Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
collapse

Author Topic: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)  (Read 1694 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« on: February 26, 2018, 05:47:06 AM »
Basically I have been talking to this guy for nearly two months and we have never been on a date because the timing was not right. So he always come see me at night but we only made out. So long story short I am falling for him hard when I know that he is not looking for something serious. We finally slept together and since then he fade away. I didn't text back or made a big deal out of it since it was my choice as well. I should have stopped him.

I feel so cheap now like I am being used. Please help me go through this and feel worthy again.


Offline JulieDB

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 83
  • -Receive: 76
  • Posts: 213
  • Karma: 76
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2018, 06:00:59 AM »
I don't think we can make you feel worthy. That has to come from within.

Was sleeping with him a mistake? Did it feel good at the time? If so, then there's that. Tell yourself that it was good then move on.

I know nothing about this man but there are men and also some women who just go from bed to bed. He could have been one of those. I really don't know.

Work on yourself from within. Work on making you a better person. Not that you're a bad person mind you, but we can always find ways to do more positive things, be more helpful to others, etc.

You need to be a whole person and comfortable in your own skin before getting into a relationship with another person. Of course there can be exceptions. Once in a while you will find a person to lift you up and help you become what/who you need to become, but in general that's how it goes.

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2018, 09:18:34 PM »
Thank you JulieDB! No it was not a mistake. Though I should have waited a little longer but what's done is done.

It's always like this. When I sleep with someone, I am always attached to that person. I don't know how to stop that.

Now I'm too focused on him instead of my own feelings. I guess I need to detach myself from this situation and work on being completely secure with myself before involving with a guy again.

Offline Everythingbutthegirl

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 69
  • Posts: 74
  • Karma: 69
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2018, 04:04:12 AM »

Hi Alice,

I feel like I have been in a similar situation to you.

My advice to you would be to try and get deep down to the root of the problem.
Was it just this experience that made you feel un worthy? Probably not.
it must come from some sort of experience and from that particular experience you based yoor belief on that ( Iím not worthy)
Donít ignore it, itís there for a reason and I believe this guy was brought into your experience to tell you or to teach you again that something needs fixing within.

Again, itís an internal job. Nobody here can make you feel worthy and change that belief but yourself.
Go and think/research to yourself why you think like that! Why you want to be in a relationship etc because being with someone like this guy is only proving you are looking outside for validation. Someone to fill the void.

You know how we find it so easy to entertain negative beliefs and emotions? Such as so and so did this, so it proves Iím not worthy and blah blah.
Start entertaining the good thoughts. Do things that make you feel good/loved. Paint an image of yourself in your head and focus only on that. Feed it every day, nourish the self belief that you are worthy and donít cross anything that doesnít correspond to that thought.

Eventually you will look back on this guy, see your worth and think wow, what did I ever see in him. Then boom thatís when magic happens.

:)

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2018, 12:55:17 AM »
Hi Everythingbutthegirl,

Thank you very much for your advice! You are right.. I need to look into what causes me this belief. I think deep down I always feel that I don't deserve the guy I like/love. Every time I am in a relationship or fall for someone, I feel so small and I see that person so perfect and worthy that I need to work hard to be his ideal girl (the kind of girl I think he likes - whether it's his ex or someone he said he likes ) to attract him. I always forget the fact that it was me, the real me, that he was attracted to in the first place.

Only when I broke up and got over them that I realised they are not better than me and they should have felt lucky and proud to be with me.

I don't know where this belief actually came from. Maybe from my first bf - he never introduced me to his best friends even if we dated for more than a year. I never got to hang out with them. It was always me and him on a date and I felt like I never was really in his life and he was ashamed to be with me so he didn't want to let anyone know that I was his gf.

I will need to seriously work on this issue since I attract the same kind of experiences over and over again. Once I start feeling truly worthy then I will see changes on the outside.

As for this guy I hooked up with, turned out he didn't fade away but we stopped contacting each other already because I told him so. This kind of relationship is not what I am looking for. I know that I deserve the love I give to other people and I don't want to waste my time talking to him and hope that one day he will fall for me like I fall for him.

I want to focus on myself and work on this issue without him being a distraction so I needed to stop even though I do like him. I miss him but I also feel relieved. I know I did the right thing. It will get better soon   :D

Offline Superman

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 790
  • -Receive: 6602
  • Posts: 2520
  • Karma: 6602
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2018, 02:18:54 AM »
Basically I have been talking to this guy for nearly two months and we have never been on a date because the timing was not right. So he always come see me at night but we only made out. So long story short I am falling for him hard when I know that he is not looking for something serious. We finally slept together and since then he fade away. I didn't text back or made a big deal out of it since it was my choice as well. I should have stopped him.

I feel so cheap now like I am being used. Please help me go through this and feel worthy again.



Sad to say but this is nothing extraordinnary, most men will talk to you to go in bed (or maybe somwhere else lol) with you and once its done thats it. The excitment is no more there. When a man really loves you or hopes/expects something serious with you he will not prioritize sex, he will not plan to see you for that. If you gave him too fast, before he learned to know your heart and soul, before he learned to have respect you it may already be dead. But I hope not. Keep focus on you :D

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2018, 06:57:30 AM »
Hi Superman!

Yes I know lol but well it’s okay if it’s dead, it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I guess I craved the attention that he gave to me when I hardly know the real him. He came into my life to teach me and remind me I have something I need to work on within.

Gonna keep focusing on me! ;D
« Last Edit: March 13, 2018, 11:11:39 AM by Alice »

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline suikaz

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 68
  • -Receive: 73
  • Posts: 191
  • Karma: 73
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #7 on: March 13, 2018, 10:11:42 AM »
Every situation can change. But since you already decided to move on and you could do that then congrats.
However, you must think that every guy wants you and respects you. He is yours no matter wgat. He treats you well. You have to train your subconscious mind to know this as it is normal thing to happen to you.

Actually in you case, it is never to late to change into serious relationship since he is already attracted to you.
You just need to change the focus on being in 'serious relationship' , instead of keep thinking that he wants only hookup.

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #8 on: March 13, 2018, 11:21:53 PM »
Thank you for your advice, Suikaz! Now I am reading your post out loud as an affirmation  :D

It's not easy training the subconscious mind but I know I can do it. What I do is listening audio book and youtube about self love and how to build self esteem - I really need to work on that and stop comparing myself to other people anymore. If he comes back, good. If not then I am sure I will meet someone better for me. But he's attracted to me so he'll come back sooner or later haha  :P

Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #9 on: March 17, 2018, 04:31:54 PM »
Just a little update here, he came to see me last night and asked why I stopped talking to him and hope that we could continue.

It was almost the exact same story happened where he came to my place and we ended up sleeping together but this time I didn't let him.

I'm not gonna lie to myself anymore that I am okay being someone's booty call and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve.

Not sure what's going to happen next but I'm feeling good :)

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Online siamesegirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 1176
  • -Receive: 1265
  • Posts: 2097
  • Karma: 1265
  • We are Siamese, if you please!
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #10 on: March 17, 2018, 04:53:09 PM »
Good for you Alice! How did he take that?

Offline TheLittleBat

  • The Forum Brat.
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 423
  • -Receive: 614
  • Posts: 825
  • Karma: 614
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2018, 12:42:32 AM »
Just a little update here, he came to see me last night and asked why I stopped talking to him and hope that we could continue.

It was almost the exact same story happened where he came to my place and we ended up sleeping together but this time I didn't let him.

I'm not gonna lie to myself anymore that I am okay being someone's booty call and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve.

Not sure what's going to happen next but I'm feeling good :)


Good! Proud of you girl.
If you want a relationship, think and accept only that and nothing else.

Follow members gave a thank to your post:


Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2018, 08:31:35 PM »
Good for you Alice! How did he take that?

He said that it's always up to me and left. Then he called me the next day to talk. I told him I don't want to continue because of the way he is, that he flirts with everybody and all. Well, he said he won't stop texting me even I told him so and now we kinda ended up to where we used to be. I still want to stop though because I want a relationship and not just flirting around like this. Should I tell him?
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 12:19:54 AM by Alice »

Offline yesican

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 435
  • -Receive: 243
  • Posts: 483
  • Karma: 243
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #13 on: March 18, 2018, 11:11:57 PM »
I want a relationship and not just flirting around like this. Should I tell him?                   
                        

I am sure he already knows this.  However, you can of course tell him if he wants to get to know you better you could meet outside the bedroom ottherwise you are not interested. Most people -men included-  like and understand straight forward statements together with consistent action
LOA is also about what you think about yourself, so set your standards, girl
« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 12:17:03 AM by yesican »

Offline Alice

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Thank You
  • -Given: 81
  • -Receive: 55
  • Posts: 65
  • Karma: 55
  • Now I am Power Attractor! WOW
    • View Profile
Re: How to let go and move on after a casual hook up (on his side)
« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2018, 06:55:16 AM »
I want a relationship and not just flirting around like this. Should I tell him?                   
                        

LOA is also about what you think about yourself, so set your standards, girl

Yes! I didnít know why Iíve put up with this :) thanks for reminding me.

Tags:
 

Related Topics

  Subject / Started by Replies Last post
7 Replies
1813 Views
Last post February 03, 2012, 03:06:40 AM
by marioska
3 Replies
962 Views
Last post February 26, 2012, 07:16:04 AM
by truelove
3 Replies
1744 Views
Last post July 25, 2012, 03:23:03 AM
by over it
0 Replies
519 Views
Last post September 24, 2014, 05:23:11 AM
by waterfall


* Disclaimer

All information on the forum are members personal tips, suggestions, advise and experiences, forum administrator or Moderators can not be held liable for any damage/misuse arising from the information/education shared the forum. You take your own necessary responsibility for your own actions.

Note: The Profile Deletion with posts more than 10 can not be done. It will not only Derank the forum on Search Engine (As those indexed posts will show 404 Error as - Page not Found) Moreover it will delete the associated posts of other users as well who replied on that Profile posts. It effects the whole Structure of the Forum.


       Registration


Back to top
SimplePortal 2.3.3 © 2008-2010, SimplePortal