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Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #15 on: October 08, 2018, 03:52:26 AM »
.
« Last Edit: October 28, 2018, 01:15:50 AM by Kosmic »

Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #16 on: October 09, 2018, 02:09:40 PM »
Iīve temporarily deleted my post, as i noticed this thread made me less detached than i was, but i saved them and will post them again when i got an update worth sharing.

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Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2018, 04:41:03 AM »
So I realized something today. Its very true I need to work more on myself, however asking my poi out was definitely the wrong call. Yesterday i was so desperate to be with her all of a sudden, that i was about to just blurt it out to her, that i was interested in her and wanted to ask her out (Because that is basically what i do when i get too desperate) But then i meditated on it, and despite i really wanted to, my meditation made me realize it wasnīt the right time.

Did the usual MT and some repelling outside influence that night. Today she was still kind of cold to me (Have been all week) and i realized it actually bothered me. Then i read some threads in here, and i remembered why i started with this in the first place. It wasnīt to get specifically her, but to learn more about all this stuff and master this side of me. To be better at manifesting things i want in life, and improve on the ability i have always had on a small scale,but never been able to get with things i really want. One of things i have never achieved was to be with a girl i was really interested in, which is why i chose RS. Before this i tried manifesting lottery numbers, but could always only manifest the first 5 numbers (out of 7 in my country) and would always only win what would amount to 20-100 dollars, depending on how much money were at stake that saturday. But i always won and i have always drawn exactly what i wanted at my exams, so that motivated me to try RS again.

During my meditation i realized that it wasnīt so much because of low self esteem and low confidence, as i had always thought, but because i block myself whenever im about to achieve something i really want and that the solution to this was abundance mentallity. So iīm going to rs more than just one person from now on. At first i thought two were enough, but something told me that I had to go higher, and some really specific poiīs popped up in my head.

I made a calender based on intuition (That can be changed based on my daily intuition) three of the poiīs are from my class, i guess that was because i then would look for signs from multiple people everyday, instead of just one. All three poiīs have shown interest in me, so i guess picking them was no coincidence. I have a small interest in them, but to be honest i dont really care about them in any major way. Then theres obviously my main poi which im going to rs everyday, and then there is the poi that got me doing rs again in the first place. A girl i had a huge crush on, but i wouldnīt dare use rs on before i had mastered it. Iīm not currently in contact with her, so i wont know the results, unless she decides to text me.

But yeah, basically this my solution to creating some sort of abundance mentallity. Also, i will put my old post up again soon. Dont have time for it now.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2018, 04:47:43 AM by Kosmic »

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Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: My progress
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2018, 04:50:57 AM »
So I realized something today. Its very true I need to work more on myself, however asking my poi out was definitely the wrong call. Yesterday i was so desperate to be with her all of a sudden, that i was about to just blurt it out to her, that i was interested in her and wanted to ask her out (Because that is basically what i do when i get too desperate) But then i meditated on it, and despite i really wanted to, my meditation made me realize it wasnīt the right time.

Did the usual MT and some repelling outside influence that night. Today she was still kind of cold to me (Have been all week) and i realized it actually bothered me. Then i read some threads in here, and i remembered why i started with this in the first place. It wasnīt to get specifically her, but to learn more about all this stuff and master this side of me. To be better at manifesting things i want in life, and improve on the ability i have always had on a small scale,but never been able to get with things i really want. One of things i have never achieved was to be with a girl i was really interested in, which is why i chose RS. Before this i tried manifesting lottery numbers, but could always only manifest the first 5 numbers (out of 7 in my country) and would always only win what would amount to 20-100 dollars, depending on how much money were at stake that saturday. But i always won and i have always drawn exactly what i wanted at my exams, so that motivated me to try RS again.

Yes, if you go the LOA way, self love and work on your charisma and magnetism that will help with the goals you are looking for then just RS on a person. Either way up to you. RS, is different then the others.

I would strongly recommend some other methods for your wealth  and lottery things you want. It is possible to win the lottery, with spiritual law methods or LOA and very familiar in winning with. I would prefer a different thread or PM for that though. Wealth is a mind set you must have. Let me know if I can be of assistance.

You alone have the power and can do the things you set out to do. The power is within, when you don't like something outer, look within. Change your thoughts, change your world. Align to what you want. If you want wealth ,align to wealth, and money. Emulate those for which it comes easy. Good luck to you.

It is good you had self control for your scenario. Confidence and being the giver of your own value is the key, to not feeling rejection. ( *I also say that in so many words, but the actual wording of this giver of value, that I love, credit is to Colonel Roosevelt)

When you reject yourself, feel unworthy or less of, that will be mirrored back to you in your relationships or what you are trying at times. When you put everything into outer and another to hold your happiness and power you in fact are not seducing them as much as seducing yourself into giving up your value and power. If you want it changed with her. Radiate love to yourself and have confidence you are worthy for it to come back. You can't fake it though, as eventually whatever lack you have inside will be reflected in a new  relationship. If you work on that and you, you will attract many, radiate and have the magnetism to hold that and draw in so much. Many don't want to work within though, so either way do what is best for you and you will eventually get there.

Best to you,

Angel
« Last Edit: October 12, 2018, 12:37:04 PM by AngelusofftheSea »

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Offline anteres

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Re: My progress
« Reply #19 on: October 12, 2018, 03:41:13 PM »
This is one of the best advices in this forum.
I started my journey with Ex back and but found myself back on my way. I'm still learning though. I am willing to be the best version of myself.
Thanks for this reply. I am writing in this forum after a long long time. 
I have pmed you too. :)

Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: My progress
« Reply #20 on: October 13, 2018, 12:33:00 AM »
This is one of the best advices in this forum.
I started my journey with Ex back and but found myself back on my way. I'm still learning though. I am willing to be the best version of myself.
Thanks for this reply. I am writing in this forum after a long long time. 
I have pmed you too. :)

Thank you anteres, so nice to see you back. I got your message and will respond soon.


Blessings and Light,

Angel

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Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #21 on: October 23, 2018, 12:48:03 AM »
So I realized something today. Its very true I need to work more on myself, however asking my poi out was definitely the wrong call. Yesterday i was so desperate to be with her all of a sudden, that i was about to just blurt it out to her, that i was interested in her and wanted to ask her out (Because that is basically what i do when i get too desperate) But then i meditated on it, and despite i really wanted to, my meditation made me realize it wasnīt the right time.

Did the usual MT and some repelling outside influence that night. Today she was still kind of cold to me (Have been all week) and i realized it actually bothered me. Then i read some threads in here, and i remembered why i started with this in the first place. It wasnīt to get specifically her, but to learn more about all this stuff and master this side of me. To be better at manifesting things i want in life, and improve on the ability i have always had on a small scale,but never been able to get with things i really want. One of things i have never achieved was to be with a girl i was really interested in, which is why i chose RS. Before this i tried manifesting lottery numbers, but could always only manifest the first 5 numbers (out of 7 in my country) and would always only win what would amount to 20-100 dollars, depending on how much money were at stake that saturday. But i always won and i have always drawn exactly what i wanted at my exams, so that motivated me to try RS again.

Yes, if you go the LOA way, self love and work on your charisma and magnetism that will help with the goals you are looking for then just RS on a person. Either way up to you. RS, is different then the others.

I would strongly recommend some other methods for your wealth  and lottery things you want. It is possible to win the lottery, with spiritual law methods or LOA and very familiar in winning with. I would prefer a different thread or PM for that though. Wealth is a mind set you must have. Let me know if I can be of assistance.

You alone have the power and can do the things you set out to do. The power is within, when you don't like something outer, look within. Change your thoughts, change your world. Align to what you want. If you want wealth ,align to wealth, and money. Emulate those for which it comes easy. Good luck to you.

It is good you had self control for your scenario. Confidence and being the giver of your own value is the key, to not feeling rejection. ( *I also say that in so many words, but the actual wording of this giver of value, that I love, credit is to Colonel Roosevelt)

When you reject yourself, feel unworthy or less of, that will be mirrored back to you in your relationships or what you are trying at times. When you put everything into outer and another to hold your happiness and power you in fact are not seducing them as much as seducing yourself into giving up your value and power. If you want it changed with her. Radiate love to yourself and have confidence you are worthy for it to come back. You can't fake it though, as eventually whatever lack you have inside will be reflected in a new  relationship. If you work on that and you, you will attract many, radiate and have the magnetism to hold that and draw in so much. Many don't want to work within though, so either way do what is best for you and you will eventually get there.

Best to you,

Angel


Thanks man. ItĻs so true, that whenever i feel unworthy or something to that effect, that it seems im seducing myself more than effecting them. Hadn't really thought about it like that, but yeah thanks for your advice man. I don't exactly have a issue with feeling unworthy, although the feeling do pop up from time to time, just not that often thankfully.

I might pm you about the wealth thing, when that becomes something im interested in again. I'm not exactly in need of great wealth at the moment, although i wouldnt mind it obviously. But its just not what i feel like going for at the moment.

Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #22 on: October 23, 2018, 01:26:06 AM »
I guess it's time for a small update

I don't really have that much to update. We just had a week vacation, and it were our first day back at college today. So i hadn't seen my main poi for about 10 days. I mainly focused my rs on her during the vacation. I did a combination of repelling outside influence, love visuallizing, magic touch, step in and reverse seduction. Basically just what i felt was the right thing at the moment. At first i was sure i would hear from her on messenger or something, but got nothing. I noticed that as the days went on, i became more and more detached and uninterested in her, although i kept doing RS during the week. However i didn't do RS on anybody the entire weekend, and only today started again on my way to college.

I also did a lot of energi healing meditations, heard a lot of hypnosis tapes about confidence, positivity or happiness and listened to theta waves during some of my rs session, during the vacation. Also did rs on my crush, which is the girl im not in contact with.

Some questions. During one of my step in sessions, where i was lying down and imagining that my consciousness flew into my main poi's body, wlaking over and hugging me and feeling love for me, my solar plexus area suddenly started to make these weird cramps everytime i exhaled. This happened while i was in her body, and it got really distracting, so i flew into my own body again and the sensation disappeared almost at once. What could that be about?

Another observation i made, which was today actually, which is not exactly a question, although it would be nice to hear peoples opinion. When i did repelling outside influence on my main poi, one of my commands was "Everytime you bend your neck to look down on your phone, you will feel an overwhelming love/attraction/horniness(Varied from session to session) for me". The reason i chose this command, was because she has a habit of looking down on her phone constantly, and sometimes i suspect she is texting another guy, so it was just to get her to associate the act of bending her neck to look at her phone with me, not so much because i wanted her to look at her phone even more. However today she texted our group she was sick because she had pain in her head and in her neck, so i wondered if it had anything to do with my command, or if it was just a coincidence.

Anyway, I texted her if she had done an assignment for tomorrow, because it was really important and she said she hadnt had the time (We just had a whole week vacation, but whatever) I said i could help her with it when we have our group meeting tomorrow, but she wanted to meet earlier before our group meeting. I don't know if she just want to get it done quickly and not waste time on it during our group meeting or if she wants to have some alone time with me, and to be honest, i dont really care. I feel pretty detached to her at the moment, although i still care about her and want to help her.

Also, i promise to post those damn old posts again, im just too lazy and tired at the moment, because i have a lot going on in my life.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2018, 01:31:56 AM by Kosmic »

Offline Alexbally

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Re: My progress
« Reply #23 on: October 23, 2018, 05:21:21 PM »
Some questions. During one of my step in sessions, where i was lying down and imagining that my consciousness flew into my main poi's body, wlaking over and hugging me and feeling love for me, my solar plexus area suddenly started to make these weird cramps everytime i exhaled. This happened while i was in her body, and it got really distracting, so i flew into my own body again and the sensation disappeared almost at once. What could that be about?

I am not about to sit here and say that the stomach cramps are coming from her because the feelings that you get from your own body are a result of your own awareness of these feelings.
Continue playing about with where you place your awareness and continue to take note of the feelings until you get a fair amount of data to be able to start formulating an educated hypotheses of your own.

That last sentence above also goes for your other point....there's not enough data yet to form any conclusion, it would only be assumptions at this stage and that's not good enough.

Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #24 on: October 27, 2018, 07:44:49 PM »
Some questions. During one of my step in sessions, where i was lying down and imagining that my consciousness flew into my main poi's body, wlaking over and hugging me and feeling love for me, my solar plexus area suddenly started to make these weird cramps everytime i exhaled. This happened while i was in her body, and it got really distracting, so i flew into my own body again and the sensation disappeared almost at once. What could that be about?

I am not about to sit here and say that the stomach cramps are coming from her because the feelings that you get from your own body are a result of your own awareness of these feelings.
Continue playing about with where you place your awareness and continue to take note of the feelings until you get a fair amount of data to be able to start formulating an educated hypotheses of your own.

That last sentence above also goes for your other point....there's not enough data yet to form any conclusion, it would only be assumptions at this stage and that's not good enough.


I havenīt really gotten the cramps again since, but then again i havenīt tried step in again since. But youīre right, there is not enough date to form a conclusion, i guess i just like to convince myself that everything weird or anything that could be interpreted as related, happening, is a sign that it works. Basically my way of believing that it works.

Offline Nidya

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Re: My progress
« Reply #25 on: October 27, 2018, 08:22:26 PM »
Yes, I think you're still not ebelieving enough in your techniques, because you are still searching for signs and sensations. Keep calm, it's a first stage, I think everyone of us have needed comfirmation at some point. The only way RS-RI could work is having 100% trust, but that confidence I think it's a process

Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #26 on: October 28, 2018, 12:24:21 AM »
An update

This week i have dropped all other techniques, and only focuses on magic touch and love visualization. I more or less feel that im not advanced enough to do the others, but i also had a feeling that the others had unintentional side effects on myself, which made me more obssesed with her.

Tuesday

So i met with my main poi early. She is always like half an hour late when we have our group meetings early on the morning, and always excuses herself with that she has problems getting up in the morning. So I was worried she would be late again this day when i was going to meet her just me and her, but to my surprise she was there exactly on time. This was the first time i would see her again after the vacation, so I was kind of curious to see if I could tell on her, that I had been doing RS on her the whole week, and whether she would show signs of having missed me. But our meeting went very platonic, and she would still move away when we accidentally touched.

Later that day we had a lecture, where i did MT on her and then we had a group work meeting after. She sat next to me during the meeting and at one point, when i was getting up to go to the toilet, while explaining something to her, i put my hand on her shoulder briefly before leaving. When I got back, I noticed that she was less afraid of touching all of a sudden and didnīt move away anymore when we accidentally touched. During our group meeting I continued helping her with the assignment, but she had some problems so we stayed long after our group meeting had ended, so she could finish it. We did develop a much greater rapport, because I stayed with her, but it felt like a more friend like rapport. Later that evening i wrote to that she should remember something regarding her assigment, and she replied "Yes and thank you so much for your help"

Wednesday

We had a group meeting early that day. I had put my bag on the chair next to me, which made my main poi sit across from me, instead of next to me. She seemed really distracted and just looked down her phone, while the other two from my group (who had arrived that day, the rest were sick) and me were working on another assignment. She kind of seemed introverted and focused on other things this day and didnīt work on what she was suppose to. Some from my group mentioned how she was always late, and she responded that she came on time the day before, but didnīt mention what she came on time for, which was her meeting with me. She kind of stopped herself from mentioning it. I was about to mention that she came on time for the meeting with me, but figured that there was a reason why she didnīt mention it was with me.

I had build up a narrative in my head that she was just really shy around me because she liked me so much, and that she wanted to keep her interactions with me outside of the group, secret from the group. Perhaps because it would expose how she felt about me to the group. I believed that she wanted to sit next to me, but couldnīt because I had put my bag on that chair and that it would be weird for her to tell me to remove the bag, when other chairs around the table were avaliable. I removed my bag from the chair and not long after she said she was going outside to work on another assigment by herself. Figured it was an excuse to come back and sit next to me instead without making it weird. However not long after she left, one of my friends came up and asked me if we should do math together, so we left as well to do math.

We had a group lecture later that day in the same room as our group meeting, but had decided internally in the group that we would skip it. It was actually my main poi who asked if we should skip it, as it was just a lecture in group dynamics. We all agreed to skip it. However when I was doing math with my friend, my main poi started to spam our group chat with messages about if we should go to the meeting. We were only two left from our group besides her and we were doing math together. Then she said she had gone to the group lecture by herself and kept saying that it was important for the rest of us to attend it. I wrote to her that we were doing math and said that it didnīt matter if we attended because the rest of our group had gone home or were sick. She answered that the guy who did the lecture said it was really important we attended, even though we knew it wasnīt and that he would just hold the lecture again for the people who didnīt attend. I wondered why she had even gone to the lecture when we decided earlier not to go it. I wrote to her we couldnīt leave and she wrote back that she had left the lecture as well, so it was okay.

Later that evening i texted back and forth with her about the math assignment and then she kind of ignored me, when i asked a question. An hour went by, and i wrote to her in good fun, if she was just waiting for me to send her the assigment i made, since she elected to ignore my question and that she should ashamed of herself. She wrote back almost immediately with "No no hahaha, im just really stressed about our test tomorrow" and followed up with a bunch of explaining messages why she was nervous and stuff, apoligized and wrote thank you so much again for helping her. Oh yeah we had a test the next day. We wrote back and forth a little, where she wrote hahaha to a lot of the things i was saying and she made clear that she was going to bed to sleep soon a couple of times.

Thursday

We had a lecture early this day. During the lecture she messaged me a random question. I answered and she messaged me a funny response to that followed by a hahaha. Later that day, while we were doing assignments, she send me a picture of someone saying something funny about the test and asked if i could help her with some questions she had about it. I wrote sure and went to help her and she just texted me thank you so much, followed by a thumps up. When I got to where she was sitting, she was with two other girls. The other girls she was with seemed - i dont know if weird is the right word - around me. When i arrived the two girls were all laughing and flirtatious towards me, in a shy and nervous kind of way. It actually seemed like her two friends were attracted to me or something, while my main poi were more controlled around me. After i helped them, i went with my main poi to the printer room where she asked to help her with something. I put my hand briefly on her back while showing her something, and she seemed to get all giddy about it. Her tone of voice changed almost immediately from a more controlled lower pitch, to a more giddy kind of pitch. Then when i was about to leave, she asked me to help her quickly. She was sitting down while i was standing. While standing i tried to put my hand briefly on her shoulder, but only managed to touch her shoulder with my fingers and then it was like she all of a sudden moved away and felt weird about me touching her, so i left quickly after having helped her. But this supported the narrative i had in my head about her being shy around me. Add to that, that she never said my name out loud. I know, weird thing to notice, but I just figured it was because she was shy around me.

Later after we had done the test, I wanted to go over and ask her how her test had gone, but she had gone over to talk with another boy she knew from her high school days, so i left. Even later i wrote in our group chat that people should remember we had a meeting the next day, and that it was important for people not be sick again. She liked the message, so i knew, that she knew we had a meeting.

Friday

We started the day with a lecture and during the lecture i did some MT on my main poi. Then this really hot  girl sat next to me, I mean this girl was a perfect 10. I figured it was a good opportunity to detach from my main poi, so i did some MT on this girl instead, and she started to stare at me very intensely, so I knew the RS was working. Then when we had our group meeting, my main poi didnīt show up and i started to wonder if she had forgotten, so i wrote to her if she had forgotten and she texted back "Omg yes", and that she was on her way home. She turned around. I wondered if she would have forgotten if she was really attracted to me. Then when she arrived, she was all extroverted all of a sudden, kind of messing with the narrative i have build around her in my head. Telling the group that we texted a little bit, and she was all like "Hahaha, Kosmic would like that, or would like this", or "Itīs like Kosmic says" and basically saying my name out loud a lot and acting like we were really good buddies in front of the group, being a little playful with me, but in a really good friend kind of way. Her body langauge was still kind of turning away from me, and i started to wonder if she had just friendzoned me because of all the help i had been giving her this past week. When the meeting was over and everybody was about to leave, i asked if we could extend the meeting a half hour, because i had to wait for my bus, or else i would just sit alone. People left anyway, and when my main poi was about to leave she said "I can stay..." and then she stopped herself and said "I have to meet someone, see you on monday". I wrote in the group chat that we should have more solidarity in the group, like just for fun, and she answered "Lol. I was really busy sorry, if i wasnīt i could have stayed for half an hour". I wasnīt really adressing her, but the whole group.

The end of my wall of text, that few really reads anyway haha


Anyway, i have no doubt that she likes me. Iīm just starting to wonder if she likes me as a friend and isnīt really attracted to me (anymore). Now to make something clear. Iīm not obssesed with her, even though it might seem like that from me noticing and now writing down so much random and meaningless stuff. I know what it feels like to be obsessed with someone, and when i think about her, i donīt feel like she is the one for me or that we would be a perfect match. What I am obssesed with, is gathering evidence or data, to know that RS works. I want results that I can use to strengthen my belief in RS. To put it on other words, i want to know if she is attracted to me to now if it has worked, but she is just sending me mixed signals i donīt feel i can work with. I wondered if i should just tell her that im attracted to her or something to that effect, because i really want to know her response to that. But at the same time, it seems ill adviced, as if itīs not the right time for that.

During all this i have been doing RS on my other POIīs as well, but havenīt really gotten anything to indicate that it works. The only instance were i got something, was when I did RS on the girl next to me during the lecture. Maybe itīs because my mind have a hard time focusing on the other POIīs because itīs like it would rather do it on my main POI, because i actually interact with her on a daily basis. Anyway, this was just a collection of data. When i wrote this, i had to try and remember the things i could. It wasnīt suppose to be this long and filled with probably a lot of useless data. Iīm really not good at differentiating relevant data from irelevant data, so i just wrote everything down i could remember. Sorry for that.
« Last Edit: October 28, 2018, 12:53:39 AM by Kosmic »

Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #27 on: October 28, 2018, 12:28:39 AM »
Yes, I think you're still not ebelieving enough in your techniques, because you are still searching for signs and sensations. Keep calm, it's a first stage, I think everyone of us have needed comfirmation at some point. The only way RS-RI could work is having 100% trust, but that confidence I think it's a process

Actually i wasnīt really searching the sensation of stomach cramps. It just came over me and distracted me. I only wondered afterwards if it had some sort of meaning. But itīs true that iīm looking a little to much for signs. But thatīs mainly because when i did RS last time, two years ago, on a girl i was actually obsessed with, she would show me huge signs of attraction, at least more than my current POI. Iīm just trying to figure out why that is. It could be because i just need to have more trust in the process again. Iīm just really impatient, because i would just like to know im not wasting my time.

Offline Alexbally

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Re: My progress
« Reply #28 on: October 29, 2018, 10:40:54 PM »
Yes, I think you're still not ebelieving enough in your techniques, because you are still searching for signs and sensations.

Signs and sensations are EXACTLY what Kosmic should be looking for, particularly sensations for that is all there is too us...sensations in the brain and through the body / nervous system caused by our senses receiving electrical charges from our local environment, sending them up to the brain and through the pineal gland so that the brain can paint the picture of the world that we navigate daily and nightly. For example in many cases, a deaf person has perfectly functional ears but it's the connection from the ear to the part of the brain that interprets and transmutes the electrical charge frequency when it is between the bandwidth that our ears receive frequency in, into the sound that we hear.
What we see, hear, feel, smell, taste and our emotions every day is the end result of this process but is not actually what is out there, in my humble opinion.
If you just ignore all of this priceless data and potential part-way confirmation that you are succeeding or otherwise simply pissing into the wind and failing miserably, how else would you really know?
Look at it this way, if one football team believed that you're not allowed to use your feet to touch the ball at all during the match but the other team knows that you use your feet to play, who do you think will win the game?
So forget the belief because belief propagates largely inaccurate judgement on information due to biasedness and also wild assumptions. I personally found it far more profitable to look at what I was doing critically and I was prepared to change things when fuck all was happening. We are all individuals and we all find our success in different avenues because we all like different things and we happily choose to do more of what we like.
We are forever processing data but we are a lazy species that has grown to filter out much that's deemed useless, which I think is bad but fortunately, not impossible to reverse.

If you want something to change then it is YOU that has to change first. For you to change, you first have to really want to change.
« Last Edit: October 29, 2018, 11:37:50 PM by Alexbally »

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Offline Kosmic

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Re: My progress
« Reply #29 on: November 02, 2018, 04:38:28 AM »
Update

So I told her how i feel. Well kind of did anyway, but still not really.

Sunday

This sunday, a guy from our class wrote to me on messenger. He asked about my main poi and if she had a boyfriend. I said i didnīt know, and he wanted me to ask her. During this conversation he asked what i thought about her. I said i thought she was cute, charming and had a good sense of humor and admitted that I was into her. He asked why I havenīt  asked her out myself and I said that I only asked the girls out that showed me direct interest like more obvious flirting or just plain telling me, but that my main poi hadnīt shown me any and said she wasnīt interested in me. He asked me if i would be a competition to him and I said donīt worry. He asked a couple of questions more about my main poi, and said he wanted to be anynomous when i asked her. I said i would just take a screenshot of our conversation as that seemed easier.

Against my better judgement, and I donīt know why I did this, but somehow I thought it was a good idea to do exactly what i told this guy i would do. So i took screenshots of our conversation and send them to her. Maybe i did it, because i wanted her to say something like "Well, I actually am interested in you", and this was my kind of cowardly way to come clean. Her response was:

"Omg"
"How akward hahaha"
"What a player he is hahaha"
"But donīt tell him anything. Let us think of something to say to him tomorrow (Crying laughing emoji) This is really weird"

So yeah she didnīt respond like i hoped.

Monday

We didnīt really have a group meeting this monday. But around the end of the day, I was doing some assignments with a friend, and my main poi came into the room we were sitting in, looking like she was euphoric with a big smile on her face. She asked me if we had a group meeting, and i said no, not today. She was videochatting with a friend on her phone when she came in, and while i was talking to her, she said "Do you want to see him?" to her friend and then she said to me "My friend wants to see you", i asked why and she just said "Dunno, because she is weird". So she turned her camera on me and then walked out of the room while still talking to her friend.

Later that day, i texted her and she responded almost immediately. We had a lenghty conversation with just small talk, where she responded with hahahaha a lot, followed by her actual response. It was like she would add an extra "ha" for everytime she responded. At one point the conversation turned to the assigment we had to do for the next day. I said i would help her finish it, if she would agree to stay with me for an extra hour or so, because I had to wait for an opportunity to get home. She liked the message and said "Well, i have to stay for long no matter what i guess"

Tuesday

We did the assignment together and she stayed as she said she would. There was quite a lot of accidental touching, but she still kind of moved away, if i got to close. But then she moved closer and then she moved away, and around and around. It was kind of confusing. At one point i looked her in the eyes for a couple of seconds while she was talking and iīm almost sure her pupils dilated, but not 100 % positive. We were alone during all of this for many hours, but focus was mostly working on the assignment.

When i was checking for my bus, it turned out that I had to take the same as her. But then she got weird about it, saying "Itīs stupid to take so big a detour to get home". Itīs true it was a detour for me, but donīt know why she cared. She almost insisted that i didnīt take that bus. At first she said she had to take that bus to get home, but when it turned out that i had to take that bus as well, she said "Well okay, i stay until you can get a bus that isnīt as big a detour for you". It was strange.

Also, when i asked what i should answer the guy who wrote to me. She didnīt want to answer before she knew who he was. Thatīs fair i guess, but i had promised to keep him anynomous, and she said she didnīt like to answer whether she had a boyfriend or not, if she didnīt knew who it was.

When i got home, she needed some help, so we had a quick skype conversation where i helped her.

Wednesday

I had a strong RS session on her this morning. You know the ones, where you can feel it was very powerful. She texted me very early, saying that I should just tell the guy she wasnīt interested. She was tired of playing games. I said fair enough and texted that to him. When i saw her at the lecture she kept looking at me and smiling, while i was walking towards her. She looked very happy to see me. I said something stupid like "Did you finish your assignment yesterday" and she laughed saying "No haha, you know i went right to bed"

After the lecture we actually had a group meeting, but the only ones that showed up were me and her. Now while she was sitting close to me the day before, she choose to sit a little farther away from me. She was very restless and seemed to get even more restless everytime i moved closer to her when she had a question. She seemed like she wanted to touch, but hesitated all the time. It got to a point were i got frustrated by her, because she kept moving closer, then away if i got to closer, then closer when backed of, then away when i got to closer, and around and around, so when i had finished my assignment i got up and went to work on another assignment (Which she hadnīt got to) with a friend. At one point she came into where i was sitting with my friend, asked what we were doing and got out again. I went to where she was sitting to see if she wanted helo, but now she was sitting with her male friend from high school and I left again.

Later that day when i was going home, i saw her leave with two guys. One guy was her male friend from high school. The other is a guy, i have seen her interact with a lot before, but have no idea who is. Before she left she told the other guy to hold her bag and went to the toilet, where i was headed as well. When she turned around and saw me, she had this big smile and asked me if i was going home. We left the toilet around the same time, and i said see you tomorrow and she said "Yeah, 8Ļoclock, donīt be late"

Later, I accidentally requested a game on facebook with her (I thought i was playing with a friend) and said as much. She responded much later with "Hahahaha" "I really hate that game hahahaha". I didnīt respond.

Today

This morning, I wrote in my group i wasnīt coming today. I noticed that she didnīt "see" the message at all, despite that she is always the first one to "see" the messages in the group. I know that she had recieved it on her phone, so maybe she read it there. She only "saw" the messages when one of the other guys texted something. Later I texted her a question about her assignment, and she didnīt respond at all, despite seeing it. Then at a time i knew she had a lecture she responded "Whoops, forgot to answer" then proceeded asking another question without answering the one i made and wrote "Hahahaha" after. I got a little annoyed, feeling like she only would text me, if she needed my help and like she was using her "Hahahah" as a get out of jail free card. I answered her question anyway and asked another, and all i got back was a "Yup". I tried texting her later, but it was like she had gone cold on me. I tried to joke around and although she responded immediately, it was more like responses where she would try to extend the joke, but no "Hahahaha" like all the other days everytime i said something even remotely funny.

But one thing i have noticed today, is that i had a day were my self esteem where kind of low, and for large periods of the day, i have felt angry for no apparent reason. Not just at her, but everyone else. Just a day where everything annoys me. Iīve had a kind of negative energy around me today, while the other days i have felt great. So as i figure, the reasons why she could be a little cold towards me today, are either because iīve  accidentally sent her some of my negative energy, or maybe she is just annoyed i didnīt go to class today, or maybe there is a third reason that i havenīt considered.

The other POIīs

I should probably mention my progress with my other poiīs as well. Well, i have narrowed it down to two other poiīs, because five felt like overkill to be honest. The perfect 10 from the other day, lets call her POIīs blue eyes, is looking my way constantly when i walk by. I can see it very clearly out the corner of my eyes. The other, is this very attractive blonde, but she hadnīt shown me any signs at all.... before wednesday that is. Wednesday, me and my friend and some other guys were working on an assignment (The one i went to, after leaving my main poi) and she joined us with a mutual friend. While she was sitting there, she constatly played with her hair, like she wouldnīt leave it alone for a second, and whenever i talked to the group she would stare very intensely at me. She kind of looked at me a lot. She was also being very silly with our mutual friend, and our mutual friend said "What is with you today, you are acting very out of character". So i think my RS has actually reached these two. To be honest, iīm also much better at detaching with them, so that might be why.

Anyway, i hope i have a more positive energy tomorrow. Iīve noticed that i got a lot more good days now, than bad, but once in a while, a day like today sneak up on me. I also only write these updates on a bad day, because when i have a good day i donīt feel the need or desire to write them, but when i got a bad, iīve feel like itīs a good way to clear my mind.
« Last Edit: November 02, 2018, 04:54:03 AM by Kosmic »

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