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Offline laracroft

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What is this ALL about
« on: December 03, 2018, 03:18:37 AM »
Please be prepared for a little shower thoughts-like existence crisis. I tried to talk with my friends about it but they all claim that I have an autumn depression and it will all pass.

A little background - I'm 25 years old. For 23 years of my life I've been struggling with my self-esteem, and my biggest priority was to find a boyfriend, so someone would finally love me, because I had huge troubles with doing that myself. Last April I went to a therapy which was a turning point in my life, and I started appreciating myself A LOT, totally changed my mindset, got really into LOA, and basically April, May, June and July of 2017 were the best months of my entire life. I was an energetic volcano, managed to manifest some small things into my life (which still were great) then something happened (still not sure what), and I started losing my huge optimism, although I'm still pretty cheerful, optimistic, and most importantly, I still do love myself very much.

But that doesn't change the fact that for some time while, I stopped seeing sense in all of this, meaning life. If someone was to look from a different side on my life, I have a very decent life. I'm only 25 but managed to build up my career already, moved to my dreamt city, earn a pretty good amount of money (need to learn how to manage them better though), have a lot of pretty good friends basically all around the world, and so on, yet I do have couple of worries, don't get me wrong. But for couple of weeks now I have these thoughts inside my head, and I simply can't get rid of them, which are that I can't really find the point of this life. For majority of people life is all about worrying whether you're going to make it, building up your career, working so much that you don't have the time to actually live, or working so much so you can make the ends meet. Where is the room for dreams, for actual enjoying life? People say that money cannot buy happiness but let's face it - you can't do a lot without money nowadays. We have all this things that people came up with that make our lives so much more complicated. I just don't get it, and I started feeling so suffocated in this world. Sometimes I think that our ancestors' lives were much more simple. Yes, they didn't have the internet, and the designers bags, cars etc. But they also didn't have the deadlines, mortgages, they didn't feel the social pressure to be the best, have the most expensive things, etc., etc.. Sometimes I wish I could just go and live in the wilderness but I simply don't have enough balls to do that yet. Does anyone else feel the same or have felt the same? Did any of you somehow talked your way through it with yourself and got better? I'm at the point where I feel that non-existence is better than existence, cause what is the f**king point of this non-sense?!


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