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Author Topic: Is what I feel wrong?  (Read 630 times)

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Offline DaydreamBeliever

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Is what I feel wrong?
« on: August 10, 2018, 06:09:26 PM »
Hi guys!  I've returned to the forum in need of some advice.  Typical, I know.  I first visited the forum after a relationship breakup, looking at getting back with my ex.  Left after realising i didn't really want her.  Read a lot of Superman posts & wow it was like a whole new inner world opened up to me.  Have been a much, much happier & content person ever since & am forever grateful to Superman & the other forum members for this. Now however, I have a dilemma that I'm hoping you guys can help with & of course it involves another lady.
So, I know this particular lady through work.  She is a relative of one of the clients that I work for.  There was an attraction from my end from the start.  My type, to a tea.  Anyway, I'd see her now & again at work & over time the attraction grew but I never acted on it. I had a partner so kept it professional, as you do.  She had boyfriends also.  I was still with my partner when I began to realise just how much I liked her.  Uh-oh!  Funnily enough I had a feeling that she might be attracted to me too.  Just little things like a comment she made when my ex rang me or lingering around me when it was time for her to go leave.  Not to mention it seemed as though her boyfriend at the time didn't like her being around me.  Nothing huge.  Still, I had this feeling.  Rs'ed her for a short time but stopped after deciding that she wasn't for me.  There's a 10+ year age gap & other things that made me decide against it.  Was still attracted to her but was happy to leave it at that or so I thought....  I was at my friend's house & she popped into my head.  I don't know guys but i'll explain what happened best as I can.  I heard a voice say in my mind 'it's her'.  I was shocked. I guess I was asking myself why can't I stop thinking about this woman.  That was the reply I got & to me it came from God.  Just hear me out.  The reason I say that is because of the feeling I had.  I've NEVER felt anything like it.  It was like wave after wave of pure love came over me.  It was the most amazing feeling ever & afterwards i had to take a few deep breaths to get back to normal.  After processing what had happened I expressed my gratitude & appreciation & honestly thought I'd received a sign.  Despite this over the coming weeks, doubt crept back in.  Not because of anything that she'd said or done but because I just couldn't see how it'd work.  Yes, I know, i'm an idiot. Then something did sorta happen.  I won't say exactly what but to me it was an indication that she was interested & wanted me to make a move.  To be fair if it had happened in a public place I probably would have but as it happened at work, I thought better if it.  Even then as she was saying goodbye it was as though she didn't want to leave.  Fast forward a few weeks.  I came into work one day & a colleague gave me the news.  She was pregnant with a new boyfriend's baby.  I felt a little twinge admittedly but more than anything I felt relief.  Finally I could forget about her & move on with my life.  She obviously wasn't the one.  Months have passed now & I haven't seen her apart from towards the end of her pregnancy & that was only in passing.  She had her baby & I am genuinely happy for her, she has her own little family.  Eventually, she came to my workplace to see her relative with her boyfriend.  I asked her about the baby, all that stuff.  She seemed excited to see me but I didn't read too much into it.  Then something happened.  Her boyfriend had gone off to talk to her relative & I thought she was walking out of the room so looked over at her & that was it.  She looked at me & I looked at her.  We both just gazed into each others eyes for awhile, not saying anything but there was definitely some communication going on.  I felt like 'home' was in her eyes if that makes sense.  Like that was where I belonged. We only stopped gazing because her boyfriend came back into the room.  It was awkward because he was stroking her hair but her body language told me she wasn't into it.  They left soon after & I've not seen her now for a couple of weeks.  This is my dilemma good people! Any ideas? ::)

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Is what I feel wrong?
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2018, 02:11:11 PM »
A very long post! Just give us a key thing you want to get out of this situation.

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: Is what I feel wrong?
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2018, 02:35:31 PM »
Why do you think your feelings are wrong?

Offline DaydreamBeliever

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Re: Is what I feel wrong?
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2018, 03:50:01 PM »
Hi! And thanks for the reply.  Sorry for the long post! I guess the short answer is simply, her. Just not like this.  If getting what I wants means breaking up a family, how can that be right y'know?  How can her being with me be better than her baby being with it's daddy?  This is what I'm wrestling with right now.  ::).  Like many have said before me, it'd be so much easier if I could just turn my feelings for her off but ever since that night at my friend's, it's like I've just known.  Then seeing her again confirmed it. This is the only place I could think to come & people would maybe understand.


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