*Update on my ex contacting me*

[Jubilee227]

Hi everyone some of you may know my ex made contact with me the other night after 3 months of no contact and 10 months of a breakup we were on and off again for seven years. Well I am saddened to say it was not all it was cracked up to be he still has his girlfriend but they are not happy. He texted me at 3 am saying he missed me because he had went to a favorite bar/club of mine. He was sending me mixed messages and said he wanted to talk to me and if he could call me but he did not.

We did text throughout the day and his texts messages became scarce and with an hour of him responding in between them I felt something was up. So I just came out and asked him and he said yes I have a girlfriend he basically said yes and no it's complicated...UGH! i knew he was dating someone back in November when we spoke he told me so I let go little by little.

I told him that why would he text me then and he said i am sorry I did not mean it that way. He somewhat lives with her so Iwas upset that he texted me. I told him nicely and not screaming or nothing I have grown so much since our breakup I believe I confronted him maturely. So we began to talk thoughout today in the morning on the phone and he called me BABE and he said i'm sorry that just came out. He used to call me that years ago then our relationship began to crumble so it pretty much stopped.

He said he wanted to work things out with her and stuff and i said he should but to me this sounds like a typical rebound relationship since he began dating her soon after me.  I told him that and said just work it out with her even though inside I was sad. I love him and I cannot deny it but I will not interfere in someone elses relationship.I know he's wrong for what he did but i am just confused now. I know I have to let GOD take over and see what happens.

I told him I can no longer speak to him as long as he is a relationship. He sadi why can't we talk at least once a month as friends I said because I cannot and we basically hung up saddned. I heard in his voice but I have to let him go.

I just need advice right now. Even though I was ok with him or someone better I cannot help but feel sad inside. If anyone has any advice or has been through what i am going through please feel free to send me some advice. Also I feel this is not the end of him something is telling me he will be back. He told me they have a messed up relationship. I just think I deserve to be with someone not in a complicated situation, but can't help how I feel.

He too was being really jealous asking me about my personal life and if I am with someone and what not. I could tell he still cares for me alot but who knows what's holding him onto this girl, he said he is not actively doing anything to save his relationship it's a long story but I have said the most important things...lol

Also be careful what you wish for cause you might get it but not the way you expected it to.


Blessings and love to all

[lilly]

It isn't negative at all to me, he clearly cares about you and probably still has feelings too if he is reaching to you.
I think maybe now might be a good time to try and be friends and try to build something from there, if you feel strong enough, which is a decision only you can make.
I personally think that if you've been in no contact for that long, there'll be a point when you'll need to start talking again to mend your own relationship to him and it would be especially good to put yourself in a positive light if the relationship he's having is complicated.

No contact is good to distance yourself, healing and give each others time to miss the other but no relationships can be repaired or built without talking and I believe that there has to be a time (when you feel ready), when reunion is needed.
You shouldn't give him the idea that you are around waiting for him by talking with him again, but instead to give him the opportunity to see that you've grown from this and that you're enjoying life and that you are the one he wants to be with!

[Mr Brightside]

10 months later you are still getting those texts, he is not over you.. not even close. If they are having issues this early you can bet this is not going to last too long. My advice is to back off a little, make him think about you and going back. He is already somewhat there, but you need to make a breaking point where he commits to it. You dont want to end with him having two woman fighting over him, instead make yourself more valuable in his eyes.

If you really want to be sneaky about it , just see what the problem is in their relationship and make that a positive in you. Essentially you are just showing him that you are clearly the better choice. I know it sounds petty but he is very close and you just need to make that final push. 

[Jubilee227]

Hi lily thanks for your response, I do too feel it's not so negative either. I just felt he was confused but deep down inside I know it's me he wants. I just feel guilty to keep contact with him knowing he has a girlfriend. He also said this girl did something to him that upset him and he feels sad alot he said it was not cheating I did not ask what it was though, he said this was not recent but he has not gotten over it. I mentioned this to my sister and she said he might be using me to get back at her, so that come me thinking what if he is? I don't know maybe I am letting other peoples influences taje over but I don't feel that he was.

I know there is love here still but there was alot of hurt that we caused eachother mainly on my part. When we last spoke earlier I told him how I have changed not to brag or nothing but I am proud of myself that I have did this for my well being. I come from a past of depression and really low self esteem and that's what drove him away was me depending on him for my happiness.

I changed all that and i do not need a man to fulfill me and I've grown so much and I know he sees that now. so I am glad I said it. I just prefer he contact me and I have a feeling he will after he breaks up with her. Now I am just worried he might and then regret leaving her and want to go back. i don't know. He just kept seding mixed messages as to him wanting to work it out with her then saying he really does not care so i am not sure.

Sorry for rambling but thanks so much for your advice I am truly grateful.

Much love to you♥

[lilly]

I am not familiar with your story but I doubt he'd be breaking no contact in the hope to establish some sort of friendship with you to make her jealous or get back at her for whatever reason. To me it is the attitude of someone who is lost and still has feelings. Maybe he's realized you're a better match to him and this message was a way to test you and where you are at emotionally.
You may back off a little like Stephzilla advised and wait for their relationship to end and so you will avoid the guilt you think you'd have if you were talking to him while he's with her. Either way if things are complicated between them, whether you talk to him or not will not change anything on the outcome. Like I said above, at best it'll give him the opportunity to see you in a better light since your breakup. But you must stay firm on your intentions and not be totally available to him so that he sees you as someone he wants to be with and not a compassionate ear in a difficult time. Goodluck!

[Jubilee227]

Thanks Stefzilla you are right. I do believe he still has feelings for me too, I told him how I felt he is trying to save his relationship but when we broke up I felt he just didn't. He said he tried more with me than he ever did with her but earlier he said the opposite so right now I feel like he is totally confused.

We decided not to talk anymore well I did at least. I told him i felt guilty as I would not want someone doing that to me and he said ok.So asking him about what this girl did is really not an option now...lol. I know he was a bit upset but hopefully he sees that he can really lose me. I have not been with anyone in any way shape or form it was a personal choice for me. I decided I needed to clear out all my baggage and help myself first before i got involved with anyone else.

I finally feel I am ready to date again and I told him this and he knows now that I am pretty much open to dating I am hoping he takes this chance. What also is weirdis that he seems to be in a not so happy place and I am feeling pretty good about life so I am curious as to how we attracted eachother back at least through text?

i am wondering if I can still attract him back while I am feeling good and him not so much?

Thanks for your input!

much love to you

[Mr Brightside]

My ex was the same way, she was dating someone and couldnt care less about me. Then we started to talk, and she found out i was going to start dating other people. She was really pissed, like i did something wrong by doing it, and it turned things around big time. Its like they finally get that they are going to lose you, your not just someone sitting alone waiting for them, but you might find someone yourself.

[Jubilee227]

You are right Stefzilla, I do think he will realize this. I am sure it's still on his mind right now. For some reason I feel so calm like something is saying don't worry he will come back like it's a positive knowing. I had this feeling before right after we talked back in November and he did text but he is not mine yet...lol.

I just wish he would realize now...lol but all in due time it will happen. I was a little jealous though cause he partially lives with her and it's weird we never lived together and I am thinking like he will still have some attachment to her in some way since he made that move with her and not me after seven years!

Not sure if I should keep affirming and sending him love and visualizing us together though???

So are you and your ex back together?

[Mr Brightside]

We did end up back together after that, but i ended up leaving after some time. This was around 6 years ago, but the pattern is the same. Also keep doing what you have so far, it got you this far why stop now.

People are funny, they always want what they cannot have, and that goes for the ex also.

[Jubilee227]

So true stefzilla! Well I will keep on living my life and not let this affect me so much. Thank you for your advice and help it really helped me alot and helps me know which direction to go in. Dont now if this makes a difference but he said he would tell her that he talked to me that she is not the jealous type. I was insanely jealous when were together but he said he would like for her to show some sort of jealousy a tad bit. I was like huh?cause he hated my jealousy but i was bad...lol...anyways he said that he would tell her he spoke to me so in some way I felt like what if it that he was trying to make her mad in some way to have her react?


 

[JustForToday]

HE IS ALMOST YOURS AGAIN!!!
i think, he wanted to tell you, that he loves you more than her.... if he even is loving this woman, or just tried to distract from you.

send love with rs, know that all will be good with him.
i wouldnt close up completely though, just make yourself interesting by not giving all.

meet up and say that you want to be only friends with him, that will make him move, even when its not your truth

youre on the right way!!! 

[chrissy8907]

Your post is really powerful and you did exactly the right thing what a awesome step towards independence!! I know you are sad I was exactly the same way because a similar situation happen to me recently  then i saw it as wow!! I wouldn't have said that in a million years that I thought it was best we don't talk!! I bet you soon he will contact you again I can feel it in your writing . I admire you and the strength you have

[Mr Brightside]

HE IS ALMOST YOURS AGAIN!!!
i think, he wanted to tell you, that he loves you more than her.... if he even is loving this woman, or just tried to distract from you.

send love with rs, know that all will be good with him.
i wouldnt close up completely though, just make yourself interesting by not giving all.

meet up and say that you want to be only friends with him, that will make him move, even when its not your truth

youre on the right way!!! 

I agree with Crazysoul, but i dont think you should say i want to be friends. Instead i would say that you are going to some party with a bunch of people, or going with your friend to meet some people. Anything to make him start thinking that you are going to meet someone, if you want to take a step further say im going for dinner with someone i met. Dont give details, let him think about it, and he will feel like he has to make a move. I know you are worried that he will take it the wrong way but you need to reach that point where he starts to really make some moves. Wait and see what happens in the next week or so , and then do this.

[JustForToday]

stef, even better!!!!!

THAT WILL WORK..... he is a man, so trust him
he must know 

[Jubilee227]

@ crazy soul thank you so much for your advice all of you are truly helping me stay positive about this.  Thank You

@chrissy Thank You, i feel the exact way if this was me last year I would ave fallen apart i am catching myself lately like WOW I have matured in such a strong way and I am so proud of myself because I did this without him and especially for myself 
I really do feel positive he will come back, but I do get impatient then my vibration goes down. I just hope he realizes the grass is not always greener on the other side!...lol Much Love to you chrissy for your advice!

@stefzilla I do not know how i would do this since we had our last phone calls few hours ago? This is when I told him that i think we should not speak since he is in a relationship and all 

LoL maybe I should have consulted with you all before I decided to cut him off...lol