there's so much I leave aside, still.

Your post also makes me want to work more on forgiveness.

About not doing anything for the moment... Me and him - we have a common friend and I asked for his advice... Well, he's more like my friend, so it was safe  I told him how I feel about the last thing I wrote - I feel guilty and it's in my power to act and create my reality. He told me I'd better send the short apology message. My gut tells me I have to send that one day. At least it does justice to who I am today, to the present.

[lise]

Priestess - Personally I would send the apology email. I've did something similar and it played on my mind and it meant my positive thoughts were undermined by my thinking about the final email. However, when I did send my apology - I sent it purely to make myself feel better, so that I knew that I had said what I wanted .  I didn't make any excuses and I didn't do it hoping for a reply or to make contact - I just knew I would feel better.  I knew I didn't want to look back and regret not apologising.

[57angel]

Priestess, I agree with Lise. I was in the same situation too before my relationship really ended. I sent that email telling him how sorry I was, and it didn't matter to me anymore if that made him so angry at me - all I wanted to do was to apologize, it made me feel as if lots of nails in my heart has been taken

[Priestess]

I see your point, my friends...
That's how I feel about it - those few words I have to send are something I can do myself (and he told me once "It's only you keeping yourself from doing things") and it's for the truth: I feel sorry, therefore I state it. I always have great respect for truth. His reaction is his business. I am simply doing my part for right now and being true to myself. My life turned to be great, my happiness no longer depends on him or anyone.

However, I'm still thinking a lot of the big picture. I mean everything, from day 1... trying to figure out what was there. We were both very different people back then, been through many changes, yet got together constantly. I would like to tell you the story from its beginning sometimes, maybe you can tell what was about it... 'cause I don't think it was any LOA at work, strange as it may sound... Could there be a destiny, above LOA?....hmm