Another one from an age old sage (or not as it seems to be)

[WBA2010]

Hi everyone,

Great, great vibes in here, I stumbled across this forum and Ive read all the threads in the relationship section, enlightening and confusing and I could do with a little guidance here.

I seem to understand the LOA guidelines, (and please correct me if Im wrong) think positively, re-invest in yourself, imagine, manifest, project etc. This is what Im getting, but at the same time there seems to be conflicting aspects to me. On the one hand it says 'let go' and on the other 'think and project that you'll be back together' so Im a bit confused. I cant help but have these negative, pleading thoughts manifest, I try, and boy do I try to think positive, but Im sorry i cant help these pessimistic feelings and Im pretty sure they're eminating through the universe and having adverse reactions to what I want

I dont want to make this into a long, rambling post, so bear with me on this, hopefully you wonderful people in here can read in between the lines, digest and advise Im going to write this on the fly, concious thought so if its a bit all over the place, that'll be my confused state!!

OK:
I came off a big relationship break up, I actually moved countries for this girl based on if Im in the same area it'll work, she'll be shocked, surprised, and would she would see how much I love her by how much effort Im putting into us. Didnt quite work out, I got nothing from her, an occasional email but it was always cool on her part. As I write this I havent heard from her in over 2 months and she knows Im back in the country. Im becoming ambivalent, angry, and accepting, the acceptance part I suppose thats a good thing. I even went to see psychics (dont laugh) the majority told me 'yes' you'll be back together and the minority 'no'. A couple of times completely different readers told me a dark skinned, black haired girl would be the one for me, the girl I moved countries for is a blue eyed blonde. So all verrrrry confusing, my own fault. I have read up on psychics and the techniques they use so Im certainly not 100% sold on them, but you cant help but be shocked at things they do come up with completely independently, I mean not like 'is there a 'J' in your family, but something that only I knew, etc etc (its a completely different thread so I'll leave this psychic thing).

Here's the kicker though, recently I started hanging out with another girl, at first I thought not my type, I didnt see myself with somebody like this. She grew on me. I was distant at first because of my feelings for the girl I moved countries for. However I started to have deep feelings for her when she said that it was over between us. Is this a natural reaction to rejection one may ask, sure I thought, but Ive been logical about it, and its more than that I know. Ive gone back and forth thinking WHY I have these feelings, but this girl is the aforementioned dark skinned black haired girl. Her a taurus and me a capricorn, a match supposedly made in heaven. I asked why, she said we were on a different wavelengths, and she would only hurt me down the road. She said she was scared, a few weeks ago she said she was falling in love with me, Im not sure if shes just flighty, or doesnt know what she wants. There is an age gap, her 28 and me 41, but Im a young at heart fella that regularly gets asked if Im in my late twenties, I certainly do not see the age gap being a problem we had so much in common and we caould talkl about anything and everything, it all felt very karmic. Our mutual friends were very upset and shocked over our break up as they all thought we were great together. I was moving away as well for work (all pre determined before we started hanging out) and after she told me it was all over I get a text saying that I was worth more than a phone call break up, she wanted to do it face to face and explain, and she wanted to see me before I go and can we get together, because shes going to miss me when Im gone. This was all on Friday just gone. I ran into her on Sunday in the pub, and it was incredibly uncomfortable, she just didnt want to speak to me, make contact with me, or even acknowledge me. I tried to put on a brave face, not showing any weakness, but even my friends were asking me if I was OK as I usually smile all the time, if it was obvious to my friends that I was hurting, then it was definitely obvious to her. This was the last time I have had any contact with her. Im trying to do the no contact thing, but a part of me thinks that is a slippery slope to walk, it may push her away further because she may think I dont care. Aren't you supposed to tell people you care about, that you CARE for them, especially the fairer sex? Aaarrghhhhhhh, which way to go?

Ive just realised Ive gone back on my promise not to make this along rambling post, this situation is doing my head in, I cant think and basically i dont know what to do...........Ive been told I have an old soul, Im 41 so I should know better right lol

Any advice, help, ridicule is greatly appreciated.

Cheers
Paul

[WBA2010]

Anything guys ?

[Galia]

Paul hi...

Many things came up in my head while reading your post... First of all : what you exactly want from this relationship ?

You have to be clear on what you want and so you'll find solutions. But I would advice you to contact her and at least understand WHY did she broke up?

What's the real reason? Is she afraid of falling in love and so being vulnerable? Is it some problem with her background - felt in love and got hurt?

Is she afraid of commitment? Did she feel some "pushy" attitude from you on getting engaged?  I don't know, it may be everything and anything...

I really would recommend you first understand at least what happened and then, start by doing the list of your perfect soulmate like described here:  http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/law-of-attraction-in-action/relationship/how-to-attract-a-perfect-relationship-using-law-of-attraction/

Love and joy to you!

[stevelewis]

I agree with Galina on the knowing what you want, thats what you need to decide, and feel absolutely comfortable with (you have 2 women here!). I would ignore psychics TBH. It's very very hard, and I'm in a non contact situation with the one I want(ed), but it's amazing what a little positive thinking can do! Find yourself, and be happy with yourself, and good things will come to you. Respect and 'love' yourself first. Try a little down time, and date other women, time to yourself is great.

Galina, you stated that he should get reasons for the break up... Now I was given a load of excuses and stupid reasons, and for a week or two I DID want to know, but very quickly really, I realised, that the reasons didn't matter it's the end result that matters (i.e. we're not together anymore). She made those decisions for her own reasons, and I definitely know some of the major problems (I hurt her bad in the past, I absolutely didn't respect MYSELF, and became a blubbering wreck). The reasons now don't matter, I'm moving on, and if she contacts me again then thats up to her (Im 100% sure she will, just not sure when). I ain't moping and waiting for her to contact me, she'll do it when she feels ready. I now respect myself, my decisions, and I'm moving on. Thats the key, move on, the mystery, the missing me that'll come in time. TBH I'm nearly there, another month, and I'll have let go eventually, I'm nearly there!

[WBA2010]

Thank you Steve and Galina

Ive already contacted her and asked her why, she had a vague answer that we were not on the same 'wavelength', which is nondescript really. I pressed her on this, 'what do you mean wavelength etc' and was met with silence, she couldnt answer. This is the same girl who told me she was falling in love with me a month ago, head over heels. We could talk about everything. She said she was scared, yet her recent actions over the past couple of days do speak a thousand words. Completely ignoring me, its like a 180, thats not somebody who is in love, I dont know who that somebody is?!?

What do I want from this relationship, long term commitment, and a joyous life in peace and harmony together to answer your question Galina, isnt that what everybody wants?

I dont know what asking her WHY will achieve as Ive already done that, and as Steve states, I believe I'll get met with vagueness, I dont know if this non-contact thing will work, will it push her away further, will it make her realise she misses me more, I dont know how to proceed from here?

Galina Ive read the link, and Ive already done a list like this. This recent girl and I vibrate, very much, so I dont know why things arent happening between us. I really believe that forcing the issue with her will push her away, I just dont know what to do

Thanks
Paul

[Galia]

Hello again 

Founding the reason of the break up would help at least understand where you've been wrong and correct it...but since things are this way, you already got your answer, so just stop contacting her and continue with the good work on yourself... Now focus on yourself ...

You already got the quidelines of the law of attraction so I advice you to keep up the positive thinking and stay focused on the outcome you desire....

This silence won't push her away, if she is the soulmate the Universe keeps for you, she'll come back by herself, you won't need even to contact her. It's all about energy flows.

I think about psychics and all kind of horoscopes - this is a comlpete shit and a full contradiction with the law of attraction...where is your free will and power of creation in this stuff..?

Check this article if you didnt read it yet, really great one:  http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship/bible-of-getting-your-ex-back-dns-post/msg1971/#msg1971



love and peace to you!!!

[twirlgirl]

You sound very confused, as I am sure you know. Your thoughts and emotions are all over the place.

The Law of Attraction is very obidient, and reponds to whatever vibration (feeling) you are putting out into the universe.

If you are putting out a mix mash of feelings, and going all over the place, constantly changing your mind, and confused, the universe won't be able to send you anything useful. All you'll get is confusion, and confused people attracted to you. Because that is what YOU are vibratng, is CONFUSION.

You need to take some time, perhaps a week or more, to meditate on what you really want out of life. and what you want out of a soulmate type relationship. Until you get clear, all you are going to get is confusion.

You need to go on a girl detox, where you clear your mind and heart and energies of these women who have broken your heart. Your feelings are so all over the place, and hurt. You went from one hurt relationship to the next.  Then, AFTER you get clear and solid, you can figure out what you really want. and then focus on what you want, and pivot away from what you do NOT want.

In your case, it might be best to not focus on one girl at this time, as you seem too confused to know which girl you really want, and which one is the best match for you. If I were you, I'd focus on getting clear and free from the hurt and attachment you feel, and then figure out what typoe fo relationship with what typoe of woman you want, and focus on attracting that, rather than on one of these two girls. Then, if either of them is right for you, they will be back. And if not, someone else will.

But clear your head FIRST. 

[WBA2010]

Thank you guys

To twirlgirl, Im not confused about the girls, I am actually focused. The prior one who I moved for I know its gone, Im fine with that, the new one was something that I didnt expect. I told her "You shouldn't have happened to me" but I was inside very happy that she did.

I dont know how much thought I should put on the fact that when we spoke she said she was 'scared', in the same breath she says that she 'would hurt me down the road'. There could be a lot of things that Galina pointed out that could be going on, hurt in previous relationships etc. I have initiated a no contact thing with her, and obviously its killing me. I understand that you have to work on YOU, its easier said than done. I find that LOA can be borderline arrogance, they say that the power lies within the person who need it the least. Ive done this in the past and the relationship soured because I was distant and aloof, it was like I couldnt show the true me which pushed them away, and when you do show emotion then they take you for granted and you end up getting dumped, you cant win.
I really want to sit down and talk to her and ask her why shes scared, what is this different 'wavelength' she is talking about, but this is contradictory to no contact and LOA, its needy and weak. Would it make me feel better to have her say 'I just dont love you anymore' and as much as I want to know the real reason Im afraid I would be crushed. Perhaps LOA isnt for me. In work Im an alpha male, I manage people, Im strong, relationships seem to be my Achilles heel.

How do I do this at first for a person who has trepidation about LOA, I want hope, as the advice Im getting is very ambiguous, 'leave it to the universe, think positive' etc. I did this with the previous relationship and that got me absolutely nowhere. Im practical, I need and want answers, I look inward an ask, but confusion comes out, trust me, I know what you guys are saying, Im not sure this method works for me, iots not being true to me as putting on a brave, even false face and coming across strong isnt me, it'll be a false emotion shes attracted to and when my barriers come down it'll be back to square one.

This is a real, genuine shame this relationship is lost, it feels very right

Thank you
Paul

[Andrew Wilkie]

Paul,

LOA - I'd never say it was about reinventing yourself. For me it is about actually realising you're far more powerful than you think you are or have been told you are and getting off your **** and proving it to yourself and others. If you have to reinvent yourself, you'll be living a lie and eventually you will get found out.

The whole letting go thing is confusing. It is much easier said than done. Why? You don't think you can have what it is that you want. If you knew you were going to get it 100%, that's a feeling, not lip service. You wouldn't keep questioning it or wondering why isn't it here yet.  You would know it would turn up.

In the universe there is often a natural waiting game.  If you wanted a baby and got one tomorrow, you'd freak out. You would not be physically ready, financially ready, you would not have painted the nursery etc.  Yet, when your partner knows they are pregnant they don't keep checking everyday to make sure. You would just wait 9 months. Then you would be ready on all fronts.

If you wanted a car, yes it could easily appear tomorrow, but you'd still have to sort out insurance, sell the other one, find a parking space etc.

I hate the word try, you either do or don't. To try, it's old meaning was to fail. Which is what happens. You can't try and open a door, you either open it or you don't.

Yes, if you've been rejected, it is very normal to want them back and your feelings will be all over the place. If she said she was scared etc. You also felt these on some level.  You mention the term age gap not being a problem. The fact that you bring it up indicates it is a problem on some level.

OK, my take on it is this.. you still have many unresolved emotions. I suspect, lots of anger (my own experience), fear, sadness, guilt, frustration to name but a view.  These will not be the only times you have felt these where relationships are concerned. Look at close females in your life for clues to unresolved emotions. - This is not a weakness.

Whatever you do and how you do it is right for you. i.e. caring. It is you. Can't change it. Work male and relationship male are two very different things

For me I'd do this:

Ask yourself What is important to you in a relationship? Keep going until you repeat yourself, then say why is everything important to you. Any thing negative i.e. I don't want.... you need to clear and work on.

Have you every asked yourself what your ideal partner is made up of. Note not Who! but what. There are so many people out there who can be your ideal. Why limit yourself to just one?

Remember everything happens for a positive reason, if somebody falls by the wayside, the situation is just requiring growth from you and there is somebody bigger and better come along next.

[twirlgirl]

Paul,

The Law of Attraction works whether you believe it or not. You can either create unintentionally, and have things happen to you by default, or you can create Deliberately by focusing your intentions.

The point is not to act aloof and distant and uncaring, it is to focus on your own life, so that you aren't expecting another person to be there for you and provide your happiness. YOU should provide your own happiness, and not put that responsibility onto someone else.

If you feel like you are being selfish, then maybe spending some time doing volunteer work would help. If you mentored and tutored middle and high school kids in a program, became a child abuse advocate, or volunteered to walk the dogs and clean kennels at the animal shelter, you will be spending some of your energy doing good, which will be good for you. And, good for society. And, it will help you feel connected emotionally, to someone other than yourself, and that seems to be what you are craving.

I say foxus on a volunteer project, on giving back, and live in gratitute. There are other laws besides the law of attraction, that compliment it. The law of attraction only tells part of the story. There is also the law of gratitute, which is why you should be very thankful for everything that happens to you. Even the bad things, because they provide contrast.

I reccommend you read "The Law of Attraction" by Michael Losier. It is a very simple, easy to read, short book that erally explains how to use the law. He also has some gret free videos on youtube you can watch.

Anything by Esther Hicks is great, also. I reccommend the Vortex by Esther Hicks. Her stuff is a lot more complicated than Michaels, so I would reccommend reading Michaels book first, and watch his videos on youtube, to get a good overall grasp of how the law works - you do seem confused about what you want, and how it all works.


THEN you can read the Vortex book, which explains in more detail how to apply the law to relationships, in a very healthy, spiritual way.  Esther hicks also has videos on youtube for free to watch.

[Shikha]

Hello Paul

first of all, the law of attraction is like a law of nature. it's always in work..just that sometimes we realize and are aware of it and the other times we are not. if you choose not to work with the law it will still be in work perhaps in some other sort of way. everything that is happening you are making it happen. if you have an extreme need to KNOW and keep an expectation from her to clarify her actions then do talk to her. you have to do what you feel like doing and if you feel, at this point, that is the RIGHT thing to do then please listen only to you.

just wondering...if you feel that finding out the REAL reason will crush you does that mean that you have some faint idea of what it is!?! and maybe you're just afraid of hearing it or having her say it to you. whatever the reason is, you have to respect her choice. according to you, she did a 180 by ignoring you and has even said that she might hurt you in the future...doesn't that make you want to step aside for sometime? maybe she needs the time and space to rethink a few things on her own.

no one said it's a piece of cake. you have to make an effort for it to work in your favour. do understand that you are responsible for each and every thing that happens to you. we have free will to make our own choice(s). give yourself a break from thinking about the girl. peace of mind is the need of the hour for you. get yourself involved in things that interest you and LET HER BE!

peace and love xxxx

[WBA2010]

Hi Guys

Thank you for your comforting responses to my dilemma.

Ive been thinking about this question. When she said to me "We are not on the same wavelength" its an argument that I cannot argue against. How do you ask "why" because the reply will more than likely be "Its just something I feel" or 'I cant quite put my finger on it" etc. Its such an ambiguous vague statement that I cant see any reply to it because in its very nature its an open ended statement. For the record we really do get on great, we are on the same wavelength, obviously thats coming from me but how do you put it to her 'why', do you ask for instances, do you ask for reasons, what do you do.

I just want to have some advice before I actually ask her this question.

Thanks again guys

Best
Paul

[WBA2010]

Well

She contacted me today, havent spoke to her in 3 weeks. Coincidentally her friend Chris contacted me today as well out of the blue ask me how I was doing, all coming at once???

It was a nice conversation between us, I was jolly, in control and cordial. Gave a couple of little compliments to her, not over the top at all, she just called 'to see how I was doing'. She thought I'd moved away for work, when I told her I was back I sensed something maybe, I dont know, a hesitation on her part, she sounded pleased I was back in town. I asked her if she would like to catch up, she said yes, it was a 180 degree turnaround from the last time we spoke which was very cold, we have broken the ice I think. This time I felt myself putting off good vibes during our conversation, like I was in control and happy, (my heart was pounding inside mind you!!).

Now I do not know if this is LOA at work at all, I have been trying to affirm our relationship together, just visionary, the usual, but not over the top. I did purchase the Michael Losier LOA book, read it, and am reading it again, not as yet really putting it into practice as Im still learning. I do have real down times I must admit when bad energy seeps out, today was a bad one, but she called today, whats the hell is going on???

This could all be a very nice sentiment on her part, but she did actually call, not text, I thought she might have deleted my number. I have heard thru the grapevine through a mutual friend that she still thinks we're not on the same wavelength (this was a couple of weeks ago) when they spoke over coffee. My friend said that it was like she had convinced herself this was the situation and that was that, end of story.....

Can any of you wise folks shed light on her calling me, Im not sure if this is LOA at work or her just being 'nice'?

Thanks
Paul

[twirlgirl]

Paul,

She contacted you because of the Law of Attraction. She may have been being nice, but it was in addition to that, the LOA working to bring you both in alignment.

I am glad you read the book, hopefully it clarified some things for you. I would reccommend you practice with something smaller first, like maybe money or a small vacation, something that you arent as emotionally attached to, use the exercises in the book to practice manifesting smaller miracles, and then you can begin to incorporate those practices into your biggeer micracle.

With that said, it does sound as if you are getting into alignment. I am not really sure about the feeling like crap thing - maybe because it was temporary and you were able to recognize it and stop it before it got bad?

I have noticed in my own life, it does seem like there are times when I am negative, but good things happen anyway - but it was usually because I noticed it and was able to put a stop to it, and then a miracle happens.

[WBA2010]

UPDATE:

Well I ran into her, and she basically said there are no feelings for me and it wont work. Obviously crushing, it goes against the vibe that I got from our phone call on Wednesday? What's going on Im devastated, what do I do. Do I still manifest the ideas, be cool with her, contact her, what, I dont know.

Any feedback would be great guys

Best
Paul