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Offline cccookies

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Need advice on restarting
« on: April 04, 2019, 07:25:53 AM »
Today officially marks the 30 day no contact with my ex. I deleted him on snapchat today because it was giving me anxiety looking at his profile and I realized I am still focusing on him.

But, for the most part, I have been focusing on myself. I got a new hairstyle! I went on a date, I've been eating healthy, focusing on my future, making goals for myself, taking care of myself, not drinking, journaling etc.

When we broke up.. he said that he couldn't mentally get there and that he was trying but he couldn't do the arguing (we were arguing almost every day and it was unhealthy). We had broken up one time before less than a week and then we fell back into the same routine and he broke up with me in less than a week. He said he might've fucked up by getting back together "so fast" and that we should've stayed broken up. This cut me deep. Towards the end of the relationship he turned really cold because he was realizing he didn't want to be with me anymore. I told him I'm sorry I wasn't enough for him and he said it's not that, it's just that the relationship fizzled out. He told me I can still text him if I ever need him and we had a long hug goodbye and he kept kissing me on the forehead. He told me I was a good girl and that it'll be okay. When he was alone with my roommate he told her to take care of me and make sure I'm okay. She asked him if we were over for good and he said "I don't know".

I'm not going to lie I do want him back and I realize I made a lot of mistakes. I didn't love myself and was extremely insecure, but he was my first relationship and I haven't been treated the best in the past. He hadn't been in a relationship in a long time either before me and told me at the beginning that he didn't want to get hurt and that I was the only person he really shared his feelings with. However, he eventually told me I would nag at him, and get angry at him and he was tired of defending himself, and that I look for drama. He said he missed the old me because I was fun and chill.

I honestly have missed the old me too. I had an alcohol problem and I'm not going to lie.. I liked the drama and I liked how he would chase me but eventually he got tired of this. For the most part, he was a good boyfriend. He was fun to be around, he inspired me to try new things, he gave me great advice and was supportive and caring! Of course he's not perfect, he had many flaws but for the majority of the relationship he treated me well. I know he's been with other girls since me and it bothers me but it's out of my control. It just worries me that he's forgotten about me or doesn't care/think about me. But deep down, I just feel in my gut that this isn't the case.

I am bettering myself day by day, not just for him but because him leaving me made me realize that I can't be acting like a child in a relationship and if I want something that is long lasting I cannot be a dramatic wild child. But, I am setting my intention now to get him back and transform my relationship with myself and him.

I am going to ask, believe and receive! I have been watching a lot of youtube videos about what's coming in April for Geminis and a lot is about reconciliation. Oh boy!

Any advice or similar experiences are appreciated!
« Last Edit: April 04, 2019, 07:47:27 AM by cccookies »

Offline denydritz

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Re: Need advice on restarting
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2019, 01:57:51 PM »
Hi cookies,

I agree that it's not that you're not enough for him, and you should avoid thinking this way. Relationships are never about deserving or being worthy or not because we are always worthy of a relationship, by default.

But to build a healthy relationship, we require skills. It's like cooking, we never argue that we're not good enough for food, right? We are always worthy of food, but we need skills to process that food into cooking or tasty meals. Otherwise we would only get raw meals that may taste yucky.

About asking for getting him back, I would advise against that. What I would do is ask for a healthy, loving, fulfilling, and intimate relationship with a woman that is a great fit for me, regardless of the person. If it happens to be your ex you want back, then great.

But if it doesn't, then it's also great. Perhaps the Universe has someone that is a perfect match for you, but it's not the guy you say you want. As long as you keep a space open for him, you may be keeping out the person you need.

As Bob Proctor would say, you can't attract something new when something old is still in its place.

Offline cccookies

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Re: Need advice on restarting
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2019, 02:08:14 PM »
You're right, I definitely don't want to manifest him back and it be unhealthy/toxic again. I just have love and care for him still and it's been hard for me to let him go. He's a really special person to me.

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