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Author Topic: Changing thoughts about dating and how men view me when it comes to dating  (Read 3126 times)

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Offline lunareclipse

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I agree with Nighty, Selina and Posay, don't play any pretend games, just be yourself and the man who would make you the happiest and be the best fit for your soul will love you the way you are and stick around.
I have never in my life played anything, I've always let it flow naturally and I've never had any issues getting a guy I like. For starters, don't put the guy on a pedestal, thinking you need to impress him somehow, as if you are some damaged goods that isn't wanted unless you trick him into wanting you.

In life you tend to get what you think is normal for you. You base this opinion on your past, either by observing your parents relationship or how others have rejected you, even kids in a playgroup. Even if this is not the case, you can still have 1 bad relationship and adapt a belief that it's normal that you are unwanted and unloved, men only want sex etc. So every time you have a chance, you repeat the same pattern and start thinking something must be wrong with you.

You need to adapt a mindset and feeling that it is normal and extremely natural for any man you like to like you back, to want to be with you, stay with you and to treat you with love and respect.
When I go on a date, it never even occurs to me that the guy may not like me. It may sound cocky, but that's the mentality you should have. It doesn't mean that you are full of yourself and think you are above and much better than the guy, it means that you know you are lovable, you know your value.

« Last Edit: June 07, 2016, 02:23:30 PM by lunareclipse »

Offline Night-Eyes

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Yes Luney we should all remember we are Goddesses and we deserve love ... because we are love  :-*

Offline Meme

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I agree with posay. Ultimately, if you have to resort to games in order to get someone interested, they're not really interested are they? And when "the thrill of the chase" disappears they'll usually just disappear.

Of course, it's a truism that playing hard to get increases desire. See this speech from Shakespeare's Troilus and Cressida:

Words, vows, gifts, tears, and love's full sacrifice,
He offers in another's enterprise;
But more in Troilus thousand fold I see
Than in the glass of Pandar's praise may be;
Yet hold I off. Women are angels, wooing:
Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing.

That she beloved knows nought that knows not this:
Men prize the thing ungain'd more than it is:
That she was never yet that ever knew
Love got so sweet as when desire did sue.
Therefore this maxim out of love I teach:
Achievement is command; ungain'd, beseech:
Then though my heart's content firm love doth bear,
Nothing of that shall from mine eyes appear.

Ironically (or perhaps should I say, deliberately on Shakespeare's part), Cressida turns out to be unfaithful. She plays games, she hides her feelings - and she is as inconstant as she is deceitful. Never trust a woman who plays hard to get, Shakespeare seems to say.

If someone's right for you, he won't stop liking you when he sees that you like him back. On the contrary, it can make him more excited. Think of Romeo and Juliet. Juliet admits that, according to social norms, she should have played hard to get, but says that her constancy is greater than that of women who play games:

O gentle Romeo,
If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully.
Or if thou thinkíst I am too quickly won,
Iíll frown and be perverse and say thee nay,
So thou wilt woo. But else, not for the world.
In truth, fair Montague, I am too fond,
And therefore thou mayst think my 'havior light.
But trust me, gentleman, Iíll prove more true
Than those that have more coying to be strange.


Does Romeo lose interest now that he sees Juliet's passion for him?
Well, er, no.
The rest is history.



(NB: You may be wondering why I'm referring to Shakespeare so much. Well, apart from the fact that I am a Shakespeare nerd, there is a fairly good reason. Shakespeare's known for his accurate estimation of human nature. In fact, in his 1999 classic Shakespeare and the Invention of the Human, influential critic Harold Bloom went so far as to claim that Shakespeare's work actually served to shape human nature as we now know it. So yes, Shakespeare is very relevant. ;) )


I find it interesting that you are quoting Shakespeare, because this last guy was an English Professor. 😍

Offline Meme

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I agree with Nighty, Selina and Posay, don't play any pretend games, just be yourself and the man who would make you the happiest and be the best fit for your soul will love you the way you are and stick around.
I have never in my life played anything, I've always let it flow naturally and I've never had any issues getting a guy I like. For starters, don't put the guy on a pedestal, thinking you need to impress him somehow, as if you are some damaged goods that isn't wanted unless you trick him into wanting you.

In life you tend to get what you think is normal for you. You base this opinion on your past, either by observing your parents relationship or how others have rejected you, even kids in a playgroup. Even if this is not the case, you can still have 1 bad relationship and adapt a belief that it's normal that you are unwanted and unloved, men only want sex etc. So every time you have a chance, you repeat the same pattern and start thinking something must be wrong with you.

You need to adapt a mindset and feeling that it is normal and extremely natural for any man you like to like you back, to want to be with you, stay with you and to treat you with love and respect.
When I go on a date, it never even occurs to me that the guy may not like me. It may sound cocky, but that's the mentality you should have. It doesn't mean that you are full of yourself and think you are above and much better than the guy, it means that you know you are lovable, you know your value.



How do I do that? How do I change to have that mindset?

If you that mindset and things don't work out, how do you not let it bother you?

Like now, I keep wondering what I did wrong or what I should have said differently.

Is there anyway to make these guys change their minds about me?

This last guy kept asking me how long ago I had been in a relationship and basically asking me about sexual experience, but not a whole lot else. Was he only interested in sex and not actually me? He told me he thought my pics were cute and enjoyed our conversation, but didn't think we were compatible because I was "conservative". So, I was basically friend zoned before he even met me. 😭

I just want different results!!



Offline Night-Eyes

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It sounds like all he cared about was one thing and he could tell you had a bit of class to you

honestly i know it may seem confusing and believe me the best of us get confused and struggle with rejection or feeling 'not good enough' but all i can say is maybe these guys arent stucking around because you do subconciously value yourself and they're  bunch of jerks who want an easy lay

dont let any guy make you feel inferior or inexperienced.. it know it might be easy for me to say this, but when you do meet that guy, the one who see's your worth and makes the effort, you'll be so glad these other guys didnt work out.

there is nothing you said wrong or could have done differently, unless you want to be that needy desperate girl who is seeking outside of herself (and this isnt a criticism to anyone, i have been that girl on many occassions and i learnt the hard way).

Offline lunareclipse

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Nighty is right and you didn't do anything wrong. You shouldn't even be thinking about having done anything wrong, because he clearly just wanted sex. If that was my date I would have ran for the hills and be grateful I got away from that creep.

First try to figure out why you keep attracting these situations at the first place. I know a lot of Nevillists recommend going straight to the end result and not bother with belief systems, which is all well and good, BUT it helps to see the bigger picture. Try to make associations as to how you developed this mindset at the first place.
Either you experienced rejection at some point in childhood or later in life that left you feeling that there must be something wrong with you and that's why nobody wants you, or
you may have seen role models of men, that are disrespectful, reject women or are just fickle and only wants sex. Either from your parents or from your own early relationships.

Whatever you identify, try to see how it is absurd for you to believe that this is the norm. That yes, you were made to feel that way that time, but it was the other person who was in the wrong for mistreating you. See it clearly, that there was nothing wrong with you. See how silly it is to keep holding on to that belief, that you can easily just choose to decide that you won't let that situation control you for the rest of your life.
Think of as many examples of good men, who want to be in a relationship and are completely happy being with a woman, love her and want a family with her. Decide that you will attract men like that from now on and that is normal and expected! The universe will listen to you, the only reason you have attracted fickle ones is because you have felt that it will happen in your subconscious mind. Define a new standard and this is what you will get.

Then to use LOA, yes - do make yourself a soul mate list and start seeing your perfect relationship with a guy that you are truly happy and comfortable with and just have a knowing that he is already on his way to you. Don't worry, you won't be single or dating creeps forever. The past ones have just been the reflection of your mind so far, now that you have changed your mind, you will have a much greater control and much better results ;)

Offline Meme

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Nighty is right and you didn't do anything wrong. You shouldn't even be thinking about having done anything wrong, because he clearly just wanted sex. If that was my date I would have ran for the hills and be grateful I got away from that creep.

First try to figure out why you keep attracting these situations at the first place. I know a lot of Nevillists recommend going straight to the end result and not bother with belief systems, which is all well and good, BUT it helps to see the bigger picture. Try to make associations as to how you developed this mindset at the first place.
Either you experienced rejection at some point in childhood or later in life that left you feeling that there must be something wrong with you and that's why nobody wants you, or
you may have seen role models of men, that are disrespectful, reject women or are just fickle and only wants sex. Either from your parents or from your own early relationships.

Whatever you identify, try to see how it is absurd for you to believe that this is the norm. That yes, you were made to feel that way that time, but it was the other person who was in the wrong for mistreating you. See it clearly, that there was nothing wrong with you. See how silly it is to keep holding on to that belief, that you can easily just choose to decide that you won't let that situation control you for the rest of your life.
Think of as many examples of good men, who want to be in a relationship and are completely happy being with a woman, love her and want a family with her. Decide that you will attract men like that from now on and that is normal and expected! The universe will listen to you, the only reason you have attracted fickle ones is because you have felt that it will happen in your subconscious mind. Define a new standard and this is what you will get.

Then to use LOA, yes - do make yourself a soul mate list and start seeing your perfect relationship with a guy that you are truly happy and comfortable with and just have a knowing that he is already on his way to you. Don't worry, you won't be single or dating creeps forever. The past ones have just been the reflection of your mind so far, now that you have changed your mind, you will have a much greater control and much better results ;)

Thank you so much! What should I do to "think & believe"  and "feel" this? Affirmations, writing it over and over, visual meditation, speaking about it as if it's so? I just need to know more of the way "how"? I can be on a positive streak for a while and then something knocks it down.


Offline ChaliceSnowFlower

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This is a very excellent read for you.
How I Helped My Friend To Find His True Love.
http://www.powerlawofattraction.com/forum/index.php?topic=23338.0

Offline siamesegirl

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I got out with a few girls like you before. Maybe you seem weak (and maybe you really are) and some men don't like that. They want a strong and determined woman next to them. And that's available all the more if you're dating with men that have already been married. They are sick and tired of their ex-wife f*cking their minds with constant complaints. The strongest woman that I got out with is a Mexican. Besides having a Godness face and body, she had a strong mind. I enjoyed so much talking to her. After the date, I felt relieved like I didn't for a bunch of years. And of course, I wanted another date with her. By the way - I got it. Guys, if you'll meet a Mexican girl somehow - don't leave her. Learn about how to conquer her on https://idateadvice.com/10-biggest-mistakes-men-dating-mexican-women-always-make and act.

The only Mexican girl you have ever been near is one of these.

Are you the resident entertainer?
« Last Edit: October 11, 2019, 05:14:09 PM by siamesegirl »

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Offline Bumpin

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Or it seems that they only want sex or an ego boost!

Is there any possible way to change their feelings about me as I am "dateable"?

How do I change my story of being I dateable or guys always quickly leaving me before anything gets started?
woow

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