Author Topic: A lot of good signs! (Read 1322 times)

win-my-race · « **on:** January 22, 2012, 03:27:37 AM »

My girl and I are back at school now for the semester. We originally shared just one class together in which she pleaded to sit by me in the big lecture hall. I of course let her in which she helps me out a lot with my studies. We both have a break in between classes and she always asks to hang out with me in the library and we have a great time, but mostly just studying. Now she even switched her next class to the same as mine so we could hang out longer.
Now she often asks me to study with her at night during the week and its great! This friday my car broke down and needed a ride to class in the AM. She quickly came and got me and even brought me some breakfast in case i didn't have any. She is really thinking of me, so thats always a good sign! However, last night I asked her what she was up to and took an hour for her to reply she out with her roomate getting drinks. I said I was bored and wanted to go bowling with her (something we used to do when dating). She replied "dang, I totally would have gone". I then asked texted maybe Sunday? and got no reply.
I tend to over analyze things, but I feel like she just texted me back saying she wanted to after the fact we couldn't. However, she is still with the guy she met after we broke up. So i know that makes things more difficult. I guess my big dilemma is determining if I am in the friend zone and if i am, how do I get out?

DannyDank · « **Reply #1 on:** January 22, 2012, 04:06:23 AM »

Haha, I've trapped myself there before. The dreaded "friend zone". The best advice I can give you is to be aggressive in your approach. Don't misinterpret what I'm saying, don't try to force anything. It's all in the approach. This guy could have the looks, the money, the car, but in the end personality is what is going to shine through. That's what gets people to you.

Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Keep being friendly with her, it will gradually build to a climax. Just act like you don't have a care in the world. This is all advice of course in the scenario that she is seeing someone. You have to show her the funny, loving, amazing person she passed up. First step to that is being completely happy with yourself. Next step is to completely ignore that other guy. To you, he doesn't even exist. It's just you and your lady. Don't feed him any energy. It's going to come down to who really wants it more, not on the outside, but internally.

You can't force anyone to do anything, but influencing a person is a different story as long as the intent is good. You can't bend her vibration to match yours, but what you can do is align your own vibration to match hers. If you can accomplish that, the Universe will work it's magic.

You could also try other methods. Look up the topic on here about remote seduction.

schenderson22 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 22, 2012, 05:37:17 AM »

I understand where DannyDank is coming from. However, taking an "aggressive" approach isn't necessarily the best way to handle things. Recognize that "physically" there is nothing you can do. However, "spiritually" you can achieve a lot! Acting like you don't have a care in the world is a way of "detaching" yourself from the outcome.

Stay focused on the "end result". Be grateful for when she does text you back. Be grateful for the moments you do spend with her. Chances are, the energy emitted from your insecurities caused the delay in the response. "Waiting" for a response only brings about more "waiting". Basic principle of LOA is "like" attracts "like". What you put out is what you get back. Have ABSOLUTE faith you WILL receive all that you want and EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Best of LOA to you!!

Vicki Christina · « **Reply #3 on:** January 22, 2012, 06:54:27 AM »

Schenderson and Danny both have a lot of good advice. I think agressive was a poor word choice. But he is right about not giving the other guy any energy. Have faith and be grateful as Schenderson says... Rory Raye who writes on relationships on blogs says, "lean back!" Keep up your detachment, good energy, and belief - and lean back to enjoy the ride! Hugs, VC

DannyDank · « **Reply #4 on:** January 22, 2012, 07:12:57 AM »

I suppose aggressive was a bit of a careless phrasing. What I was trying to say is just go at it with your full potential. It's all about belief in the self. If you think you can accomplish something, then you've already done most of the work.

win-my-race · « **Reply #5 on:** January 23, 2012, 11:05:32 AM »

really appreciate the replies guys! As i started to read them, she texted me and flirted with me a bit. She invited me to study with her again tonight. She is extremely stressed over taking her dental school admission test and likes having me around to keep her company. She is so stressed out that she even started crying because she feels like she is studying so much and is just overwhelmed. I am there for her because I love her, but I can't find the words to make her smile or make her feel better and it kills me.

crazysoul · « **Reply #6 on:** January 23, 2012, 03:20:46 PM »

Quote from: win-my-race on January 23, 2012, 11:05:32 AM

really appreciate the replies guys! As i started to read them, she texted me and flirted with me a bit. She invited me to study with her again tonight. She is extremely stressed over taking her dental school admission test and likes having me around to keep her company. She is so stressed out that she even started crying because she feels like she is studying so much and is just overwhelmed. I am there for her because I love her, but I can't find the words to make her smile or make her feel better and it kills me.

you cant make her smile, all you can do- is listening and be there for her.
dont feel responsible to make her smile, you help her alot by just being there and listen and showing that you understand her.
her smile will come again.
everytime someone said to me--- i want to make you smile again, but i failed, it set me under pressure somehow..... just let her and she will appreciate that.
and her feeling good again will come back when its time for her to let it go.

hope that hels a bit

win-my-race · « **Reply #7 on:** January 27, 2012, 01:33:23 AM »

yes, that does make a lot of sense. I realize I can't make those stressors just go away, but she does find comfort in telling me how she feels. Things are going well, I only focus on us and what we have. We see eachother daily and enjoy eachothers company. I do have one issue with myself I need to resolve, is when she talks about where she is going for grad school and gets so excited about it and i tend to get frustrated because where she is going is not where I will be going. That leaves potential of never seeing her again and I get really down when I think about it.

crazysoul · « **Reply #8 on:** January 27, 2012, 01:43:31 AM »

i am feeling weak today and detached, so i only want to say (if somone havent already)-
dont text her.... let her come, dont give her the feeling that you need her and even if its just pretending for now.

sorry that i cant write more at the moment

Stefzilla · « **Reply #9 on:** January 27, 2012, 01:54:24 AM »

I will tell you my personal experience. This was about 6 years ago, i was going out with a girl for about 2 years. She broke up with me and 4 weeks later i found she had a bf. I was trying to win her back, when that didnt work i would get angry and upset at her. I pretty much did everything i could, but i got the rejection each time. The turning point was me moving on, and dating other people. She found out and went nuts, it was like i cheated on her, the whole thing was turned around. Soon after she asked me if i wanted to try again, and her new bf was history without any effort from me.

This is kinda the same situation. You are there to hang out, but she has a bf. So she get two guys that are all nice to her at the same time, so why change anything. Best thing to do is leave and work on yourself, trust me she isnt going to forget about you. You need to make her miss you, and see you in a better light than her current bf. Trust me the better you are doing the worse he will look, the more happy you are the more she will wonder if she made a mistake. You already planted the seed that you want her back, that you guys still like to spend time together and have lots in common, so now you just have to let it grow.

Trust me if you try to break them up, she will run to him more. If you stick around and hang out with her when her bf is busy, nothing will change. Work on youself, be happy, use what people show you on this forum and trust that it will work out.

crazysoul · « **Reply #10 on:** January 27, 2012, 02:01:16 AM »

i can only completely agree with stefzilla!!!

win-my-race · « **Reply #11 on:** January 27, 2012, 05:44:07 AM »

alright I like that a lot. I never contact her first, but I do usually come running when she wants me which is nearly every night. I am not trying to break her up though, I have not even mentioned the other guy once. And if I were the cause of the break up, she would only resent me. I noticed she never talks to him though, and they are in a long distance relationship and sense it ending.
I would love to date other girls to occupy my time, but this university is slim pickens for ladies as its a 5:1 guy to girl ratio and I don't like to lower my standards. I had a girl drive 6 hours just to hang out for the weekend and that made me think of her more for some reason.
Her having a bf doesn't get me down at all really. The fact that our time is running out from going to school together does bother me. I love her in my life and is someone I care about very much.

crazysoul · « **Reply #12 on:** January 27, 2012, 06:11:32 AM »

do not run when she is calling, let her wait, make your self interesting by that.

stay postive and be sure that she is already on her way back to you!!!

win-my-race · « **Reply #13 on:** January 27, 2012, 09:18:45 AM »

Yeah you are right. I had a night of weakness tonight. I got injured in practice and decided to text her, it took a while for her to respond and I noticed it made me really anxious. Its hard to trust sometimes for me when things are going well, but I let fear creep in being stuck as a friend to her.

win-my-race · « **Reply #14 on:** January 28, 2012, 10:44:19 AM »

well today was going great! A lot of laughter and she allowed me to touch her leg repeatedly. However, I was asking our mutual friend some advice as to what I should do. And was told that my girl told our mutual friend that she can't wait to see her BF again and misses him so much. So hearing that just sent my spirits down the drain. Its becoming hard to keep my faith when I am constantly getting mixed results. Is it common for a girl to always want to hang out with their ex even though they have bf?