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Author Topic: Can't get him out of my head  (Read 221 times)

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Offline thegreenbutterfly

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Can't get him out of my head
« on: January 12, 2019, 12:20:29 AM »
A few months ago I started connecting with a great guy. He let me know he was on a break from dating fairly early on, and since I was fresh out of a relationship and still getting to know him as a friend it was ok with me. We started communicating every day, sharing jokes, books, articles, thoughts on life etc. I realized I really liked him, but I was aware nothing would happen between us. We flirted, but he never crossed the boundary and never asked for things to get physical between us, even though he admitted being attracted to me.

Fast forward to now, he asked me what I wanted. I was honest and said I'm open to exploring beyond where we are now. He expressed just wanting to be friends. So we agreed to stop flirting.

Recently, I met two great guys who have the same qualities I like in this other guy, they even express themselves and tell jokes similarly. But though on paper it seems like the same. It doesn't feel the same.

I have limited contact with him, though he remains the same kind, supportive friend he has been (minus the flirting) in hopes that it would help my feelings to subside. But Honestly, I just miss him.

How do I let go of these feelings to be able to be open to new great things coming my way?

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Offline Brighton

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2019, 01:41:00 AM »
Hi Butterfly,

I'm sorry,  but this is an Loa forum and not a relationship or hookup techniques forum. 

Perhaps you can Google and identify such a forum and post your question there?

As general advice,  we can suggest that you seek guidance from your parents, your close friends,  or your school counsellors. 

Offline maggiep

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 02:07:08 AM »
hey! for the first time i agree with brighton. this is a loa forum. follow brighton's advice and consult people in real life. loa isn't magic, it wont magically solve your heartache.

that being said, you could use LOA to give you a push while you do the more mundane things - pep talk with friends, family, etc.

aight

*cracks fingers*

i was never a big fan of keeping friendly relationships with someone you have feelings for. firstly, it isn't fair to you: you will end up analyzing everything, trying to find meaning in every word, and in the end get your heart broken.

from a loa perspective, my humble opinion is that staying friends with your crush shows desperation, lack, neediness. you're his friend because you're afraid you will completely lose him, you're settling. plus, it's only gonna make him take you for granted, no bueno from a loa perspective or just generally.

second, it's unfair to him. imagine if YOU had a friend who you knew had feelings for you but you didn't: how comfortable would you be talking to him? friends share personal things, imagine if you had to walk on eggshells so that you wouldn't break his heart... that's  the situation ur guy is in now. he will have to censor himself and filter his words more and more every time to not give you false hopes or hurt you. i have been in your guy's shoes, and it was SO awkward, almost to the point of annoyance.

1. what helps me get over people, and this isn't easy at all, is removing them from my life. unfriend them on social media, erase their phone numbers, photos taken, anything. out of sight out of mind, right? so i would suggest you have a talk with him, make sure you're both standing where you're standing and if he gives you the whole "let's be friends" speech then say no thank you. that would be the first step in forgetting the feelings you have for him: stay away. if you want, write a letter saying everything you feel, get it out of your chest, then throw it away.

2. the other thing is, keep yourself busy with things you like. i know lots of people say that and it may sound cheesy at this point but it helps tons: from a loa perspective it raises your vibration so you feel happier with yourself, therefore people will be attracted to you, thus more chances of attracting a new guy. from all other perspectives, it's just FUN to do what you like. laughter is the best medicine, and the heart is very receptive to that.

3. when you have errands to do or are at work immerse yourself in the tasks at hand. if you have trouble with redirecting your thoughts away from him, i suggest practicing 5minutes meditation first thing in the morning, and all you do is bring your attention to a sound or a point in your mind's eye. what I do is i play a ticking clock while i meditate and at every tick i imagine a red spot flashing in my mind's eye. every time he pops into your head, gently bring your attention back to the sound/point you're focusing on. the brain is a muscle, train it to not waver.

4. when you're at a better place, i would suggest to write down the qualities you would like in a man, and then script what that person makes you feel. really get into it. then try and give yourself those feelings. do you want a funny guy? watch stand up comedians on youtube, make yourself laugh. you like being taken care of? take care of yourself etc etc etc

5. also, a funny thing i tried last year: script about how you're getting over him lol. i swear this works! i have my Act As If journal with me so here is an example of what you can write:

" January 2019

What a blissful month! My social, professional and personal life are healthy and balanced. Every day I wake up feeling more and more renewed, refreshed. My heart feels lighter and lighter. I am healing, I am forgiving, I honor myself. My troubles, the pain, and the heartache are gone, and I only have room for peace, love, and light. I bounce back easily, I empower myself, I pamper myself. There is so much love coming from all directions, so much fun, so much light! Thank you Universe/God/Source for lifting my worries and the sadness. Thank you for all the love and healing. Thank you for where I am now."

or something like that :)

but first, remove him from your life. trust me, i have tried being friends with crushes and it only made things worse. things got better once i closed the door on them. no need for hard feelings or vengeance. say thanks for the good times, have fun :)

i hope you feel better soon. i know this sucks <3 

Offline thegreenbutterfly

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2019, 02:26:13 AM »


Hi Butterfly,

I'm sorry,  but this is an Loa forum and not a relationship or hookup techniques forum. 

Perhaps you can Google and identify such a forum and post your question there?

As general advice,  we can suggest that you seek guidance from your parents, your close friends,  or your school counsellors. 


Thanks! Isn't a major part of LOA about letting go so you can either attract exactly what you want our better into your life? I'm actually not new to LOA or this forum. I joined back in 2012, to attract an ex back and I've been deepening my knowledge on the subject ever since. I just can't seem to remember my log-in credentials.

I want to attract the right partner, hence why I want to let go. It doesn't resonate with me to try to attract someone into my life as a partner if they've expressed that's not something they want. I trust that the universe will bring to me what I'm looking for. But I also, know that can only happen if I'm open to receiving and able to let go of something/someone that isn't working for me in the present.

Which is at the heart of my question. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear.


Offline Brighton

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2019, 02:39:44 AM »
Maggie,  against my better judgement,  I will make a comment to you. This is an Loa forum.  You are not a trained relationship counseller. Some of the people here are suicidal even if they don't appear to be so.  Refrain from giving out general relationship advice that takes more than ten words to express. It encourages other similarly unqualified people to chime in under the guise of 'well meaning sharing',  and delays butterflys flight to a more appropriate venue, where she can receive correct resolution.

You actually said that it's an Loa forum and them proceeded to go on and about your personal crush experiences.  Notice I kept my response very brief.

It also collapses the forum into a emotional crutch for those who don't want to overcome their fear of speaking to their own parents. I'm sure you do not want to encourage and enable such  behaviour,  and inadvertantly contribute to the alienation of father and daughter.

Anyone wishing to help butterfly,  please send her a pm with your phone number and invite her to make a collect call to you.

Thank you.



Offline maggiep

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2019, 02:54:07 AM »
i never said i was an expert.

we are all sharing personal experiences here, some of us have more experience sure, with the hopes of helping and inspiring each other. other people's experiences have helped me learn from their mistakes and successes.

people have a mind of their own to decide to do what suits them best.

"I want to attract the right partner, hence why I want to let go. It doesn't resonate with me to try to attract someone into my life as a partner if they've expressed that's not something they want. I trust that the universe will bring to me what I'm looking for. But I also, know that can only happen if I'm open to receiving and able to let go of something/someone that isn't working for me in the present. "

i just answered that. read my post again. and again. and one more time.

i literally just repeated what all of us are saying in this forum.

stop treating me like a child.






Offline Brighton

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #6 on: January 12, 2019, 02:55:58 AM »
]
Thanks! Isn't a major part of LOA about letting go so you can either attract exactly what you want our better into your life?

No.  Letting go has nothing to do with the deliberate use of Loa.  If you use letting go as an Loa method,  it will ultimately destroy your life. You will become proficient at a method that will fail you at the most important moments in your life. And then you will completely collapse.

I will be making a post on this much misunderstood subject sometime soon.  Look out for that.  We can discuss it properly there.

Since you are an old member of this forum,  I shall help you forget about this guy so that you can move on with your life to something or someone else.

Look around you.  Find a decently weighted object,  and also a fairly light one.  Both must be capable od being held with both hands.

Hold the heavier object with both hands and close your eyes.  Feel it's weight in your hands.  Focus on your hands. As you do this,  it will feel slightly heavier.  Now,  say "3, 2, 1" and then release it,  let it clatter to the ground or onto the bed.

 Don't push it down or away from you. Just release itFeel the sudden and total lack of weight in your hands that just held weight a moment ago.  Then open your eyes.

Do this two more times with the same object. Then do this three times with the second much lighter object.

Then sit down,  and feel about (not think about) what you just experienced.  You will know how to say good-bye to this guy and move on with your life.  You will finally know how to let go.

Will take you ten minutes.

And you may also possibly understand why this is valid for psychology,  but only used for as an loa technique by losers.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 03:10:49 AM by Brighton »

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Offline Brighton

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #7 on: January 12, 2019, 03:08:15 AM »
It is illogical to give loa-based advice to someone coming her and asking for relationship advice.  That's because,  if they are too confused to understand that this is not a relationship forum,  so how could they possibly know and do anything with the Loa?

Sequential Logical Thinking. 

You want to use Loa to help them,  visualise them finding a relationship forum quickly.


stop treating me like a child.

But Maggie,  I must treat you like a child.  Because,

https://youtu.be/jYjUgeIRvYQ

Search your feelings.  You know it to be true.  ;D


Offline thegreenbutterfly

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Re: Can't get him out of my head
« Reply #8 on: January 12, 2019, 03:55:08 AM »
Noted with thanks. Speaking with my parents seems rather odd given my stage in life.

Thanks for the insights, I'll just journal and work it out with my therapist.
« Last Edit: January 12, 2019, 03:57:51 AM by thegreenbutterfly »

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