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Author Topic: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago  (Read 2520 times)

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Offline siamesegirl

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Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« on: October 16, 2011, 03:32:31 PM »
Joined new this morning hoping for help.  Story in a nutshell - 5 years ago last week I met Ryan in 2006.  Instant attraction, but an age difference (me older) and both in relationships (his was not serious neither were the ones he had subsequently) we became really good friends with a very strong attraction to each other, went out a few times, he came to my house, we talked a lot on email and text and grew close and fancied each other.  I loved him but never told him as I was too scared.  Nothing physical happened between us other than hugging, out of fear I think.  He went away to University in 2009 and as I think he was unable to handle how I felt, or how he did, he backed off before that and then so did I, and we had no contact again until a year ago, just email telling him my cat (he had met the cat) had died.  Contact resumed then but I have again backed off out of fear.

Thing is that I always thought that we would make contact again after he left but I also knew that would be in the future when he had changed and so had I, did not put a timeframe on it.  I was prepared for it to be WAY into the future.  I was quite needy when we were seeing each other, and now I am not.  Have found out though through Facebook - which I am not on but a friend is, that he is living with a girl; he has never lived with a woman before other than his mother!  Something deep inside me tells me that she is not "the one" and this is not a permanent relationship but a "for now" one.  Something also tells me I am right and this is not just my wishful thinking.  Must make clear that I have no desire to harm this woman whatsoever.  When the time is right for that relationship to end, I believe it will.  I try to stop myself thinking of them together.

What do I do now?  What I want is to resume contact with him, keep it going, meet up with him some time in the future when the time is right, and sort out how we felt/did feel about each other and see what is still there.  Never stopped loving him but I have not put life on hold, have got on with everything normally and things are OK.  Obviously he has changed remarkably in the time he has been at university, he has moved 200 miles away, and I've changed too - for the better in a lot of ways.

Thanks for some help and insight everyone.  xx

Offline SSS

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2011, 04:26:08 PM »

First and foremost remove this fear you have got! what are you scared of? whatever u fear is what is going to manifest! if u believe he is the one for you then it will happen when the time is right. i dont see any harm in continuing contact with him as a friend for now and see what happens...keep the belief alive but dont stop your life for him or dont sit around waiting for him...keeping contact is good and in a way it will help u get rid of this insecurety you have, at the end of the day he is only human like you, dont put him on  pedestal...contact him like u would contact anyone else. goodl luck

Offline tereza

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2011, 05:50:31 PM »
What do I do now?  What I want is to resume contact with him, keep it going, meet up with him some time in the future when the time is right, and sort out how we felt/did feel about each other and see what is still there.  Never stopped loving him but I have not put life on hold, have got on with everything normally and things are OK.  Obviously he has changed remarkably in the time he has been at university, he has moved 200 miles away, and I've changed too - for the better in a lot of ways.

Just do what you do when you manifest things. :) If you do vision boards do that. If you have a gratitude journal do that. Just remember to believe that it's coming and then let it go.

Also, I agree with SSS, don't put him on a pedestal. He's a person with flaws and insecurities too.

Offline ad0807

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2011, 06:00:13 PM »
Check out the threads in the relationship section with tons of resources on attracting a specific person.  There are many different methods you can choose - you need to find the one that feels right for you.  There are also tons of success stories, many from much bleaker places than yours, which are very motivating.

Just reach out to him as a friend and see where things go from there.  Please do respect that he is in a relationship that he is in a relationship though, regardless of how serious or not serious you may believe it is.  And I agree with the others, don't put him on a pedestal and continue to live your life.  Go with the flow.  Easier said than done, I know, when there are emotions involved.

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2011, 07:58:35 PM »
Thank you for replies so far - I am pretty new at all this. 

I think I will focus on ME for a bit and feel good about ME before I contact Ryan xx
« Last Edit: October 17, 2011, 01:27:08 AM by siamesegirl »

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #5 on: October 17, 2011, 02:59:15 AM »
I like the idea of a gratitude journal.  I have an interview tomorrow and a good few friends have been very helpful today with helping me put together a presentation, printing it out, etc etc.  I am so grateful for my friends!

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2018, 05:08:49 PM »
Out of curiosity, I have done a bit of searching on this guy. I've found some Facebook links where he is tagged and had a look at those, and he is out on a night out with some people, showing that he is in a relationship with the couple's daughter, and has been for about three years. She is six years younger than him so he'd have started seeing her when he was 27 and she was 21. When I had these issues with him years ago, he frequently went for younger women. I am older than him, and I wonder if that is why nothing really came of it? That he cannot cope with grown up relationships? The girlfriend looks far younger than she actually is and they hang around with her brother and girlfriend who are only 20.

I don't want him back, I don't know why I did it other than curiosity.

I have friends of varying ages, I guess, but perhaps this was always doomed from the start!

But what do my observations tell me about myself, I wonder?

« Last Edit: May 13, 2018, 05:11:49 PM by siamesegirl »

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2018, 12:13:28 AM »
Talked to a friend about this today. She said "why don't you try and attract him back!?

Offline Coffee098

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2018, 03:05:41 AM »
What are your thoughts? Sounds like you may not be over him.

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Attracting back a man, unfinished business from 3 yrs ago
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2018, 04:15:03 AM »
What are your thoughts? Sounds like you may not be over him.

I'm not sure what I think! She is incredibly young looking, looks like Alice in Wonderland. I do recall being told by a psychic at the time that he liked to be in control which is why he chose younger women, and because he couldn't control me (I am not only older, I am very independent) he didn't like it.

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