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Author Topic: New to this forum, tips & hints appreciated for my situation "Broken heart".  (Read 1450 times)

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Offline Face2Face

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Hi all,

I am new to this forum and I have heard good stories about LoA.
Maybe it is the wrong way to first post my story and then read into LoA but my story is already known so I wanted to share it with you people to see what others think about it and could give proper advice.

Lets start by the beginning:
We met each other 10 years ago on a profile website just like Facebook. She started talking to me because of 1 silly picture in my album. We talked a lot through the internet and always had fun on msn. But in 2005 she got a relationship with a guy and the communication stopped for 5 years. We started communicating again because this guy broke up with her for another girl. We then spoke a lot again on msn from 2010 until 2011 and since we had so much fun we decided to meet in person at my place. She went to my place at 2011 in April and we both were a bit nervous but I was stunned when I saw her in front of my door! I kept my guard a bit somehow and we talked a bit with some Baileys on my balcony enjoying the view. We then went pooling at a shared area in my apartment complex. We kept on dating every weekend and we took it step by step because her previous ex created some trust issues. She raised a wall and I guess it was because of him because she said I really saw him as the father for my future kids. I wanted to break through this wall because I really liked this girl. We had 3 dates before we had our first kiss because I did not want to rush in and give her the trust and confidence because of the way she was treated.
Our relationship was in my eyes only love/fun/pleasure and she almost always went to my place because I live on my own and she lives with her parents. She only had time in the weekend because of her busy job in her own town and because she was living at her parents place. Although she did met my parrents in my city i didnt meet her parents, she told me a few times we should meet her parents but i guess she has some issues with her parents because she really wanted to move out but she never told me the real reasons. Just near our breakup I would visit her parents but she changed the plan at the last moment and so we moved this date to a later time which eventually never happened. In my eyes really bad because I think this would have opened another door and would made our relationship stronger.
I think I became Mr Needy and Mr 2 Nice to her and she lost her interest and noticed our love was not balanced. I Guess when I really like someone I get probably way to nice and want to be with her al the time. In the beginning I was just myself and I had my own opinion about everything but this probably changed and I became a little insecure because she raised a wall just because of her past. I broke up with my girlfriend 5 months ago after 10 months relationship. She told me that she gave 90% and I gave 100% and it is because of her and not because of me. (bs reasons i know) She needed to solve/fix things in her life now. I said our roads will split here then! and then she said that sounds so permanently and our roads will never cross again?! maybe you should go for your feelings, lets just be friends instead? (she could never really explain why she said that but probably she said that because she was handling in an emotional way).
I agreed after several days because I really love her and because of these vague things she said I tried to chase her and show my true love to her. I did not really beg nor plead and kept communication to a maximum of 2 or 3 times a week. I told her I miss her and I missed us and I thought we could fix the issues we had. It did not work, well she said those things meant a lot to her and gave reactions like “awwwww”, “I knowww :(”.

I wrote her a handwritten letter after 2 months telling her I accept the breakup but I would like to pickup what we have left after so much time so I thought she would have had some space by now. I did not make this letter emotional but i kept it cool and calm. I wrote her how I i saw her in the beginning and how i experienced our first dates and told her what I really liked about her and how my memories with her are in special the amusement parc and Paris in december. I told her i had more attention for her then the paintings on the wall and just summed our experiences in a very neat letter. People were impressed by my writting skills but I think the letter was a bit long (2 x A4). I told her I accepted the breakup because she needed to open my eyes and someone had to get me off that pink cloud which made me blind. I said thank you for that and now I can see with my own eyes again although i think we can still achieve a healthy relationship if we both want to.
She answered 1 day later by email and she said the 90% I gave is just not a good basic for a long term relationship and that’s why I ended our relationship. I hoped my feelings would raise to the level you had for me but it didn’t so I had to pull the plug! I hope you will be happy and be loved by someone else you deserve. I am happy now and I could not achieve your expectations. I honestly had no idea she was thinking I had more expectations, what expectations would you have in a relationship else? I did not mention living together or mention kids. That’s all what I could guess but maybe because I was so in love with her and I granted more love then I would receive from her.

She said she wants to meet in the future when she is living on her own and have a drink with each other. But I expect that my feelings will rise when I see her again and that I would suffer the same pain I had for like a month.
I got out of 6 weeks NC 3 weeks ago and initiated contact slowly and I was calm and cool to her without showing any big emotions.
I kept the conversation short and she reacted right away.
She said she was happy I contacted her and I ended the conversation (I wanted to talk endlessly with her but I had to follow my feelings and give it time).
Then 3 days later is spoke to her again and in the middle of the conversation she told me she found someone new and she is “realllyyyyy happy with him and it feels so confident with him around”.
Like rubbing it into my face! is this a rebound? 3 months after the breakup they meet and have a relationship? maybe shorter because they probably had several dates already.
I reacted with "I am very happy for you". Because I did not want to show any jealousy or any bad emotions.
She then said I hope you will find someone also or you might have someone already.
Did she really mean that or is she just fishing to find out if I find someone.
Really hard to say and after a few more words I closed the conversation and told her she could contact me any time if she needs me and she reacted in the same way and told me I could contact her anytime anywhere.

A week passed and I noticed I did hurt me and has hit my heart again. I then felt I did not recover yet and I could not be friends with her. I told her I can’t be friends for the time being and for the future who knows. I honestly wish you all the love and luck with your new relationship. I did sent her this message by e-mail and she agreed with it over txt chat and she said so we would not harm our future relationships because she now told me she was also living with her new lover in her rent apartment (how fast can it be?). So now I am back into No Contact, and I don’t know if she would be part of my future. This new guy is having more advantages then me unlike the memories though. They are living in the same city and he could spend more time with her because she is now living on her own there and she said they are already living together...! Because he can spend more time i guess he can create a better bond in less time.
Do you think its hopeless and I should move on instead as I mentioned? I carved her into my heart, friends are made between the ears but someone you love is carved in your heart and cannot be placed in the friends zone in my opinion.

For the time being I am just going to life my live and go out and have fun. Go to the gym, swimming, work etc just as I used to be.
There are girls which are interested in me, but I don't want them... my heart is not open to them as it is still for my ex gf. Alot of people say there are plenty of fish in the sea. I know that! but only a few big catches you catch in your lifetime.
Well if anyone knows the battle plan to re-unite me with her then i would rather call you Cupido!

Thanks for reading and sorry for my weak English. If you have any questions please ask.

Kind regards,



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