Abandonment Issues

[jackog]

I have been on this site for a while and have got a great deal of help from reading all your posts. And for that I am very appreciative.
I’m very much into LOA

Many of my past relationships have had some of the abandonment/engulfment story going on

A few notes on  Abandonment and Engulfment below
It seems many relationships have this trait. One partner who feels abandoned and one partner who feels engulfed.
Fear of abandonment (engulfing - pursuing)   vs  Fear of Engulfment - (avoiding - distancing) - the dance cycle
This repetitive pattern is often described as a kind of dance, a dysfunctional cycle along the lines explained in the examples below.
 Typically when the abandoned partner experiences  a sense of being abandoned or alone he or she panics and starts working overtime to force the engulfed partner to come closer.  As a result, the engulfed partner with strong engulfment issues becomes agitated about being over-controlled by the Abandoned partner.  The engulfed partner  will feel he or she is losing  individual identity. The more the Abandoned partner tries to keep the engulfed partner  close to them, the more engulfed partner  will feel  smothered or controlled by Abandoned partner. This increases the chance that the engulfed partner will naturally try to spend even less time with Abandoned partner in order to maintain his or her (Engulfed partner's) sense of identity.

This is my relationship in a nutshell! Its deep stuff and I wonder if LOA is stong enough to overcome it!

[Vicki Christina]

Hi,  It sounds like you read the Dance of Anger book.  It's a good one for showing relationship patterns.  The LOA will work for anything, but when limiting beliefs and patterns are involved, you have to take care of them or as many have found - you have the same again.  Methods people explore to work with destructive thinking  - heart meditation, Tapping, Sedona Method, and a book I am reading, which I have not seen discussed here, promises a method to do the same is called The Healng Code.  I just started with it this week, so cannot say if it is best for me.  We all find what feels best for our personal work.  With the Healing Code you find where the negative belief started and work from that point. 

[tereza]

I think the LoA fits rather nicely in your situation. Actually, what you described reminds me of something a guy Al Turtle wrote about (he's got a great website about relationships) his own relationship (he got her back!). He described it as one person being a clinger (fear of abandonment person) and another an avoider (fear of engulfment person).

Anyway, what he wrote was that the best thing the clinger can do is back off.  Learn to enjoy life on their own and eventually, the avoider would come closer. The harder you try to get closer to an avoider, the further they'll get from you.  Same thing with LoA, the more attached you become to a certain result, the harder it is to manifest it. But if you're able to let go and trust that things will work out, things manifest easily.

[Vicki Christina]

@ Tereza- This web site is a great read.  Thanks for sharing it!
 
@ Jackog-  Tereza has good information.  The Sedona, EFT and other methods are for working in conjunction with LOA when we feel we are losing the battle of eliminating the negative beliefs which need to be dealt with before we get the LOA to work with a particular desire.

[57angel]

@Jackog, VC and Tereza offered very good points here, try exploring them. These are negative beliefs that needed to be deleted and let go, try to work in them as fast as you can. Not until, you have worked on them, it will always contribute to your not feeling good, and then affect every aspect of your life.

[jackog]

Thankyou all for your input.
I have been working with various methods for many years.
Sedona, Releasing, Phsycanics, Theta Healing, Pranic Healing etc
I just find that it seems to take an enormous amount of effort to make minor shifts in our deep seated stuff.

[Vicki Christina]

It does seem to take a long time to identify and let go of old issues.   I have been feeling some progress recently with a method in the Healing Code book and some subliminals which I play for several hours at night when I sleep. 

[belive88]

Hi VC,

I had a question- you said "some subliminals which I play for several hours at night when I sleep"

is that audio? or the ones that pop up on your screen?? and could you please tell me what exactly these are used for 

[Vicki Christina]

I go to a company called Innertalk and order CD's.   They have 100 or more titles with subliminal messages with music or water noise.  I get the ocean sounds and copy them on the iPod then set for several hours on a playlist while I sleep.  They also have some free ones.  A good free one is for forgiving and letting go.