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Offline fluffyllama

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My complicated story.
« on: November 06, 2018, 09:41:20 AM »
Hi everyone!

I've always been blessed with the law of attraction throughout my life, and have manifested an amazing life, have a loving family, and everything I ever wanted. However, the love of my life came into my life and things started going wrong.

For starters, he's very controlling and he asked for my passwords and social media accounts, and for me to cut off all my friends. I did. We then began a long distance relationship in which I was increasingly insecure, and his family hates me. I've never done anything to them, they just disapprove of everyone he dates in general. I'm also 2 years older than him, and we are pretty young - i'm 21.

This summer, he ran away from home because his family was pressurizing us to break up and his family harassed mine. It all ended with him going home and them continuing to hate me. I became a little crazy, always threatening to break up with him when he would go out drinking with his friends until 4am and not calling me. He would beg and cry and plead for me to stay together with him.

He started enrolling in university a year after i did. I spent my first year video calling him all the time and not living my life, i didn't even have friends, he was all that i had. One month into his first year at university, he broke up with me saying that he didn't deserve me and that he would come back to me once he deserved me, could handle his family issues and just cut me off. That was october 16th. On the 18th i crumbled and texted him "do you want to talk" and he called me and cried, saying that he needed me but he wanted to break up. He said a lot of hurtful things and I forced him to delete all his photos of me (10K++) to prove he was serious about it, which he did. I regret it to this day. I just couldn't believe that he would actually break up with me.

I then cut off contact for a few more days, on the 22nd he posted on his instagram account (that was created just to follow me) sad stories and indirect messages about me. I texted him and called him and he ignored all of it.

I did no contact for two weeks, and today I crumbled again and checked his instagram and facebook accounts (he knows i still have access to them and did not change his passwords). He's been video calling this girl and he deleted the messages between them. This weekend they are going on a trip together, I saw the bookings for accommodation.

I feel like i manifested this trip, because I've been obsessing about this girl since I saw that they video called about two weeks ago. Try as I might, I just can't seem to let it go. I've watched many abraham hicks videos, tried hon'oponopono, tried visualisations, gratitude diary, am doing the magic's 28 day routine and it just seems to not be working.

I booked flight tickets to see him in december for a month back in June, and he was really happy about it barely a month ago, saying that he wanted to bring me everywhere in the city that he's in. I don't know what to do now. He told me he doesn't even want to see me in December.

I've made many friends since the break up, and apart from that everything else in my life is great. A guy asked me out and we went stargazing but the entire time I was thinking about my love.

Help. I am really struggling to get a grip on myself. He is the sweetest guy ever, and I love him.   
« Last Edit: November 06, 2018, 09:58:07 AM by fluffyllama »

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2018, 05:22:23 PM »
No, he isn't the sweetest guy ever. He is a control freak. Two words of advice: BIN HIM.

Stop calling him "your love" and start calling him what he is - a controller with a multitude of issues.

He is right when he says he doesn't deserve you. You deserve far better. You are 21 for goodness sake with the rest of your life before you to make good choices. Make the first good decision and bin him. Don't waste a minute on him.

I wait for people to disagree with me.

Offline Alexbally

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #2 on: November 06, 2018, 06:17:23 PM »
No, he isn't the sweetest guy ever. He is a control freak. Two words of advice: BIN HIM.

Stop calling him "your love" and start calling him what he is - a controller with a multitude of issues.

He was the one who eventually broke it off.....she is the one (potentially) trying to use LOA to bring him back....and you call HIM the control freak. How very short sighted of you SG. The yearning for control takes many different guises.
I would say he was more insecure about a few things.

This is not a place for man-hating SG. If you wish to bad mouth men that you know next to nothing about, may I suggest that you join the other gay women on Loose Women every week day morning.
Do not make the mistake of judging people based upon your own moral objectives. Everybody is unique and none of us would ever like everybody so it's better to understand this rather than be judge and jury in one swipe.

Only flufflyllama has any idea if she feels that they are compatible together or not. She will be able to determine this once she addresses the facts and not the emotions.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2018, 06:41:06 PM by Alexbally »

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Offline TheLittleBat

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #3 on: November 06, 2018, 06:18:48 PM »
This whole post is full of WTF and disbelief.

For starters, he's very controlling and he asked for my passwords and social media accounts, and for me to cut off all my friends. I did.

photos of me (10K++)

Who has 10K photos of someone? Thatís so beyond obsessive...

I saw the bookings for accommodation.
He is the sweetest guy ever, and I love him.   

...you need help...this ďrelationshipĒ is so clearly abusive, obsessive and unhealthy...
« Last Edit: November 06, 2018, 06:20:21 PM by TheLittleBat »

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2018, 08:56:19 PM »
No, he isn't the sweetest guy ever. He is a control freak. Two words of advice: BIN HIM.

Stop calling him "your love" and start calling him what he is - a controller with a multitude of issues.

He was the one who eventually broke it off.....she is the one (potentially) trying to use LOA to bring him back....and you call HIM the control freak. How very short sighted of you SG. The yearning for control takes many different guises.
I would say he was more insecure about a few things.

This is not a place for man-hating SG. If you wish to bad mouth men that you know next to nothing about, may I suggest that you join the other gay women on Loose Women every week day morning.
Do not make the mistake of judging people based upon your own moral objectives. Everybody is unique and none of us would ever like everybody so it's better to understand this rather than be judge and jury in one swipe.

Only flufflyllama has any idea if she feels that they are compatible together or not. She will be able to determine this once she addresses the facts and not the emotions.

Man hating is not on my agenda, never has been. Hating anyone is not on my agenda either. It doesn't occur to me and didn't when I replied to this. I was horrified to think this guy would ask her to stop seeing her friends and demand passwords for her accounts. That is controlling and not normal whatever your gender. Neither am I gay, Alex, and your comment is uncalled for.

It is also "long distance" as many of these problematic relationships seem to be.

I'm really sorry you see it that way.



Of course he is controlling. Stopping someone seeing their friends is not OK.

No, he isn't the sweetest guy ever. He is a control freak. Two words of advice: BIN HIM.

Stop calling him "your love" and start calling him what he is - a controller with a multitude of issues.

He was the one who eventually broke it off.....she is the one (potentially) trying to use LOA to bring him back....and you call HIM the control freak. How very short sighted of you SG. The yearning for control takes many different guises.
I would say he was more insecure about a few things.

This is not a place for man-hating SG. If you wish to bad mouth men that you know next to nothing about, may I suggest that you join the other gay women on Loose Women every week day morning.
Do not make the mistake of judging people based upon your own moral objectives. Everybody is unique and none of us would ever like everybody so it's better to understand this rather than be judge and jury in one swipe.

Only flufflyllama has any idea if she feels that they are compatible together or not. She will be able to determine this once she addresses the facts and not the emotions.

Well, Alex, first off, I am not gay. Where on earth do you get that idea from? Neither am I a hater - of anyone, actually, of any gender. Hate is pointless. The word hate was never mentioned, nor implied. The facts, as you put it are this - Fluffy Llama had a boyfriend who demanded her passwords and wanted her to cut herself off from her friends. Not a cause for hate, of course, but a cause to run the other way, and fast. He blew hot and cold - being pleased she booked tickets to go and visit him, now saying he doesn't want her to.

I am really sorry that you think this man's behaviour is OK.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2018, 10:26:44 PM by siamesegirl »

Offline fluffyllama

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #5 on: November 06, 2018, 10:41:50 PM »
No, he isn't the sweetest guy ever. He is a control freak. Two words of advice: BIN HIM.

He is right when he says he doesn't deserve you. You deserve far better. You are 21 for goodness sake with the rest of your life before you to make good choices. Make the first good decision and bin him. Don't waste a minute on him.

I wait for people to disagree with me.

I have to clarify a few points, I'm so sorry for not being clear from the beginning. He grew up in a controlling family, his mother has all his father's passwords even now, and she's constantly accusing his father of cheating on her. She also verbally and mentally abuses him, saying that he's not worthy of anything and that he is nobody without their family (they have a family business). She always wanted to read the messages between him and me throughout the past two years, and got jealous that he was dating a girl and not talking to her as much as he used to(i really don't know how healthy this is, but I truly think she needs help and I am really sorry for his mom and their family in general).

She would call him several times a day when we first met, and he always had to lie that he was in the library or with other friends because his parents harassed his first girlfriend until they broke up too. His sister hates any girl he dates and spread lies about me to their entire family, called me disgusting and a slut and many others even though I have literally never talked to her/seen her/done anything to her.

My self esteem plummeted because I tried so hard to please them and their family, and I just couldn't stop wondering why they didn't like me. I'm sorry that this post horrifies so many people, but he truly was a sweet, broken, insecure boy who was really nice to me.

I do see the point about how problematic this relationship is, and I am open to any suggestions. I know I cannot fix him, and it is not my job to. Maybe some suggestions about letting go would help? I've been reading all the posts on letting go but it truly has been a struggle.

Offline fluffyllama

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2018, 10:47:15 PM »

He was the one who eventually broke it off.....she is the one (potentially) trying to use LOA to bring him back....

Only flufflyllama has any idea if she feels that they are compatible together or not. She will be able to determine this once she addresses the facts and not the emotions.

I think i manifested the break up. I was extremely unhappy in the relationship, and I wanted some space, but we were stuck in a loop where i would ask for a break up at times when it truly got too much, (like when his parents would constantly be accusing me of many things, saying things like they would never accept me, purposely setting him up with girls despite knowing that we were together) but he would beg and plead and I would stay.

The parents would also confiscate his phone for weeks at a time just to stop communication between us. He hates his family and wants to leave, but I don't want him to have to choose me over his family. I prayed every day that I would have a good relationship with his family someday and that he would enjoy the family love i always had growing up, but things just kept going downhill.


Offline TheLittleBat

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2018, 10:59:10 PM »
He grew up in a controlling family, h

That's not an excuse. A lot of people grow up in controlling/abusive homes and end up being great people. This guy is abusive. You're also obsessive. Stop confusing infatuation with love.

Offline fluffyllama

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2018, 11:09:34 PM »
He grew up in a controlling family, h

That's not an excuse. A lot of people grow up in controlling/abusive homes and end up being great people. This guy is abusive. You're also obsessive. Stop confusing infatuation with love.

Tough love, huh. Thank you, though, I needed to hear that. Also, I know that Iíve become a little obsessive about this relationship but itís just been two weeks.... Iím doing my best to try to figure out some way to cope!! Iíve also been going to counselling but yeah posting on this forum was sort of a last resort.

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2018, 11:14:21 PM »
I don't know how long distance this is but praise the Lord this family isn't on the same street as you. Really, is it worth the hassle? Surely you are worth more than this nightmare?

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Offline Alexbally

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2018, 12:06:06 AM »
Hi SG

You seem to be mistaken....I also never said that I find his behaviour acceptable, nor unacceptable, that is the OP's place to decide on that front. You seem to be forgetting that it does take 2 to tango and there's always more information than what the OP is openly willing to tell us.
My point to this is that who gave you the wig and gavel to be the judge of him or anybody for that matter?

You so do hate men SG lol! Over the course of over a year that I have been on here, 50% of your posts are basically stating your opinion of what you think about a guy that any OP posts about.
Are you so close-minded that you refuse to see anything from a 2nd or even 3rd perspective?

The only fact here is that YOU do not know the facts just as much as I don't. Regardless of that fact, who cares? Circumstances do not matter!
What really grinds your gears might be the same things that really gets Fluffy's juices flowing, capichť?

Hi Fluffy

This is a major problem with new age bullshit in that it makes you blame yourself for all the shit stuff in your life for all the wrong reasons.
Yes, you are involved but not directly responsible. He is too just as much as you. He is his own person with his own mind, just like you and with this in mind, all you can concentrate on doing is being the best that you can be. You will then find whether you 2 are truly compatible or not.
On first glance I can see why people here are saying the things that they are saying but there's always more to the story that only you and him are aware of, so I personally won't pass any form of judgement.

My advice to you is when you are ready to take off those rose tinted glasses and suspend your belief, take a look at the cold, hard facts and see what they are trying to show to you. This is when you'll see what it is that you want to do.

It does no harm at all to be more understanding and tolerant of others for everybody is conditioned by their own experiences. This conditioning is open to change and we all are forever changing ourselves all the way up until we stare at the grim reaper.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2018, 12:18:13 AM by Alexbally »

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2018, 01:56:02 AM »
I don't hate anyone. What I do hate however is disrespectful behaviour and I will not tolerate or accept it. I'll also advise anyone else to do the same, but it's their choice ultimately. I do not hate men for Christ's sake. And for the record, I'm not gay. Nor do I watch, or ever intend to watch, Loose Women.

Offline Alexbally

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Re: My complicated story.
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2018, 02:57:22 AM »
And for the record, I'm not gay. Nor do I watch, or ever intend to watch, Loose Women.

Lololol ok ok, when you put it like that I believe you haha. Quality British daytime tv that is...what the hell are we doing to this country?

Apologies Fluffy, back to your thread again. I hope you find your answers.

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