[Someone Asked] Shall i Contact Him?

[Ankur Sancheti]

Note: I am not a Love Guru, Infact, there aint any.

Folks,

I just got a call from a forum member <can not disclose the name, as i did not take her permission still>, asking, she had fight with her Boyfriend, BF says not to disturb him till his exams, now exams are over, he still does not contact her. shall she call him? She is afraid as he once told her not to disturb him till his exams.

My View:
Lack of mutual space in a relationship, then being so reactive, if something does not happen as expected, is a global and so natural way of, what we call "Break-Up".

Is it really a breakup?
I doubt, its just a Goddamn term defined by our Hyper-Intllectual mates and used so irresponsibly by many.

Blaming it breakup so early itself is a first sign of Reaction. And as we know, every has an undesired action. 

In my view, a better understanding or knowing the reason of him being a bit aloof till some time, if rather prudent and accordingly giving some space. Which is a must.

All have the fear of, what if he finds someone else? What if i loose him?
As i have learnt so far, There is nothing to loose then why to worry? Its a mere sign of being hyperactive/react and assume too much of something that does not even exist.

Give it a while and do call, even if he does not call, its not a sign of him going apart but rather a sign of you assuming he is.

Over to you guys now!!!

[stevelewis]

Well I'm in a similar situation, I've touched on it in a few posts, but we had had the most amazing weekend of both our lives, but I didn't respect myself was a blubbering wreck, and was all over her asking FAR FAR too much of her (lots and lots going on in my life at the moment), money, work, child I don't see, dad, living issues, SO SO much, it's like my life in Crisis... But I'm managing with it all very well (I feel!) I'm going out doing work, meeting old and new people, dating, excercising, etc, etc. She ended it very abruptly with not a lot of reason, and now I'm giving her space that she asked for (I last initiated contact, nearly 3 weeks ago with a long letter), she did reply saying she didnt want me out of her life completely, but needed time to think, but she said she'd be in touch and talk soon... She did contact me on Sunday very brief (Saw this and thought of you kind of thing), I gave a brief reply saying thanks and it was funny, Im going well, hope you are too... Nothing since, and didn't really expect it.

How long has this person left it? I was going to give it 4 - 6 weeks before contacting her, and I will if she doesn't, but Im moving on and doing all the right things. Im feeling a lot more positive, and she WILL contact me, so I'm not really worried about that! How I deal with her when she does I dunno, I'm trying not to think too much about it, but I was wondering round having conversations with her in my mind, and then realised, actually you're talking to yourself, which is good, just easier to picture her, as I shared everything with her, absolutely everything, she was just an image that was who I used to share things with, now I'm a lot more selective of whom I trust, and I am having these conversations for my own benefit :d It's all good!

[Ankur Sancheti]

Steve,

You got my message word by word. 

You acted rather than reacted. This is the point we want to drive home.

Hope at least Steve's story inspired few.

[bravelioness]

Note: I am not a Love Guru, Infact, there aint any.

Give it a while and do call, even if he does not call, its not a sign of him going apart but rather a sign of you assuming he is.

Over to you guys now!!!

What does this really mean?I'm confused.

[Detached&Allowing]

In my opinion, it's not about "to call or not to call".  It's about dissolving the negative feelings and focus on having an attitude of gratitude.  It's human nature to be reactive.  However like Ankur said, we need to be pro-active.  The member should focus on getting centered and being grateful for what she DOES have and what yet has to enter her reality.