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Author Topic: To all of you who has ever been in a relationship  (Read 1020 times)

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Offline PinkLemon48

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To all of you who has ever been in a relationship
« on: December 29, 2019, 01:37:01 PM »
I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship, and I realize it's my fault. I'm an overthinker, so once a guy shows interest in me I overthink all of his actions. "What does it mean when he takes hours to respond?" "He takes long to respond but he's super flirty and he seems very into me... or is he?".

It's not until I've sadly manifested the bad when I realize that I never had to worry if he was into me or not because looking back at our texts and interactions it was CLEAR.

I have no problem attracting guys to me, because all my life I've been called beautiful and I occasionally have random dudes coming up to me and telling me I'm beautiful and asking for my number. So, I have a belief that I am beautiful and that guys are attracted to me. Even though I don't always think I look beautiful I know others do. So yeah, I attract guys to me easily because I just *know* they are into me. I hope I don't sound conceited because as I said, I don't always feel beautiful but my subconscious knows that I am because people say so. It's just an integrated belief I grew up with.

But yeah, growing up I also got bullied... Especially by boys. I was a shy kid, especially around boys which made them angry at me because I didn't dare talking to them so they were mean. I also always felt left out in a group of friends also. So I never felt like a priority. But I do want to be someone's priority. I want to feel love and feel loved. I want to experience a relationship.

Therefore, I still have quite low self esteem. I'm also an introvert... So I've been kinda scared that I'm gonna be annoying etc. when I don't say yes to stuff because of anxiety. So this has made me think "What if someone never likes me? I'm almost 25 and have never been in a relationship. EVERYONE I know has been in one".

So yeah, I want to switch my belief so that I stop worrying about guys liking me once they show interest. I want to believe that I'm capable of being loved and having a boyfriend. I feel like there must be some kind of "secret" to those of you who has actually been in a relationship (I guess most of you have). What are your subconscious beliefs? When you start talking to a guy or girl, you must have some kind of subconscious belief that it's all gonna go well and you're actually gonna get into a relationship with this person? I feel like once I actually get in a relationship I will develop a belief that even if it would end, I could still get into a new relationship. But I need to actually develop a belief that I can get into a relationship in the first place!

I have a friend who tells me that all her relationships seems like they're always about sex from the guy's perspective. And I know that because she has this belief, her relationships are all about sex. She even attracted a breakup in the past because she was worried about her guy breaking it off with her. And I have another friend who has been with a guy who was always too busy for her, but she was always there for him, so now she's scared it will happen again. She recently started dating a guy who (surprise surprise) is too busy for her, so she feels like her history is repeating. I feel like these are just clear signs that what you think, or even worry about you can attract...

BTW: I know most of you are probably gonna say "focus on yourself and a relationship will come". But as I said, I don't have a problem attracting a guy to me in the first place, it's just the worrying and overthinking that ruins it. I guess I get too excited that I'm talking to someone I like who likes me back and I'm excited that I can finally be in a relationship that I'm so scared of "losing" it that I start worrying.
« Last Edit: December 29, 2019, 01:40:48 PM by PinkLemon48 »

Offline denydritz

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Re: To all of you who has ever been in a relationship
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2020, 10:24:46 AM »
"What does it mean when he takes hours to respond?" "He takes long to respond but he's super flirty and he seems very into me... or is he?".

There is a joke about this issue: he is replying to you while playing video games. He is texting you in between matches  ;)

On a more serious note, the fact that you're writing this in a forum shows you're overthinking it. It's not a problem per se, but in my experience, overthinking can cause problems that don't exist in the first place because it affects your actions.

Unless a man is absolutely into you so that whatever you do doesn't affect his attraction to you, overthinking can make a man lose interest gradually, especially in the beginning phases of interaction.

This behavior is sometimes called being needy. Do you think you're being needy, when a man shows interest and you're hoping that it can turn into a relationship? If you can let go of that expectation, of thinking too forward instead of enjoying the present, then most of the time the interaction will run naturally and smoothly. And if there is good chemistry, then the relationship will manifest on its own, almost without effort.

Being needy can also come from fear, fear of losing what you have, even if it's just the attention of a man. Do you ever feel that fear?

Offline PinkLemon48

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Re: To all of you who has ever been in a relationship
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2020, 12:23:40 AM »
"What does it mean when he takes hours to respond?" "He takes long to respond but he's super flirty and he seems very into me... or is he?".

There is a joke about this issue: he is replying to you while playing video games. He is texting you in between matches  ;)

On a more serious note, the fact that you're writing this in a forum shows you're overthinking it. It's not a problem per se, but in my experience, overthinking can cause problems that don't exist in the first place because it affects your actions.

Unless a man is absolutely into you so that whatever you do doesn't affect his attraction to you, overthinking can make a man lose interest gradually, especially in the beginning phases of interaction.

This behavior is sometimes called being needy. Do you think you're being needy, when a man shows interest and you're hoping that it can turn into a relationship? If you can let go of that expectation, of thinking too forward instead of enjoying the present, then most of the time the interaction will run naturally and smoothly. And if there is good chemistry, then the relationship will manifest on its own, almost without effort.

Being needy can also come from fear, fear of losing what you have, even if it's just the attention of a man. Do you ever feel that fear?

Yep. I definitely feel that fear. And now I've lost a good friend which flirted with me etc. I had too high expectations. I don't want this to happen again. I also don't want him to treat me like air either. But he hurt me so much by starting to be cold towards me that I don't think that I can actively attract him back ever...
I guess I'll just have to rinse and repeat.

Offline Hopelessly_Hopeful

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Re: To all of you who has ever been in a relationship
« Reply #3 on: January 11, 2020, 12:57:50 PM »
I am exactly the same!!
I have no problem attracting guys to me, but when i see our relationship developing, i start worrying and overthinking every action. After overthinking and overthinking, i realize that sometimes its just my mind creating problems that dont even exist,when i fear that its just too good to be true.. Then i start worrying that by overthinking i might actually ruin things that were perfectly okay, lol.
Sometimes letting these thoughts run for a while is okay, because supressing them might actually be worse, as long as you realise that its just your mind racing without any actual reason behind that.
What helps me usually is just reminding myself of the past, how i have no problem attracting people and that when i feel good about myself, without worry and more confidence, i actually manifest these specific people into my life. And if i could do that, then i'd have no problem keeping that relationship as long as i keep my mind calm. Its all about training your mind to see the good in your interactions, without overthinking it too much. Im in the process!  :D good luck to you!

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