Act as if you already have it

[Peace]

LOA says: don't care about the outcome as long as you are happy and feel good about it.
Does this also mean I don't have to care if she blocks me from all online chats because I insulted her friend (and felt good about insulting her friend)?

With all respect, these are not rhethoric questions; I am sincerely trying to understand what appear to be grave contraddictions.

Today I started my day doing exactly what you said: do whatever you want as long as you are happy, and be detached from the outcome.

I scolded my parents with filth and didn't care about it. I am fully happy.
Is this the right way of using LOA?

Tell me. Is this?

Just tell me Yes or No, and I will stop bothering you with questions...

[brian_bluesky]

The answer is NO.

I can see your frustration on this.

Let me tell you, my ex blocked me from all online chats as well. I was in damn painful & upset as you are facing now. I drunk myself, laying on bed whole day, isolated myself in room. I have my frustration sometimes as I did not see any result I wish for but I believe the time will come...

I have no right to judge you. My point of view is that you are transferring your anger to your parent & her friend. By doing these, are you able feel no heart pain when thinking of her? Deep inside you is still the same, you still could not let go. No offense here.

I am sorry if my reply triggered you even more frustration & annoying. To be frank, I am still new in LOA. I just wish to share some thoughts with you.

[mkitten]

Dear Peace,
Before I start my little... how did you say? "I don't need to be lectured over and over again on how to love myself because I already did it long before I even knew LOA." ... oh yes. So before I start lecturing you, let me tell you, I'm in the same boat, maybe even in worse situation. We broke up nearly a year ago, and he cut ALL the lines of communication. I got nothing. No reply on my "happy new years" txt, no happy b-day calls. Nothing. So please read my answer to you as from someone who KNOWS how you feel. Lee.see told you all, but I try it once more.

So..
"I am using LOA solely for the purpose of improving my relationship with HER.
I am already happy with almost every other aspect of my life."
You hAve to understand, that there is no such thing as - you are using LOA solely  for this or that purpose. It is all around you. It works either you aware of it or not! Either you want it or not! So let me tell you one thing. If you would really undertand the law of attraction, you wouldn't tell us that you need HER to keep yourself happy. (As you wrote I am already happy with almost every other aspect of my life. - it means for me that all you need for YOUR HAPPINESS TO BE COMPLETE IS YOUR EX!)

Loa teaches us: what we vibrate is what we get. Now either you aware of it or not, you are C-L-I-N-G-I-N-G on your ex. (just as me on mine.. LOL)
And guess what you get? More of fear, more of neediness, more of negative stuff.
All you do is chanting all the way... "but she did this or that, does it matter?" NO! It doesn't matter that she put you on her ignore list. It doesn't matter if she won't talk with you for a month or two. True love never expires! It is up to you, how hard you really want her back? How strong is your love?

I did the same like you... All I wanted to see is the "magic words" : You can have whatever you dream of. This is true, but we both missed the key: YOU GET WHAT YOU VIBRATE!
I personally think that the hardest part (and also the key element of loa) is that YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS RESPONSIBLE. No one else, but YOU. You are responsible for your thoughts, for your mood, and also when you let your emotions go rampage. If you keep your vibrational level on the right frequency, you will get all the positive things. But it also works when you let yourself down. All you get is what you never wanted, but was afraid of. So recalibrate your vibes, start focusing on you, instead of her. You can change your reality!


I do believe in LOA. I have experienced it long before I read about it. Both in good and bad ways. (like choosing the only questions on my exam what I learned from the 75 themes... ect.) And I have to tell you (but certainly we all aware of it) that when it comes to realtionships, it is the hardest to manifest. Because we are clinging on them emotionally. We can't let go. But it would be essential to let go of the fears, having blind faith, and just vibrate like you already have it, no matter what. I was able to do so when I had 1:75 chance to choose the one and only theme what I learnt for the exam. I had blind faith that somehow I will pass that damned exam. But how can you let go, if you love so deeply? I answered this question here as well: http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/law-of-attraction-for-relationship/bible-of-getting-your-ex-back-dns-post/
I think that all the people who are failing using loa for getting back their exes, or making relationship with someone specific (yet!!!) are not able to love with pure love. What I mean is we associate our happines with those specific persons (based on the happy memories we once shared with them or wanted to share). We are not able to accept that it is up to us whether or not we are happy and live a complete life. There can be other causes as well, but this is the most common mistake I think.
So as for me... I have a blind faith that we are soulmates, we were designed for each-other, but at the moment there are some lessons to learn while we apart, what we could not learn if we would be together. I do believe that everything happened on purpose, this is how I made it happen. I reached a point where I could not evolve having him on my side, and also it was the same with him. As soon as we are ready, we will be together. I think on this journey I need to find my true self again. So here I am... (yadda yadda yadda... At least this is my mantra, on my good days )
But I truly can't imagine it any different.

Tell me... with you insulting her friend, are you really made yourself happy, or just satisfied your ego? Because it is certainly not the same. I can't believe someone doing negative things would make himself really happy.

And a few words about signs... I personally think signs are encouragements from the universe when we really need them. You can even ask for one yourself. We are certainly not machines, we can't monitor all our thoughts and I bet even the best people can fail or have moments of doubt in their success. This is when you usually get a sign. This is not a memory, but something what pops to your face, usually something very obvious. Like I yesterday turned on the tv (I rarely do so, I don't watch tv very often, maybe once every week) and all I saw was my ex's name written on the screen with huge red letters... it happened to be a title of a film, and his name is not that common. But I would not recommend you to put too much attention on this either, because if you will focus on these things too much, you will end up like me being obsessed by them, seeing 23 (his bday) literally everywhere. I think I manifested those for myself, as some "fake" signs. So signs should be spontaneous and "out of blue, plesant surprises" when you doN't pay attention on them at all.


I really hope I could help you,
Kitten

[Peace]

The answer is NO.

I can see your frustration on this.

Let me tell you, my ex blocked me from all online chats as well. I was in damn painful & upset as you are facing now. I drunk myself, laying on bed whole day, isolated myself in room. I have my frustration sometimes as I did not see any result I wish for but I believe the time will come...

Still not sure whether you properly read what I wrote: all these things happened AFTER I started using LOA. When I started being detached from the outcome. When I started just saying things freely without thinking about what she might think. When I started being free, free, totally free... and as a consequence I probably neglected HER needs.

Before I used LOA things were going pretty well. She didn't tell me she loved me, but at least we were extremely close friends, greeted each other every morning, spoke to each other with a light heart.

[Peace]

mirelitkitten, thanks for your very long post. I really appreciate it, but I would like to clarify a few things.

If you would really undertand the law of attraction, you wouldn't tell us that you need HER to keep yourself happy. (As you wrote I am already happy with almost every other aspect of my life. - it means for me that all you need for YOUR HAPPINESS TO BE COMPLETE IS YOUR EX!)

We are living in an ocean of misunderstandings. I trust everyone to understand me, and yet we put words into each others mouths and base our entire point of view on that... Just like my parents: I told them I failed at university exams because I was depressed at a specific moment and couldn't focus on studies, and they started pressing me on taking extra tuition classes so I can understand better what I was studying. Totally unrelated solution.
But still, sorry if I didn't come across clear enough. Let me try again: When I said I am happy in "almost every aspect of my life" I meant other things, like my financial problems, my health problems, etc. I never said that I need that girl (who is not my ex by the way!) for my happiness to be complete. I can proudly say: I don't need her, but I want her.

All you do is chanting all the way... "but she did this or that, does it matter?" NO! It doesn't matter that she put you on her ignore list. It doesn't matter if she won't talk with you for a month or two. True love never expires! It is up to you, how hard you really want her back? How strong is your love?

LOA proponents say I can get her NOW! I tried that way and instead she distanced herself. In case you didn't read properly: before I started using the advice by LOA proponents, we were on very good terms! AFTER using LOA, she distanced herself. That's what made me confused, and makes me wonder this or that. I was never needy or clinging in the first place. I am just confused about what is happening ever since I started using LOA.

As soon as we are ready, we will be together. I think on this journey I need to find my true self again. So here I am... (yadda yadda yadda... At least this is my mantra, on my good days )
But I truly can't imagine it any different.

I also thought of something like this. But in this case, why would she suddenly turn so cold with me because I started "getting ready"?

Tell me... with you insulting her friend, are you really made yourself happy, or just satisfied your ego? Because it is certainly not the same. I can't believe someone doing negative things would make himself really happy.

From what I understood so far, LOA proponents say to do whatever makes us feel happy NOW, and to do whatever we feel like doing effortlessly. People on this forum said this (also Sneha, on this topic). Isn't this the same as ego?
I would need lots of effort to forgive someone (e.g. her friend) for behaving bad. It is through effort that I train myself to contain my anger. I also need lots of mental effort to fight jealousy. I would be extremely angered if she joined him in a relationship instead of me; him, who always cheated on her and treated her like an animal. For me, telling him right in his face how immoral and worthless I consider him would be the most effortless thing I could do right now.

So signs should be spontaneous and "out of blue, plesant surprises" when you doN't pay attention on them at all.

OK... would you consider it a sign if I start thinking:"Oh, I'll never be together with her..." and all of a sudden I walk in front of a church into a wedding ceremony?
Once, I was thinking that even though she'll never me together with me, I'll always remember her as my best friend. A few moments later I was constantly surrounded by people speaking in her native language.
Quite often, when I have thoughts such as:"Ah, let's just forget about her and start looking at other girls." I see girls who look just like her (have many similar physical traits).

It's as if the universe is telling me: it's time to settle. Stop hunting around like a playboy and marry the love of your life - her.

[Calidris]

I'm sorry that things do not seem to be going in the right direction for you at the moment using the LOA.  But please do remember that we can stay positive, do our visualizations but if our subconsious still is holding on to desperation that will ring out load and clear and deperations has the exact opposite effect of detached desire.  Check out the post on here about attracting a specific person, it might help out some. 

Just keep positive and stop worrying about little tiny things and just feel good about you.  I struggle with that one every single day the longer I go without hearing from my ex and I do know that that desperation (and that is what it is) isn't doing me or my situation any good. 

[Peace]

I was never desperate in the first place. Now I am. It is true that NOW I have to work on it.
But before I used LOA I wasn't desperate.

In case nobody understood what I am saying since two pages...

[tereza]

Quote from Wedding:

when we are happy flowers are beatiful, songs are beatiful, birds are beautiful, people are beatiful, cats,dogs,trees all of these are beaitiful
when we are sad flowers,songs,birds,people,cats,dogs,trees aren't beutiful
but flowers are the same flowers,songs are the same songs, birds are the same birds, world is the same world
it's not a world what changes, it's us who change, they are our senses, toughts what change
it's our vision what does beatiful world, beatiful flowers...
happiness is tooooo near of us, it's our hearts,our eyes

Here's a different perspective to your situation:
Before when you were on good terms, she only viewed you as a friend.  Now she is distancing herself because she no longer views you as a friend, but as someone she is interested in romantically and is uncertain about what to do next.

Another perspective:
Perhaps she is shy and feels most nervous when she tries to show you her feelings.  So she'll say, I admire you! And then runs away because she is afraid to be rejected.

Since the law of attraction is about creating your OWN reality, you must choose the perspective that suits you.  Right now, you are making two mistakes.  First you chose to interpret the distance as something negative, when it's entirely possible that it's a good thing.  Second you are too attached to the outcome because you keep freaking out over every little thing she does EVEN when she does something NICE!!!

If you were detached and you believed that she was your girlfriend, you would be relaxed and do things that you would do for a girlfriend.  I know the first thing I would do is ask her to go out for coffee or see a movie.  I would appreciate the time we spend together and be thankful for that and then go on with taking care of myself.

Also, if you read the thread called "bible of getting your Ex back", nowhere in there does it say to be mean to people.  That isn't going to help you and it hurts others.  There is a way to let people know that they are being hurtful or disagreeable, without being mean to them.

[mkitten]

Dear Peace,
Ok, so I misunderstood you, and I'm sorry about it. But still it is ture - either you are aware or not, you are USING LOA! Maybe not consciously, but you did even back then. What changed ever since? Maybe when things were good, you were more confident? I don't know why, but it is hard for me to imagine that as soon as you read about loa and started to follow the advices, things started to get worse - when nothing in the circumstances has changed! (I mean within you of course. maybe you started to doubt something? or insecurity? ) I would try to find the real problem, bc it is certainly not that easy...
Or maybe you totally misunderstood something? Most of the people here asking advice on how to get back someone in their lives (this is why I thought you are trying to get her back) and for these guys the best thing is to focus on them only. To be healed from the pain ect ect. But if you were trying to build a new relationship it is certainly not too wise to ignore her.

Ok, so you don't need her, but want her. And where is the "love" part? Are you in love? If you are, why can't you let go of the outcome? And focus on different things until she is ready?

Well we say, the real happiness comes when you are truly yourself. Like when you are in love with someone - the first 3-4 months called honeymoon period, when you have your pink glasses on, and you feel the world is just perfect around you. In this period you are free from your ego most of the times, and also your invironment doesn't have any impact on you. This is where your higher self - your ture self is free. As soon as your ego rises up, all the insecurity, jealousy and other negative stuff sneaks into your mind. So to satisfy your ego - it is not a good thing to do. It usually gives you a bad advice. I think our task is to evolve, to find our true selves, and this is the hardest part in life. It doesn't come effortlessly. Loa teaches us to use our power for good things - not to hurt others, no matter what they did. Anger, jealousy are coming from your ego and may it protect you but it never let you be yourself completely.
BUT! If you can keep your vibes high, and you can switch to receiving mode - then the results will come effortlessly.  

Yes, those you mentioned can be called signs, and yes, I think the universe is trying to tell you: don't give up, you are on your way to get what you want!

Kitten

[Peace]

Here's a different perspective to your situation:
Before when you were on good terms, she only viewed you as a friend.  Now she is distancing herself because she no longer views you as a friend, but as someone she is interested in romantically and is uncertain about what to do next.

That would be quite bad because I was manifesting the desire to add love to a growing friendship, not a friendship-less love...

Another perspective:
Perhaps she is shy and feels most nervous when she tries to show you her feelings.  So she'll say, I admire you! And then runs away because she is afraid to be rejected.

Also possible, but I never gave her any rejection signals. One of the climaxes was when for some reason I wrote her, "Thank you with all of my heart!" and she replied, "I can give you mine whenever you need." and I said, "Me too!". After that she just wrote a smiley and didn't speak for 4 hours.

If you were detached and you believed that she was your girlfriend, you would be relaxed and do things that you would do for a girlfriend.  I know the first thing I would do is ask her to go out for coffee or see a movie.  I would appreciate the time we spend together and be thankful for that and then go on with taking care of myself.

We did plenty of things, we discussed, debated, we were communicating almost every hour we were awake, even after she moved abroad...

Now, I ask her something, she answers two words, and then goes offline.

[7up]

Maybe she's just not that into you.

Move on. She'll probably come back once you do.

[Peace]

But still it is ture - either you are aware or not, you are USING LOA! Maybe not consciously, but you did even back then. What changed ever since?

I think the method. I applied everything that was written on this forum and other LOA resources. It's not LOA itself, but what LOA proponents suggest. I blindly followed, and then started panicking due to the negative results.

Most of the people here asking advice on how to get back someone in their lives (this is why I thought you are trying to get her back) and for these guys the best thing is to focus on them only. To be healed from the pain ect ect. But if you were trying to build a new relationship it is certainly not too wise to ignore her.

Wow, good to know...  

Let me try to explain more specifically what I did. Before I discovered LOA articles, I treated her as a friend with a high possibility to grow into a couple. We spoke as best friends, treated each other as best friends, and in between the lines there was lots of romantic tension. (I deeply believe in being in love with my best friend) For some reason, neither of us wanted to make a decisive step forward.

What I first applied of LOA was "act as if she's already yours". I visualized her as my wife, thought of her as such, and many of my emotions changed. For example, I wasn't jealous anymore of her other male friends. And as a consequence of all these changed feelings, I was also more confident to openly call her "love" or "sweetie" - isn't that what one should say to ones' wife? - and be more openly romantic (while before, I always put the romantic undertones between the lines, hidden and subconscious). I really became more upbeat and hopeful in my way of talking with her - and did so regardless of the outcome.
In hindsight, I feel that she was frightened by this sudden change. Maybe she wanted to keep it hidden or "under construction" for some time, and I hurried too much? Maybe she consciously doesn't want us to be more than friends, but only subconsciously?
I don't know. But as a reaction to her negative reaction, I did start getting doubts. But still I continued doing what LOA proponents said: act as if she's already yours.
And that might have driven her more and more away...

[Peace]

Maybe she's just not that into you.

Move on. She'll probably come back once you do.

Whatever she is now is the consequence of some deep change (which I think was triggered by my use of LOA advice), and I have enough reasons to believe that she was well into me before it happened.

I wouldn't move on from my best friend for no reason on this planet.

[7up]

'Was', as in past tense. You think someone's feelings towards you changed because you "started" using LOA? Things were fine 'before' you started using it right? Maybe it's the fact that once you found out about it you thought you could manipulate her towards you by using LOA and when all of a sudden you got no results, you came on here and vented.

Dude the facts are this:
- Every post you're contradicting yourself.
- You're blaming LOA for your actions.
- Inflicting abuse, harm and hurt among others will only come back at you ten-fold.
- You came on way too strong and she bailed, simple.
- Women aren't robots, dolls or an electronic device. They're human beings and they have the free will to do, think and feel exactly what they want to. As both you and I do.

Imagine if she was reading this? If she had a lot of sense she'd see the clingy, desperate, neediness you're exuding.

Sorry to be blunt dude, I'm a no crap kinda guy. If she's not contacting you, going offline when you're on etc. You gotta let her go. If you want her back, that's the true and only way she'll come back.

[Galina Shibileva]

7up,

welcome here   

and THANKS for that insight!!!